"Daaaad, I don't wanna go to daycare!" Wilbur whined as Phil basically dragged him to the daycare.

Phil rolled his eyes, a small smile on his lips. "I know you don't, Wil, but I work here now and I literally can't leave a small child alone at home."

Wilbur whined again. "I don' wanna play with babies!"

Phil sighed. This was gonna be a long day.

~<•>~

The daycare was chaotic.

In one corner, a bunch of kids was hitting each other with pool noodles. In another corner, a couple of the older kids were reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar". And in another corner, a few kids were singing nursery rhymes while trying to fit any curse word they can while the (very pretty) caretaker kept scolding them.

Fun.

Phil sighed as he walked over to the caretaker. Hopefully, his son won't burn the place down in the three minutes Phil can't look after him.

Hopefully.

"Um, hi, uh..." He quickly glanced down at her name tag (why does it have to be on her boob!?), "Krrrrrristen? Um, I-I'm Phil, the new caretaker."

She smiled sweetly at him. "Oh, hi! You made it just in time, I was about to group up the kids for snack time!"

Phil smiled and nodded as he looked around the room. There were like twenty kids there. How fun.

"Okay," Kristin continued, "can you get the toddlers into a group? Their snack is different than the older kids."

Phil nodded. There seemed to be about four toddlers here. Seems simple enough.

~<•>~

Phil is 100% sure that these toddlers are all terrorists.

The oldest one, a blond boy with purple eyes, behaved the best. Once Phil mentioned food, the boy immediately walked towards the snack table and plopped his happy ass on a purple chair.

The second oldest, a skinny boy with half-black and half-white hair behaved slightly better. He didn't want to stop playing, but once he saw realized that Phil was new, he calmed down and tried to get his friends to calm down as well, no no avail. Instead, he also plopped his happy ass on a purple chair.

The youngest two, however, didn't care. They didn't want to stop playing with their blocks and pool noodles, and they didn't hesitate to throw them.

It wasn't until Kristin came over and told the boys that it was snack time that they finally calmed down. And by the time they started eating their yogurt, Phil had several cuts on his arms from the blocks. Seriously, why are those things so sharp!?

Phil frowned when he didn't see his son among the children. "Uh, where's Wilbur?"

Kristin furrowed her brow. "Who?"

"My son," Phil explained. "Skinny, long curly brown hair, kind of a menace?"

Kristin giggled but shook her head. "I'm sorry, I haven't seen him."

"Shiiiiiiiiimmies," Phil said nervously. "Where the fuuuuuun is my kid!?"

He turned towards the toys and—

Oh no.

Not only did Wilbur build himself a pillow fort, but he is also armed with the daycares supply of blocks and other sharp toys.

Fun.

"Wilbur, c'mon mate," Phil said, slowly walking towards the pillow fort, "time for a snack—"

Wilbur threw a block at him.

Ow.

"I hate yogurt!" Wilbur complained.

"How about goldfish crackers?" Kristin asked. "Do you like those?"

Wilbur paused. "What flavor?"

Kristin paused. "Cheddar?"

Wilbur threw another block.

Ow. Again.

"I hate cheddar!" Wilbur complained.

"Would you like some apple juice, then?" Kristin asked. How the fuck is she so good at bargaining with children!?

Wilbur paused. "...I like apple juice."

"Yeah?" Kristin smiled at him. "I can get you some apple juice if you stop throwing things."

Wilbur paused, then nodded as he put the block down.

Thank god, those fuckers hurt.

"And," Kristin bargained, "if you get out of the pillow fort, you can choose your snack."

Wilbur paused, then nodded as he crawled out of the pillow fort.

Holy fuck, she's a magician.

He might just marry this woman.

If she's single.

And if she wants to.

Remember children, Philza Minecraft does not condone cheating or rape. Consent is sexy as fuck.

~<•>~

He watched with amazement as all the children slept peacefully. It was around noon, and all of them were taking a nap. The toddlers for an hour, the older kids for about thirty minutes.

"How do you do it?" Phil asked her. "I can barely handle my own child."

Kristin giggled. "I don't know, I've always been good with children. To be honest, I've always wanted some of my own, which is why I started this daycare."

"So you could kidnap children and raise them?" Phil joked.

Kristin rolled her eyes as she playfully shoved him. "Babies are cute 'n all, but toddlers and small children are when real parenting begins. The most an infant will do is cry and scream and spit up. But a toddler can run and climb and start to talk. The older they are, the more autonomy they have, and the harder they are to handle. It means that you can have more fun with them, yes, but they'll also test your patience more than an infant will."

Phil gaped at her. "Oh my god."

She smiled shyly. "Sorry, that got all philosophical for a bit."

He shook his head. "No, no you're fine. Part of me wishes I thought of that when I had Wil, heh."

She nodded. "I'm guessing that he was a teenage pregnancy?"

He furrowed his brow. "What makes you say that?"

She shrugged. "You don't look that old."

"Thanks, but no. He was the product of my last marriage. I swore that we were in love, but then I found out that she had been cheating and...it was all downhill from there."

Kristin frowned. "I'm sorry."

Phil shook his head. "Don't be. I should've known better, anyway. We got married right out of school and had Wilbur not long after. We should've waited."

She shook her head. "You were young, there's no way you could've known."

Phil paused for a moment. "I guess you're right...thank you, Kristin."

She smiled. "No problem. But, maybe we should do less...personal talk? At least during work hours?"

He nodded.