Chapter 60

Of course, Jack was the first to respond.

strange_quark: Count me in! I always love a good intellectual challenge.

The rest of the conversation went something like this.

MochaKitty5: gr8! Any ideas?

strange_quark: Can you please use proper spelling and grammar? It's really starting to get on my nerves.

MochaKitty5: that would be really wired.

MochaKitty5: * weird, sry. My phone sux.

BlackhawksForTheWin: Can we please stop arguing? We're not going to get anything done if we're arguing over stupid things like grammar.

Oboetastic: That's what I was going to say!

strange_quark: Do any of you know how the demons are getting into Heaven? Theoretically, it's impossible to travel from Hell to Heaven.

Oboetastic: I thought that you knew the answer, Jack.

strange_quark: I don't know everything, Henri.

strange_quark: I wish I did though.

MayaThePsychic: Hey, what's up?

BlackhawksForTheWin: We're trying to discuss how to stop the demons from getting into Heaven, but we keep getting sidetracked.

strange_quark: Did you know that Neanderthals' brains were larger than those of modern humans? Maybe we should ask a Neanderthal what to do about this.

MayaThePsychic: Are there even any Neanderthals in Heaven?

strange_quark: I don't think so. They all got reincarnated at some point.

BlackhawksForTheWin: This is exactly what I was talking about. We need to stay on topic.

MochaKitty5: I agree w/ raj.

strange_quark: Let me ask again. Does anyone know how the demons are getting into Heaven?

Oboetastic: No. Also, Jack, can we please go out for lunch today?

strange_quark: Yes, that sounds excellent.

BlackhawksForTheWin: I don't have any ideas. Ivy? Maya? Do you have anything?

MochaKitty5: nope.

MayaThePsychic: No! (No! Wherever I go! Go! Trouble seems to follow! I only plugged in to save rock and roll!)

MochaKitty5: plz stop w/ the emo lyrics

BlackhawksForTheWin: How are we supposed to do anything about this if nobody has any ideas?

MayaThePsychic: I don't know.

MochaKitty5: Can i add some1 else 2 the group chat? I think she might hav some ideas.

BlackhawksForTheWin: Go ahead.

SamanthaIsABasketCase: Hi Ivy! What's going on?

MochaKitty5: Read the 1st post.

SamanthaIsABasketCase: OH MY GOODNESS IVY THAT'S HORRIBLE NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO DO THAT TO YOU PLEASE COME OVER TO MY HOUSE SO WE CAN DISCUSS THIS OVER FALAFEL - FALAFEL IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS.

MochaKitty5: thnks samantha. I should hav just contacted u first.

SamanthaIsABasketCase: You're welcome.

MayaThePsychic: Hey, I think I know you. You were the one who sent my fanfic to the Crazy Religious Lady!

SamanthaIsABasketCase: Yeah, that was me. I love trolling closed-minded Christians :)

MochaKitty5: hey! Im christian and im not closed minded!

SamanthaIsABasketCase: It was a generalization. You're obviously an exception.

BlackhawksForTheWin: #proudhindu #don'thavetodealwiththis

strange_quark: Hello Samantha! Do you have any ideas on how to get rid of the demons?

SamanthaIsABasketCase: The demons have to be getting into Heaven somehow. Where do they usually land?

Oboetastic: They land in me and Jack's backyard a lot.

strange_quark: It's Jack and I.

Oboetastic: Sorry. I'm still learning.

MayaThePsychic: You know you're in love when your boyfriend is correcting your grammar...

Oboetastic: Yes, that is very true <3

SamanthaIsABasketCase: There has to be something in the backyard then. The demons are attracted to that spot for some reason.

Oboetastic: I don't know why.

strange_quark: I don't know either. Our backyard is exactly the same as Maya and Ivy's, and the demons never land there.

MayaThePsychic: It really doesn't make sense. Why can't Brendon Urie land in my backyard?

Oboetastic: Brendon Urie???

MayaThePsychic: There's one demon that kind of looks like Brendon Urie did in the Emperor's New Clothes video, so I think he's Brendon Urie.

BlackhawksForTheWin: Brendon Urie's the guy from Panic! At The Disco, right?

MayaThePsychic: Yes, Raj, Brendon Urie is from Panic! At The Disco. Actually, he pretty much IS Panic! At The Disco.

BlackhawksForTheWin: That's what I thought. He's not dead yet.

MayaThePsychic: So?

BlackhawksForTheWin: That demon isn't Brendon. Anyways, let's get back on topic. We know that the demons are always landing in Jack and Henri's backyard. Do we know why?

SamanthaIsABasketCase: Not at the moment.

Oboetastic: We have a pool in our backyard.

MochaKitty5: So do mya n I. That doesnt mean anything.

SamanthaIsABasketCase: I wish we knew how the demons are getting in. If we did, the Celestial Bureaucracy would have kept them from getting in a long time ago.

strange_quark: I hate to say this, but maybe it's just random. Our house might just be the most convenient spot for the demons to land in, and that's why they land here.

SamanthaIsABasketCase: Maybe, but then how are they getting in?

MochaKitty5: idk

BlackhawksForTheWin: There has to be some kind of mechanism.

strange_quark: Raj, you're a genius!

BlackhawksForTheWin: What did I do?

strange_quark: What if the demons are simply using a device to bring them into Heaven? All we would have to do is find and disable that device.

SamanthaIsABasketCase: That's wishful thinking. There's no way it's that simple.

strange_quark: Okay. Does anyone else have any better ideas?

MochaKitty5: no.

strange_quark: That's what I thought. Let's at least give this a try.

Oboetastic: Let's all meet up tomorrow evening at our house. Is that okay with everyone?

SamanthaIsABasketCase: Yeah, I'll just have to make sure that Channary can take on a few of my cases at work. She's one of the few judges that seems genuinely unbiased.

MochaKitty5: Works 4 me.

MayaThePsychic: I can do it.

BlackhawksForTheWin: Yeah, I'll come.

strange_quark: I'll be there.

Oboetastic: Great! See you tomorrow!

MochaKitty5: bye.

I put away my phone and just lay on the couch. My friends hadn't been particularly helpful this time around, but maybe we could get this solved. They were usually much better problem solvers than I was. I would never have made it back to Heaven when we rescued Maya if I wasn't for them. In any case, I wanted nothing more than to see Jordan stay in Hell where he belonged, and I would do anything to make that happen.