002 : dead love letters

dear josh,

when you came back a week later, i smiled at you like i didn't remember how rude you'd been.

I wish I could lock away how your face looked forever as a memory of the heart.

but nothing is immortal.

if i was, i'd be lying next to you right now with my hand in yours and my lips on yours. is it selfish to wish such a thing? to be immortal when that gift could have been given to so many more? i don't know. i hope not, but if orthodox religion is anything to go by, i'm going to hell anyway. what difference will a little selfishness do now?

sorry. i know you hate it when i'm like this, but you can't force me to be positive in the afterlife, josh.

love, julian