I looked up and saw he was watching me intensely and I know he saw I had been somewhere else, woolgathering again.

I knew I shouldn't go there, but there were some great memories in the past and looking at him now I felt it happen, the present and the past collided.

He was still every inch the bad boy he had always been, but now he had even more of an edge too.
Like the wounds we inflicted on each other left scars upon our hearts.

I wondered if I would ever stop reminiscing, if we could ever be the people we had been, or if we should just go with the new and improved versions.

I knew there were some heartaches I never wanted to repeat, but there were also some hilarious moments that even when we were apart during the time he was locked up, and my subsequent ghosting him, that I couldn't quite supress my grin remembering.

He said, "I thought you was hungry, let's go and eat before it gets cold,"
Grabbed me by the hand took me into the kitchen and we finally ate.

The food was okay, I could've done better, but since he couldn't leave without authorization and his p.o wasn't answering his phone, it was what it was.

I said, somewhat haltingly, "We can't live on fast food, and it's gonna hurt your pockets too. Ordering out can get pricey!
So how about when you get authorization, we go to the save a lot?"
I glanced up, actually fearful he'd think I was being money hungry.

I said it because, I wanted him to know I wasn't trying to dig in his stash of loot.
He'd always, ever since I knew him, stayed with some type of a hustle or actual job.

He'd grown up dirt poor so he couldn't stand not having bread, bacon,and cheddar to feast with!

In the life I had just left I had become more than adept at preparing meager meals that I would make taste gormet, bargain hunting, getting the most for whatever little I had.

He leveled a look at me that told me he completely understood what I had been thinking.
"Besides I need to contribute if I'm staying with you, so I can cook and do dishes, clean, wash, and mop before I go get Smythe's front office in shape" my voice took on a note of hysteria.

He was out of his chair in a flash coming at me so fast,that I flinched back.
He stopped dead, shock on his face that I had actually flinched.

He came at me slowly this time as one would a skittish animal, folding me up in his embrace, where I pressed my face into his bare chest just under my tattoo.

I looked up to see his jaw had dropped, as he took an arm from around me, he rubbed a hand down his face.

He scowled darkly, "Oh girl, I need to go get that punk again!
What in the hell did he do to you?
Have you been away from me that long that you forgot I'd never put my hands on you?
Pussies hit they girl, real men hit them off!
Hit them wit the dick, loot, everything and anything their hearts desire"
he went in his pocket

"Here baby, take this and go get you some nice shit."
He handed me a thick knot and I hesitated a second too long.

"Ayy Nikole, what I say, here! Take it" he said and handed over his door and car keys.
"Drive the whip, you ain't walkin,"
He added as an afterthought.
He had taught me how to drive though I hadn't for awhile now.
I looked up at him, the fear gone, and I smiled a little.
He said, "please get some gear!
As hot as you look wearing my clothes you need yur own!" he smirked and then laughed, "besides it's only a matter of time before ya klutzy ass trips over nothing and you hurt yourself shawty"
I momentarily froze, and flashed back to my ex.
He used to hurt me, and then when he wanted to make up, he'd say "you hurt yourself, huh shawty"
I detest being called that now, and I would have to find a way to tell Sam to not call me that ever.
But now probably wasn't the moment to say it, not when I was thinking I shouldn't venture out when I wasn't even sure where the ex was!
His stalking me and violent behavior left me always looking over my shoulder.
I knew in an instant, I wouldn't be able to keep it away from Sam.
He KNOWS me.
He knew immediately by my panicky expression, and the way my heart started racing, that something was amiss.
He tilted my face up and studied me intently.
Saw how I was trying to keep it together, and trying valiantly to keep my thoughts to myself.
He said, "Alright, out with it, tell me why ya heart just started galloping like Charismatic, (the Kentucky Derby winner this year), and why you look like you bout to throw up!"
I said quietly, "It's that whenever he would beat on me, and then felt like making up, he would say, "aw, ya hurt yaself shawty?" I mimicked the cold way he would say it, deepened my voice several octaves lower than my own breathy tone, even narrowed my eyes in a parody of how he would say it.
I said, "I know, I know, I'm acting like a lil bitch right now, but I'm terrified! what if he sees me while I'm out and comes for me and I'm alone!
I got no wins against him.
I mean you see what it took for me to escape him! I had to get beaten and almost raped, again..." I stopped talking, and started hyperventilating.

He crushed me to him, I buried my head between his neck and shoulder, and cried.
He picked me up, off my feet, and holding me, backed us up to the couch, sat with me still in his embrace.
"You are talking like a lil bitch right now," he said in his own deep and raspy tone.
I didn't expect him to say that, so I looked up at him, where I saw he was smirking, again.
MY lil bitch! Don't forget that, okay, Kid?
You mine, and I got you! You ain't Neva gonna be alone, if I can't go with you, then Akki will!
If Akki can't, then you'll just have to wait till someone is available!"
Then, actually laughed saying,
"Don't worry ya pretty lil head though, he ain't gonna be able to try to stalk you anytime soon."
He nodded his head in the affirmative, and continued with conviction, "Unless hospitals release comatose, unidentified patients!"
"You? You put him in a coma for me? For real?"
I stuttered out and looked at him.
He said "you doubt me?band yeah, for you! Like I said, he lucky I aint murk  his ass!
Oh, yeah lil bit, thanks for your handiwork" he guffawed.
"I don't know if you just forgot, or what, but leaving your apartment door, and street door for open was a bonus.
I WAS a little dissapointed he couldn't fight me back and THEN I could knock him unconscious, but it was actually better! He was just as helpless as you had been."
He smirked and said, "That's one of the reasons I don't hit my girl, and never would, even before there was a you and me.
Y'all females can be downright evil in exacting revenge!
I did get a lil carried away.
He said strongly, "EVERY TIME I THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR FACE, I BEAT HIM SOME MORE, revived him, tortured him some more.
By the time I was done, he wished he was dead.
I told him if he ever came anywhere near you again, I would find and kill him.
I took his ID as a reminder."

He raised his voice significantly, and then forced himself to stop.
He unleashed a devastating smile on me, making my heartbeat skitter unevenly for a moment.
He looked like some sort of an avenging angel.
"He's still alive tho, he assured me and I made sure I called 911 from a payphone down Oregon Ave .
I left his ID floating in the Schuylkill
I said that a man with a gun was seen entering an apartment building on 2053 Opal st, Apartment 2, I said I heard high pitched screams coming from the second floor but saw nobody leave. I just ain't mention it'd been me making him holler like a bitch!"
He laughed without mirth, cracked his knuckles in memory.

He smirked at me.

Leveled a look at me, that I instantly recognized, and knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that everything he had just told me was 100% true.
Then I focused in what he'd just said, witness gave my address.
He knew where to find me.
I kissed him quickly and asked him, how long he knew where I stayed.
He told me he knew a few days and was gathering intel.
Waiting to see if his sources said If seemed happy, before coming to get me if I wasn't.
If I had been happy, he would've let me be.
I asked him why.
He said, "Cause I really do love you, lil bit. I love you so much, I only want you to be happy, even if it's not me you happy with.
I looked at him askance.
"I didn't say I'd like it" he laughed at the expression on my face.

Then my phone call changed it all.

I took my leave, stuffing the knot in my handbag.
I drove his car, which was a burgandy colored camaro with cream leather seats, which he had forever, the one in which he had taught me to drive in, had refurbished rebuilt the engine in himself, to the plaza on 5th and Oregon Ave quickly and got a few cute fits from the Kmart, picking up toiletries and my favorite knock off perfume I loved, an imitation of CK1.

That accomplished I drove next to the Save a Lot on Front and Snyder and spent close to 400 dollars on food, seasonings, spices, drinks and the ever essential coffee, sugar and creamer .
I packed everything and loaded the haul into the trunk, feeling quite accomplished.
As a last stop, I grabbed a coffeemaker from the Rite Aid in the same plaza and picked up two packs of Newports, the cigarette we both favored.

At least we wouldn't have to eat out unless he wanted to not because we had no other choices.

I sat for a moment in the car, still in the parking lot, and quickly counted the remaining money saw that I'd spent almost 600 dollars in space of a few hours.
There was still a lot left, this man had dropped three grand on me like it was 3 dollars!
I put the money and all the receipts into my bag and drove back to the house, wondering what he would say at me spending that much money.
My heart pounded,my mouth went dry and I felt like I had a minor heart attack.
My nerves were frazzled and I couldn't quite catch my breath.
I pulled over to calm myself and lit a cigarette and smoked it slowly until i regained it.

I drove up his block and finding a space right outside of the house, I parked.
Before I could even get out of the car, he was there at the door, looking at me, smiling.
He glanced at the three bags in the backseat, two which contained my clothing, bras, panties and toiletries, the other the coffeepot, and said seriously, "lil bit, I know you got more than that didn't you?"
I nodded, took the keys from the ignition and said, "there's some stuff in the trunk. I'll help, wait a sec!"
He glowered at me and said, "No the hell Yu won't! My girl don't gotta lift nothing heavier than my......"
Then he stopped mid sentence, smirking at my reaction because I blushed scarlet to my hairline!
"I can still make you blush after all these years, thats cute as fuck Lil bit" he cracked at me.
We both knew what he'd been about to say, and I giggled.
A second later he was back at the window and said, "ayy where's the rest of your gear?"
I answered somewhat confused, "it's all right there in the backseat."
He closed his eyes, muttered something I didn't catch and then said "Alright go in the house here I come, I'm right behind you"
I turned to look once I was in the house and here he came with twelve heavy bags 6 on each arm.
He wasn't even breathing heavy.
I quirked up an eyebrow at him as he put everything on the counters and some on the floor, winked at me, turned and left to grab the next 12.
I knew if he could've managed it all in one trip he would have done it.
My big strong man! He had called me his girl a few times today so, I let him claim me, and I claimed him as mine.

I laughed, despite my once again mounting anxiety, as he came back in with the rest.
I began to unpack, pack the fridge, freezer and cabinets in a systematic way.
He joined me helping with items that were out of my reach, saying, "you can't even reach this on ya tiptoes, you just a lil bitty thing!"
He laughed at the expression on my face as I gave him a side eye and scrunched my nose at him.
He chuckled, swatting my ass, playfully saying, "REAL cute Lil bit"
Then looking at the amount of bags still needing to be unpacked, said
"Damn girl, did you leave any food on the shelves?"
I immediately cringed, and went to my purse laying on the table, grabbed the remaining cash, the receipts and handed him both.
He took them from me with an incredelos look on his face and said mildly "what's this?"
I said, "it's your change, babe!"
He stopped dead, pulled my hand out and placed the money and receipts back into it
He glanced down at me his pretty eyes darkening.
"Put that back in yur bag baby, that's yours, and also, don't you ever show me another accounting of how much you spend, where you spent it at, or how long you took to do it!
Another thing while we having this conversation c'mere"
He held his hand out to me, and I took it.
He led me into the back bedroom in the rear of the upstairs which was a game room, complete with a pool table, a nice TV set, Nintendo with dozens of cartridges, a sound system and placed my hand on his floor safe.
"What's the combination baby, you tell me!" He bent and kissed my temple.
"I don't know it" I admitted, and he slyly grinned.
"Yeah, you do. What's our date?" I answered him by putting our anniversary date, 71594 into it and heard it click.
I gazed at him with admiration as he opened the door and showed me more cash than I had seen in a long time.
"WE ain't hurting for money at all. So don't scrimp and save, and feel like you owe me, or that Yu gotta come give me. You did hold me down almost that whole bid. I made you quit me.
I doubted your loyalty when it was them I should have been making miserable.
I let the world that exists in the prison system get the best of me.
I let them streets tell me lies and believed it like it was written in gold."
After I made you quit me, I had Akki go collect my shit from who owed us and found out you was telling me the truth.
I swore if I could ever make it up to you I would. forgive me please, for being such a dick"

I burst into tears.

"Hey, hey!! Nikole, please don't cry!"

I wailed harder and said, "but you can't forgive me, I did too much, babe"
"Well tough then, cause I do forgive you."
We don't have to talk about what happened to you ever again either.
My eyes widened
I couldn't do anything else but hug him and whisper, "I do, I forgive you baby, One!"