'You drown by not falling into the river,

but by staying submerged in it'

- Paulo Coelho

🌌

10th October, 2021
12:02 pm

"Just imagine" you threw your hands in the air dramatically while your colleague facepalmed. "What if... you were sitting there, in your working place, your office. You were having a hard time with work, and when you got bored you wished that your prince charming would come to pick you up after you've worked hard. You throw the thought out of your mind but..." You stopped, making a funny face expressing your emotions for the plot twist of the fairytale.

"You walked out, massaging your head after your work was done... you were clearly stressed... And then, when you looked up," you paused, grabbing her arm. "There he stoodddddddddd! Looking at your face with a huge grin. And this melts your heart as you run into his arms" you closed your eyes, your daydream making the girl in front of you roll her eyes.

"Are you PMS-ing or something? This shit just happens in dreams." She said bluntly after a second and you narrowed your eyes, looking at her with a bored expression. "You're useless." youblurted and turned your chair back, focusing on your paperwork once again. You sighed at your life, trying to get through this hell that you'd been thrown into.

🌌

4:45 pm

"Where you going?" Taru asked Jungkook who looked too nervous to be leaving for somewhere. "Meeting a friend" he smiled at her nonetheless and she nodded. "Don't forget your phone" she said and he chuckled. "Arrasseo eomma" She narrowed her eyes at him and he just imitated her. "Which friend is this one?" She casually asked and he shrugged. "I've been on a date with her" he hid his smirk and Taru's eyebrow raised as he tied his shoe's lace.

"Did you know" she wiggled her eyebrows and Jungkook frowned. "What" he asked and she grinned. "Don't tell her that I told you" she whispered and he looked at her with a 'huh' expression. "Don't tell who?" He asked trying to act oblivious. "Y/N's bias," Taru said instead and his hands stopped to look up at her face. "It's you" she winked at him, making his eyes widen. "What?" He asked, not quite hearing her well.

"Yup, Kookie boy. She a sucker for you" she giggled, pouring some water in her glass. "You're lying" he tilted his head with a fake chuckle. "I'm not" she shrugged, a serious expression on her face. Jungkook looked back at his feet after a minute, muttering a small "So what". Taru shook her head at his stubbornness, not ready to admit that he was gonna meet her best friend.

"She likes chocolates" she casually said, walking out of the living room and towards the lift. Jungkook sighed, finally looking up and nodding. "So what? She just likes me as an idol. There are millions of them. It's okay, kook." he kept talking to himself, walking out the door praying that his attempt would succeed this time.

"I'm just her bias" he sighed, closing the door behind his back.

🌌

6:30 pm

You opened the door, chuckling at something your friend was telling you while walking out of your workplace. You took slow steps as you left the office and massaged your head. Tired like hell, you kept thinking how you had to call for a taxi because you didn't drive today. You looked up bored and your eyes widened out of the blue.

There he stood. Looking at you with a huge grin. You froze at your position, your friend behind you gasping as well. He wore no mask. He came here without a hood or anything. He just... exposed himself like shit. And he was still grinning at you. There goes your fairytale. Just that the last part, the hugging one, was a bit different than you planned.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE?"

"Hey Y/N"

"Isn't that a k-pop idol?"

The three of you spoke at the same time, making you lose your shit. You didn't know what came into your mind but you quickly went towards him and blocked his mouth with your hand, chuckling nervously before turning towards your friend. "Of course not! Hehe" you chuckled and he frowned at you, your sweaty palm pressed tightly against his mouth. "He's... Jaayyy..... Kim... KIM JAY!" You spat to the third person as she looked at you with suspicion.

"He's my boyfriend. My boyfriend! Right oppa? And he's sick so we can't really talk right now okay bye we'll meet later." You quickly spoke in a hurry before throwing her a smile and walking with haste steps towards the basement. You finally removed your palm from his face and his face twisted in disgust. "Yuck, Y/N!" He was the one who spat this time. "WELL?" You looked at him with huge eyes. "What did you expect me to do?" You asked, throwing your hands in the air.

He folded his arms as if he was gonna fight with you then and there, while you, who looked at him with gritted teeth and a stern face, tried to overpower him but ultimately failed. He noticed how you had to raise your head just to look at him even though you had a good height, and this fact made him break into a smile like an idiot. "What?" You asked, your mouth open at his sudden change of expression.

"Nothing" he shook his head. "I'm here to visit you" he shrugged. "Like this? Without even a mask? What's wrong with you? What if someone saw you? Then what?" You asked with a worried expression but he only sighed, looking away and then looking back at you. "Then what? They'll know that I'm your sick boyfriend and my name's Kim Jay." He narrowed his eyes playfully, leaning towards your face and matching your height level.

"Hmpf" you banged your foot, stomping towards the car you'd spotted to be his. He shook his head watching your back, grinning at your cute reaction. You definitely looked flustered and pink, and he knew you were trying hard not to smile when he called himself that. "Y/N-ah" He said, walking behind you and catching up to you who was busy trying to open the car door. "It won't open until I do it." He sighed again, watching your mad self leaving the door handle at his statement.

Once the two of you were inside, he pushed his hand to the back seat, grabbing a small covered pack and handing it to you. "And what's this supposed to be?" You muttered to yourself and he glanced at you before turning on the ignition. You gasped as soon as you opened the pack, the former expression replaced by a happy smile.
"Chocolates!"

🌌

7:22 pm

"And why are we here?" You asked, your voice breaking the ultimate silence in the car and of the place. "To talk" he sweetly smiled, getting out of the car. "Why drive so far? We could've talked at my place" you shrugged and he nodded. "We could've. But it's more fun this way" he said and you rolled your eyes at his playfulness. "Hiding place, huh?" You asked, walking around the small garden and he nodded. "Every idol out there has this place..." he stated as a fact. "Taru loves it here. Because of the flowers." he told you and you nodded.

"How did you know my workplace?" You asked and he shrugged. "Microsoft office, duh?" He raised an eyebrow and you giggled. "You work at a famous place, miss" he said as a matter of fact, and you nodded. "But please stop things like that. It horrifies me!" you shook your head to him and he grinned, understanding what you were referring to.

"Be thankful my friend is a fan of classics. Thank God she has no detail about BTS." You sighed. "But didn't she kinda recognize me?" He asked and you pressed your lips together. "You're BTS. Of course she did" you stated and he nervously chuckled. "Jungkook..." You said after a while of good great silence and he nodded. "I know, I just..." He stopped before smiling again. "I was warming up" he said and you nodded softly.

"I've been unfair to you, Y/N" he started, his expression now serious. "There's a reason I've been behaving like this..." He said and you were about to speak before he stopped you. "Don't interrupt" he said and you shyly smiled, looking away embarrassed. "You see the past few months, my mom has been very sick." he said, his fingers playing with each other. "That, has taken a toll on my mental structure and just... Was a big moving point for me. It made me realise a few things I'd been trying to suppress."

"I don't feel like anyone loves me anymore. People have gotten tired of me and my behavior. The hyungs... They must be so pissed off with me. Every time we practice, I always get a move wrong. This is so unlike me, you understand?" He paused before taking a deep breath and you just kep looking at him carefully. "I feel like a burden to everyone. Everyone out there. I couldn't even release the single album I promised to all ARMYs three years ago. I couldn't even help BTS for some time. My mom, she..." He stopped, his breath hitching this time.

"My mom... She's been hospitalized thrice in last month. She is in a bad state since June. Ever since I was a kid, she had the strongest bond with me. Stronger than anyone else. And I just feel so useless that I can't help her. I can't even be with her when she needs me. I feel like shit, Y/N. I'm doing nothing for her while Junghyun hyung can be with her all the time. I'm very thankful that he's there. But just that I can't prove her how much I love her. She's mostly sick, circling around hospitals and clinics, just trying to find a cure. In these moments, all I can think about is leaving everything and running back to her. " His voice came out pained.

"She never complains. How am I the best? How am I supposed to live in peace knowing what she's going through? How am I supposed to show everyone that everything's fine WHEN IT CLEARLY ISN'T!" He exclaimed, tears finally reaching his eyes. "And fuck now I'm a crybaby" he sniffled, trying to hide his eyes and you came closer to him. You put your palm on his shoulder and patted it. "And now all I could see was distraction. Distracting myself from the reality seemed the only solution. So I got ruined, got screwed. Even took drugs" he said and your eyes widened, looking at him with a slightly open mouth.

"Drugs?" You softly let out and he pursed his lips. "Not the hardcore type, don't worry. I'm still a sane man. But the idea didn't come to me itself... I... Found some company. Some bad, bad company." He was frowning, clear regret on his face. " Everyday in bed, I try to think of good things, try to find meaning. But now all I can think of this..." He paused again, this time, his voice choking. He tried to muffle his cries with his sleeve, but no avail. His voice hurt. It hurt to talk. But he did it, because he knew he needed to.

"It's hard... and I'm tired of being... this." He softly voiced and your heart painfully panged, tears coming to your own orbs.

"How am I supposed to explain people what kind of shit I am in?" He asked after a moment of silence and you gulped, thinking carefully before chosing your words. "Maybe... first give me a hug?" You smiled softly and he looked up, his silent sobs continuously leaving his form. "What?" He muttered and you tched before quickly hugging him for a few seconds. The hug was comforting, the perfect mixture of support and consolement you needed to give. You parted, giving him a bright smile and patting his back again.

"There's more than this. I just don't know how to explain it in words... I-"
"I understand" you softly chimed. "Really do." You said again, your voice light. "God knows why I'm telling you all of this" He awkwardly chortled and you finally smiled. "Maybe because... It's one of our little secrets?" You slipped and he snorted.

"Jungkook, why are you letting all of this affect something that you can control? Maybe try showing people? Maybe try showing them your worth rather than explaining them your weakness?" You said and he kept looking at you with his moistened doe eyes.

"I've known you for years. Maybe just what you showed as yourself on the screen, but I've known you. And as far as I know, you hate showing your weaknesses. So how about we work this out together? Why don't we try to get Jeon Jungkook back?" You asked, holding his arm and shaking it to brighten his mood.

You were positive. The person in front of you was broken, and you were ready to go to any limits to join him. To make him what he was again. You were positive that you could get him out of this hole. You knew that you could do it. You always could - you just needed to know which part was to be fixed. And now that you did, you were ready to slap this Jeon back to his senses and find him for himself.

"Why mourn for something which you can smile for?" You grinned, grabbing his hand as he quietly followed you to his car. You drove yourself home, but the ride was quiet. No one spoke. All you did was glance at him at times but he didn't look back. You'd smile at him and then get your attention back at the road, knowing how he must be feeling after literally stripping his weaknesses in front of you.

When you stopped in front of your house, both of you got out the car and stopped in front of each other near the front. "We'll meet on Jimin's birthday, yeah?" You asked and he just nodded. "We gotta talk this out. You said, smiling at him before raising your hand.

He looked at your palm before looking at your eyes with question mark expression and you shrugged. "High five!" You casually said and he chuckled, raising his hand to meet yours. "Bye bye" you sweetly said and he nodded, waiting for you to get into the apartment. He thought you'd behave weirdly with him after he told you everything. He felt you'd look at him in a different way. But as far as he could see, you didn't.

Once again you knew what to do. Once again you knew I needed some time for myself. You didn't say anything again. So much patience? You're kinda magic, Y/N.

A/N

The story will shape up, but I'm trying to make it realistic. I repeat, a realistic fantasy😁
Patience, my dear people

Be yourself
-DiamondMaknae ❤