Chapter 3 - Wednesday, March 5, 1941

Two hundred and seventy-one days before the attack.

Choices

Elliot's POV

Saying I hate Colin would be a lie. His obsession with knowing every facet of my life, and trying to be friendly was infuriating, however. Whatever he saw at the bar should have disgusted him like anyone else would, but his insistence on remaining my roommate seemed like a curse. It's as though he had an ulterior motive, and that's what made me dislike him. Although it was refreshing to have someone mildly accept me, the inevitable truth was that he would use that against me if anything were to damage his reputation. That's how it's always been at every shipyard and any relationship I've tried to make work. It was only a matter of time before his self-imposed obligation to treat me as an equal would become a burden.

Supper had become a minefield with him. Any sudden or wrong moves and he'd find unwanted information. Despite the risk, he'd always ask these personal questions that would always strike a nerve. Just the other night, he had brought up a nickname that I loathed growing up. Ellie. A name I had associated with betrayal and deceit. A name my so-called family had used against me to spite me for not being manly enough. A name my secret partner at the time had spit in my face when we were caught.

It was unfair to blow up in front of Colin that night, and unfair to disappear for a couple of nights, especially when I still hadn't explained why I had stormed out in the first place.

And now, as he slurped down the spaghetti I made, he appeared to find the words to say between bites. He'd hastily chug some water before looking at me, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.

He cleared his throat, "Hey, sorry about the other night. I didn't mean to anger ya."

I didn't know what to say, so he continued, "I don't know what I was thinkin'. Well, I do but I hadn't of mean to take it that far. I didn't think you'd be that offended or walk out like you did. I was just tryin' to get to know ya more, considering we're living together. I guess I shoulda known you were a secret fella. I just wanted you to open up a bit more, ya know? I ain't know a single thing about ya."

He scratched the back of his head, seemingly embarrassed by his little rant, which made me a little embarrassed myself. It wasn't like he was trying to mock or scorn me like the people I had once trusted. He drank another gulp of water from his glass, setting it down gingerly.

I sighed, "I apologize for my outburst, it was something personal. I don't appreciate that nickname."

The corners of his mouth lifted, revealing his appealing smile. "I won't say it again."

I thanked him before we continued to eat spaghetti. A few moments passed before he stopped and set the fork down. He furrowed his brows as if he was unsure if he should say anything.

 "You don't have to answer if you don't want, I was just curious why you joined the navy, considering the military doesn't - ya know... approve," he drew out, as I almost missed the last bit if it weren't for the deafening silence in the room. I didn't want to answer, but his willingness to understand me as a person was something I've never dealt with. I loathed discussing my past, but there was something about Colin that made me feel as though I could tell him. He seemed like a dish sponge, willing to accept anything and everything without complaining, no matter how dark and dreary my upbringing was.

I hadn't realized he had mumbled something before going back to his spaghetti. I took a long gulp of water before responding, "It wasn't by choice."

He looked up confused. "I didn't want to at first. It was something I had to do," I continued. His eyes widened as if expecting a better explanation, but I wasn't sure if I should even tell him about my family. It was unfair to dump this burden on someone who was this positive and permissive about the abnormal. He didn't push the topic anymore, instead focusing on his nearly empty plate of food.

"If it makes you feel better, my parents don't like my girlfriend. It's kinda why I joined the Navy, to avoid them pressuring me into marrying some classier lady. Rosa isn't their definition of high class, just cause her family's from Mexico," he rolled his eyes. "So I signed up as soon as I could, and she volunteered for the hospitals wherever I was stationed."

"She must miss her family," I blurted out.

"They write to each other, but I know she misses them more than she cares to admit," he admitted, almost disappointingly. "She insists that it's for the better, but hopefully I can properly introduce myself to her family"

Collin seemed upset about the situation, but their sacrifice for their relationship was commendable. A slight pang of jealousy ran through me. Collin had someone to turn to when his family disapproved of his choices, while, James, my lover at the time had simply taken off as soon as my parents found out. Even after I left and joined the navy, I didn't have someone like Rosa to love and cherish. I looked at Collin who savored his glass of water, most likely thinking about his beloved girlfriend.

"Ellie," I said without thinking. Collin looked surprised to hear it. "My...partner at the time had called me that. I - we were secretly seeing each other, like you and Rosa. He hated me after my parents found out. My father forced me into the navy soon after. 'Ellie' was considered to be too much of a girl name, and he thinks the Navy will change me"

I wanted to leave again. The desire to run out like I did the other night burned. I hadn't intended on telling my roommate about James, or my family for that matter. Maybe it was the longing for someone to understand me that made me blurt out nonsense. But Collin was very understanding, and in many ways, had a similar situation.

Collin hadn't said anything, and I refused to look up at him. I suddenly felt trapped. Of course, Collin probably didn't want to hear about that kind of relationships or my past. Maybe he'd be willing to be assigned a different roommate. I probably said too much, and he's reconsidering.

"That's pathetic," I heard faintly. I felt nauseous. Of course, he'd think the same way my family felt. My choice in partners was obviously worse than liking someone of a lower class.  My mouth felt dry, and through the deafening silence, I managed a brief glance at his face. He was looking directly at me, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Sorry," I mumbled, moving my utensils onto the empty plate, going to work on the dishes to avoid his scrutiny.

He cleared his throat, "don't be. Your father's stupid for thinkin' that the Navy will change you."

I turned to look at him when he continued. "Turning your son away from you for being different is pathetic. In fact, you joining the navy despite the criticism makes you a better man than him. Better than most people."

His words resonated deeply with me. Whether he felt obliged to tell me this, or he truly meant it, for some reason, Collin had found a way to reassure me ever so slightly.