"I don't pretend to love someone who hurts me. I do something that prevents us hurting each other." –Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

Chapter 19:

"Let's go!" he repeated

He continued dragging me through the hall, leaving me no choice but to keep up with his pace and follow him.

"What is your problem?" I finally had the courage to ask once we're far enough from the room.

He snapped his head on my direction, "I told you, I wasn't feeling well."

One of Chris' talents is lying, but this time it didn't work on me.

I rolled my eyes at him, "We both know that's not it," I told him "Tell me."

He held both sides of my shoulders and pinned me on the wall behind me, his face were inches away from mine, that I could see his eyes darkening in pure rage, making me flinch in my spot.

"I wasn't feeling well." He repeated

"Then why didn't you ask Sandy to take you home instead?"

Without Chris holding me up by my shoulders, my knees would've bucked and I would've fall to the ground.

I was waiting for him to speak but before I knew it his lips were already on mine. My eyes widened in surprise but I could slowly feel it closing, giving in to the feeling the kiss is giving me.

I caught my hands almost snaking on his neck; I stopped halfway and use my remaining willpower to push him away.

His cheeks were flushed when we broke apart, the sight makes me wanna kiss him again, but he got a look on his face that shows that he regretted what he did. I started looking around for paps, since they're the only reason why Chris would kiss me like that all of a sudden.

"How many times do I need to tell you that it's not always for the camera?" Chris asked

I turned to him, "Then what the hell? You can't always kiss me whenever you want to, Chris."

"I tried to stop myself, Clary." He said "I tried."

I glared at him before I turned my back preparing to walk away.

"Where are you going?" he asked

I shrugged, "Back to the party."

"And what? Go back to continue kissing that guy?" he exclaimed

I immediately faced him again with a confused look written all over my face.

"Oh don't give me that look," he said "The guy you were dancing with a while ago, you were lean—,"

"Doesn't mean, I'm gonna kiss him." I argued

He's so stupid, did he really think I'll kiss Ralph, when we have this fake dating going on, who knows how much paparazzi are lurking around the party, unlike him I ain't stupid.

"Well it sure look like it to me," he said "And I'm sure that it'll look like that to others too."

"Kissing another guy is considered cheating and it also applies in a fake relationship." He added

I blinked twice, trying to process everything he just said. What a hypocrite!

"So what, I am not allowed to do it but you get to do it with any girl you want," I fumed "That's fantastic!"

I got annoyed at the fact that he speaks as if he wasn't flirting with Sandy a while ago. I just gave him a taste of his own medicine without even realizing it.

"For the record, I wasn't going to kiss him." I exclaimed "In my defence, flirting is considered cheating too."

I didn't give him a chance to react, "Why? What is it to you anyway? Why do you care?" I asked him "It's not like I'm your real girlfriend."

He tugged on his hair, a look of frustration clearly written on his face, "I was jealous, okay?" he bellowed.

My eyes involuntarily widened at his words, since I wasn't expecting him to say that at all.

"I'm jealous to see the girl I like almost kiss another guy." He continued

"Don't you think I wasn't jealous that the guy I like left me to be with his ex?" I countered

"If you like me, why did you go flirt with another guy?" he said

"I wasn't flirting, Ralph's indifferent to vaginas." I told him exasperatedly "Why did you still went with Sandy, when you already knew that I like you?"

"Why did you reject me, if you liked me all along?" I added, trying to keep my tears from falling.

"I didn't reject you." He defended

"It was implied," I exclaimed at his bluntness, "when you walked away that night and went with Sandy."

"I like you, Clarissa," he started "Even way before when I borrowed that goddamn pencil from you and sat next you on Chemistry."

"That doesn't make any sense, you liked me hence you bullied me. How fucked up is that?" I chuckled humourlessly, "You expect me to believe that."

"I needed you, okay?" he sighed "I need to get that college scholarship."

It surprised me how people can be so selfish.

"Then I met you in the present, Clary Humphrey." He said "You reminded me of Clarissa, only to find out that you are her. At first, you were that moody girl who's not fazed by my charms, I don't know about you but my feelings started when I choose to stay with you and cater your womanly needs."

I wanted to tell him that my feelings started on our ice cream date but decided against it because I still want to hear the rest of what he is going to say.

"So I decided to take you on that date, the day after. At the end of that date, I already know I like you." He finished.

"That night—why didn't you—?" I said but he cut me off

"That night—," he sighed

I, myself don't want to remember that night; I just want to know why.

"I swear I was gonna tell after the reunion," I told him "Sandy, just beat me to it."

"I was gonna confess that night too," he admitted "but you beat me to it."

"I was gonna tell you that I like you," he added "but—,"

"But what?" I cautiously asked

He stayed quiet, his gaze keeps falling on me as if he's contemplating whether to tell me or not.

"Be honest with me," I almost plead "Tell me."

He held my gaze, "Because you're Clarissa Humphrey."

I caught myself let some tears passed my eyes but I hastily wiped it away.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I prompted

"You're the Clarissa, who I bullied back in high school; I was so ashamed of myself. I don't deserve you. You deserve some better not the guy who once made your life a living hell," he said "I can't fall for you."

"You don't get to decide that." I complained

He shook his head, "Look at the person I turned you to, I scarred you forever."

"It doesn't mean that I couldn't be fix by the same person who broke me."

"It just doesn't feel right." He said "Just give me time to think about all of it."

"Maybe we need some time apart." He said, making me gape at him.

"Really now?" I asked incredulously

"Yes, Clary." He simply said

"If you don't like me that much, just tell me instead of making excuses and running away from me," I said

"It's not that, Clary." He said almost immediately

"What? You haven't made up your mind on how you feel about me yet?" I inquired

"Haven't convinced myself that I really deserve you." He said

I stayed quiet, waiting for him to talk again.

"We agreed not to fall for each other on our unwritten contract," he started "This will just be against it."

"You're just finding an excuse so you can leave," I said

"I know that you're probably mad at me right now," he started

"I'm not mad, I'm just hurt." I corrected him

"Okay then, I know that I'm hurting you right now," he said "Just give me time and space."

I chuckled, "Between the both of us, I should be the one asking that after everything."

I didn't waste my time to run after him and stop him because I know that he couldn't be stopped. If that's what he wants then fine.

"Fuck you, Chris!" I called after him, hoping he would hear it.

He did it again, he walked away from me and once again he took my heart with him.