"It hurts the most when the person who made you feel so special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today."

Chapter 15:

I watched Chris' figure disappear as he went after Sandy. I yelled in frustration not caring about my surroundings since the parking lot is deserted anyway.

After I calmed myself down from crying, I unclasped the strap of my heels and removed it, placing it on my hands before I start walking.

I got to Chris' house longer than usual since I was walking and crying at the same time, I mentally sigh in relief when I didn't saw Albert's car in the driveway, if he saw me like this he'll ask what's wrong and I just don't want to talk about what happened right now.

I placed my luggage on top of Chris' bed, rearranging my stuffs and checking if all the things I owned are in there. I checked my shoulder bag for my personal stuff before I hurriedly got out of the house.

I hailed a cab and went straight to the airport. I went to buy my ticket, I don't care if it's a red eye or economy class, I just need to leave as soon as possible.

I bought myself a bottle of water to help me calm down. I took a seat on the boarding area, waiting for the gates to open. I decided to check my phone but I immediately regret it when I saw my lock screen, a picture of Chris and me when we went to the ice cream shop for a friendly date.

I closed my phone when I started to feel the tears brimmed on my eyes but it didn't help because my mind recalls everything that happened on that day.

A tap on my shoulder snapped me out of my daze; I looked up to see a lady maybe in her 60s.

I felt a splash of disappointment, making me mentally slap myself. What Clary, you expect him to run after you again after he left you in the middle of the parking lot?

"They're boarding, dear." She said with a smile that immediately turned into a frown, probably seeing my bloodshot eyes.

She smiled sweetly, "It'll be okay."

I managed to return her smile before I collected my things and fall in line behind her.

Hours later, I found myself in Los Angeles, I know Dilton will be furious when he finds out that I didn't go straight back to San Francisco, but I can't go back just yet.

I mean what will I do if ever Chris decided to return there? I wouldn't be able to handle it if I saw him. I' can't.

I paid the cab and walk to the pathway that leads to the front door.

I knocked twice and I know it'll be the death of me when the door opens. I knocked once again impatiently until I finally hear footsteps.

"What the hell is—Clary?" Sarah bellowed as she rubs off the sleep from her eyes. She gave me a concerned look yet she looks frustrated that her sleep had been interrupted.

"Sarah," I said, more like squeak.

I let go of my luggage before hugging the lights out of her. As soon as her arms wrapped around my body, I lost it.

I started crying so hard that I'm already shaking, Sarah let go of me for a moment to grab the things I left on her porch before closing the front door.

She led me on her lounge, wrapping her arms around my small frame.

"I'm sorry, I woke you up." I managed

She just shook her head, "It's alright, Clary." She reassured

"Tell me what happened," she slowly said, rubbing my back with her hands but I remained silent.

"I'll get you some water," Sarah said before leaving my side.

I curled up in a ball on Sarah's couch as she left, still crying, the event from last night was still fresh in my mind. I can still see Chris every time I closed my eyes.

Sarah came back and placed the glass of water on the table.

"Clary, what happened to you?" she asked

She removed the stray hair that had fallen in my face.

"I only see you like this when you have nightmares of—," she started but she cut herself off.

"What did he do now?" she grunted, running a hand on her unruly hair, finally patching up the situation.

"Did he hurt you?" she asked

I hurriedly shook my head, "No, Sarah, he didn't."

"Then, why?"

The tears fell again, "He found out, Sarah."

Sarah sighed not finding the words to console me as I tell her what happened last night.

"I swear, I didn't want him to find out this way," I cried "I was gonna tell him, I'm not planning to hide it anymore."

I cried harder, I had it all planned out, I was gonna tell him whenever we got time alone.

Sarah looked at me totally confused, "I thought you didn't want him to find out that you are the same Clarissa."

Yes at first, I was certain that I would never let him find out my true identity. I was scared before but as we started to spend more time with each other, I saw a whole new different person. It made me forget about the Chris I used to know, coz when we're together, he was more than I could ask for.

"He changed," I defended, the boldness of my voice faltered "Or so I thought."

"Clary, don't be stupid," Sarah bluntly said, "We both know he wouldn't change."

I knew that but as usual I'm the stupid and naïve Clary Humphrey, who assumed that the best would always happen, like it did on the movies I acted to, but sometimes I forgot to remind myself that this is reality.

"And even if he did, that wouldn't change the fact that he shattered you to pieces before." Sarah added.

I hate how Sarah is always seemed to be right, even though I deny it, there's no escaping the truth.

Just on cue, Chris' face suddenly popped into my head, I saw the Chris from last night. He looked at me with such distaste that burns into my soul, and when he left me as if he didn't care at all. The vision was enough to shatter me again and send me to tears.

"Now tell me," Sarah said "What really changed your mind?"

To be honest, I don't know. I don't know why I suddenly saw Chris in a different light.

I fear this, that if he finds out, he's gonna get angry and leave. I don't want him to leave. I want him to be by my side, because with Chris I feel like everything's gonna be alright.

I feel sort of rebellious and adventurous as long as I'm with him. I don't care what people say about me, coz the only thing important is that Chris won't mind whatever I do.

I like that he stayed with me and comfort me after I told him about Sab.

I like his unpredictable nature. I like how he can't seem to say something without making it sound cocky. I like how he annoys me but I know I won't last a day without him annoying me.

I like the way he hold my hands, I'm pretty sure those sparks were real. I like it when he pulls me closer to him or hug me, it made me feel safe and secured, the irony that I once want to be safe from him before. I like it when he compliments me, and most of all I love it when he kisses me, it makes my heart flutter and my mind just goes haywire.

The day when we started fake dating flashbacked into my mind.

"Don't you dare fall in love with me."

"Oh honey," he said, "More like you'll fall in love with me, like all of them do."

"You wish,"

Then I remembered our friendly ice cream date, where he asked me about the future and did sweet nothings.

"Stop doing that." I scolded.

"Why?" he smirked "Because you might fall in love with me?"

Then lastly, Sandy's voice came ringing into my head,

"Right, coz you already fell for him, too bad," she said, chuckling "Darling, you can't fool me."

"Darling, you're blind as a bat and numb as an ice."

My eyes widened in realization. Oh my God!

"Sarah, I can't—." I blurted out

"Do you like him?" she asked

"It's not that I want," I said

"But you do?"

I sheepishly nod at her. "I don't think I just like him, I think I love him." I added

I immediately placed a hand over my mouth, "Shit no! This can't be happening."

"Did he knew that you like him?" she asked

"Yes he does, but that doesn't matter." I told her, "He didn't even react when I told him."

"Sarah, I can't be falling for him, no." I panicked.

Sarah just shook her head on me, "Clary, you can't choose who you'll fall in love with."

"But it's Chris!"

"I know, I hate the guy with burning passion but it's not like we can reprogram your heart and ask it to fall for somebody else." She said "There must be a reason on why he is the one."

I took the forgotten glass of water on the table and drank everything with one gulp before I buried my face on my hands.

"Stupid, Clary!" I scold myself.

My obnoxious ringtone snapped Sarah and I to reality. I groaned when I saw it's Dilton, who's calling. By any chance, did Chris tell him?

"Hey, Dilton!" I greeted with fake enthusiasm

"Clary, you need to go back to San Francisco, we're filming the interview tomorrow." He said

"But I—How bout Chris?" I asked, nervously biting my nails

"I only need you, Chris can still stay if he wants." Dilton said

Relief wash through me when I found out that I won't be seeing Chris, just yet.

"Fine, I'll be there." I sighed and with that I hang up.