Song of the chapter - Can't Stop the Feeling by Justin Timberlake

The weeks rolled by. Luke and I worked comfortably in the library every Monday and Wednesday, as planned. The tension eased up, but that was mostly due to me, I'm sure. I had let go of my own worries about TJ and Luke and whatever drama they had between them. Luke was less obnoxious in class, keeping more distance from me. It seemed to help.

And then, the whole thing was over. TJ didn't even finish the year. His family packed up and moved to Germany a couple of weeks after we broke up. As much as I hated to admit it, it was a relief. It was harder than I thought it would be to see him everyday. The tension may have eased up, but the "if only" was as strong as ever.

On his last day, TJ waited for me in our hallway as I approached third period. He had a sad look on his face, but when he saw me walking towards him, his eyes lit up a bit.

"Hi," he said. "I wanted to say goodbye."

I just nodded. He had told most people that it was his last day, but he hadn't told me directly. I'd heard through the rumor train, the way I heard about most things at school.

"I'm sorry things worked out this way." His voice had gotten quiet, either not wanting to say what he was saying or not wanting anyone else to hear. Probably both.

"Me, too," I said. It was too difficult to say much else. But I noticed something as we stood in the hallway, mumbling our goodbyes. My heart wasn't as bruised as it had been. I looked at TJ, long and hard, trying to gage the current state of my sorrow. It was still there. I could feel it, but just barely.

"I hope things work out for you in Germany." I wanted him to know I didn't hold hard feelings against him. I really did want him to be happy.

TJ looked down at his feet, "Thanks, Mal. You too, here I mean." Then he gave me a small smile and we walked into third period together, for the last time. It was as good of a goodbye as a girl could get.

Just a few weeks later the whole thing seemed like it had happened in my imagination. Was my time with TJ all just an elaborate daydream? That day months ago, when I walked home and created TJ in my mind, seemed like a lifetime ago. There was no longer any evidence of that relationship. He was gone. I was alone again.

But as I sat in the library, working with Luke, I realized something. I was no longer invisible. Being with TJ, even for a short time, had pulled me out of whatever shadows I had been in. It was a shallow thing to be grateful for, but how else would a high school girl feel about finally being acknowledged.

"You okay?" I heard Luke whisper. My eyes shot up to his wondering why he would think otherwise. I just shrugged.

"You had a look on your face," he continued. The person at the next table shushed him. He gave the guy a glare. Then he returned his attention to me, raising his eyebrows in expectation.

"I'm fine, just thinking."

He nodded in understanding. Then he pushed his chair away from the table, standing up. He motioned for me to follow him, then turned and walked toward the back of the library. The guy at the next table shook his head.

Without a reason not to, I got up and followed Luke down the hallway of the library stacks, all the way to the last section of the non-fiction books. He stood waiting around the corner, leaning against one of the shelves. My stomach flipped upside down at the situation. Back stacks of the library. Alone with Luke. That look on his face that I didn't understand. TJ had that look once or twice. I wasn't ready to see that look on someone else's face. It was already messing with my head, and I didn't need another mess in there.

I gulped and stood next to him, waiting to hear what he planned on saying. At first, Luke seemed confident, determined. But the second I let out a shaky breath, all of that confidence melted away and he looked at his feet.

"I wondered if you would, um, be..." His voice trailed of, taken over by nerves. This wasn't the Luke I was used to.

"What?" I asked, needing him to finish his thought.

His eyes came back up to meet mine. "Be my partner for Class Wars."

My mouth dropped open. Class Wars? That crazy, embarrassing, practically for-populars-only event? Every year each class competed against the rest of the classes for bragging rights of being the top dogs at school. Teams form for the big competitions, like softball and volleyball, and partners form for Silly Sports night. I had been to some of the events, but never participated. It was one of those social events that I wasn't included in.

Until now.

"Me? Really?" My hand came up and rested on my chest, not believing what I was hearing.

"Yeah, you. I think we'd make a great team for the blanket race. You're nice and light," he smirked, back to his old self all of the sudden.

The blanket race was my biggest fear. One partner wore a footed sleeper with a hoodie and sat on the gym floor while the other partner held them by the feet and dragged them around. It looked terrifying. My immediate response was, hell no! Which was why I shocked myself when I heard, "Okay, sure," fly out of my mouth.

"Great! I'll get everything we need. What size are you?" he asked, causing my forehead to wrinkle in confusion. "For the sleeper." He clarified.

Oh, right. "Small."

"See, petite, just like I thought. We're going to win this thing, Mal. And when we do, I'm taking you out to celebrate." Luke's words flowed from his mouth smoothly. But the second he made that last statement, he seemed to suddenly choke off his speech. I wasn't sure he meant to say it. I also wasn't sure I wanted to celebrate anything with him.

As I contemplated this new situation, I noticed Luke take another deep breath. Then he stepped closer to me. Very close. Too close. My own breathing became short and stuttered at his proximity.

"Mal," he spoke quietly, "I hope we get a chance to celebrate." His confidence was back. But mine was nowhere to be found.

"Luke..." I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure I was ready to put my heart on a platter again, just to get stomped on. Which it would, I was sure of that. A guy like Luke wasn't really interested in me that way. Hadn't the whole Lillian situation taught me that?

Then I remembered all of the tension between he and TJ. The way Luke was pissed after TJ and I broke up, that streak of protectiveness that came over him. Maybe he was interested? Maybe he did want something more than friendship? But I still didn't think I was ready.

So I took a step back from his intense stare and stuck my hand out toward him, ready to shake on partnership. "Well, we're kicking butt on this English assignment. Let's do the same for Class Wars." If I kept things at a friendship level, then I wouldn't get hurt.

Luke stared at my hand, his eyebrows raised. Then he put his hand in mine and we shook on things. Friendship. Partners. That was all.

But when Luke winked at me as he slowly slid his hand from mine, I knew I was in deep trouble.

***

"You shook his hand?" Robin said with distain in her voice as we walked to her house. She had stayed after school to work on her own assignments, so we were able to walk together. I had taken to hanging out at her house ever since TJ and I broke up. It became a habit, one I think we were both okay with. Robin was chill at her house, so I was able to re-energize even though I wasn't alone. The bonus of not having zombie killing boys around was also a big draw.

"Well, yeah. What else was I supposed to do?" I told Robin about our entire exchange, including my racing heart and Luke's confusing disposition.

"Not a hand-shake, that's for sure. He practically asked you out on a date and you friend-zoned him." She threw her hands in the air.

"Class Wars is not a date! And he friend-zoned me first, I'm already in that zone with him." I was even lying to myself, I realized. But that's what daydreaming about boyfriends will do to a girl. Fantasy and reality were mixed and neither were easy to deal with.

"Ha! He may have had you in that zone, but it's pretty obvious he's trying to unzone you. Let him!" Robin didn't even attempt to hide her disgust with me. Her motto was 'go for it no matter what.' She must have forgotten that mine was, 'nevermind.'

"No. I'm not ready for any of that. And I still don't believe he sees me that way. I'm just a friend, a classmate, a light enough partner to win the blanket race. That's all."

Robin shook her head, not saying any more. We finished our walk in silence. I used to hate walking home with someone else who interrupted my dating life. But dreaming about dating wasn't the sanctuary it used to be. Having someone to distract me from that was better.

The rest of the afternoon was spent listening to music and messing around on our phones. It was peaceful and brought me out of the confusing funk Luke had put me in. By the time Robin gave me a ride to my house, right around the time my parents got home, I felt a ton better.

Just as I was about to get out of Robin's car, my phone buzzed. I pulled it out to read the text, thinking it was my mom wondering when I would be home. But it wasn't from my mom. It was from Luke.

"What?" I said out loud when I saw the text.

"What is it?" Robin asked.

Instead of telling her, I turned the phone around and showed her. Luke had sent me a picture of a footed sleeper. It was pink with little red hearts all over it. The front had the words "Sweet Heart" in big silver letters. Under the picture he had sent a message.

*Appropriate I'd say – L

Robin just smirked, not saying a thing. Which allowed me to avoid saying "Don't say it," because I knew she was thinking it. I told you so.

"He's flirting with you." Robin insisted after her initial silence.

"Stop trying to match us up!"

"I'm not, he is."

"I'm not interested," I said with a sigh.

"Oh yes you are. You're just scared. Go with the flow, girl. Let it happen finally." She tried to sound reassuring, but somehow it wasn't helpful. I was anything but reassured. If anything, I was more unsure about things. Including my own feelings for Luke. Great.

^^^^^

This story is so close to being completed! Two more chapters to go! Updates for the next two chapters will happen very soon. I'm planning to finish this one by May 10. Are there any questions or loose ends that need tying up? We've got information on Gina's situation, Seth is less of a jerk, there'll be a little more with Dylan and then whatever is going on with Luke will also be resolved. Anything else you'd like to find out about?

Let me know, and thanks for reading! It's only taken two years to finish this one!! haha...

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