A/N: This oneshot contains mature themes. It explores suicidal themes, self-harm, and attempts. Please don't read if this may be triggering to you. I have plenty of other stories you can read instead. You need to look after yourself first and foremost. In saying this, I tried to not be too descriptive to avoid possible triggers, but regardless the content may and will be confronting. And please, if you need help, reach out to those around you or to a professional.

Jung Hoseok was always known to be the main person who could cheer anyone up within the group. He's seen the comments about him being the human battery, always able to recharge the other members when they felt low. He's seen the comments calling him the sunshine of Bangtan, always bringing an energetic and happier aura to the group. No matter what's going on he could easily make any of the boys smile. So why does it feel like he's a failure? Like he isn't worthy of all of these labels?

The answer was simple. These days he couldn't get any of those reactions out of Min Yoongi. Hoseok doesn't quite remember when it all started, but he had noticed a very subtle, slow, concerning, change in the other. Long gone are the days he used to see that gummy smile. As are the days he could see the blinding passion twinkling in those beautiful eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he had heard Yoongi laugh, or chuckle, not even a huff of amusement.

Now the only reaction he could get out of Yoongi was the briefest harrowing gaze. His heart shattered into a million pieces the second he would lock eyes with him. He hated that the only thing he could see in his eyes these days was a dead, emotionless, empty look. It tore him to shreds to see his bandmate suffering. All Hoseok wanted to do was embrace him and find out what was wrong. Perhaps if he knew the problem, then he could help find a solution.

But that was exactly what was wrong; he didn't know the problem. Any time he had approached Yoongi to find out what was wrong, he would be met with the same response. Every. Single. Time. 'I'm fine' he would whisper, sometimes mutter, other times shout. And everyone knows that's code for 'I'm not alright, please save me'. So like any reasonable person, he offered him a hug, or a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to talk to. But it would always be dismissed immediately.

There was no point in forcing Yoongi to talk. Clearly he either didn't want to or he wasn't ready to. Hoseok didn't want to potentially push him further away by crossing a line of privacy. That didn't mean that it didn't drive him insane. In fact, it drove Hoseok so insane to the point he would almost yell back at him. He wanted to yell at him that he's not fine. He wanted to scream at him that he fucking cared. He wanted to shout at him that it hurt him that he was hurt. But he never did.

The next part was always what hurt the most. Hoseok simply took a deep breath and walked away. Yoongi wasn't ready to talk, so he would give him space and try again another day. And each time he would go to leave, Hoseok could almost see the small glimmer of hope die in those brown eyes. It got to the point he could no longer see it whenever he approached him. That day when he couldn't see any more hope left, was the day the dead eyes had appeared. It was the day that Hoseok grew even more concerned about Yoongi.

But how does one help someone not ready for help? Because Hoseok knew how little privacy they had sharing a living space with six other men they also happened to work with. He didn't want to cross the boundary. He didn't want to dip his toes into something that may be completely personal. Yet, at the same time, he couldn't stand back and watch his best friend of twelve years destroy himself in silence. He was at an utter loss at what to do.

"Hoseok?" a voice snapped Hoseok out of his thoughts. "Hoseok, have you paid attention to anything that I've said?"

With a small shake of his head, Hoseok looked over to Namjoon who sat on the other side of the conference table, not directly in front of him, but one seat down. His sheepish eyes glanced around the table to see all the attention had been focused on him. And there it was again; those brown eyes. His heart pounded in his chest, not from being the center of attention, but from the emotionless eyes that refused to look in his direction. Hoseok gulped and shook his head once more in hopes to clear his mind for the rest of the meeting.

"I'm so sorry, Namjoon. Please forgive me. I've had a lot on my mind lately," said Hoseok as he forced himself to look at the leader.

"We all have a lot going on. But that's not an excuse when we are in the middle of a meeting. I mean it, Hoseok. This is important. I need you to pay attention," Namjoon's tone left no room for argument.

Hoseok nodded his head once before the meeting resumed. Admittedly, he did not listen to a single word anyone said despite being told to pay attention. Right in front of him was the cause of his troubled mind. He just couldn't help it. Not when he was being haunted by the reminder that something was extremely wrong with Yoongi. The other sat directly across from him, yet, their eyes never crossed paths. By the end of the meeting, he concluded it was most definitely on purpose, as he saw Yoongi hold eye contact perfectly fine with all of the other members.

But before he could get a chance to delve too deep into it, a hand was placed on his shoulder that startled him out of his thoughts. He looked around to see that everyone else had packed up their notepads, pens, and water bottles. Hoseok turned his questioning gaze towards Namjoon. The other didn't say a word as he pushed his shoulder gently as a silent command to remain seated. When the others asked if they were coming, the leader simply dismissed them with a flick of his wrist and said they would catch up.

The silence that had exploded in the conference room once the rest of the group had left was palpable. It was the type that felt suffocating. Hoseok felt like a small child being called into the principal's office, about to be reprimanded. His shimmering eyes watched Namjoon walk back around the desk to his chair. And he wondered to himself if he was really in that much trouble that he needed to be separated from the group. He had more important things to be doing than to be lectured right then. Like attempting to crack through Yoongi's walls.

"What had you so distracted today, Hoseok-ah?" Namjoon asked as he leant back in his chair with a small sigh. "You normally can put anything aside to focus on work."

"Not this, Joon. Not this time. It's consuming me daily. It's almost all of my waking thoughts. And it's only getting worse the more I see it. And I feel stuck. Powerless. I can't fix it," Hoseok said while he played with his hands in his lap.

"Is it something that I can help with? Or something you need to figure out on your own?" he asked, not used to the vague response from Hoseok. Usually he would be straight to the point.

Those were some excellent questions. Hoseok knew the obvious answer, he shouldn't be the only one trying to help Yoongi. And just as he opened his mouth to answer, that's when it occurred to him that Yoongi hadn't been asked to stay back. Despite the fact, he too, had been staring off into space and hadn't uttered a single word. Had none of them truly looked at his eyes? Had none of them noticed the shift in attitude? Had he been the only one to realise something was wrong? Why was he there instead of the one that actually needed help?

"I'm worried about Yoongi," blurted out Hoseok, tears already brimming his vision as he desperately looked up to his leader.

"What? Why?" Namjoon asked as he sat up straighter, taken aback by the outburst. "Has he said something to you?"

And that confirmed his suspicions. He refused to believe that their observant, thoughtful leader had overlooked one of their members. But there it was. Namjoon was completely oblivious to the desolation of Yoongi. The absolute annihilation of any emotions until he was nothing but a shell of a broken man. They lived with each other, worked with each other, and yet Hoseok seemed to be the first to notice something amiss and bring it to his attention.

"He hasn't said anything. And that's the thing. He keeps saying he's fine, but I can tell he isn't. Don't you see it? Yoongi hasn't been acting like his usual self for a while. Something's wrong," he said with a quiver in his voice.

"Hyung, calm down. I'm sure everything is okay with Yoongi. He's been working really hard lately. He's probably just exhausted and overworked himself like usual," he tried to soothe the visibly upset male.

"No Namjoon," said Hoseok as his tears fell down his face and his voice broke from the pure emotions he had been holding in for so long. "No. There's no emotion. There's no passion. There's no pain. Just dead eyes, Joonie. It's like I've slowly watched him lose the will to live over the last few months."

"Hoseok, that's a pretty heavy assumption. I'm sure if it was truly more serious than just being overworked, more of us would have noticed by now," Namjoon said as he got up and quickly made his way to crouch in front of the distressed individual.

But they hadn't. None of them had noticed for months. Months. It had been months of Hoseok observing Yoongi from the other side of the room. Months of watching his close friend slip through his fingers. Months of slowly being shut out. Seriously, how had none of the others noticed? Surely they didn't all believe that the unusual quietness was due to being overworked. They had lived together for so long, knew each other like the back of their hands, knew the telltale signs when something was wrong. But he was baffled how the rest of them were mistaking this for something harmless.

"Hey, breathe. Hoseok breathe for me," soothed Namjoon, realisation in his soft eyes, as he began to rub Hoseok's thighs in slow strokes. "If you are truly that worried about Yoongi, I can talk to him when we get back to the dorm."

"P-Please," he all but practically begged, using the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe away his tears. "He won't talk to me."

"That isn't like him," nodded Namjoon, his mouth formed a worried line.

"Namjoon, I-I can't," whispered Hoseok as he let out a deep breath. "I just can't."

Can't breathe properly. Can't think straight. Can't see anymore of it. Hoseok was being eaten alive with worry. And now Namjoon could see it clear as day. As he thought back on things, he could see that Yoongi had been uncharacteristically quiet. But he wasn't the only one. Hoseok had changed too. He hadn't been smiling as much, caught up in his thoughts. His worry for Yoongi had been weighing on him so much, it was consuming his every waking thought, like he had mentioned earlier. How long had Hoseok been shouldering his concerns by himself?

"Breathe, Seokie-ah. Let's call it an early day so we can all get some rest, okay? How do movies and cuddles sound? Hmm?" Namjoon asked as he reached up and carded his right hand through Hoseok's soft hair.

"Can we?" asked Hoseok in the tiniest whisper, his glimmering eyes gave away how concerned he truly was for Yoongi.

"Of course, Seokie," Namjoon hummed while he stood up. He stood still for a few more seconds and simply caressed Hoseok's scalp in the way he knew the older one liked. "Everything will be okay. I'll talk with him, alright? I think we all just need to take a break today. One day won't hurt. And you definitely could use it too."

Without another word, Namjoon swung both of their bags onto his right shoulder and guided Hoseok out of the conference room. The pair silently walked to the dance practice room a floor below to gather the rest of the group and head home. Namjoon instinctively placed his left arm around Hoseok's shoulders and pulled him close to his side as they walked. The leader knew that when Hoseok was upset, physical touch always grounded him, it was the best method to easily soothe him.

That was one thing Hoseok appreciated about Namjoon. He always knew how to calm them down, both individually and as a group. He knew when to push them a little further and when to call it quits on their behalf. Hoseok just hoped that the other could use his leadership qualities to get to the bottom of Yoongi's problem. He hoped that by the end of the night, everything truly would be okay.

Hoseok felt like he could start to cry just at the simple fact that Namjoon was going to try for him. He had seen the moment realisation had dawned in Namjoon's eyes that Hoseok seriously was that worried about Yoongi. So he trusted their leader to stick to his words and talk to Yoongi. And even if he didn't make any progress either, at least he hoped that he wouldn't be the only one on the lookout anymore. Perhaps Namjoon would make his concern common knowledge to the rest of the group. And maybe then the others would notice it too.

"- going home?" Hoseok heard the last part of the question, not even realising they had arrived at their destination.

"I'll explain it another time," Namjoon answered Seokjin while the maknae line looked all too happy at the news. "But I've promised Hoseok we will have a movie night with lots of cuddles."

"Really?" Jimin asked with wide eyes, a bright smile appeared on his face. "We haven't had a break to do something like that in so long."

"I know. That's why I'm making it mandatory that we all take a break for the rest of the day," Namjoon said. He looked pointedly at Yoongi, as he emphasised the word 'all', who stood the furthest from the group with his eyes focused on the floor.

"Let's get going. I want to watch as many movies as we can," excitedly said Jungkook as he, Jimin and Taehyung led the group out to their cars.

The entire trip back to the dorm, Hoseok had desperately clung to Namjoon's side. Had Jungkook and Jin shot him strange looks as the four of them drove in silence? Most definitely. But he didn't care what the other two thought. And most certainly didn't dare let go of Namjoon. Partly afraid that he would fall to pieces again if he was to let go. The entire drive his mind, of course, never strayed far from the haunting, dead eyes that refused to look his way most of the time.

The thoughts kept going around in vicious circles. He felt so weak that he couldn't help Yoongi. What kind of best friend was he? He had to ask someone else to do his job. He felt like a failure. He just wanted Yoongi to be okay again. Round and round. His mind rapidly spiralled from one question, to another thought, back to those eyes. Over and over. Why wouldn't he let him in? What was keeping them apart? What was destroying his friend? He just wanted answers before it broke them both.

"Yoongi Hyung, come to my room after you get changed," Namjoon said as he closed the dorm door behind them which broke Hoseok out of thought for the third time that day. "Hoseok-ah, why don't you change into something comfortable? We'll start setting up, yeah?"

"Yeah," he whispered in response as he got his bearings because he didn't remember getting out of the car and walking all the way into the dorm.

Finally, he detached himself from Namjoon and left for his and Jimin's room. He placed his backpack, which had somehow ended up in his grasp, on his bed and sat down with a heavy sigh. Between the heavy silence of the room and the aspect of being alone, he allowed himself to give into the crushing emotions. Soft sobs left his body as he covered his face with his hands. It had been too much. He could only begin to imagine the pain and suffering Yoongi must be going through.

"What's wrong, Hyung? Why are you crying?" Jimin's soft voice asked from somewhere nearby.

"I'm just worried, that's all," he answered while he wiped away his tears, trying to sober up now that he wasn't alone.

"About Yoongi?" asked Jimin as he walked closer. "Namjoon just quickly told the rest of us that you were very worried about him."

"Jimin? Am I crazy? Have you not noticed anything wrong or off about Yoongi?" Hoseok asked through his sniffles.

"Well he has been a little bit quieter than usual. Are you really that worried?" Jimin said as he sat down beside him and slowly ran his hands through Hoseok's hair. Hoseok simply nodded his head, worried his voice would betray him. "Hyung, it'll all be okay. We have each other. Always."

"Everyone keeps saying it'll be okay," whispered Hoseok. "But I don't know. My gut is just telling me something is wrong."

"It will though," he said and did not hesitate to embrace his shaken roommate.

Hoseok closed his eyes while he took a shaky breath in. He so desperately wanted to believe the others when they said it would all be okay. But they hadn't seen what he had. It wasn't until he had even said something that they took notice. It broke his heart that he was the one being comforted instead of Yoongi. They should all be surrounding him, should be giving him affection, should be soothing his troubles. Not him. He wasn't the one in need of help.

"Come on, let's get changed," Jimin said as he stood up from the bed. "I heard from a little bird that we are having a Disney marathon."

"Yeah okay," he said dejectedly and moved to his side of their walk-in closet.

As he went through the motions of changing and going out to the lounge room, Hoseok was stuck up in his head, not taking in anything. He wondered how it was going in Namjoon's room. He wondered whether any progress had been made. He wondered if Yoongi was finally opening up to someone. He wondered if when the pair emerged, would he see the same dead eyes as before or would he finally see some emotions back there?

It made him miss those days where Yoongi would message him first, asking if he was free for a moment. He missed those days where he could see the passion in his eyes as Yoongi worked hard on composing a new track. He missed those days where that wide, gummy smile was proudly displayed on his face at one of Hoseok's jokes. He missed those days where he could cuddle up to Yoongi's side without fearing he was upsetting him even more. That's what he missed the most.

"Hobi-ah?" a voice right beside his ear startled him out of his thoughts.

"How did it go Joonie?" he asked as he turned his head to the side to look at where Namjoon had been sitting beside him for who knows how long.

"I talked with him and you can worry less, Hoseok. Okay?" said Namjoon before he embraced Hoseok. "He promised me that he is just exhausted from our schedule and he hasn't been sleeping the best. Alright?"

"Thank you, Joonie," he whispered as he snuggled further into Namjoon's arms to hide his sad face. This solidified that Namjoon believed the lies that Yoongi was fine.

Most of the night from that point on had been a blur for Hoseok. He continued to sit on the couch, observed the room with blank eyes, and watched the other members laugh with each other. The only time he had briefly perked up was when Yoongi had been forced to leave his bedroom to watch the movies with the group. As the other sat down on the opposite couch, the pair made eye contact. Hoseok's world shattered around him as he locked his gaze with those hollow eyes. He tried to give a supportive smile, but it flattened after a few seconds. He felt like he would break down in tears again. So Hoseok tore away from the look and slumped back into the couch.

Slowly, he too was losing hope in this situation. The whole afternoon had been a waste. They were exactly where they had started with Yoongi still dealing with something in the shadows and Hoseok unable to help. Namjoon hadn't managed to break down the walls. And no one else seemed to be that concerned for him. They continued with their movie night as if everything was perfectly okay. Hoseok cuddled into Namjoon's side and closed his eyes. It appeared no one and nothing would help Yoongi.

>_<     >_<     >_<

A few days had passed by since their spontaneous break. They had gone straight back into things. Their schedule was packed full of promotional activities. Long filming days, gruelling rehearsals, endless meetings, exhaustion from constantly having to act like everything was okay. Hoseok forced himself to smile, to laugh, to participate, all the while he was in his own world. He just hoped that when he watched the footage later that it wouldn't be too noticeable. And he hoped that none of their fans would see anything wrong between Yoongi and him. That was the last thing any of them needed.

Ever since he had confined his concerns to Namjoon, Hoseok had noticed the distance between him and Yoongi had grown even more. He had noticed the small things. Like how Yoongi would always try to take separate cars whenever the group went somewhere. Like how he would avoid eye contact as much as possible. Like how they had barely spoken a word to each other. Like how they were merely two passing ships in the night, never destined to connect with each other.

But what hurt Hoseok the most was how it was obvious that Yoongi couldn't stand to be in the same room as him any longer. He would always leave the room as quickly as he could. And if they were required to be in the same room then Yoongi would always be on the opposite side. He hated how everything was between them. Hoseok just wanted to go back to the days when everything was okay. When he didn't fear he could lose his most dearest friend to an unknown demon that lurked in the shadows.

So of course when they had to film a new episode, the God's decided to play a cruel joke on them by pairing Hoseok and Yoongi together. The entire day, he had been forced to interact with Yoongi, in front of cameras, and that would later be uploaded for the entire world to see. It had been years since Hoseok had felt so self-conscious of his own movement or the words he spoke on camera. It didn't help that his mind over analysed every little action he had observed from Yoongi.

Anytime Hoseok had brushed his hand against Yoongi's body, he had felt the tension. He had seen the way the other would lean away slightly or shuffle a step in the opposite direction. The conversation between them, as they had worked on the task, had been almost non-existent. Hoseok had done most of the talking, only getting nods and hums of agreement in return. And whenever Hoseok had attempted to make jokes to lighten the mood, everyone else but Yoongi would laugh.

It had been one of the most mentally draining days he had experienced in quite some time. The second the director had called wrap for the day, Hoseok could barely keep his eyes open. They had quickly packed up for the day and separated into two cars; Jin driving one and Taehyung driving the other. They were all ready to go to the hotel they would be staying at for the following three nights while they filmed out of town. And so that's how Hoseok had found himself squashed in the back seat between Jungkook and Yoongi, the front passenger seat full of boxes, with Jin driving them.

It didn't take long for Hoseok's eyes to close as they drove in silence. He didn't know when or how, but he had slowly slumped sideways in his seat until his head rested comfortably on a shoulder that most definitely wasn't his own. His brain had been exhausted to the point that he didn't even register his own movements. His right hand sought out something to hold, a move to prove too much for the person he was on. As that just so happened to be Yoongi's arm, who he had leant against.

"Get off of me," Yoongi huffed in annoyance which started Hoseok slightly out of his fatigued state of mind.

"Just one more minute. I'm tired," said Hoseok before a yawn escaped him, his eyes still closed.

"Seriously Hoseok, stop," said Yoongi firmly as he leant away from the younger's grasp and pushed the hand away from him.

"Sorry," Hoseok whispered while he adjusted in his seat to sit up straight. He interlocked his own hands and placed them in his lap. He looked down at them as he felt his face burn with embarrassment. "I didn't mean to upset you Hyung."

"You've been all over me the entire day. I didn't say anything because of the cameras. But seriously. Keep your hands to yourself. I need my own personal space," spat Yoongi before he turned his head to look out the window.

The silence within the car became deafening. Not a single person spoke after Yoongi's small outburst. Hoseok could see Jin throw concerned looks his way through the rearview mirror. And soon, he felt Jungkook rest his hand on his thigh as a silent show of support. The car suddenly felt too small for the four of them. Especially when Hoseok was trapped in the middle. His entire body felt hot, a mixture of embarrassment and shame. It took everything in him to keep his breathing as calm and as neutral as possible.

Jungkook didn't say a word as he reached over to him and gently guided Hoseok's head to rest on his shoulder. Hoseok tried his hardest to hold back the tears as he closed his eyes and settled into the new position, completely exhausted from the day they'd had. He tried to discreetly move his body as close to Jungkook and as far away from Yoongi as he could. The occasional bump in the road meant his thigh would accidentally brush against Yoongi's. His body refused to relax the remainder of the drive. Instead, it became hyper-aware of everything in his space and tensed at the slightest touch.

While the rest of the car ride back to their hotel had been quiet, Hoseok's mind had been anything but. Those words Yoongi had uttered screamed at him. It hurt him that he had upset Yoongi so much. The fact he had made him uncomfortable only wounded him more. Never before had his touch been unwelcomed. Never before had he been told to get off by the other. Never before had the distance between the pair been so obviously large to everyone present. He felt so out of control of everything that happened around him. He didn't know how much longer he could keep up a brave face for.

>_<     >_<     >_<

A tense week had passed since the small outburst from Yoongi. It had become very apparent to the entire group that something was going on between Hoseok and Yoongi. Jimin would ask his roommate nightly what happened. It was always met with the same answer; a simple shrug and a sad sigh. Hoseok wished he could verbalise, but how could he when he himself didn't even know what the problem was. It got to the point that the tension had grown so intense between the pair that an intervention was needed.

In the present moment, Hoseok was sat in one of the meeting rooms within the new Hybe building. He was surrounded by his fellow group members and one of their managers. He felt himself numbly nod his head as he forced himself to absorb at least some of the vital information. Their manager informed them they would have a very packed schedule for the next few weeks before they'd be allowed a few undecided amount of days off. At least Hoseok had that to look forward to.

After what felt like forever, the meeting wrapped up, which snapped Hoseok out of his trance. Everyone began to pack up their belongings and prepared to split off into two teams. The vocal team and the rap team would go to different studios to rehearse with their respective coaches. Hoseok dreaded the next few hours because it meant he'd be trapped in an even smaller room with the person who appeared to hate him the most in the world.

"Yoongi, Hoseok, stay here for a moment," Namjoon said before any of them stood up.

Hoseok gulped nervously as he slowly finished packing his items away. He watched the others leave the room, which included their manager, until they were all alone. Many possible scenarios ran through his head. He anxiously waited for whatever conversation was about to occur. Namjoon had his serious expression on. It foretold the mood of the talk the three of them were about to have.

The silence stretched on, the air thick with apprehension and uneasiness. Hoseok wondered if they were in trouble. Had the small blow up in the car in the previous week been too hard to ignore? Had whatever unfolded between them caused them to create unnecessary tension within the group that needed to be resolved? He felt himself gulp as his heart pounded nervously in his chest.

"So," slowly said Namjoon as he looked between the silent pair. "Want to tell me what's going on?"

Hoseok shifted his eyes towards Yoongi who sat a few chairs down the desk from him. He noticed how the older shifted around in his chair and looked in the opposite direction. The tense silence within the room only seemed to amplify as each second passed. Soon it became a battle of who would cave into the question first. And Hoseok really didn't want to be the first one to speak. He wanted, needed, to hear what Yoongi had to say. However when he saw those intense eyes of Namjoon that stared expectantly at him, he felt compelled to answer.

"I don't know," huffed Hoseok before he looked at his hands clasped in his lap.

"Come on Hoseok. Something is clearly going on," exasperatedly said Namjoon as he leant forward on the desk and looked between the pair.

"Namjoon, I am being honest when I tell you that I don't know," Hoseok huffed once more. "All I have been doing for the last few months is trying to figure out what is wrong."

"In that case, we won't be leaving this room until we talk it out and come to a resolution so we can move forward," sighed Namjoon. "Yoongi? Can you contribute to this conversation please?"

Both Namjoon and Hoseok turned towards the extremely quiet boy. Hoseok frowned as he noticed the way the oldest in the room clenched his jaw and cracked his knuckles. He could tell that Yoongi felt a bit like a caged animal with all the questions. Part of him felt bad that they had to have this conversation. He didn't want to make Yoongi any more upset and uncomfortable than he already was. Another large part of him wanted to embrace him until they could talk about things and move on from this draining chapter of their friendship.

"The three of us have been friends for twelve years. And not once have I seen you two like this. Whatever has happened between you, I need to know about it this very instance," commanded Namjoon with authority. "It's gotten to the point it's now affecting others outside of the two of you. All of us have noticed the obvious tension between you both. Yoongi, you have been snapping at Hoseok. And Hoseok, you seem almost afraid to be alone with Yoongi. Seriously, what happened?"

"I don't know what I've done. Okay? He's been shutting me out for months. I don't know what I've done wrong. I don't know how to fix whatever problem I've caused. So why don't you ask him," emotionally explained Hoseok as he felt hot, angry tears start to brim in his eyes. He couldn't look anywhere but at his hands in fear he'd break down. He just prayed this conversation would be over soon. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"Yoongi? Would you like to tell me what's been going on?" Namjoon asked once more with slight irritation from the lack of answers.

The room continued to remain silent as Yoongi refused to respond. The seconds ticked by agonisingly slow. Hoseok wondered if he left the room would Yoongi open up to their leader in private. He already knew he was the problem. Maybe the other was struggling to be honest in front of him. Maybe they needed to continue this in confidence. But then it wouldn't solve their issue because Hoseok wouldn't be in the loop. He could feel the tears continue to form in his downcast eyes. Tears that were mixed with anger, frustration and hurt.

"Yoongi," warned Namjoon, his tone booked no room for arguments. "Can you give us some clarification here? Any reason for what's happened recently?"

"I've just felt suffocated lately," Yoongi finally spoke up before he sighed heavily.

"Suffocated by what?" pushed Namjoon as he still didn't have a clear understanding of the situation.

"By the constant questions from Hoseok," said Yoongi with evident agitation. "I can't handle it. It's just making everything worse. And when he is physically all over me or always following me around to ask me how I am, it's overwhelming me. It's not helping me. What I need is space."

Hoseok felt his heart clench at the explanation. It took everything in him not to break down in uncontrollable sobs. But he couldn't hold back the tears that fell. He turned his head away from both Yoongi and Namjoon in an attempt to hide his face. Although, it didn't really work that well from where Namjoon was positioned across from him. He took a few seconds to collect himself before he wiped away the river of tears with his hoodie sleeves.

"Hoseok?" cautiously questioned Namjoon.

"Yeah," he answered with as steady of a voice as he could manage. The tears continued to fall. "If space is what Hyung needs, then, space is what I'll give him."

"Alright. We've gotten to the core of the issues. Now, how are we going to move forward?" Namjoon continued to lead the conversation.

"I will..." Hoseok took a deep breath in before he continued. "I will give Yoongi Hyung space like he wants. I will wait for him to come to me, whenever he is ready, and then listen to him."

"Good. Yoongi?" asked Namjoon, his eyes locked onto the quietest of the trio.

"I will work on myself and once I'm ready, I'll go talk to Hoseok," Yoongi said very quietly, his eyes focused on his lap.

"Perfect. I appreciate you both being honest with me and talking things out. If we need to talk more about this in the future, we can always come back to it," said Namjoon as he gave them both a small smile.

Hoseok nodded his head as he wiped more tears away. He couldn't wait for this impromptu meeting to be done. Although he knew he wouldn't be able to give his usual effort and concentration to their upcoming coaching session. Especially since he'd still be stuck in another cramped space with Yoongi. Maybe he'd see if Namjoon would consider allowing him to have the afternoon off if he could do his session on another day. Because there's no way he would last a few more hours with his current state of mind.

"But moving forwards, I expect no more outbursts. I expect you, Hoseok, to focus on work again. Be present again. Contribute to the conversation instead of just sitting there and nodding," Namjoon continued. "I expect you, Yoongi, to talk to someone if you are struggling. I don't want you to hold it all in and then take it out on the wrong people."

"Yeah," whispered Hoseok in acknowledgement.

"Alright, let's get going," said Namjoon as he stood up and double checked everything was in his backpack.

The three boys prepared to leave the meeting room, silence surrounded them, the tension still as thick as ever. Yoongi had been the first of the trio to exit the room. Hoseok sighed sadly as he heaved his backpack on his left shoulder and waited for their leader. He thought then would be as good as any time to propose the shift in session times. The question burned to come out. At the very least, he could ask it without worry that Yoongi was around.

"Hey Joon," Hoseok called out quietly which caused Namjoon to look up at him. "Do you think I could reschedule today's coaching?"

"Uh yeah. I guess you could if you really wanted to. But don't you want to push through this afternoon so it's over and done with?" Namjoon suggested, but didn't pressure him. He understood how difficult the next few hours would be if he was forced to stay.

"I think I just need to go home and reset my mindset," sighed Hoseok as he tiredly rubbed his red eyes. It would be obvious to anyone that looked at his face that he had been crying. "The less time I have to spend with Yoongi at the moment, the better it will be for both of us."

"I understand. You go home and rest, alright? Don't worry about organising another session. I'll handle it all. Just text me so I know you get back home safely," Namjoon said as he walked around the table to stand next to the visibly upset male. He placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave him a sympathetic smile. "Everything will be okay."

"Yeah," Hoseok whispered.

Desperately he wished that everything would be okay. But his gut told him that it wouldn't be. Hoseok hated the state their friendship was in. He couldn't bear it. The pain he felt from finally having confirmation that he was indeed the problem, it hurt too much. Hoseok honestly didn't know for how long he could put on a façade for when his entire world felt as if it was crumbling around him. As if at any moment, the wrong word or action would cause a catastrophic avalanche. He couldn't face an irreversible implosion of one of his most valued friendships.

>_<     >_<     >_<

Nothing changed. The next few weeks had been absolute agony for Hoseok. The rest of the boys had continued on like normal, as if nothing had happened, like nothing was wrong. No one seemed to pay attention to the continuous flat mood Yoongi exhibited. Nor did they comment on the state of quietness that persisted. The rest of the members carried on talking, joking around, working as if one of them wasn't falling apart in front of their eyes.

And whenever Hoseok quietly brought up his concerns away from Yoongi, it would always be shut down. They'd always say the same thing. They deflected his worries with excuses that Yoongi was simply overworked. Then they'd go on to remind him that Hoseok was meant to be giving Yoongi space like they'd agreed on. It just infuriated him to the ends of the earth. How much longer could the other five dismiss his valid concerns?

Furthermore, things between him and Yoongi had only deteriorated since the meeting between them and Namjoon. Yoongi no longer looked his way after he made a joke. He could feel Yoongi's muscles tense under his touch. The pair usually ended up on opposite sides of the room. He couldn't even remember the last time he had directly talked to Yoongi, or even when he had a proper conversation with him. Of course, he knew he was being ignored, because Yoongi was perfectly capable of answering the rest of the boys.

The 'space' Yoongi asked for felt more like an excuse than a reasonable request. It was Hoseok. He knew that he was the problem. He still didn't know exactly how or what he had done, but he was certain that he was the cause of it all. He was the cause of Yoongi no longer smiling. He was the cause of Yoongi no longer talking unless he absolutely had to. He was the cause of Yoongi descending into a depressive state. He was the cause of Yoongi's emotionless, dead eyes. He just wanted to know why. And he wanted the other to stop avoiding him. But it didn't appear to change anytime soon.

The group had been given a rare four day break in their schedule. Just like their manager had promised a few weeks prior. And Hoseok had spent the start of it wide awake. He had tossed and turned the entire night, mind consumed by a certain pair of eyes. He didn't know what time he had forced himself out of bed and changed into some warm clothes - as quietly as he could since Jimin had still been asleep. All he knew was that the sun had yet to rise. He had quietly packed his bag with his usual supplies before he had grabbed the keys to his car and left the dorm. He didn't bother to tell anyone where he was going since he didn't want to risk waking anyone up.

Hoseok had acted on autopilot; not remembering much of the drive or walk. But somehow he had ended up in the middle of the dance studio at roughly four in the morning. He turned his phone on to airplane mode, set up the music through the speakers and threw his jumper on top of his backpack. His body thrummed with anticipation as he walked back into the middle of the space and began his usual warm up routine.

The stretches felt nice to Hoseok. The subtle pull on his muscles were a nice distraction from his mind. It had been at least two weeks since he had been able to break away from the group and just dance. Not for practice, not for work, but for himself. Just to be able to pour all his unspoken emotions into each movement. To free his mind of those eyes, even if it was just for a few moments. It was the exact thing he needed to help release his burdened mind.

With each step, Hoseok could feel the tension leave him. Slowly, he relaxed into the rhythm of the songs, freestyling like he always did when he wasn't practising. He allowed his limbs to move on their own accord. He slid and glided across the room with ease. Bounced to the beat like a well controlled puppet on a string. He found himself lost in the music that reverberated throughout the room. He watched as his mirrored image copied everything he wanted to express over the last few months. The agony. The grief. The sadness. The desperation. The misery.

The familiar burn eventually filled his lungs that left him gasping for air. The ache in his muscles almost became too much to bear. Before he knew it, his knees gave way on him. And as Hoseok stayed knelt on the floor, trying to regain his breath, his reflection grew blurry. It was only then that he realised he had tear stains on his cheeks. He wondered how long he had been crying for as he bowed forward. His hands touched the cold ground below him, his forehead followed, as he desperately tried to ground himself in the present. Soft sobs were swallowed up by the music that continued to play through the speakers.

It all rushed out of him like a tidal wave on a one course collision to land. All the pent up emotions from the past several months exploded out. Hoseok was eternally grateful that the loud music covered the ugliest cry he had ever heard leave him. And at least if anyone were to walk passed the dance practice room, they wouldn't think anything of it, as all they'd hear was some hiphop song.

As he remained in the slightly uncomfortable position, he allowed himself to rid himself of all the bottled up emotions. He allowed himself to grieve for the apparent loss. He allowed himself to feel the utter confusion of the entire situation. He allowed himself to berate his failings of being a reliable friend. He could feel the pressure lift from his shoulders momentarily as he simply allowed himself to feel freely and openly.

With each cry that left Hoseok, he felt himself let go of a piece of tension he'd held onto for months. The breakdown had been long overdue. A perfect storm in its making. For too long, he had tried to brave the storm. The chip in his carefully constructed mask had finally cracked to reveal all the intense, ugly emotions that swirled underneath. Perhaps he hadn't ventured to the dance practice room to dance, but instead to have a safe space that he knew he could express himself in.

Hoseok didn't know how long he had stayed in that position as he cried his heart out. But he eventually calmed himself down. He rolled onto his back and laid starfished in the middle of the dance practice room. His eyes stared up at the ceiling as his chest heaved up and down. His entire being felt drained from both the exhausting dance and crying sessions. However, it was exactly what he had needed. A few hours to himself to push his mind in the corner and let his body work itself to the brink of collapse.

Eventually, Hoseok dragged his body to the corner where his phone sat upon the speaker. He disconnected the aux cord as he slumped against the mirror, slid down to the floor, and spread his legs wide open. He opened his phone and turned off airplane mode, only to see a flood of notifications from his fellow members a moment later. He scrolled through their group chat to catch up on everything he'd missed in the past few hours. It was then that he realised he'd been in the dance practice room for seven hours. He wondered how much time he had spent actually dancing and how much of it he had spent crying.

But his disappointment grew as he realised only one person hadn't seemed phased by his sudden disappearance. Expected, but, nonetheless still painful. While the rest of the boys had checked the whole house and tried to call and text him numerous times, Yoongi hadn't bothered to reach out to him. Even in their group chat, he was the only nonchalant one, barely giving his two cents worth while everyone else freaked out. Hoseok felt too emotionally drained to even get that upset about it as he finally finished reading through everything.

Bangtan Room

Eomma: Still nothing...

Joonie: For real? None of you know where he is? It's been hours and he hasn't responded to anyone?

Mochi: No. He hasn't responded to me :(

Tata: I got nothing on my end.

Golden Maknae: Sadly no contact has been made yet.

Eomma: Yoongi did you even try? Like I asked you to? Hours ago?

Mochi: I don't think Yoongi Hyung is going to answer you. But I have a feeling the answer would be no he didn't try.

Tata: If Hobi Hyung doesn't respond by dinner time I'm sending out an Amber Alert.

Mochi: We aren't in America moron.

Your Hope: Taehyung, you can't get an Amber Alert for me. I'm not a child.

Golden Maknae: Omg he's alive! Hyung! Hi!

Tata: Somebody call off the Amber Alert, he's alive! Everybody stay calm! No need to panic!

Mochi: Hyung! We were so worried about you. I woke up and you were gone.

Joonie: You have some explaining to do.

Eomma: Who do you think you are? Huh? Leaving without a note or a text. Hoseok. You know better.

Your Hope: I'm sorry. Had to clear my head. Turned my phone on airplane mode.

Mochi: We all know that's code for dance until you drop.

Your Hope: Quite literally this time.

Eomma: Hoseok I swear you better start praying if it turns out you've overdone it again.

Your Hope: I'm fine. Really.

Your Hope: Anyway, I'm really sorry for worrying you all.

Your Hope: I left really early in the morning and didn't want to wake anyone up with a text. And it completely slipped my mind to write down where I'd be.

Your Hope: I really am sorry.

Joonie: Just get home safely, yeah?

Your Hope: Yeah. I'm on my way now.

Tata: Drive safe Hobi Hyung.

Golden Maknae: Any chance you can pick up food on your way?

Eomma: Ignore him Hoseok. He just doesn't want what I made for lunch. You just focus on getting home safely.

Hoseok turned the screen off and allowed his eyes to close as his head rested against the cool glass of the mirror. He truly hadn't meant to scare any of his fellow members. And he felt absolutely terrible most of them had spent half of their first day off worried sick about him. But he needed to get out of the house as soon as he could. His only focus had been getting to his sanctuary in one piece. It had slipped his mind to inform the others of his whereabouts with a written note.

While he wiped his sweaty body down with his towel and packed up all of his belongings, Hoseok thought about the different ways he could stay out of the house for the next three days without physically exhausting himself. Perhaps on one of the following days he could get a ride to the Hybe building and book out his usual studio for the day. Maybe he could finally make some breakthrough with some of his songs. Or he could go on a solo adventure for the day. Go sightseeing and clear his head even more. He'd think about it later. All he wanted to do was have a nice, warm shower and collapse in bed.

Hoseok's trip back to their house had been rather uneventful. He had tried his hardest to drown out his thoughts and worries by blasting the music through the speaker. Although it didn't seem to help. The closer he got to their home, the louder the intrusive thoughts grew. Hoseok didn't know who would be home or if anything more would be said. He hoped to the mighty lord above that he'd be able to get inside the door and dash to his room without any type of confrontation.

Luck, as it appeared lately, was not on his side. All six other members were in the living area, with Jin being the only one in the kitchen, apparently the only one asked to prepare the lunch. It didn't take long before every single pair of eyes were locked on him. Hoseok froze under all the attention. He could feel his heart race and his palms sweat. Oh how desperately he wanted to run away from them all in shame. It was just another example of how he had let down the people he cared for the most in life.

"Hyung!" yelled Taehyung the second Hoseok had opened the door.

While Taehyung bolted from the couch towards him, the majority of the group stared at him with a mixture of disappointment and concern. Hoseok wanted to hide from them as he observed the mixed reaction. He briefly contemplated whether or not he should turn on his heel and head back to his car. But he dismissed those thoughts as he found himself trapped within Taehyung's firm grasp. As he was held against the other, his eyes happened to lock with the deadly empty eyes across the living room. He gulped as Yoongi ripped his gaze from him.

"I'm so happy to see you!" Taehyung yelled in his ear, clearly he had forgotten his indoor voice from his excitement and relief.

"Ah, Tae, my ears," Hoseok whined as he tried, but failed, to pry the younger off of him.

"Sorry," chuckled Taehyung before he tightly squeezed Hoseok for a couple more seconds and then released his victim. "I was so worried about you."

"I'm sorry," pouted Hoseok as he gently reached up and patted the younger's soft hair. "Really I am."

Hoseok used the opportunity to close the still open door behind him. He scratched the back of his neck nervously as all the attention, bar one set of eyes, were all focused on him. After he patted Taehyung's shoulder, he decided to exit the awkward atmosphere and head to his room. All he craved to do was shower and rest in his warm bed. However, he didn't make it far as a loud voice interrupted his escape plan.

"Ah look at you! Hoseok, you're limping slightly!" Jin exclaimed disappointedly. "I told you that you better start praying. That practice won't be the only thing you'll be sore from after I'm done with you."

"I'm fine," whispered Hoseok as he went to continue on his way only to be stopped once more.

"Yah! I'm not done with you! Seriously, what possessed you to leave this house without letting anyone know?" Jin continued to lecture him as he placed one hand on his hip and pointed the wooden spoon that he held in his other at Hoseok.

"I already said that I was sorry," sighed Hoseok, fresh tears began to surface at the interrogation, he knew all the other boys were listening to him being berated.

"We were worried sick," said Jin with a shake of his head. "You can't just leave the house in the middle of the night and turn your phone on to airplane mode. That's irresponsible, stupid, and careless. You should know better, Hoseok. I'm disappointed in you."

"I know I fucked up, okay? I said I was sorry! Can you just drop it?" Hoseok yelled as the tears fell.

Without waiting for a response of any kind, Hoseok made a beeline to his room through his blurred vision. He furiously wiped away the tears as he threw his backpack on his bed and began to gather some fresh clothes to change into after his shower. He could feel how flushed his face was from both the anger and embarrassment. His thoughts were confirmed as he caught sight of his blurry reflection the moment he had entered one of their two shared bathrooms.

Tears continued to flow from his eyes as he stood under the warm stream of water in the shower. His body worked on autopilot to clean himself, his mind caught up in itself. What Jin had done had not been fair. Hoseok had made an honest mistake by not leaving a note somewhere for them. He didn't need to be reminded of his mistake over and over. He didn't need to be berated continuously after he had apologised, not once, not twice, but three times. Especially not in front of everyone like that.

Hoseok dragged his tired body out of the comfort of the shower. He dried himself down quickly. He knew that he was one step closer to being able to collapse in his comfortable bed. As he dressed himself, he wondered if he could get away with staying in bed for the remainder of the day. If he was being honest, he didn't want to be anywhere near the other boys. Shame consumed him. Even though he knew the boys forgave him, he still felt absolutely horrendous for the panic he had caused.

An irritated sigh left him as he opened his bedroom door only to find one Park Jimin laid innocently on Hoseok's bed. He softly closed the door behind him and started to pack away his belongings from his backpack. Part of him hoped that Jimin would get the hint and get off of his bed. But when he had finished the task, the brat still hadn't moved an inch. Even when Hoseok stood at the end of his bed, arms crossed against his chest, and frown on his face, Jimin still didn't move.

"I'm too tired for this, Jimin," huffed Hoseok, full of irritation. "Please, can you get off my bed?"

"Come on Hoseok," Jimin said softly, a sad smile graced his face as he patted the empty spot beside him on the bed. "Come lie down with me for a bit."

"I just want to be left alone right now," he said as he turned his head to the side.

"I understand that, but I don't want you to be alone," sighed Jimin, he stubbornly refused to move.

"Jimin," Hoseok whispered as he felt the tears. "Please."

"I swear if you don't lie down right this very second then I will get up and drag you here," said Jimin seriously. "And don't even think of going to my bed. Because I will just follow you and cuddle you there. You are not escaping me this time, Jung Hoseok."

Hoseok bit the inside of his cheek in frustration. He just wanted to curse the younger out, yell at him to piss off, pull at his own hair from the irritation he felt at being ignored. His body so desperately wanted to lie down after such an intense dance session. But he meant it when he wanted to be alone. Lately his entire life seemed to be out of his control and the only place he could have peace in was his bed. Why couldn't Jimin understand that?

"Hoseok," Jimin sighed. "I know you'll feel better once you lie down. Come on. You always enjoy cuddles when you are going through a difficult time."

The longer Hoseok stood at the end of the bed, the quicker he could feel his resolve slipping. Jimin knew him so well. Hoseok knew once he laid down that he would be able to relax. It would calm him down considerably to hold someone in his arms. He knew that Jimin would most likely end up gently rubbing his hair or running his hand up and down his back. Hoseok knew it would soothe his troubled mind for a while.

Without a word, Hoseok walked forward and slowly slipped under the covers of his bed. Jimin smiled as he held out his arms to allow Hoseok to shuffle closer. The two of them laid on their sides, facing each other, under the covers. Hoseok circled his arms around Jimin's waist and rested his head against his chest. While Jimin placed one hand on Hoseok's lower back and drew soothing patterns, his other hand entangled itself quickly into Hoseok's soft hair. The pair settled into a comfortable silence.

Jimin had been right, as always. Hoseok really did enjoy cuddling when he was struggling with something. He could feel his muscles loosen within the comforting hold. He could feel his worried thoughts disappear into the background. He could feel serenity wash over him and his eyes closed slowly on their own accord. Gratitude towards Jimin filled his chest in a warm sensation. He truly was thankful for having such a thoughtful roommate.

"You know we aren't mad at you for this morning, right Hyung?" Jimin softly spoke into the silence.

"Doesn't feel that way," sighed Hoseok as he tightened his grasp on Jimin.

"No Hyung," whispered Jimin while his hands continued to soothe Hoseok's sore body. "Not at all. We were more worried than anything else."

"I am sorry," tears fell from his closed eyes as he buried his head further into Jimin's chest.

"You don't have to keep saying it, we know you are. It was a simple mistake and you apologised already," he said as he pulled Hoseok closer to him. "We aren't mad at you."

Hoseok started to cry a little harder at those words. If only Jimin knew. If only Jimin knew that Yoongi hated him. If only he knew how hard Jin's earlier words had cut him. If only he knew the internal pain he experienced on a daily basis. If only he knew the self hatred he held for himself. He desperately held Jimin closer to him, afraid that his only source of comfort would suddenly abandon him.

A second set of hands suddenly appeared upon his back which caused Hoseok to startle slightly. He felt the bed dip behind him and had to wonder when someone had entered their room. His mind was so distressed that he couldn't even take a guess at who it could be. He couldn't even force his eyes open to look, his face had been scrunched up in pain as the tears continued to flow steadily.

"Seokie-ah, don't cry," Hoseok heard Jin's voice coo sadly at him, his own hands rubbed their own patterns upon his back.

"I'm so tired," Hoseok whispered before a tiny sob escaped him that he couldn't stop. "Everything hurts."

"You've been working so hard, Seokie," Jin whispered. "I'm so sorry for earlier. I didn't mean to come across so harshly and upset you even more."

"I'm sorry," Hoseok whispered through his sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Shhh," Jimin tried to soothe the inconsolable male in his arms.

"Hey, Seokie it's okay," Jin said with a shaky voice.

The trio stayed on the bed until Hoseok had calmed down. The other two whispered soft words of reassurance as Hoseok let out all of his emotions from the last couple of months, unbeknownst to them, for a second time that day. He didn't know how long he cried for, but he soaked up the gentle touches and the comforting words. Hoseok had been so mentally, physically and emotionally drained that as soon as the tears stopped, he had slowly slipped into a much needed peaceful sleep.

>_<     >_<     >_<

The second day of their break found Hoseok once more at the Hybe building. He had left early in the morning with Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin. Once the four of them had exited the car, Hoseok had said his farewells and made his way to the studio he had booked out for the entire day. It happened to be the studio he preferred to work at in Hybe. While it wasn't solely his studio, he did have a few files saved there. It didn't take him long to settle in and get lost in his work. Time definitely flew by faster than it should have.

Hoseok had been wholeheartedly immersed within his work for heaven knows how long. The blue light from the computer screen was the only source of light in the dark studio. The quiet room had been filled with the clicking sounds of the mouse, the taps on the keyboard, the motor of the computer working overtime, and the faint beats that floated through the headphones. For hours, he had been engrossed in one of his many projects. Luck finally appeared to be on his side as he effortlessly worked on the track. Not a single thing could disrupt the current stroke of creativity that overcame him. Or so he thought.

Out of nowhere, Hoseok's headphones were taken off of his head. He gasped as his eyes flew open in surprise. His hand clutched at his chest reflectively. After he got over his brief moment of shock, Hoseok turned around in his chair to find out who had disturbed him. He hoped they were there for a good reason, otherwise he'd be annoyed. But when he looked beside him, the culprit that stood there, was the last person he had expected to be in his studio.

"Oh. You scared me," Hoseok said as he turned his back on Yoongi and paused the track that had still been playing through the headphones.

"Sorry," Yoongi whispered before an awkward silence engulfed the two.

"Uh," started Hoseok as he nervously cleared his throat. He was unsure what to say. This was, after all, the first time they had spoken in literal weeks. "Did you need something, Hyung?"

"You weren't answering your phone. So Namjoon told me to stop by your studio before I left. He wants me to make sure you come home," said Yoongi quietly, his eyes stared at the ground while he talked.

"Oh, my phone must have gone flat," Hoseok answered as he reached for said device. He attempted to turn on the lock screen only to find it was indeed flat. "Yep. And I forgot my charger again. Well just let Namjoon know I'll be home soon. Maybe like ten minutes behind you. Twenty at most."

Without waiting for a response, Hoseok turned around in his chair once more and replaced his headphones back to their original spot. He was more than sure that Yoongi would see himself out and inform Namjoon of his whereabouts. After all, the other had absolutely no reason to stay around. He doubted that he actually wanted to be anywhere near him anyway. It was probably because Yoongi just happened to be the only other person at Hybe at that point of time. So he had been tasked with locating him and passing on the message. Hoseok sighed as he played the track, determined to finish a little more work before he gave in for the night.

As the familiar beats filled his hearing, his eyes flickered to the time at the bottom of the screen. It was quarter to midnight. Hoseok didn't realise how exhausted he truly was until he saw the time. He hadn't meant to stay so late at the studio. But once the inspiration had started, he didn't want to stop working. Although he was certain he'd only be able to last another ten to twenty minutes before he threw the towel in. He indeed had a mammoth day full of productivity. And for that, he was immensely proud of himself.

Once more, Hoseok had been so engrossed in his work, that he practically jumped out of his skin as he felt something push his chair. He whipped his head around only to find Yoongi slumped on the nearby couch with his left foot on Hoseok's desk chair. Hoseok calmed his racing heart as he took off his headphones. He wondered how many more times he'd get a scare that day. His poor heart couldn't take any more.

"Come on, Hoseok. It's been half an hour," Yoongi tiredly whined.

"What are you still doing here? I thought you went home already?" Hoseok asked with a frown.

"Namjoon said I couldn't go home without you," sighed Yoongi, his foot dropped back to the ground.

"Oh. If I had known that then I wouldn't have kept you waiting. I'm sorry," said Hoseok as he turned around to start the pack up process. "I'll only be a minute."

Hoseok got no response in return as he saved his work both on the computer and on his hard drive. His heart pounded as he went through the motions and nervous butterflies filled his stomach. He couldn't believe that he had made Yoongi wait. As well as the fact that Yoongi was actually willing to be in the same room as him. He could have easily gone home and disregarded Namjoon's order. But for some unknown reason, he had stayed until Hoseok had finished his work.

The room plunged into darkness as Hoseok turned off the computer screen. He had completely forgotten that there was no other light source on. He heard some rustling to his right before a bright light shone in his face. He flinched and squinted his eyes away from Yoongi's flashlight on his phone. Without saying anything, Hoseok picked up both his backpack and phone before he carefully manoeuvred his way through the semi-dark room and flicked on the light switch.

"Sorry," Hoseok whispered as he opened the door and held it open for the other.

Hoseok watched as Yoongi sighed before he forced himself to sit up. It was evident how tired the older one was. More guilt bubbled up within him as he watched Yoongi silently walk out of the studio. He followed a few steps behind, careful to keep his distance, he'd rather not accidentally upset Yoongi. His hands nervously wrung the straps of his backpack while the pair walked in utter silence.

"Do you need a lift?" Yoongi asked, without turning his head, just as they walked out the doors that lead to the secure car park.

"If that's okay, yeah I do," quietly responded Hoseok.

Yoongi didn't say anything further as he silently led the way to his car. Hoseok adjusted his backpack as he continued to walk behind the other. His nerves were amplified with each step he took closer to the car. Once they were confined in the car, there would be no escape until they got to their destination. He would be trapped in the tense, awkward silence. Dread filled his entire body. Hoseok could feel his throat quickly become dry with nervous anticipation.

Why did Hoseok have to travel with the three youngest that morning? Why didn't he just take his own car? Now he would be trapped with someone that detested his presence. Well, if he was being honest with himself, Hoseok could have simply ordered himself a cab to get home. He didn't have to take Yoongi up on the offer. But in saying that, he felt honoured and a little giddy that the other male had offered to give him a ride.

The pair placed their backpacks in the back seat before they got inside the car and strapped in. Hoseok wiped his sweaty hands upon his pants as he looked out the window. Yoongi had connected his phone to the Bluetooth system and played some music at a low level before he started to drive. Hoseok sighed as the car began to move. The next few moments of his life would be absolute agony. A few minutes passed in complete silence. Hoseok found that he couldn't help but to occasionally sneak a little look at Yoongi as he drove them. Never once did the older of the pair take his eyes off the road.

"I'm sorry I made you wait so long," said Hoseok quietly, the silence between them only caused him to be further on edge.

"Mmm," Yoongi hummed in response, his eyes stayed focused on the road. "I understand. Once you start working and find that flow, it's hard to stop."

"Yeah. If I had known you couldn't leave without me though, then I would have packed up. Sorry. But I appreciate you driving me home. Thank you for the ride," Hoseok whispered into the tense silence before he turned his head and stared out the window.

"It's okay," replied Yoongi, equally as quiet.

Not a single word was uttered for the remainder of the drive. Hoseok spent the entire time with his eyes focused on the scenery that passed by in a blur. He tried to keep his mind occupied by the music that floated through the speakers. But it was very difficult for him not to think about the boy that sat beside him. Or the empty eyes that were still very much present. He wondered if that night had been a step in the right direction though. He desperately hoped so.

>_<     >_<     >_<

Hoseok felt more exhausted in the last two days than he had before their break. That had been the deciding factor in his reason for why he forced himself to stay home for the last two days of their break. The start of his third day had started out with a much needed sleep in. He barely managed to drag his tired body down the hallway and into the kitchen. Head full of messy bed hair. His eyes only opened a crack so that he could safely navigate his way around the kitchen as he made himself a cup of coffee.

By the time he had eventually shuffled his way to the kitchen table, his eyes had closed on their own accord. Hoseok simply sat at the table, with his head rested in the palm of his left hand, hair messy, and a small pout upon his lip. His body and mind were riddled with sleep. As he continued to sit there, he heard a few of the other members active in the living area and wondered to himself how many of them were currently at home.

A few silent minutes passed by before he assumed his steaming hot cup of coffee had cooled down enough to attempt a sip. Hoseok blindly reached out with his right hand until the hot ceramic came into contact with him. He lifted the cup and took a cautious sip. Delicious bitter coffee swept over his taste buds, earning a low moan of satisfaction from the exhausted male. He carefully placed the cup back onto the table and sighed as he slumped further in his seat.

From somewhere nearby, a chair was pulled back and another person placed their cup on the table. Hoseok managed to force one of his eyes open to find out who had joined him at the table, ready to say good morning to the other person. His heart skipped a beat as he looked upon Yoongi who appeared to be as equally as tired. Their gazes crossed paths for what felt like minutes to Hoseok, but were mere seconds in reality. He felt himself perk up ever so slightly under the intense look.

"Morning," croaked Hoseok in a deep voice, the first time he had used it since he had woken up.

"Morning," Yoongi nodded before he tore his eyes away from him and looked down into the cup in front of him.

Hoseok's heart skipped several beats at the reply. He felt a wave of happiness wash over him. Perhaps the previous night had been a turn for the better. Hoseok hoped so. He wanted to be able to talk with Yoongi again. He wanted to be able to laugh with him. He wanted to be able to just enjoy his company, even if they weren't doing anything. But they still had many unresolved issues that needed to be addressed. And there was only one way of getting around it; to talk.

"Hey Hyung?" Hoseok asked quietly.

"Mmm?" hummed Yoongi in response without lifting his gaze.

"I was just wondering," said Hoseok before he cleared his throat and shuffled in his chair. He was nervous about what was to come. "Well, I was wondering if you think you'd be ready to talk about things soon?"

"No Hoseok," instantly Yoongi's demeanour changed as his eyes grew darker and his expression shifted to that of annoyance. "I'm not."

"Really? Hyung, it's been weeks. Please," he begged quietly.

"Drop it Hoseok," he growled out in a low tone of warning, his eyes shifted towards Hoseok for the briefest second before he turned away once more.

The room stilled before Hoseok as he processed the shift in mood. He couldn't believe that Yoongi still wasn't ready to talk. He couldn't believe that after all that time, he was going to be left in the dark without answers or clarification. Hoseok could tell his face glowed red with anger at the blatant disregard to his feelings. Yoongi probably didn't care how he felt at all. Lately, it all seemed to be about Yoongi and his feelings.

"No, seriously Yoongi," he said frustrated. "We need to talk about things."

"No we don't. Stop," Yoongi said firmly.

Hoseok could tell that Yoongi was getting really worked up with each second that passed. He could tell the other was getting agitated the more he pushed things. Which only fueled his own anger. How could Yoongi keep running away from this conversation and expect things to get better? Unless, of course, the older one didn't want things to get better. But Hoseok refused to let this be how their friendship came to an end. He was going to fight for it until it was spelt out that it was truly over.

"You can't just keep ignoring and avoiding me," Hoseok said with a louder volume which definitely turned a few heads.

"Yes I can," Yoongi also raised his voice, an angry fire in his eyes as he snapped his head up towards Hoseok.

"This isn't fair on me Yoongi! You're only thinking about yourself!" yelled Hoseok, angry tears brimmed his eyes. "How do you think I feel? Huh? You've been ignoring me for weeks! You won't speak to me! You won't look at me! It isn't all about you and your feelings! You know I have feelings too Hyung!"

If it had been any other time, Hoseok would have flinched at the harsh words that had left his mouth. In any other circumstance, he would have approached the topic with his usual calmness and maturity. But things had progressed to a stage where rationality had been thrown out the window. All of Hoseok's raw despair had been brought to the surface. He only wanted to be heard for a change.

"What's going on?" a voice managed to ask in between the yelling, which went completely unnoticed by the two in the current yelling match.

"We wouldn't be in this place if you weren't always all over me!" shouted Yoongi in retaliation. "If you had just backed off and given me the space I needed, we wouldn't be here."

"Don't you dare put the blame on me!" Hoseok cried out in pain, the tears rapidly fell. "Don't you dare!"

"Hoseok, all I wanted, all I needed was time and space! Yet here we are! You're trying to force me into something I'm not ready for!" he shouted as he clenched his fists that rested on top of the table.

"I've done nothing but try to give you space! I've done nothing but give you time! I've done nothing but try to help you! What have you done to help me? Nothing. It's all about you and your needs!" he cried as he attempted to wipe away the tears, a useless action, as they continued to come.

"So you want to put your own needs above mine? You want to make me uncomfortable just to make yourself feel better?" angrily yelled Yoongi.

"Fuck off!" Hoseok yelled at the top of his voice as he stood up, the chair scrapped against the floor.

Hoseok stormed away from the table without waiting for a response. He didn't stop when he heard voices from the living room. He didn't stop when he heard footsteps following him. He didn't stop until he had slammed his bedroom door closed and collapsed face first into his bed. He hugged his pillow to his face as his broken heart cried out into the empty room. It was his attempt at muffling the loud, ugly sobs that came from him.

There was a knock at the door which Hoseok chose to ignore. He hoped that whoever was on the other side had the common sense to leave him alone. He would hate to upset anymore of his members in his heightened emotional state of mind. Hopefully he would be left to his own devices for a while. He desperately needed to let out his emotions and then calm himself down when he was ready. And he didn't need anyone to hold his hand while he did that. It was one of those rare times he truly needed space.

Thankfully no one entered his bedroom. He was granted his privacy. Hoseok used the time to cry his heart out, to cry all of the anguish he'd felt for the last few months, to grieve the seemingly unsalvageable friendship. As time passed, an eerie calm settled over him. He hadn't felt that exhausted in so long. It was almost as if he had no more tears to give to that situation. Almost like he truly had given up. If he held his breath for Yoongi to come talk things out, he was sure he'd pass out from the wait.

As Hoseok turned onto his back and dried his eyes, he decided that he wouldn't leave his bedroom for the remainder of the day. And if he needed to, then, he wouldn't interact with any of the others. He would keep his eyes down and he would ignore any questions. He felt like a fool for thinking things could be better between Yoongi and him. And he felt ashamed that the others were witnesses to their fight. He felt broken that it appeared to be the end of his friendship.

>_<     >_<     >_<

It was the last day of their four day break. Hoseok had spent most of the previous day locked away in his room. He had woken up to a completely quiet and empty house. With confusion, he unlocked his phone as he had sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his hand. It irked him a little to think about the similarities between the events of the last day and in that moment. Oh how different everything was though.

As he scrolled through his phone, he found out why the house had been so quiet for a change. Namjoon had told the group chat that Jin and him had gone for a drive and wouldn't be back until late afternoon. Then not long after, Jimin had told them that he had gone out with Jungkook and Taehyung and the three of them wouldn't get home until after dinner. Hoseok had to wonder if he was home alone or if a certain someone was locked away in their bedroom.

Hoseok decided to investigate whether he was alone after he had finished his coffee. He needed the bitter beverage to wake him up. He hoped that the day ahead would be rather quiet. Considering it was the last day before their usual schedule resumed, he needed to rest as much as he could. That meant no emotional breakdowns, no arguments, no fights, no physical activities. Just relaxation and truly being lazy.

He downed the coffee quicker than normal and sighed in anxious anticipation as he walked up the hallway towards Yoongi's room. It would end in one of three possible scenarios. Either Yoongi wouldn't be home and he'd go into an empty room, Yoongi would be home and Hoseok would walk in on him before awkwardly leaving without a word, or Yoongi would be home and yell at Hoseok some more before he left the room. Hoseok just hoped that it would be the first or second option.

With his breath held, Hoseok knocked quietly before he opened the bedroom door. He poked his head in and let his eyes scan the dark room. Empty. No Yoongi in sight. Unconsciously, he let out a sigh of relief. It appeared he did have the entire house to himself. At least Hoseok knew that he could lounge around the shared living areas without fear of disturbing anyone else. And there was no chance of any awkward encounters with a certain someone.

As Hoseok began to walk back towards the kitchen to clean up after himself, he happened to overhear a very odd sound that came from the bathroom. Panic raced through him as he assumed he was home alone. Quietly, he crept towards the bathroom as the noise continued. He could feel his heart pound in his chest as he registered the sound he could hear to be that of someone crying. Was that Yoongi in there? Hoseok frowned as he knocked on the door and waited for a response.

"Hyung, are you in there?" Hoseok asked after his knocks got no response.

"Hoseok?" he heard Yoongi say in between the crying. "Hoseok is that you?"

Hoseok's heart broke as he heard the reply. Yoongi sounded like an absolute wreck. He couldn't remember the last time he had heard him like that. Hoseok's hand automatically went towards the door handle, ready to go in, but he paused as he considered how he'd feel if someone had walked in on him the other day. He gulped as he weighed up his options. He wanted to be there for Yoongi but didn't want to overstep any boundaries. His usual dilemma over the past few months appeared before him once more.

"Yeah, Hyung it's me," Hoseok ended up saying before he heavily gulped. "Is... Is everything okay?"

"No," Yoongi managed to choke out.

He felt his breath hitch at the admission. Hoseok fought with himself, hand still in the air, halfway towards the handle. All he had to do was commit to the action and then he could go in to comfort Yoongi. But his uncertainties won out for the time being. He forced his hand back to his side as he thought hard on how to navigate the current situation.

"Can I come in?" Hoseok asked hesitantly, his eyes fixated on the door handle.

"No. Whatever you do, do not come in here Hoseok," Yoongi cried before more sobs reached Hoseok's ears. "You can't."

"Hyung?" Hoseok asked as the cries on the other side of the door continued in intensity. "Yoongi Hyung? You're scaring me."

"Hyung's sorry," Hoseok barely heard Yoongi whisper in between the sobs.

At that, Hoseok instantly made up his mind. He couldn't stand outside the bathroom while Yoongi suffered in there all by himself. He decided he could deal with the consequences of invading Yoongi's personal space later. Right then and there, he needed to be there for his friend. He needed to offer him support through whatever was wrong. Hoseok couldn't bear to walk away after he had heard that whispered apology. He was scared.

And he had a right to be scared. As soon as Hoseok swung the door open, he froze in horror. His stomach dropped, his ears rang, his eyes began to tear up. Before him, on the floor, Yoongi was slumped back against the vanity sink. Both of his arms rested against his thighs and were covered in blood that flowed from two nasty open wounds on his inner forearms. Hoseok's eyes widened as he spotted a knife on the ground next to Yoongi, covered in his blood.

"Yoongi!" screamed Hoseok in panic, terror within his eyes. He rushed forward and knelt between Yoongi's opened legs. "Yoongi what happened?"

"Hyung's sorry," Yoongi let out before breaking into the quietest sobs Hoseok had ever heard. His eyes were squeezed shut as he softly hit his head repeatedly against the cupboard behind him. "Hyung is so sorry, Seokie. Hyung is sorry."

"Don't Hyung. You can't say that right now. Everything is going to be okay. I promise," said Hoseok through tear filled vision as he reached out to stop Yoongi's head from the harmful action. "Just stay here, I'll be back. Everything will be okay."

Hoseok picked up the knife by the handle, even though he felt sick to his stomach at the sight of it, and exited the bathroom quickly. He just needed to get the item as far away from Yoongi as he could. The last thing he wanted was for Yoongi to use it any more than he had. He carefully walked to the kitchen and deposited the sharp, slippery object into the sink. Panic clouded his mind as it tried to register what he needed to do next. He took a deep breath as he took out his phone and rang the only person his brain could think of in that moment of pure panic.

"Hey Hyung? What's up?" Namjoon answered the phone with a cheerful tone.

"Joon," Hoseok whispered with a shaky voice as the tears finally fell.

"Hoseok? What's wrong?" the leader immediately asked with concern, he had recognised the upset quiver in Hoseok's voice instantly.

"H-How far away are you?" he asked as he started to cry a little harder.

"Jin and I are about twenty minutes away," he said with confusion. "Hoseok, what's wrong?"

"I-It's Yoongi," Hoseok finally managed to say, horrified at the memory of what he had walked in on moments ago, words were incredibly hard to grasp to explain the seriousness of the situation.

"Seok, what's wrong with Yoongi?" demanded Namjoon in hopes of getting to the bottom of things. But he didn't get an answer as Hoseok couldn't bring himself to talk. "Did you two get into an argument again? Is everything okay?"

"Joon, he hurt himself," he forced himself to blurt it out as he wiped his face with his sleeves.

"What do you mean? Did he fall? Did something drop and he's hurt? Did he have an accident?" pushed Namjoon at the vague explanation. "Come on, Hoseok. Please talk to me."

"H-He used a knife, Joon. There's blood everywhere," he said before he could feel himself start to hyperventilate.

"Hoseok, take a few deep breaths, okay? I need you to go get some towels and apply pressure to where he cut himself. Jin and I are heading back now. I'll call the ambulance on the way," said Namjoon, trying to take control of the situation from afar until he could reach the pair that were in distress. "Hoseok?"

Before he answered, Hoseok forced himself to take a few deep breaths. He needed to calm himself down to be able to help Yoongi. He couldn't be there for the other if he was too busy having his own panic attack. He needed to focus on the most important factor, which was to help his friend. He dried his eyes as he nodded to himself, encouraging himself that he could do this. He took one final deep breath.

"Y-Yeah, Joon. I'll go do that now. P-Please be quick," Hoseok responded as he began to walk towards the linen cupboard.

"Alright. Call me back if anything changes Seok," said Namjoon before the phone was disconnected from his end.

Hoseok put his phone away so he could use both hands to rummage through the cupboard. He swiftly grabbed several towels in his arms and rushed back to the bathroom. Yoongi hadn't moved an inch from when Hoseok had left him. The older still wept as violent sobs racked his body. Hoseok's heart dropped at the sight. He wanted nothing more than to turn back time and fix everything before it got to this stage.

Yoongi didn't react as Hoseok once again knelt between his legs. Hoseok didn't even know if the other knew that he had returned. He hastily dumped the pile of towels beside them and removed two of them to do exactly what Namjoon had instructed him to do. His wide eyes stared down at the deep cuts and felt sick at the confronting sight before him. He placed a towel on each arm and pouted in sympathy when Yoongi winced from the pain.

"I know it hurts," he whispered as he tried to soothe Yoongi. He could feel his tears return. "It's okay, Hyung. Joon and Jin are on their way. They are going to get you help."

"I'm so fucked up. I'm a disgusting mess," sobbed Yoongi with his eyes still closed and tears streamed down his face. "How can you stand to be near me?"

"We all have our demons, Yoongi," Hoseok whispered as he applied a bit more pressure to each injured arm. "Yours are just harder to tame."

"I hate you so much," Yoongi spat before his sobs grew louder.

Hoseok's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. He didn't know what he had done to deserve those words to be thrown in his direction. He had only ever tried to help Yoongi. Even when the older blamed him, Hoseok had still tried to be there for him in whatever way he needed. But it wasn't until he looked up into those now opened eyes that he realised those words weren't meant for him. Yoongi had said them to himself. Because now Hoseok could see it. He could see the self-loathing burning like a forest fire in those previously dead eyes.

"Can't do anything right. Fucking stupid," Yoongi cried as he hung his head forward. "Bother them some more with your stupid fucking shit. Damage them while you're at it, huh?"

"Hey, hey, stop," whispered Hoseok. His right hand left the towel momentarily as he forcefully grabbed Yoongi's chin and tilted his face up so they could look at each other. "You aren't bothering me. Or them. And you most definitely are not damaging us. We are family and family is always there for each other no matter what."

"Don't lie to me. It's not helping anyone," Yoongi hissed while his tears continued to flow. "My own fucking family isn't there for me. Why would you?"

"Because I love you, Yoongi," Hoseok said sadly as he looked deeply into those brown eyes. "I love you so much."

"I hate you," spat Yoongi like venom had just entered his mouth.

But that time, those words had been said directly to Hoseok. He let his right hand drop back to the towel and applied the pressure as he hung his own head. Hoseok couldn't look into those hate filled eyes anymore. He wished that Namjoon and Jin would magically appear beside them so he could escape the literal hell that had unfolded before him. He knew that Yoongi hated him. But to hear it straight from his mouth, in the current state he was in, it broke Hoseok.

"I hate you because you could never love me like I love you. You'll never love me the way I love you, Hoseok," Yoongi said in a bit of a ramble which caused Hoseok to snap his head up. The older of the pair closed his eyes, leant his head back against the counter, and squeezed a few more tears out. "You'll never love me like that. I wish I could forget you. I wish I could forget how you make me feel. But I can't and that's why I hate myself more than anything."

Those words hit Hoseok like a freight train. Suddenly the silence that followed felt like too much to deal with. How could Yoongi confess such a thing at a time like this? It only caused the situation to intensify at the gravity behind those words. Hoseok wondered if this was all his fault. Had he caused Yoongi to hurt himself? Had he pushed Yoongi to this point? Had all of it been because of Hoseok?

"How could you confess such a thing at a time like this?" gulped Hoseok as his eyes drifted down to the blood soaked cloth. "Seriously Yoongi-ah."

"Sorry," he whispered and squeezed his eyes even tighter. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop it. I mean it. Stop apologising," he said a little sterner than he meant to, but each time he heard the word, another piece of him died.

"I'm sorry. I know you must hate me. I'm sorry. I hate myself too," he whispered as he rolled his head from side-to-side in utter despair.

"Yoongi! I said stop!" Hoseok yelled before he winced at his own outburst. Yoongi said nothing as he continued to sit there, eyes closed, and tears continuously rolled down his cheeks. "Yoongi? Yoongi, look at me."

With his right hand, Hoseok reached up and cupped Yoongi's face gently. His thumb rubbed the delicate tear stained cheek, trying to erase the tracks, but he only managed to smudge them. Hoseok refused to say another word until he had those eyes paying attention to him. So the pair continued to sit in silence until eventually Hoseok couldn't take it any more. His heart pounded in his chest as he slowly leant forward. His eyes darted back and forwards in hopes he could catch a glimpse of those beautiful eyes that were currently hidden from the world.

But they didn't appear. And the closer he drew to Yoongi, the further his own eyes closed. Until he saw nothing but black before him. His movements were slow, purposeful, delicate. He gave Yoongi all the opportunity in the world to feel their close proximity. Their breaths glossed over each other's lips. The purposeful bump of their noses. Their fringes brushed against each other's foreheads. But Yoongi never pulled away. He never spoke a word. Never pushed Hoseok away in disgust.

Hoseok felt the world stop for a moment as he moved that extra bit closer and finally completed the gap. The softest pair of lips he had ever felt graced his own. He tried to push as much reassurance and love into the gentle kiss as he could. And he swore he could have melted into a puddle if it weren't for the fact that he still very much needed to get the older urgent medical attention. For now, he allowed himself to bask in the warmth and tenderness of their kiss. He could taste the salt from the tears. He could feel the slight quiver of Yoongi's lips. He could hear the small whine of confusion from the contact.

Eventually, Hoseok broke the kiss, leant his forehead against Yoongi's, and opened his eyes to find two very confused brown eyes that stared back at him. He wanted to laugh in happiness at finally seeing some form of emotion within them that wasn't either empty or anger. But he pushed it all down and settled for a small tug of his lips. He got lost in those pretty eyes. He realised how much he had missed seeing them. In that moment, he swore to himself that he would protect Yoongi at all cost from ever suffering as much as he had.

"You don't hate me?" Yoongi asked as a wave of clear panic filled his eyes.

"I love you. More than you probably realise," whispered Hoseok, his eyes flickered from one brown eye to the other. "My god Yoongi. You don't know how long I've wanted to do that for."

"You did?" he asked in a breathless whisper as his eyes grew wide.

"I did," a small chuckle escaped him as he leant back and reapplied the pressure to Yoongi's left arm once more.

"You like me like that? You don't hate me?" Yoongi asked again to reconfirm, his mind baffled by the sudden action.

"Yoongi. I love you. There's not a thing in this world that could ever change that," Hoseok whispered before he pressed a reassuring peck to the older's lips. "I don't want you to hurt. I don't want you to be in pain. I hate this."

"Seokie," Yoongi said before more tears suddenly fell from his eyes again. "Hyung's so sorry. I should have never put you through what I did. I was just... I was just scared of myself. I tried to protect you all from myself."

"Whatever you are going through, we will always be there for you. No matter what it is. I promise I will always be by your side to help you," Hoseok said, as he quickly reached his right hand up and carded it through Yoongi's hair, before he put it down again. "I hated seeing you suffer in silence. And I wanted to slap you for not speaking to me. But I didn't want to push you further away by overstepping any boundaries."

"I'm sorry," more sobs overcame his body as he closed his eyes once more and rested his head against the cupboard again.

"It's okay. It's all going to be okay," whispered Hoseok, his own tears fell, before he heard the front door open.

"Hoseok? Yoongi?" Namjoon's panicked voice yelled in the distance.

"In here!" Hoseok yelled back.

A few moments later, two sets of footsteps rushed towards the bathroom. Hoseok turned his head and watched as Namjoon and Jin simultaneously paled at the sight before them. That was all it took before Hoseok broke down. He had managed to keep it together for Yoongi. But that came all undone as he witnessed the same horror mirrored in the other two's eyes. He sobbed from where he knelt, hands gripped onto Yoongi's arms, as he stared helplessly at the eldest and the leader of the group.

Part of Hoseok couldn't help but blame himself for what Yoongi had done. He wondered if Namjoon and Jin also blamed Hoseok for what had occurred. He couldn't understand who wouldn't. Everything over the last few months had all resulted because of his actions, regardless if it was Yoongi's own mental health that had been the ultimate reason. A whole bunch of what if's played through his mind.

What if he hadn't pushed Yoongi further down whatever dark path he had travelled? What if they had talked things out earlier? What if he had respected his boundaries? What if he had patiently waited for Yoongi to come around? What if they had confessed their feelings for each other earlier? What if he had persisted to be there for Yoongi even if the other had wanted space? What if after what if raced through his mind as he tried to make sense of the situation.

"Yoongi," whispered Namjoon as he walked in and knelt on Hoseok's right side.

The four of them sat in silence as both Yoongi and Hoseok cried their hearts out. Hoseok looked over his shoulder again to find Jin had silent tears that ran down his face. The eldest locked eyes with him before he turned his entire body around and walked away. He turned his head back to Yoongi, only to find that Namjoon took over the pressure for Yoongi's left arm. Now that Hoseok had his right hand free, he used it to continue to stroke Yoongi's hair and cheeks to offer the other physical comfort.

"The paramedics shouldn't be far off. We called them on our way," said Namjoon eventually, the quiet overwhelmed him.

"We'll get you help soon," whispered Hoseok with a quiver in his voice. Yoongi looked at him sadly before he nodded and closed his eyes again. "You'll be okay."

"Honey?" Namjoon called out.

"Yeah?" Jin responded as he made his way back to the bathroom door.

"Can you pack an overnight bag for both Yoongi and I to take with us?" asked Namjoon as he turned his head towards Jin.

"Sure," nodded Jin before he disappeared for a second time.

"I don't want to go there," Yoongi started to cry a little harder at the realisation he'd have to go to hospital.

"Oh Hyung," sighed Namjoon. "I know. But they'll help you."

Yoongi didn't open his eyes as he nodded in understanding. Hoseok pouted in sympathy as he gently wiped a few tears away from the older's cheek. He, himself, had stopped crying as he remembered it wasn't about him, it was about Yoongi, he needed to be strong for him. He continued to caress his face with his thumb and watched as Yoongi visibly relaxed under his touch. If only he could take away all the pain the other felt. He wished he could protect him; from the world, from himself, from the struggles.

Before anything else could be said, a strange voice called out in the distance followed by a knock. Namjoon rushed to the door and let the two paramedics in. In a blur of motion, Hoseok was ushered out of the bathroom by the leader as two men with supplies entered. The moment Yoongi was out of sight, Hoseok broke down once more. He felt anxious that he wasn't by the older's side. He was paranoid something would happen when he wasn't there.

Namjoon saw how distressed Hoseok had become and immediately engulfed him in a warm embrace. The leader knew how hard it would have been for the other to have walked in on such a scene. He hated the fact he had left Hoseok and Yoongi alone. If only he had stayed home that day. He sighed as he cradled Hoseok's head to his chest with one hand, the other hand rubbed soothing circles up and down his back. Hoseok cried his heart out as he tried to stop himself from running back in there to be by Yoongi's side.

The pair stood just outside the bathroom as the paramedics tended to the wounds before they would move Yoongi. What felt like eternity passed by Hoseok, when in reality it had only been a few minutes. The moment was soon interrupted by Jin as the eldest walked back over to them and placed two backpacks on the ground. He didn't hesitate to join Namjoon in comforting Hoseok by offering him physical comfort.

"I've packed some warm clothing, charges, headphones, some snacks, and I've packed your tablet Joonie," softly explained Jin with a grimace.

"Thank you, hun," answered Namjoon as he gave his own grimace.

"Have you told the other three yet?" Hoseok managed to ask as he pulled back slightly to stare up at Namjoon.

"No. Not yet. I didn't want to ruin their day," he shook his head in reply. "Jin will let them know once they get back."

"Okay," he answered through sniffles, but he hadn't truly taken in the words.

There was movement within the bathroom as one of the paramedics left. The trio watched with caution and weariness as the stretcher was brought inside and stopped just outside the bathroom door. All three of them watched in silence as Yoongi was carefully lifted to his feet and walked over to the stretcher with assistance. The air was thick with the heaviness and sadness of the situation.

The second Hoseok had seen Yoongi move, his instincts were to go to him and comfort him. He tried desperately to get out of whoever held him, his mind already had forgotten from the desperation that consumed him. His eyes watered as he turned around in the strong arms. Namjoon's concerned eyes stared down at him and all Hoseok wanted to do was push him far away from him.

"Please let me go with him," pleaded Hoseok. "I need to be with him."

"No, I need you to stay here with Jin and look after the other three when they get home. I need you to get some rest, okay?" Namjoon tried to calm Hoseok down.

"But I need to be with him," Hoseok said as he furiously wiped the tears.

"He's going to be okay, alright? I'll be right with him the entire time. And if anything changes, I'll call you straight away," he tried to reassure. But whatever words he said, Hoseok continued to cry. "Hyung, look at me. Yoongi will be fine. Hoseok, breathe."

"Seok?" Yoongi's weak voice called out amidst the chaos.

"Yoongi?" responded Hoseok immediately as he pushed his way over to the older who was laid out on the stretcher.

"I'll be okay. You stay here and get some rest," Yoongi said softly. "I don't want you to be at the hospital with me. I don't want you to see everything again."

"Are you sure?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm sure," weakly nodded Yoongi with a sad smile.

Hoseok let out another small sob before he found himself close to Yoongi. He closed his eyes as he placed a delicate kiss to Yoongi's lips, almost as if he was afraid that the other would crumble under his touch. The world around Hoseok disappeared as the only thing that remained was Yoongi and his lips. He didn't want to separate from him. He didn't want to stay at home. He wanted to be by his side like he had promised him. But he knew he needed to listen to both Namjoon and Yoongi.

"I'll be home before you know it," Yoongi whispered the second they had pulled away from each other.

Hoseok rested his forehead against Yoongi's and bit his lip anxiously. He didn't want to leave the other. Not now, not ever again. He wanted to be there. He wanted to know that he was alright. But Hoseok knew he couldn't argue with two of his members. He regretfully nodded his head as he leant forward and gave Yoongi one last parting kiss.

"There's room for me to go with him, right?" Namjoon asked which snapped the two out of their bubble.

"Yes sir," one of the paramedics said.

"Come here, Hoseok," Jin said as he stepped forward and gently guided the younger man away from the stretcher.

"Please text us updates, Joon," softly said Hoseok as he watched the paramedics take Yoongi out on the stretcher.

"Of course. Get some rest," he firmly reiterated as he picked up the backpacks and made sure the door was closed behind him.

"Let's sit down for a bit, yeah?" Jin said the second the door had closed.

Hoseok nodded his head even though he wasn't fully with it. His body was guided to the couch and he soon found himself sat on the chaise of their couch. Jin sat beside him and started to rub his thigh and back with each hand. As they continued to sit in silence, Hoseok's mind wouldn't stop replaying the confronting scene. Over and over, he watched himself walk in on Yoongi slumped against the cabinets, ruby red blood everywhere.

"It's all my fault," Hoseok whispered as he folded in on himself and covered his face with his hands.

"No Hoseok," Jin immediately said. "Absolutely not."

"It is. You don't realise, but it is," he whispered with a shake of his head.

Hoseok hated the hands that were on him. He wanted to get away from the burning sensation they left in their wake. It no longer comforted him. He pushed himself further onto the couch until he was nestled in the corner of the lounge chaise. Jin simply sighed in resignation and carefully threw the closest blanket over Hoseok to keep him warm. He knew they'd be in for a long night.

>_<     >_<     >_<

The room around Hoseok had been a constant blur since he had sat down. For hours, he remained sat in the corner of the couch, and simply stared at the moving pictures on the TV before him. Hoseok hadn't even reacted when the younger three had arrived home and were told the news. It was almost as if he stared straight through them whenever he gazed at them. The only time he reacted was when any of them tried to touch him. He would immediately flinch and cower away. There was only one person Hoseok would allow to touch him, but that person wasn't there.

As the hours slowly turned into a full day, the other four members that were in the house grew more concerned as Hoseok wouldn't sleep. They had tried to convince Hoseok to rest on multiple occasions. But his mind simply wouldn't allow it. For hours he sat in silence, internally sick with worry. His mind always trained on Yoongi and the sight he had witnessed. It soon became apparent to the others that they should leave Hoseok alone for a while to give him time to process everything.

If it was up to him, Hoseok wouldn't have moved from his spot until Yoongi had come back home. But his body had needs he had to attend to and was forced to the bathroom multiple times. Thankfully Jin had been very kind and made them all food which meant one less task Hoseok had to move for. Although, he would admit that food had been at the very bottom of his list of priorities. If it wasn't for Jin forcing the homemade food upon him, Hoseok most likely wouldn't have eaten anything.

Darkness signalled the end of the following day. Hoseok sighed to himself as he realised he hadn't slept in over twenty four hours. His eyes grew heavy as he looked around the room from where he continued to sit in the corner of the chaise. He could see Jin, Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook spread out along their large couch, attention on the TV, which was the only source of light that illuminated the house. The entire place felt empty. And he knew exactly why.

Just as another soft sigh left his lips, his attention was drawn to the front door that began to open. Hoseok perked up ever so slightly as he held his breath, eyes locked on the movement. Time slowed as Namjoon walked in, followed closely behind by an exhausted Yoongi. Hoseok could feel his heart race a million miles a minute at the sight of the other. He didn't know whether to run to him or to break down in tears at the knowledge Yoongi was okay.

"Hyung!" Taehyung happily yelled which caused the other three to snap their heads around to the door.

The other four all stood up from the couch as Hoseok remained seated. Yoongi didn't make eye contact with any of them as he shuffled closer. He went the long way around the coffee table to avoid the others. He didn't stop until he stood in front of the silent Hoseok. Yoongi smiled sadly as he carefully sat himself down next to Hoseok and shuffled closer, the two sat side-by-side, the entire room cautiously watched the interaction.

Hoseok gave Yoongi an equally sad smile in return as he threw the blanket over him without hesitation. The warm material covered them both from feet to chest. Hoseok used the cover to his advantage. Hidden from view, he moved his right arm behind Yoongi's back until his hand reached around to firmly hold the other's right hip. Hoseok pulled Yoongi against him and rested his own head on the other's left shoulder. He couldn't help the small smile that tugged his lips as he felt Yoongi's left hand intertwine their fingers below the blanket.

"Did you sleep much, Seok?" asked Yoongi in a whisper, the first thing he had said since his arrival.

"Not at all," Jin sighed. "We tried to get him to rest but he refused."

"I told you to rest," whispered Yoongi as he gazed down at the younger and gently squeezed his hand.

"Sorry," Hoseok whispered as he squeezed Yoongi's hand and hip tighter, he tilted his head upwards to look adoringly into those pretty eyes so close to his.

The room around the two went unnoticed as they simply sat and stared. Two sets of eyes roamed over facial features, bodies soaked up the warmth and familiarity, hands that longed to touch, to feel. Hoseok had missed Yoongi beyond what any words could explain. Now that he had the other in his arms, he didn't ever want to let him go.

It was only from the movement directly in front of the pair that eventually broke them out of their trance. Both Taehyung and Jungkook had moved to sit on the floor in between the chaise and couch, while Jimin had shuffled along to sit on Yoongi's right side. Namjoon had haphazardly dumped the two backpacks on the ground and collapsed in Jin's arms. The six of them all stared at Yoongi, who only had eyes for Hoseok.

"Are you okay, Hyung?" Taehyung asked as his puppy eyes stared worriedly up at Yoongi.

"We were so worried," immediately followed up Jungkook before the person in question could answer.

"I'm okay," nodded Yoongi with a guilty expression. "I'll be okay."

Hoseok pouted at those words as he carefully shifted onto his side and shuffled closer to hug Yoongi's left side, cautious of his injured arms. His own left hand slowly slid up Yoongi's stomach until it came to a rest on the other's chest. He smiled softly as he felt the older, once again, intertwine their fingers under the blanket, both their hands together rested upon his chest. Hoseok soaked up the warmth that wafted from Yoongi, never more content than in that moment.

"I think we all should have a talk," said Namjoon into the silence.

"Yeah," Yoongi said in agreement.

"To start, I should let all of you know that the company has given us a week off. You know, to process everything. And if a week isn't enough then they said that some of us can apply for more time off," explained Namjoon with a soft tone. It was evident to everyone how tired the leader was. "In saying that, they want us to use this time to talk to each other and to heal as a group. And I've been told that therapy is available for each of us, both individual and group sessions."

The group collectively nodded their heads at the information. Relief swept through them at the knowledge they wouldn't have to get straight back into their busy schedule. They were grateful they weren't being pushed into anything they weren't comfortable with yet. There was a heavy toll on all seven boys from the events that had occurred.

Hoseok, out of all the boys, was perhaps the most relieved to have some time off. In all honesty, he needed the time to process all of the recent events. To try to understand what he had walked in on. To try to digest all the turbulent emotions he had experienced over the past few months. But most of all, he wanted to attempt to talk with Yoongi about everything and hopefully get some resolution finally.

"Yoongi?" Namjoon prompted the other male as the silence continued. "You wanted to say something when we got back."

"Well," Yoongi said before he stopped to clear his throat. "I want to start off by saying what I did was no one else's fault. I don't want any of you to blame yourself or to think about the what if's. Nothing any of you could have said or done would have changed my actions."

Yoongi paused and Hoseok felt him look down at him. But Hoseok refused to lift his head to meet his eye contact. He couldn't. Because he knew that if he did then he'd end up in tears. Of course he blamed himself. Of course he thought about the what if's. He sighed as he settled to squeeze both of the hands he held, in hopes that would convey that he understood the message.

"And if... If there's any questions about what happened then I'm an open book. Or if you need to say anything to me, I'll listen," eventually Yoongi continued after he got no response from Hoseok.

"Why?" immediately asked Jungkook with sad eyes.

"Why?" Yoongi paled as he repeated the question.

"If you're not ready to talk about anything, then don't feel pressured, Hyung," Namjoon said softly.

Everyone noticed the sudden tension in the room. No one uttered another word as they waited for Yoongi to either continue or move on from the subject. Hoseok shifted uncomfortably and held tighter onto the older. He could hear Yoongi's heartbeat under his ear, it raced from the obvious nervousness he had felt at the question. Hoseok tried his best to offer his support through his gentle touch.

"Well. I guess I was in a very dark headspace. I had these overwhelming emotions that I didn't know how to deal with. And I wasn't one hundred percent aware of what I was doing until the pain kicked in. But then it felt like it was too late for me to stop, so I kept going," explained Yoongi in a quiet voice, yet in the silent room, it felt as if he was shouting.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Jimin asked.

"I thought I was strong and that it would pass," choked Yoongi with tears in his eyes. "I'm very sorry. I should have spoken up. I shouldn't have stayed silent. I should have told someone about how I felt like I was drowning and every day it was getting worse. I should have reached out for help like everyone wanted me to. And I hope that in the future, everyone learns from my mistakes, and something like this never happens again."

"Did you have all those fights with Hoseok because he saw that you were struggling and you didn't know how to ask for or accept help?" asked Taehyung with a shimmer in his eyes.

"Yes," said Yoongi, voice full of shame.

At that, Yoongi squeezed Hoseok's hands firmly and pulled him closer to him. Hoseok closed his eyes as he fought away the tears after the admission. He felt Yoongi rest his chin on top of his head and sighed. The world felt as if it was closing in upon him. Hoseok didn't know whether he wanted to run from them all or to hide in Yoongi's arms.

The previous few months had caught up to him. To hear the truth finally was a relief in some sorts. It was like a weight had been lifted from his chest only to have the crushing reality replace it. Of course he knew that Yoongi had been pushing him away for all those months. But to hear it, didn't make it any easier to accept. Nor did it take away the pain he had experienced.

"I pushed Hoseok away because I wanted to protect him from myself," Yoongi said quietly without lifting his head from Hoseok's. "I should never have done that."

"Hoseok, we're sorry too," Jin spoke up for the first time in a while. "We had all the signs right in front of us, yet we chose to ignore them. Hell, it took Hoseok pointing them out for us to even notice them in the first place. And then we passed it off as exhaustion."

"We're sorry Hoseok," Namjoon said with a shake in his voice. "We shouldn't have dismissed you like we did."

A chorus of sorry went around the room. Hoseok felt the tears burn in his eyes, they threatened to fall. But he held them in, just like his breath, as he listened to each of the five members apologise. He felt validated that his feelings of being ignored had finally been acknowledged. Even if it was too late, at least all of them saw what he had seen for months. He just hoped if there was a next time, that they take it seriously, and not let anything like that happen to any one of them ever again.

"Thank you, it's okay," Hoseok whispered, his voice equally as shaky from the emotions he felt. "I'm just glad Hyung is okay for now and we can be there to support him through what will undoubtedly be a tough recovery."

"Hoseok's right," nodded Namjoon as he wiped away a tear. "The psychiatrist we saw in the hospital said Yoongi Hyung will need lots of support. There may be times he will be pushed towards relapse. But we are hoping through the mandatory therapy sessions he'll have, that he learns to speak up before it gets to the stage it did."

"We'll be right by your side the entire time," said Jimin as he reached over and placed his hand on Yoongi's shoulder.

"I just don't want any of you to blame yourselves," Yoongi repeated firmly as he sucked in a deep breath and lifted his head to look at each of his fellow members. "None of you are to blame for what I did."

The other five nodded their heads while Hoseok closed his eyes and found himself relaxed fully into Yoongi's side. He took comfort in the rise and fall of the chest beneath his head. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he felt Yoongi gently rub his thumb along his hand that rested on his chest. He never wanted to leave that spot. He never wanted Yoongi to go through any more pain. If only he could protect him by keeping him in his arms for the rest of his days.

"You should get some sleep, Seokie," Yoongi whispered before he placed a soft kiss on Hoseok's temple. "You look exhausted."

"But I don't want to leave your side yet," he pouted in response.

"How about we stay here, yeah? I promise I won't leave," he said with a small smile.

"Promise?" he asked as he looked up into Yoongi's eyes and melted further into their embrace.

"I promise," Yoongi whispered as he stared adoringly into Hoseok's eyes.

Seconds passed before the pair found themselves sharing a gentle kiss full of comfort and love. Hoseok pouted into the kiss while he felt his heart skip a beat. Happiness engulfed his entire body. A fire of desire lit itself within his chest, longing and adoration flowed through his veins. Hoseok never wanted that moment to end. He could melt into Yoongi's lips for days at a time and never need to surface for breath.

"So how long has this been going on for?" a voice interrupted the pair.

"What?" Yoongi asked Taehyung with a tilt of his head after he pulled away, while Hoseok settled back into his previous position.

"You and Hoseok? How long?" Jungkook jumped into the conversation with a bright smile upon his face.

"We haven't really talked about it yet," answered Hoseok as he felt Yoongi tense under him.

"Oh," Taehyung frowned briefly before a devilish smile took over his features. "But do you think you two are going to date?"

"Taehyung-ah, we haven't talked about anything," scolded Yoongi, without any real harshness in his voice. "Let Hoseok and I talk first. This isn't a discussion that needs to be had in front of the group."

"Oh come on, I want my bet money back," whined Taehyung.

"What?" asked Yoongi in disbelief while Hoseok laughed.

"Last Christmas Jungkook, Jimin and I made a bet about you two," explained Taehyung matter-of-factly. "I said that within the next two years, you two would end up dating. And those two said within five years. Whoever was right got fifteen dollars."

"Ahh you brats," chided Yoongi, only for him to smile a few seconds later.

"We made another bet as well," Jimin jumped in quickly.

"Seriously?" Yoongi shook his head with his small, gummy smile.

Hoseok looked up at Yoongi and time seemed to freeze around them. He had missed that smile. He had longed to witness it for all those months. His entire body filled up with joy upon finally catching a glimpse of that gorgeous gummy smile that he had missed so much. His heart skipped a beat and he felt giddy inside. A wide smile of his own broke out upon his face and Hoseok ducked his head down to rest on the firm chest once more. He wanted to savour that moment in his mind. It felt like a small victory after months of misery.

"Who told who first?" Jimin asked with a squint to his eyes.

"Yoongi did. He told me about his feelings yesterday," answered Hoseok when Yoongi turned his head away in embarrassment.

"I get five dollars!" shouted Jimin happily as he bounced on the couch in joy.

"You three are ridiculous," huffed Namjoon in amusement.

"Alright. That's enough. I personally think it's time we all go to bed," Jin said as he stood up from the couch and grabbed the two bags. "Hoseok and Yoongi both need to rest."

"I'm glad you're back, Hyung. We missed you," said Jungkook as he got up from his spot on the ground.

"Thanks, Kook," Yoongi said solemnly and nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"Hope you two sleep well," Jimin smiled sweetly as he stood up and helped Taehyung off the ground when the younger of the pair held up his hands.

"Good night," Hoseok smiled back as he watched all of the members trickle out of the living room.

The lights were turned off and the pair on the couch were plunged into darkness. They were finally alone. Hoseok could feel his heart race as he sighed and cuddled into Yoongi under the blanket. A yawn escaped him before he could stop it. Yoongi untangled their hands that rested on his chest before he shuffled down on the couch and placed his left arm around Hoseok to hold him closer to his side. Hoseok sighed as they settled in the new position.

"Sleep well Seokie-ah," Yoongi whispered into the dark room and placed a gentle kiss on Hoseok's temple once more.

"You too," whispered Hoseok with a small smile on his face.

Hoseok felt his eyes close on their own, the darkness lulled him into relaxation immediately. His tired mind and body craved sleep. The sound of Yoongi's heart calmly beating and the soft exhale of his breath only helped soothe him further. It didn't take long before Hoseok had fallen into a restful sleep. He felt safe and happy curled up against Yoongi. He knew that he was home and that he was safe, and that gave him the greatest comfort of all.

>_<     >_<     >_<

Movement beneath Hoseok stirred him from the sleep he had deeply been in. His eyes fluttered open only to eventually focus on Yoongi who had been in the middle of attempting to wriggle his way out of Hoseok hold without disturbing him. Confusion crossed Hoseok's face as he sat up and he retracted his arms from their tight hold around Yoongi's waist. A sleepy pout stuck to his lips as he rubbed his eyes to wake himself up. He wondered where the other had been trying to go, but his sleepiness meant that rationally was not present.

"Yoongi?" sleepily murmured Hoseok.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I just need to go to the bathroom. I'll be back," Yoongi whispered into the darkness.

"Oh. Yeah, I need to go too," Hoseok said before he yawned, his bladder had woken up with him. "Can you get some pillows on your way back?"

"Of course," he smiled softly, ran a hand through Hoseok's hair, before he proceeded to get up and walked off to one of the bathrooms.

Hoseok sleepily stretched his body, his muscles had slightly cramped from the awkward position he had been in for the past few hours. He forced himself to walk through the dark house and to the bathroom in order to empty his bladder. The entire time, his eyes were barely open a slither, he was beyond tired at that point. Somehow, he managed to drag his sluggish body back to the couch before Yoongi had returned. He sat down with a heavy sigh, crossed his legs and rubbed his eyes as he patiently waited.

Hoseok lifted his head as he heard movement come from the hallway. Through the dark room, he saw Yoongi shuffle towards him with two pillows in his arms. The moonlight that streamed in through the windows gave him a soft silhouette against the pitch black walls. As he stopped in front of him, Hoseok noticed the tense, uneasy expression upon his face. He frowned as he stared up at the frozen and slightly pale Yoongi.

"You okay?" Hoseok asked quietly, conscious of the volume of his voice so that he didn't wake up the house, as he reached forward and took the pillows.

"Yeah, I'll be okay," sighed Yoongi while he watched Hoseok arrange the pillows behind him. "First time back in that bathroom after everything."

"Oh," realisation dawned upon Hoseok as he turned back around.

"It was hard," whispered Yoongi, eyes downcast.

"I know," said Hoseok in sympathy. He understood what Yoongi meant without him fully articulating his thoughts. "Come here."

Hoseok shuffled back so that he was sat against the couch with his legs spread open. He patted the spot in between his legs and held his arms open in invitation for Yoongi. The older man smiled softly as he carefully manoeuvred himself into the offered space. Hoseok gently guided him until Yoongi's back was against his chest. He immediately wrapped his own arms around Yoongi's waist and rested his chin on top of the other's right shoulder.

Hoseok heavily sighed as they both settled into the new position. It felt extremely natural to hold Yoongi, no awkwardness between them, not even from the rough patch they had gone through the last few months. After all, they had been around each other for twelve years, despite how many of those years they had secretly had feelings for the other. Hoseok was thrilled that he no longer had to hide his true feelings in fear of ruining a very important friendship.

"You don't want to go back to sleep yet?" asked Yoongi into the quiet of the night.

"I will soon," sighed Hoseok as his thumbs caressed the covered skin below his hands.

"Do you want to talk?" whispered Yoongi as he closed his own eyes. "Is something on your mind that is keeping you awake?"

"I just... I want to talk with you, if that's okay?" hesitantly asked Hoseok, afraid of the reaction even though Yoongi had been the one to propose it. "Or we can talk when we wake up in the morning."

"Whatever you prefer, Seokie. If it's going to keep you awake then we can talk," he answered quietly as he shifted in Hoseok's arms to get more comfortable. "And you deserve to be heard after everything I put you through."

Silence engulfed the room as Hoseok thought on the statement. He knew that he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep any time soon even if his entire being craved it. There were just too many thoughts that raced through his mind. And if Yoongi was open to having a discussion, Hoseok wanted to grab the opportunity while he had it. After the way the older had refused to talk for the past few months, he certainly wouldn't allow that to slip through his hands.

Hoseok looked down at their lap and his eyes locked onto the bandages that were softly illuminated by the moonlight. He tentatively moved his right hand and lightly traced the back of Yoongi's covered forearms that rested against his stomach. He had many questions that raced through his mind, triggered by the sight. However, he suddenly found it incredibly difficult to voice them. He didn't know how to directly discuss the last few months. Perhaps it was the guilt of the situation that caused him to clam up. A tired sigh left him as he decided he needed to begin somewhere.

"Does it hurt?" quietly asked Hoseok.

"Not really," Yoongi shrugged, he opened his eyes to look down at his arms. "The doctors gave me a prescription for pain medication. It should get me through the next few days with only mild discomfort."

"I'm glad you won't be in pain. It's the last thing I want for you," said Hoseok with a small pout while he continued to caress the covered arm.

"I'll be fine. But the doctors do want me to take it easy over the next few weeks," quietly said Yoongi as he once again closed his eyes and rested his head back against Hoseok's left shoulder. "They said until the stitches come out, I shouldn't do any strenuous activities."

"Do you have to go back to get the stitches taken out?" he asked, worried eyes locked on the clean bandages.

"No. They are dissolvable stitches so they'll go away with time," explained Yoongi. "They gave me one roll of bandages to take home. But Namjoon will have to get some more when he fills my prescription tomorrow. Because I'll have to change them every day."

"So that the area doesn't get infected from bacteria or whatnot?" he asked.

"Yeah, something like that," he shrugged.

"Did they say how long you have to use the bandages for?" Hoseok asked, his hand still moved up and down slowly.

"Until all the stitches are gone, just to be safe. Or I can wear them a bit longer if the sight of the scars are hard to look at. But they said I should air them without bandages for a few hours each day. And to avoid tight fitting clothing or jewellery for a while," Yoongi explained before a small yawn escaped him after he stopped talking.

"Can you get the stitches wet before they're all gone?" he asked with a tilt of his head.

"Yeah. After 24 hours, I can shower safely. Although I should avoid baths and swimming for a bit," he answered.

"Oh, that makes sense," he whispered in understanding. "Did they talk about admitting you as an inpatient at all? Or did they just allow you to get treatment and leave?"

"They originally wanted to admit me. But, they took into consideration the potential implications that could have even if I was transferred to a private hospital. You know, with the media and all that if something was leaked," Yoongi sighed. "So they were happy enough that I wasn't at immediate risk of any more harm and that I committed myself to regular therapy sessions. Also Namjoon ensured them that I'd be under the watchful eye of all of you anyway."

"Part of me is glad they didn't admit you. I wouldn't have handled being away from you for so long. I was so worried about you. I think I just needed to be by your side before I could allow myself to truly relax. I just wanted to be with you," Hoseok also sighed as he paused. His mind tried to think of more questions he could ask to stall the main topic he eventually wanted to talk about. "Did they give you any other instructions or tips or anything?"

"Well they recommended a particular cream that's supposedly meant to help with healing. There's a good chance it will lessen the visibility of the scars that are left behind. So Namjoon said he'll look for it when he gets the other things tomorrow," he said before he paused. "Seok?"

"Mmm?" hummed Hoseok as he turned his head to gaze at the other. He froze as he saw how close they were. Those two beautiful, brown eyes stared questioningly at him from mere centimetres away.

"This wasn't what was keeping you up, was it?" asked Yoongi with a knowing look in his eyes.

"No," huffed Hoseok with amusement, the tiniest smile tugged at the corner of his lips, before he looked down at their lap with apprehension and gulped. "No it wasn't."

"You know you can tell me anything... Ask me anything... Right?" firmly said Yoongi as he moved his left hand to grip Hoseok's right hand and stopped it in its movement.

"I know you said earlier that you didn't want us blaming ourselves. But," Hoseok trailed off as tears started to form in his eyes.

"No," Yoongi said as he sat up straight and twisted his upper half to look at Hoseok. "Hoseok no."

The tears started to fall before Hoseok could even blink them away. The room and Yoongi's face became a blur of dark shadows as he felt them roll down his cheeks at a fast pace. He hid his head in his hands. Shame burnt both his face and neck in a flushed red. He knew he needed to talk about the entire situation and all of his intense feelings. But it felt as if a dark cloud hung above him, so powerful that it rendered him incapable of expressing himself, full of his guilty conscience.

Hoseok couldn't see, but he felt Yoongi shuffle around until he faced Hoseok. Both of the boys sported pouts on their faces as the previous statement still hung heavy between them. He felt Yoongi throw both of his legs over his thighs before he coaxed the younger to shuffle towards him slightly. Hoseok moved as close as he could, he even grabbed Yoongi's thighs and pulled him closer. It didn't take long before Hoseok found that he had collapsed forward into Yoongi's chest. Immediately, his hands gripped his shirt tightly. He melted into the embrace as he felt Yoongi wrap his arms around his back to hold him securely.

"I keep thinking about the what if's," Hoseok forced himself to say, after a minute of soft crying, as he pulled back slightly to be able to look at Yoongi.

"I know," whispered Yoongi with a shake to his voice.

"What if I had acted differently? What if I had given you more space at the start? What if I had refused to leave you alone? What if we didn't have that massive last fight?" the tears continued to flow from his eyes. He could see that the more he spoke, the closer Yoongi got to crying as well. "What if I wasn't home that morning? What if I hadn't gone to check your room? What if I hadn't heard you cry in the bathroom?"

"You can't think about the what if's, Seok," Yoongi whispered shamefully, he tore his eyes away to look at his lap. "And you can't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

"I know, but I can't help it, Yoongi. I watched my best friend slip through my fingers slowly and nothing I seemed to do was helping the situation. I felt like I failed you in so many ways," he cried out as quietly as he could, a large pain sat heavy on the centre of his chest, his vision completely blurred by the tears at that point.

"You didn't fail me," whispered Yoongi as he pulled Hoseok back towards him and cradled the younger's head to his chest. "You saved me."

Hoseok couldn't help the louder sobs that left him at those words. Part of him denied what he had heard while another part of him recognised the sincerity of the statement; he was torn. He felt guilty, as if he had a large part in the dismantlement of Yoongi's mental health. Guilt of not being able to avoid them arriving at the point they'd gotten to. But, he also knew that without his actions the other day, Yoongi may not even be with him, safe in his arms.

"I'm sorry," sobbed Hoseok into Yoongi's chest, his voice muffled by the material.

"No, no. You have nothing to be sorry about Hoseok. I'm the one that has so much to apologise for. You know I'm sorry, right Seokie?" whispered Yoongi as he buried his head into Hoseok's shoulder. His own tears rolled down his cheeks and fell onto Hoseok's shirt. Yoongi's left hand tangled itself within the younger's soft hair. "Hyung's really really sorry."

"Why does Hyung have to be sorry," Hoseok's heart broke as he heard the whispered apology from Yoongi, the word never got easy to hear. "You were struggling."

"I hurt you more than I hurt myself," Yoongi whispered with a sniffle. "I hurt the people I love most in this world. I don't know how to forgive myself."

"No, don't say that," Hoseok pulled back and proceeded to carefully wipe away Yoongi's tears with his thumb. "You have to realise how much suffering you went through. And learn to acknowledge that you are worth the same love and help we all deserve. Okay? Promise me you'll talk about this in therapy."

"I promise," he whispered while he nodded as much as he could with his head between hands. He sniffled before he reached forward and reciprocated the action to wipe Hoseok's tears away. "I promise I will work on myself. I want to feel better. I want to be better. I'm so tired of it. And I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I just didn't want you to get upset by what was going on in my head. I didn't want to hurt any of you. I know it's not an excuse, but that was my thought pattern at the time."

"Your pain is my pain. I felt it all. That's why I didn't want to leave you alone. I wanted you to share your burdens with me so I could be a rock to you like you always are to me," Hoseok sadly smiled at the older as they stared deeply into each other's eyes.

Both Yoongi and Hoseok took a moment to simply sit and stare. Their eyes conveyed all the emotions they felt and shimmered brightly in the darkened room. Their hands cupped each other's faces, thumbs softly caressed their cheeks. Hoseok continued to smile sadly at Yoongi, grateful it was over and he had the other back in his arms, safe and sound.

"Oh Seok," sadly sighed Yoongi, his facial expressions articulated the profound remorse he felt internally. "I'm so sorry."

"Let's not say sorry anymore, alright? I think we can both agree that we've said it enough times that we know we mean it. Deal?" a sincere, warm smile lit up Hoseok's face as he forced Yoongi to look him in the eyes.

"Deal," Yoongi nodded as a small smile tugged at the corner of his eyes and he dropped his hands from the younger's face.

A small puff of amusement left Hoseok as he felt two arms envelop him. He once again melted into the embrace as he moved his own arms to firmly hold Yoongi. A comfort silence surrounded the pair as they came down from their emotional rollercoaster. They were content to simply hold one another in the dark living room as they soaked up the warmth they provided to each other.

Hoseok could feel that a lot of his previous tension, worry and turmoil had been eased. It hadn't completely gone, but he felt a hundred percent better after he had finally spoken with Yoongi. He knew that the pair of them still had a lot of healing and learning to go through. But it was a decent start to the process. It was almost certain that the road that lay ahead of them would be treacherous. However, Hoseok knew that they could get through it together and emerge on the other side stronger than ever before.

"I think we still need to talk about everything a bit more," said Yoongi as he gently massaged Hoseok's head with his left hand. "But it can wait until the morning. We should get some more sleep."

"That's a good idea," sighed Hoseok as he pulled away to look at Yoongi. "Thank you for letting me talk about things, Hyung. It means a lot."

"It's the least I owe you," Yoongi sighed as he shifted back and carefully manoeuvred himself to sit beside Hoseok. "And don't you dare say that I don't owe you anything. Because I do."

"Alright," said Hoseok with a huff of amusement, Yoongi truly did know him too well. "Whatever you say."

"I say we go to bed," said Yoongi quietly, before a long yawn escaped him.

The pair shuffled on the chaise until they were once again laid down with the blanket over them. Except they had swapped positions and Yoongi laid on his back to Hoseok's left. He found himself curled into the older's side with his head and right hand on his chest, their legs entangled, and bodies flushed against each other. Another content sigh left Hoseok as they settled down, ready for more sleep.

"Hey Yoon? Can I ask one more thing?" whispered Hoseok as he tilted his head up to allow him to look at the older.

"Of course, Seokie-ah," Yoongi said as he adjusted his head on the pillow to look down towards Hoseok.

"You really like me?" asked Hoseok after a brief silence. Yoongi huffed in embarrassment as he returned his head to the previous position and stared at the ceiling above him, which partially hid his facial expressions from Hoseok.

"Yeah," whispered Yoongi shyly. If Hoseok could see his face, he would have been sure the older one would be blushing a light shade of pink. "You really like me?"

"Yeah," chuckled Hoseok at the cute way Yoongi had shyly asked him the exact same question. "So, what does that mean for us then?"

"Whatever you want it to mean," shrugged Yoongi. "We can label it. But we don't have to if you don't want to. We can take this as slow as you want."

"I'd like to be your boyfriend," whispered Hoseok as he leant up into Yoongi's neck and placed a couple of feather light kisses.

"Yeah? I'd like to be your boyfriend as well," Yoongi whispered back as he picked his head up, leant down and kissed the top of Hoseok's fluffy hair. "Will you be my boyfriend, Seokie-ah?"

"I will," answered Hoseok while he laughed quietly, joy spread within his chest.

Hoseok couldn't contain himself as he shuffled upwards until he was able to comfortably kiss Yoongi without either of them having to strain themselves to reach. He captured the soft pair of lips that his eyes had set on. Warmth erupted, from head-to-toe, that encompassed his entire being. It felt right. It felt natural. It felt like it was meant to be. Hoseok never wanted to go through as much distress as he had ever again. He wanted to heal and grow with Yoongi so that they could explore a new side to their relationship. And he vowed to be there for the older as much as he humanly could.

As they melted into one another, Hoseok could only think of the silver lining that had been found in such a difficult situation. He was relieved that Yoongi had been helped in time before irreversible damage had occurred. He was glad that he finally had Yoongi to call his own. But he was even more grateful that all he could see now was hopefulness in those soft, brown eyes. No longer could he see those dead eyes.