Sam's POV

As soon as Fancee and Nikole left, I wanted to go after them, make Nikole come back in the house where I could just know she was safe from anything out there in the world.

I know that's not a logical way to think, or to live either, but I loved that girl of mines with every part of me.

I didn't want her to be hurt or to feel even a seconds worth of pain.
I didn't want her to struggle or to have any doubts in life, ever.
That's why when she ghosted me, and I finally got her location, I left her be.

I just wanted her to be happy.

That didn't mean I had to be happy with it, and I really was a bit of a tyrant without her.

Okay, Stalin had nothing on me!

She was my soft side, my tenderness, my heart.

Without her, I wasn't me, which is why I'mma wife her up.
I really don't think im worthy of her but that selfish side of me can't imagine us, in a committed relationship, just like how we are now, without her having some measure of protection.

I wanted forever.

If anything ever happened to me, I didn't want anyone coming here and putting her, and now my twins, out in the streets, and then rummaging thru our belongings, divvying up the accumulation of our years together.

That wasn't fair to her.

Plus, it's a predisposition, a throwback to the days when men honored their women.
I had to claim her as truly mine, wouldn't allow her to be my girl forever without documentation.

The me that I was before her,
Back before I saw that flick of her with my cousin and wanted to meet her, I was somebody else.
That me, I was a player, a liar and a cheater who cared more about my money than any female, except for my momma and sisters.
That me, before I met her, prided myself on being "the man"
I treated girls as little more than someone to fuck to get my own needs met, and to send them on their way.

I didn't have time for no bitches, not after the way Nora had played me.

But Nikole changed me.

She gave me everything good of her, her humor, her smile, her heart, her loyalty, her virginity.

Even her temper when someone got her riled, they were all mine now.

I know, I know, in this day and age, dudes ain't supposed to care about stuff like that.
Who his girl was with before him, that's not really even his business.
I would act like I didn't give one fuck, because men ain't supposed to be bitch made, chumps, or pussies.
I did care who I went after, because you just never knew what type of time that dude was on.

I really was intent on quitting her the night I found out she was with my cousin, until she came over and instead of being all meek and letting me snap on her, she snapped on me!

She was little as shit, barely above 5 feet, but had the heart of a lioness!

Her temper turned me on, I was very used to everyone jumping to do shit how I wanted, and never saying nothing back to me, that her bossing up at me, it made me want her even more.

I would've been the dumbest mothafucka alive to let my corny, jealous cousin, on my mom's side of the family to make me quit her, for what turned out to be nothing more than sour grapes.

Oh well, I got the girl.

I gotta admit, when I knew I was her first, it did mean something to me.
It meant MY lil bitch waited her whole life, up to that point, even after being in another whole relationship, before me, and she waited till she knew she was ready.
I always kinda felt guilty cause I made her want to prove her innocence.

It meant she loved me more than anyone else.

I appreciate her and love her more than I've EVER loved anyone else.

All this deep thought had me somewhere else, and I looked down to see I missed her call.
Of all the dumb shit to happen!
Now I was irritated at myself!

Cause I still had the bad feeling, and now it was even worse than before.
I had a sick feeling of dread that I couldn't get rid of.

I had already planned to tell her to wait in the car for Fancee.
Since it wasn't Ceez regular visiting day they only had an hour
We could easily talk on the phone for that length of time.

Now, I'd be on edge for at least another hour before she'd call me.
I noticed I had a message so I clicked it and read what she said.
Oh alright at least she messaged me

Oh man.
I really ain't like this feeling.
Helplessness.

I sat down and stared off into space not even really noting the passage of time, still thinking back over our happiest memories, even the arguments, through the last, almost 6 years now.
Remembered all the nights of passion, days with her at my side.

Even when I was booked, she stayed down for me.
I put her through hell during that lil bid and she only quit me cause I let another female visit me.
She got so jealous that she'd ended us on the spot.
The bitch wasn't nobody to me, just my cellies main bitch, and I was passing information to her, but I did it on purpose.

My packs were coming up short, my money wasn't right and I had nobody I could take my temper out on, but her.
So I yelled at her, made her cry, made her think she wasn't doing everything right, when in actuality the realest person on my team was her.

I'll never forget the look in her eyes when she seen me sitting with this random chick, on our visit day.
I did it to hurt her, and saw I definitely had.
I could've picked another day, one I'd only need 15 minutes for what I'd needed to say.

Instead, I chose to drive her away.

Her look only lasted a second, when I looked again, her beautiful grey eyes had a steel glint to them, I saw her mentally square up, send me a kiss on two fingertips, blow it to me, and walk out.
I stifled a chuckle. She was furious, she was beyond pretty when she got this mad!
Damn my lil bitch was heated, she'd just sent me the "kiss of death"
We did that in the crew, whenever we was done with someone or something.
Tough lil bitch, I raised her to be a rider, and she definitely is.

Everything that came after that was mostly my fault.
She wasn't even a drinker and went to that damn bar, got smashed, just to make me mad.
I was beyond mad, I would've dropped restriction on her for that, well if she was still mines.
Damn!
Why did I do that to her?

She wanted me to know, we were at quits.

I swallowed that bitter pill like a champ, but when word got back to me she was someone else's girl,
Now, that shit crushed me!

I just fell back, trying to convince myself she was skimming money off me, and even started sniffing the coke in the packages I sold.
Tried to tell myself she was probably cheating on me before she quit me.
My boys told me she was a flirt, had been seen around Camden.
My arch nemesis Wiz lived there.
They told me she was always around Smythe, that her and Akki was thicker than thieves.

I dropped to the floor of my cell, did a thousand push ups, three thousand crunches.
Tried to get that look on her face outta my head, forget her, forget US.

Ya know, you can lie convincingly to everyone but yourself, because the real you, it always knows!
My inner self knew I was a rotten asshole for what I did, and I knew she ain't deserve any of it, never would she steal from me and I knew better than to think she was doing drugs.
She hated that I sold them, and the one time she'd caught me doing a line told me it was her or the white girl.

I thought it was funny at the time because she is a white girl.

As far as cheating, she wouldn't.
Smythe was like having a part of me to her, she was around him because she missed me.
Akki, that was her bodyguard and her friend, nothing more

Speaking of Akki, he came to see me a few weeks before I was released.
He let me know that she was never being untrue to me.
That everything shed been trying to tell me, all of it, was true.
The hustlers I employed weren't paying their right amounts.
The coke, pills, and weed packages I was selling, were being tapped.
More than a few of them, my so called "squad," had come at her sideways, trying to get her to leave me, so they could be her man.
She shot them all down came and told me everything, the God's honest truth, and I believed the streets, the boys, and every occurrance over her.

Akki wasn't scared of me like everyone else was, even though he knew full well what I was capable of!
He let me have it with both barrels, told me exactly what he thought of me, how fucked up I was for treating Nikole that way, and he was right.

I was a dick.

My phone rang, I picked it up and heard absolutely heartbreaking news.

"Oh my fucking God!"

That's all I could really say, as I repeated what Fancee told me, to my brother and Daze.

Immediately, Daze's eyes filled with real tears, she offered to take us there.
I shook my head mutely, picked up my house phone, called Thornton and told her that my girl was in the hospital and I needed to go to her.
She immediately told me to go and keep her updated on any new developments.

We piled in the car, and made our to the hospital.

After giving all of Nikoles info, we were sent to the Prenatal ICU section.

Oh man, this was bad, even worse than what I thought it could be.

We met with the doctors and were updated on her condition.
At first, they weren't trying to tell me but I called myself her husband, when my brother, Fancee, Daze all agreed I was she finally relented, and let me in on what happened.

That piece of shit!
She was in very critical condition, in a coma.

She'd been beaten almost to death.

She sustained a concussion, three fractured ribs, had abrasions and contusions everywhere
One of the fractured ribs had punctured her right lung, called a pneumothorax.
The other had ruptured her spleen.
She would have to undergo a splenectomy, if she stabilized.

IF!!

That brought me to my knees, then and there, I whispered a plea, calling upon my higher power, to save her!
To take me, but not her.
Never HER!

The babies were fine, and I thanked God for that.
Without her, how would I raise two babies?

From what Fancee had told me, she almost died protecting my babies, curling into a tight ball when the slime ball began his attack.
The only kick he landed to her stomach was not a direct hit, she turned to the side to avoid the twins getting hurt.

Which is why this all hurt worse.

The doctor came back, asked to speak to me somewhere more private, and showed me into a room with a X Ray film viewer, mounted on the wall closest to the door.
Pointing, showed me certain areas, saying scathingly, "WHY should I let you in to see her! Look at all the pain and damage this poor child has gone through!"

Nikole's X-rays!

I looked in horror, I could very clearly see all the times her ribs had been fractured or broken, a total of 10 times.
This was in addition to a myriad of other old breaks and fractures.
No wonder that doctor was looking at me with contempt.

I looked at her, told her that those injuries didn't come from me, they had been sustained when we weren't together, and that if she wanted she could polygraph me.
That I would rather break something vital to me then to ever hurt my wife.
That even though we were relatively young in age, we'd both already lived a whole lifetime.
Something in the sorrow I'm sure was in my eyes, the pointed manner in which I spoke, must have lent credence to my words.
She nodded her head once, told me I could see Nikole, that as her husband I could also stay overnight with her.

Good, because it wasn't no way in hell I'd leave her now!

If I had to sleep in the parking lot in my car, and come back each morning, I would.
If her coma clung on, I'd rent a room or an apartment.

That was a bonus in being wealthy, you didn't have to worry about these things a whole lot.
You wanted something, it was easily obtainable
The downside of that, is that there was hardly anything you couldn't get or buy, except health, and that's what I was faced with now.

My girl's very life was in these Drs. hands.

I thanked Dr. Adams, went to go see Nikole.
I stood outside her room trying to prepare for what I would see once I entered.
I already knew it would be bad, the x-rays showed me that already.

I entered, caught my breath.
This was worse than I thought.

Her still form lay there hooked up to an IV, she was intubated, she had heart monitors, fetal monitors medical apparatus attached just about everywhere.

Even from where I was standing, I could see a bulky area where her ribs were wrapped and taped, a bandage around her head, another bandage on her neck.
I knew from Fancee it was there from that sick fuck biting a plug out, trying to remove my mark.
That mark I made was just below her carotid artery, another inch and she would've bled the fuck out.

My heart broke watching her lying there so still.

I went to her, sat at her bedside, took the hand that had the least amount of IVs or ports in it, and held it within my own.
My other hand went to her belly, where my twins were thriving and growing, safe, because their momma is a rider.

For the first time, possibly since I was a very young child, I cried.

Nikole's POV

I wasnt in any pain, and wherever this was, it was truly beautiful.

Almost everywhere I looked I saw someone I knew!
I wasn't afraid at all.
I felt warm, wanted, and then my grandmother came and sat next to me on the padded bench I rested on.

"Well now this is a pickle isn't it dear?" She said to me in her sweetly Irish brogue. I need a bosies!"
"Why is that?" I asked her, so happy to see her that if I could have cried I would've.
"Because, my sweet face, if you are here, it means you're not there!
I believe you are needed there!
As much as we want you here, it's for you to decide."

That made perfect sense to me somehow, and I nodded.

"But Gran, I want to talk to you, there's so much I've needed to tell you" I said, my voice sounding not like my own.
She smiled then, a beautiful smile from within, and hugged me close to her.
I smelled the perfume she favored, "Aliage."
I felt so at peace with seeing her, grateful for getting this chance to tell her how much I loved her.

The only problem with this was, my Gran was deceased, had been since right before I met Sam.

So, if I was with her, did that mean I was no longer among the living?

What about my babies?
I touched my belly and found it as flat as it was before becoming pregnant.
That gave me a moment of absolute terror as I looked at her, for an answer, somehow knowing she had one.
"Och now my wee one" she chided, "There's no need to fear! If you decide to remain, the children will be fine! The doctors will keep you alive through artificial means until it's safe for the babies to be born.
Sam will raise them, and they'll have Aunties and Uncles to help him with that.
They won't ever have another mother though. He won't ever love another after you."

I digested this.

She continued on, saying, "As for all that I haven't seen, it's not so.
I've seen it all.
All of your joys and fears, all of your trials and triumphs, from heaven I've watched, and guided you through them all."

"So, I'm in heaven then Gran?" I asked her, still a little apprehensive as to what it all meant.
"Oh no, my dear, this isn't heaven" she said laughingly, her eyes twinkled at me.
"This is a waiting room. Everyone here, needs a spirit guide to come for them, but first they need a prayer, to bring one!
That's what I am, your spirit guide"

I looked around, noticed all these people I knew, and some that I didnt. Some looked like they had been here a very long time, while others looked like they were like me, newly arrived.

I looked at her and asked, "Why are they all here, I don't see their spirit guides with them?"
He eyes looked sad as she explained, "It takes a heartfelt prayer to bring a spirit guide to a loved ones side.
Most people don't realize that prayers for the deceased loved one are still needed, but they are focused in on their own grief and hurt, making of arrangements, all of that!
Also, the people of earth, have stopped saying prayers!!"

I nodded again asked, "Then why are you here? If all these people are waiting, does that mean I got a prayer to send you to me?"
Her eyes twinkled, and she said, "You? We got so many prayers for you, in your name, an anguished, whispered plea from the children father, for both you and his twins safety, that God HIMSELF sent me to you personally!
I am an Upper Echelon Angel, I don't spirit guide much anymore"

I watched as she unfurled her magnificent wings and wrapped me in them.
They were soft, smelled of every scent I had ever been partial to.

The most prominent, Grey Flannel.

Sam.

Even in Heavens waiting room, I couldn't stop thinking of him, and when I thought of him, I thought of the twins, and then I wanted more than anything, to be back where I belonged.

Heaven would just have to wait.
I had a purpose still left to fulfill.

She kissed my cheek, held me close, told me she loved, and would always be with me.

There was a blinding flash, a moment of flying, and then I crashed back into my own being.

If that was real, I needed to say some prayers for all of those people I knew, and more for the ones I didn't.

If that was close to heaven, maybe now I was somewhere close to hell, because I hurt and ached everywhere!

Then I smelled Grey Flannel and heard crying.

I cracked my eyes open, focused on the man at my bedside.

He looked terrible, grief ravaged.
His face was drawn and haggard, eyes red rimmed.
He had several days worth of stubble on his face, and needed a shape up.
It was obvious he hadn't slept in awhile, or even changed clothes as the outfit he was wearing was extremely wrinkled.

How long had I been unaware?

I looked around and saw tons of flowers, cards, bears, other stuffed animals.
It was Thursday, November 18, the TV had a time and date at the bottom of the video BET was playing.
The song, "Satisfy You" by Puff Daddy.

Thursday?
When we had left the house to go to Graterford it was a Sunday!
I was only talking to Gran for what felt like a few minutes.

I tried to talk, but found I couldn't as I had something down my throat.

I squeezed his hand, sending his gaze flying to my face.

"Aww baby, you're back!"

I nodded, as he dropped my hand and pushed the button to the nurses station, couldn't wait till they answered, and bounded out to the hall where I heard a loud crash, followed by a muttered curse.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, it was obvious he collided with a medical cart from the sound.

If I could've giggled I would've, that cracked me up.

Within moments, a team of doctors and nurses swarmed my room.

It appeared I was alive.