Ifechi was surprised to find the church filled to the brim. Her mum led them to the front row where she liked to seat. Ifechi would have protested but today seemed different, she felt hopeful for the outcome of the retreat.

It began with mass as usual. For some reason, she found herself elated that the host was a priest from another parish, perhaps that was why the church was full.

"Somebody praiseeeeee the Lord!"

"Alleluia"

"Today we are going to discuss on the topic: Repentance equals reward"

It didn't take long for the pews to get silent.  Ifechi found the topic particularly interesting, who in the world would put those two words in the same sentence. Reward was a word everyone liked, while repentance well....made people uncomfortable.

She listened earnestly as the preacher spoke.

"You see some of us think that we are holier-than-thou..."

"...we can identify what's wrong with anybody and everybody but never with ourselves..."

She felt her throat dry up.

"God has called us today, not to be judges of others but evaluators of our own selves. Remember in the book of James chapter 4 verses 11, the Bible warns against judging a fellow Christian brother or sister. Also, in Mathew chapter 7 verses 1 to 6, the Bible says judge and ye shall be judged, for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged...my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, can you think of someone you've judged recently?"

Grace, Anita, Aliyah, Gabriel Joyce, even Damien... Ifechi felt uneasy on her seat as the Reverend father spoke. She shifted her weight to her legs.

"...Now this is not to say that we should excuse sin..."

'Good, because they're sinful' she thought smugly to herself.

"...but it means we should more conscious of our own sins that of the sins of others..."

Hmm

"...think about it, if seeing the faults in others make you so mad and angry, how do you think God sees your sins and how do you think others see your sins as well? Your bad attitudes and your flaws....if we channeled that energy we used in finding fault in other people to looking at our own faults and addressing them with the help of the Holy Spirit, then it would surprise us how much of a better world we would live in"

The crowd nodded in agreement.

"...so instead of complaining about one another, as the Bible has warned us against. We should rather pray for each other, especially for those we seem to hate...Yes! Pray for the very people you hate!"

The congregation went loud as murmurs filled the air. Ifechi found it weird, how could one pray for the people they hate, that was a very unnatural thing to do. As if the priest read her mind, he immediately added.

"...and I know that seems like a very unwise or unnatural thing to do. After all, if you hate someone and you know that they hate you, would you want them to succeed?"

"No!" The congregation shouted with full force.

Ifechi didn't know what made her "No" so loud but maybe it was because she'd been maltreated and broken down by these very people whom God through the priest was telling her to love. How could she love someone that trampled on her dignity and blackmailed her for close to a whole month, or someone who embarrassed her for a small mistake on her first week of school, or someone who toyed with her heart for weeks only to crush it and date one of her tormentors, or worse the friend who despite knowing it wasn't her fault chose to turn a blind eye and betrayed her, even slapping her on top.  And what about Gabriel and the school authorities, who had accused her beyond logic of a very horrible crime that could get one put in jail for a very long time, and her classmates who had used it as an excuse to bully and insult her.

He had to be kidding.

"Good! But that's why we are called to be like Christ. God, like Christ is a perfect example of how you should treat those who hate you. Look at God, Mathew chapter 5 verses 44 to 50 tells us that He makes rain to fall on both the righteous and the unrighteous. Do you know what this means? It means that He cares for both those that love him and those who do not, He still cares for them, He still protects them and wants them to return to Him, don't you want to be like Him...?"

Murmurs again filled the air.

She had no problem with the idea of "being like God", but this was too hard, too hard. God should let her live as far away from those people as she wanted.

"...if you think you have a right to be angry and not pray for those you hate, think about Jesus whom even on the cross prayed for His persecutors...yes! His very own murderers. And He invites us to do the same, or do we think we are better than those persecutors...?"

She scoffed internally. Of course she was better than them. She didn't mean to brag, but she felt she was better than most people her age. She took her studies seriously and had a serious goal in life, she didn't cheat or lie 'unnecessarily' or steal or smoke or get drunk or have sex or any of that stuff, and she certainly wasn't a murderer.

Or was she?

She folded her arms as the congregation went up in loud murmurings again, nodding in agreement to whatever the crowd was saying. When they heard retreat, most people including herself came for a power-packed program of healing and deliverance with prophecies and manifestation,  not a sermon comparing them to Jesus's crucifiers on the cross.

The priest on the other hand was smiling softly, like he had anticipated the crowd's response as was ready for any clashback he may receive. He stepped down from the main altar to the front of the pews and stood quietly till the noise gradually died down and the church became silent. Then he started softly.

"...Okay, since you think you are so perfect, I want you to all evaluate yourselves using the ten commandments. Do this sincerely in your own heart, you don't have to lie or pretend because no one is going to see it, it's just between you and God, is that good?"

"Yes..."

"Alright..." He cleared his throat.

"...commandment number one, how many of us have idols?"

Few murmurs...clearly everyone thought they didn't.

"Okay...many of us think we don't, so let me break it down further. How many of us place other things above God in our lives...Our jobs, our school, our career, money, bad relationships,  even family members? How many of us do things we know we shouldn't do, we spend more time on our phone than in His word, we barely think of praying except when we need something from God, we go about our days doing our work sluggishly and being lazy instead of using our God given time wisely..."

The church was silent by now. The priest smiled, he'd definitely struck a cord.

"We think idols are just images we bow down to and worship but in reality an idol is anything we've placed above God."

Ifechi felt that revelation in her heart. She definitely had a lot of idols if it were that. She sighed thinking of how many times she'd placed people above God in her mind- caring more about what others thought about her than what the the creator of the entire universe did. The priest continued.

"How many of us actually keep the sabbath day holy. The Catholic church teaches us to refrain from doing servile work on the Sabbath, how many of us actually respect that? How many of us follow the path of mindfulness,  reflecting on our past week and making efforts to be better the next week. Many of us treat church as a once in a week thing, and even that once in a week we don't do it faithfully, some of us intentionally come late to church, many even gossip, steal and quarrel inside the church!

"How many of us steal, cheat and backbite one another? How many of us lie and bear false witness against one another? We say it doesn't matter but it does! We say everybody does it so we should, but we shouldn't! We are called to be different...we are called to be Holy"

"How many of us commit adultery in our minds? For Jesus said 'if you look at a girl with lust, you've already committed adultery with her in your mind', same goes for the ladies as well..."

Ifechi swallowed, she was definitely guilty of that one.

"How many of us hate people, Jesus said to hate is equivalent to being a murderer at heart, this means many of us are actually murderers at heart. How many of us envy others..."

Oops, busted!

"We envy their looks, we envy their riches, we envy their lifestyle, we just envy everything about them"

She felt as if the priest was talking directly to her. She envied Grace, she envied her a lot, she envied Aliyah too, and Anita, and Joyce and for their looks, wealth and their popularity heck she'd even started to envy Damien and Dami too.

The priest went on to mention many things that had become common but were wrong. Ifechi felt her pride being reduced as he seemed to call her out on all her flaws one by one. Perhaps she wasn't so perfect after all... scratch that she wasn't perfect at all, she was mostly a self-seeking, insecure, overthinking teenager. She craved attention to boost her esteem, she needed people to validate her and that was why she felt she needed the things she knew she didn't need, and envied those who had them. And the only reason she was friendly, barely quarreled with anyone and was 'too quiet' as Rachel had pointed out was low key because she was a scared people's pleaser.

She definitely wasn't a good person.

But what could she do? What should she do? She bit her lips as her eyes began to sting. All these while she'd looked down on people like Aliyah and Anita as being morally depraved, not realizing that she was just as bad as they were, only that she succeeded in hiding hers better. She was vain, bitter and badly insecure. She needed help.

Lord what should I do?

"BE PERFECT, EVEN AS YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER IS PERFECT."

Those words struck her ear and for the first time that evening she looked up at the priest.

What did He just say?

"I don't mean perfection as in trying to act like you don't have any problems or that you are better than everyone. But I mean that you should aim for righteousness,  strive to do good even to those who hate you. Ask the Lord for grace to be pure, humble, kind, generous, slow to anger and merciful Maka o wu Chukwu na-enye aka (it is the Lord that gives help). I know that we cannot do it on our own, but let us ask the Lord for His grace, and He is sure to give it to us for He said in His word that we should ask and we shall receive in Mathew chapter 7:7..."

"...all we have to do is repent, repentance simply means to change your mind, decide and acknowledge that your ways have been bad and that you're willing to change, and God will grant you the gift of salvation and eternal life, the peace, the joy, the hope that you seek. John 3:16, the Bible says that for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whomsoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Jesus has paid for your sins brothers and sisters, so all you need to do now is accept His free gift of salvation. Confess your sins and be cleansed from them, repent and get the reward...Let us rise"

She stood meekly with most of the congregation with her palms opened wide as the priest had instructed. And she prayed, a quiet sincere prayer asking the Lord for forgiveness and the grace to change. She was determined to live a better life, for real this time, not the self-righteous one she'd been living before.

She made a decision that day that despite her situation she would turn a  new leaf, she would strive to follow Jesus and live a new life. And to her surprise, she prayed for them, for all of them, for Grace, for Aliyah, for Joyce, Anita, and all the people she had hated. And she prayed for her friends.

"There is someone here, the Lord has sent me to tell you that your trial has ended...your pain is over, your salvation has come..." the priest shouted.

"Amennn!!!" The crowd chorused.

"That bad situation you're in has come to an end..."

"Amen!"

"...listen to me, there is a person here who has been accused falsely, a wrong accusation has been laid upon you. God has sent me to tell you that it ends now!"

"Amennn!!"

That was for her!
That was for her!

She screamed her 'Amen' as loud as she could, tears rolled down from her face. Her mum saw her crying and drew her close and hugged her, while Ifechi bawled into her mother's arms. But there was one thing her mum was probably mistaken about, one thing she was sure she didn't know, that these weren't tears of sadness, or grief, or of pain.

These were tears of joy.

Because for the first time in a very long time, Ifechi felt peace.

True peace.

**********