A/N 

this is kind of meh, not great, idk, whatever, it's something. 

It's also kind of like... look, my idea is that this is why Dick infiltrates Spyral in the YJ universe. 

For The Greater Good

Take me instead, run, ritual sacrifice

Dick Grayson did not want to be Batman.

He hadn't since he'd been shoved into that position. Thirteen years old, sure it wasn't real, but they all thought it was. An alien invasion, minutes on the clock, the justice league gone, Batman dead, the team expected to save the entire world, Aqualad gone...

And him as leader.

That was five years ago in a mental training exercise gone wrong, M'gann's mind taking over and putting them through something that stuck with hem for the rest of their lives.

And yet, it predicted this all too perfectly.

Eighteen years old, an alien invasion, the justice league gone, the team expected to save the world, Aqualad undercover and him as leader. Except he was Nightwing now, not Robin. Nightwing was the hero he'd created for himself. Robin was gifted to him from his mother and regulated by Batman. Nightwing was just him. him, alone, his choices and decisions. Nightwing was not Batman.

And yet, when Kaldur was gone and he became leader and all the hard decisions had to be made, he realised something.

They needed a Batman.

So he grit his teeth and bore it. he shouldered through it. he kept secrets from his team, he made the hard choices, he weighed the costs of everything. He hadn't realised how far he'd slipped into it till the mountain had been blown up and Wally was screaming at him about how badly this could go.

What had he said?

It was necessary.

What would his thirteen year old self think of him now?

It was necessary.

When had that become a valid reason to him?

The invasion as over, Batman was back, Kaldur was leading the team because Nightwing was done. He was tired, he was over it. he called it a leave of absence but he didn't know if he'd be back.

It was necessary.

Wally was dead.

It was necessary.

Wally sacrificed himself to save the world.

It was necessary.

when had that become a valid reason to him?

what had he become? What had he allowed himself to become? He'd told himself it was just for the invasion, till they were safe. Every hard decision was because he had to. No on else would make them. But actions breed habits. As the time slipped by the decisions became easier to make. He was able to detach himself. He didn't need the constant reminder as to why he was making these decisions, they became easier every time.

They were necessary.

He could hear Batman saying it to him. every time he questioned his decisions and orders.

It was necessary.

He'd never taken that as a real answer. Never. He'd despised it. some small part of him suspected Batman had given that answer purely because he knew Dick hated it. Batman was too far gone, he'd been trying to save Dick from it since he'd been Robin. Too late. All it took was a trip to Rimbor to prove their innocence and Dick had fallen into it. into what he'd never wanted to be.

And now Wally was dead.

"it was necessary," he could hear Wally saying it.

"when did that become a valid reason for you?" he whispered.

His feet dangled from off the side of the ledge, he sat overlooking Gotham city. He didn't need to be here. Batman was back, he didn't have to skulk to make it look like he was still around.

But he couldn't go back to Bludhaven yet. He wasn't the same Nightwing that he'd been before, he couldn't show his face in his city just yet.

Wally's face haunted him. the look he'd give him when they'd argued in the Hall of Justice, wondering when his friend had become what he was now.

"it was necessary."

He didn't turn to look at where the voice came from, he'd heard him appear not long before, slinking out of the shadows.

"that's not a valid excuse."

Batman came to sit beside him, "no."

He heaved out a breath, so ultimately glad that Bruce didn't intend on sitting here and making him believe there was nothing to be guilty about.

"you did what you had to, you saved the world," Bruce said.

"I risked everything," Dick said, "everyone."

"you had to," Bruce said, "the hard decisions have to be made. That's why Batman exists in the justice league."

"I don't want to be Batman."

He'd never told Bruce that. He hadn't kept it a secret, sure, but he'd never out right said it. he figured Bruce would infer it from the fact that he'd stormed off to become Nightwing.

"I know."

He'd been right.

"I never wanted you to be Batman."

Dick blinked, staring at the cowl.

"good to know."

Bruce pursed his lips staring at the city sky-line, the horizon glowing with the eternal light of the urban sprawl.

"you did good, Dick," Bruce said, "the team will forgive you."

"I don't count on it."

"I do," Bruce said.

Dick rubbed at his face, "I don't think I can go back, not without Wally."

Bruce nodded, completely unsurprised, "he would understand."

Dick didn't believe that.

"do you want to stay the night at the manor?"

"no."

Bruce nodded.

"any plans?"

"no."

Bruce sighed.

Dick had no plans at all. None. He supposed he'd like to jump back into working, going after the bad guys, cracking cases, saving people.

But could he? Could he when his judgement had become so skewed? Could he trust himself not to throw people's lives away because it was 'necessary'?

"I..." Bruce trailed, "if you wanted to disappear for a while," he took a deep breath, "there's a job I could give you."

Dick frowned, staring at him, "a job?"

"undercover," he explained, "the usual goals, saving the world, stopping the bad guys."

Dick considered it. it would be worth it, he supposed. A good time to figure out who he was as a hero when he wasn't in charge of a team of others, when he wasn't responsible for so many other's lives.

"just how undercover?"

"minimal communication, completely off the grid," Batman said, "I'd want reports every now and then of what's happening so I knew you hadn't been shot in a back alley, but otherwise it's all on you."

Dick took a deep breath, leaning back and running a hand through his hair.

"only if you're ready," Bruce clarified, "only if you want to."

"if someone doesn't do it, what could happen?"

"the usual," Bruce said, "the wrong kind of people gaining control. It's unlikely they're headed for an end-of-the-world outcome, or rule-the-world, but I don't think we'd like what they'd do if they succeeded."

"and who does it if I don't?"

Bruce looked away. Very clearly he didn't really have anyone else in a position who could.

This was necessary.

Dick huffed a laugh.

"you wouldn't be able to talk to any of us," Bruce said, "just me for occasional reports."

Dick nodded.

"there'd be no going back once you're in."

"you're not selling this well."

"because a part of me doesn't want you to do it."

"well," Dick smiled slightly, "I've always loved doing what you don't want me to."

Bruce made the closest sound to a laugh that he did when he had the cowl on.

"I'll do it," Dicks said, "someone has to."

And from the sound of it, Bruce didn't have someone other than him who could.

This was necessary.

Maybe he'd never stop using that excuse.