Song of the chapter - Who Says by Joshua Micah

The pavement stretched out in front of me as the soles of my shoes made a rhythmic tapping on the concrete. Walking was soothing. Especially when done alone and with few exterior sounds to interrupt the rhythm. Not many other students walked home in the same direction I did, so the solitude was incredibly pleasant.

I would probably be classified as an introvert. That didn't mean I was shy, Obviously I wasn't, due to the fact that I had no problem speaking up in class and talking to my neighbors, regardless of the rejection or lack of interest outside of class.

Don't get me wrong, some introverts are shy. I'm just not one of them. Really what it means is that I like my alone time. A LOT. I crave it. I NEED it. Some people don't get that at all. But after a day at school where I'm surrounded by other teenagers and drama and teachers with their lessons and talking constantly and putting myself out there... You get the idea. It drained me. But the quiet walk home, with only my thoughts to keep me company, yeah that was like medicine to me. By the time I got home I usually felt much more energized.

Sometimes I wished I lived further from the school.

But that December, my walks took on a whole new meaning. They became like an alternate universe of my actual life. In some ways a better one. My life was okay, sometimes great and sometimes not. I wasn't depressed or anxious or anything, not even about being all forgotten by 99% of the student body. It was just kind of fun to pretend that things were different.

It didn't exactly start out that way. The pretending I mean. It actually started out more as a "would you rather..." game I played with myself.

So back in December, when I decided to stop daydreaming about all these unattainable guys at school, I played this game. I was trying to get my mind off of Luke so I thought "would you rather like a guy with light brown hair or blond hair?" Since Luke had the light brown, I went with blond. Yeah, I know that Bryan was blond, but I was really over him so it didn't seem to matter that much.

Then I thought about eyes, "would you rather like a guy with hazel eyes or green eyes?" And again, because Luke was the hazel eyed boy, I went with green. I had never had a crush on a green eyed boy. I didn't think I even knew a green eyed boy. But like I said, I didn't want to daydream about boys at school.

Little by little, I had built up a boy to keep in my mind. One that was adorable, played sports, but was not liked by the entire female population of my school and DID have an idea who I was. Who would fit that description? Well, no one I knew, that's for sure.

So this boy I had built up to keep in mind was just that, in my mind. He wasn't real and had no possibility to forget me or ignore me. A totally safe crush for me to have, in my opinion. And I realized that I had now crossed over into the weird category. Not just a little weird anymore, but sort of full-blown weird.

What can I say. Desperation causes you to do weird things.

Hey, at least I didn't believe he was real, or something crazy like that. I didn't walk with my hand outstretched as if he was holding it. I didn't have "conversations" with him. I was normal in every other moment of my life. Those walks were my only weird outlets. Just saying...

So this boy I invented was something like this: Blond hair cropped short on the sides but longer on top which he tussled with gel so it sort of stood up in all these crazy directions, green eyes the color of an oak leaf in the summertime, light complexion with a slight tan and a few freckles, muscular but not built up like he was on roids, obviously nice biceps, taller than me by at least 5 inches which wasn't too hard being that I was only five foot three, no tattoos or piercings. Don't get all offended if you like that kind of thing. It's just a preference, not a judgment.

Once I had his looks all figured out, I started thinking about personality and likes. Would you rather like a guy that played sports or video games? Sports. Would you rather like a guy that played football or soccer? Even though in most parts of the world football IS soccer, I went with the American version of soccer. I hadn't had any crushes on those guys so it was a new one for me. I kept going with the game and came up with this: Soccer player, senior (if you're gonna dream, dream big right?), honors student, likes art but isn't artistic, kind to underclassmen so not a jerk jock, likes kids. I did a lot of babysitting and maybe he would tag a long. It's not like I had a kid or something.

Now I had him all mapped out but, he needed a name. I couldn't just daydream about this guy and have nothing to call him. So after thinking long and hard about it, and not wanting to use a name of anyone I knew in real life, I came up with the name...Tyler. You had probably figured that out by now.

Let me tell you, Tyler was amazing. In my mind, of course. He was just a good guy. The type that liked me and didn't need me to be anything but what I was. He got my jokes and my sarcasm. He liked the music I liked. He wanted me at his games to cheer him on. He was proud of me. That's the kind of guy I wanted, needed. That's the kind of guy that only existed in my thoughts. He must have been because I had never met anyone like him.

So my walks home became centered on Tyler. Oh, and I had a last name for him too. Tyler Mitchell. I thought it sounded pretty good. Anyway, everyday as I walked home, I would imagine what it would be like to have a class with him, or do my homework with him. What kind of dates would we go on. All very PG, okay. I was pretty innocent so I didn't need any images in my mind.

The afternoon walk home had become like a refuge, even more than it had been before. I mean, I always enjoyed the walk and the quiet. Even though my back killed me with all the textbooks I had to carry. And my feet hurt by the time I made it home. None of that mattered. What mattered was the story playing out in my mind. It just made me feel better about myself after a day of being mostly called Sally or hey-you, or nothing.

As I walked home that day, I imagined Valentine's day, which was just a few weeks away. It had always been a little depressing to see girls at school with cute little teddy bears and roses. However, I imagined that Tyler would get me something more unique than the usual stuffed animal and candy. After all, he was supposed to really understand me, how I thought and what I liked. He would definitely be more creative than that.

In my mind, Tyler would keep me guessing all day. Maybe I would find a note in my locker telling me that something special was on its way. Then I would be thinking about it in my classes. I had to go to my locker a few times each day to switch out books, and I'm sure a boyfriend would know that. So maybe Tyler would keep planting notes for every time I had to get something out.

After the first one, the notes would be poems or riddles or some kind of clue. Then at the end of the day He would be waiting by my locker with his gift. It would be fun to get something we could use together, like tickets to a concert or a game. I wasn't that into sports but that's what a girlfriend would do, right? Support the interests of her boyfriend? Well, it seemed like a good way to go.

My mind was still swirling with Valentine ideas when I turned to walk down my street. I didn't have any afterschool obligations other than homework so I made it home within a half hour of my last class. I knew I would be going to an empty house because both of my parents worked and wouldn't be home until closer to dinner time. My annoying, obnoxious, idiotic excuse of a brother, Seth, wouldn't be home until closer to dinner too.

He didn't have obligations, but he was the complete opposite of me so he was busy. If I was the family introvert, he was the extrovert. Always with friends, many of them, and having a great time. Everywhere he went was like a party. And he was the life of it. Everyone loved him. It did irritate me that my brother, who was now a freshman at the same high school I went to, was one of the most popular kids in his class. He always had been.

When we were at the same elementary school, and there were less kids so at that point people could remember my name, I always got asked, "Hey, are you Seth's sister?" Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? Shouldn't the younger sibling be asked if they were related to the older one? Even TEACHERS asked me about Seth. He was a pain to be around, and a class clown, but he even had the teachers eating out of the palm of his hand.

He was so darn cute that all the girls just fell in love with him. Yeah, those girls started calling the house requesting to talk to him when he was ten. Ten! Give me a break! My mom wasn't too thrilled about it and wouldn't let him talk to the girls when they called. But they never got the message. He would get at least 20 calls a week. Sheesh!

When he started high school that fall, I dreaded it. Another round of "Are you Seth's sister?" was about to start and I was in no mood to deal with it daily. But to my surprise, no one asked. In fact, not only did none of the students at the school make the connection that "Mallory the nobody" was related to "Seth the awesome", my own brother didn't acknowledge me. Jerk.

I had started to ignore him at home as well as at school. His social life had exploded and mine had gone nowhere. He didn't care about me, so why should I care about him. I thought I would be the cool big sister who would show her little brother the ropes around the school. But being a nobody had extended into my own house. So forget him. I wasn't going to help him out. Not that he even needed my help. Everyone at school was fighting over helping him out. He didn't need me.

So going home to a quiet, empty, peaceful house was a relief. My sidewalk "dates" with Tyler could continue while I did my homework, me pretending that Tyler was there doing his along side me. It was weirdly comforting.

But on that particular Thursday, my jerk brother decided to make our house home base for his latest party. His gang of loud friends were all in our back room playing some ridiculous video game. Some of his friends were juniors too. He knew everyone it seemed. No one looked up when I walked in and groaned loudly. That was so not what I needed to walk in and see that afternoon.

Then my brother craned his neck and spoke up, "Hey loser, make us some nachos!"

You have got to be kidding. I just gave him a sign, the kind that only had one finger, and turned to walk out of the room. There went my peaceful and relaxing afternoon.

My parents had strict rules about not having friends over in the afternoon when they were at work. I think it was mostly for my brother because his friends tended to be a bit reckless, like jumping off the roof into our shallow six-foot deep pool, and they had no desire for a lawsuit against them if someone got hurt. Until that school year both of us had followed their rules to a T.  But after Seth's popularity went nuclear, he had started bending the rules. Well, snapping them in two actually. And then stomping on them. And setting them on fire.

I never ratted him out. I wasn't the tattling type. I figured my parents would find out eventually and I would just plead the 5th. So I made my retreat into my bedroom. I had really wanted to make myself a snack, but after Seth demanded I make him nachos I figured I should stay out of the kitchen for a while. He could make his own danged nachos.

Music was what I needed. I loved music, but don't most teenagers? I got my Spotify going and relaxed to some Little Mix. Pulling my homework out of my backpack, I got situated on my bed to get the school business out of the way. Homework was my life. Well, because I had no other life I guess. Eh, at least I had good grades.

Pretty soon, I heard voices. Loud, obnoxious high school boy voices. And they were getting louder! Dear God, I hoped they weren't coming into my room!

But then the front door opened, slammed shut and all I heard was quiet. Finally! Now that I had the house to myself I could get a snack. I headed out to the kitchen only to groan again when I saw Seth standing next to the microwave waiting for his nachos to heat up.

The kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off. There were cups, paper plates, chips and grated cheese EVERYWHERE!

"I hope you know that you are cleaning this mess up." I said firmly to my oh so selfish bro.

"Um, that would be a no." and he just laughed at me!

"You messed it up, you clean it up!" I shouted.

"Yeah, right." He just took his plate of nachos and went back to playing the dumb game.

He's the only one that was actually kind of mean to me. Even his friends weren't mean. They just ignored me, which was much more preferable. He really could be a huge jerk. But I thought I knew what would get him to clean the mess.

"Clean it up or I tell mom and dad that you had a huge group of boys at the house while they were at work." There.

"Go ahead. Like I care."

Game on.

^^^^^

The Tyler situation, right? And Seth, what a douche... ha ha. I think he's hilarious!

Here's Mallory!

I am ALMOST done writing Waiting For Hope which means that DD will probably have pretty regular updates. I try to write ahead so as long as I can get one chapter written a week, I will continue to update on the weekends.

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