Some things, no matter how long they've been around, never seem to feel real.

In theory, five years should be more than enough time for the world to adjust to losing half of its population. A new system would rise through the years of adjustment, and perhaps something of a new normal would take its place.

If there was ever such a thing, I never noticed.

Since Thanos' defeat and the Stones' final destruction, the weight didn't lift from anyone's shoulders. Or at least, I assumed. A lot of the group following Thanos' death had dispersed, gone their separate ways. This was worse than what the Sokovia Accords had brought upon us.

We did this to the world. We broke it. In turn, it broke us.

Steve and I couldn't bear to stay at the facility following Thanos' death, so we had found our own place in New York. For some time, it was a tiny apartment just big enough to accommodate the both of us. We'd upgraded to a small rancher out in the country—I could give you one guess as to why.

We would still visit the facility, visit Natasha and Todd, who mainly seemed to hang around in the years after. They both appreciated the visits, especially when I brought the little one with me. Most days it was just the two of us, rarely did we visit the facility as a family.

To say our marriage, and our lives, were happy...it wasn't true, not all of the time. While having a child certainly brought life and happiness to us both, there were snags that we had encountered. Snags that our little girl was far too young to comprehend.

Today felt no different. While Steve and I hadn't argued, the latest development in our lives had whammied us. Steve felt the impact, but nowhere near compared to how I felt it. He could never understand it, being he didn't have the same anatomy as me.

I had stayed over the previous night in the facility, in our old room prior to leaving. It felt bigger without Steve in it despite having our little girl share the bed with me.

Todd currently had Gracelynn, who just loved my best friend to death. Oh, and she couldn't stop ogling Nat either whenever she was at the facility. I couldn't believe it, the day I had seen Natasha have maternal instincts with my daughter. It looked so out of place.

I found one of the training rooms, my stomach not really hungry. Lately, my focus and my emotions had put a damper on my concentration. I could gauge that based on what I could do when I trained solo. I never used my powers near Gracelynn, in fear of hurting her or scaring her. She was far too young to understand my abilities. I was waiting for her to grow older before Steve and I had that discussion with her.

This morning's session remained much of the same: I wasn't maintaining my usual level of concentration. When it completely lapsed, the dark thoughts creeped in. I tried to fight it off with the light. With Steve's happy face, with Gracelynn's high, bubbling laughter.

But then I remembered Gracelynn would have been a big sister. She had been so happy, though I was sure she hadn't fully understood. She had gotten sad when Steve and I had to tell her that things had changed.

I jumped at a sudden hand waving directly in front of my face. Instinct told me to punch, but I held back when I realized it was Todd. Gracelynn wasn't with him. I wasn't terribly worried; if Todd wasn't babysitting, Natasha was.

"Are you creeping on me with the cameras?" I teased bitterly. Unless I had walked right by him without realizing, he wouldn't have known where I was, let alone what had just happened.

"That's neither here nor there. My best friend is hurting right now, I think that gives me the right to creep a little bit."

"Dare I ask where my daughter is?"

"Auntie Nat's got her. I swear, she mother-hens that child."

Perhaps she has a longing that she can never have. Maybe she can't have children. I remembered how she had been with Clint's children when we had met the rest of the Bartons. A new side of her had been seen that day. "Gracie keeps her mind busy, keeps her away from business."

"Thank God, because I can't always pull her away myself."

"Well, you know Nat. Once she sets her mind on something, it takes a lot to put her onto something else."

With a little more consoling from Todd, I left the training room, heading back to my old room. Nat and Gracie weren't present. I started packing up our things, I knew Steve was due to pop in soon to come get us both.

"So, how're you and the mister?" Todd asked cautiously, but he tried to pass it off as casual.

"All things considered, we haven't killed each other." I sniffed. "We've still got the cloud hanging over us."

Todd's face went soft. "There are words I want to say, but I think I'll just make it worse."

"You know, when Gracie was born, I really thought that the world was starting to forgive us for our universal failure. But everywhere you look there are constant reminders. And then this..." My eyes got misty.

"You'll work your way through it. Something like this, you need to lean on each other. I'm always backup support if you need it. So is Nat."

I gave a thin smile. "I know. You always have been, Todd."

At the sound of quick, approaching footsteps, I wiped away any potential tears. A small flash of blonde hair came barreling into the room, going for my legs. I bent to pick up Gracie, who hugged my neck, shoving her face into it. It was her signature move, because she knew it always made me smile.

The smile took on a sad tone when Steve appeared in the doorway. His mouth twitched a somber smile as well. Focus on the light in the dark, I told myself. Gracie is that light.

"Come to bring me home, Cap?" I asked, shuffling our daughter in my arms. "Or did you happen to think of me when you were coming back from your meeting?"

It was no secret that Steve attended meetings, sometimes ran them, in regards to people working through the trauma of the world's decimation five years ago. He'd tried to convince me to go a couple of times. Though those struggling would understand, they would never truly understand the guilt and failure that still settled in my chest five years later. They wouldn't know what it was like to be the cause of the world being how it was currently. Unless they were there that day, there was no way they could get it.

"Both," he said. "Unless you want to hang around here some more. I think Gracie wants to get home, though."

"I do!" our daughter piped. "Food!"

"Did Auntie Nat not feed you, little monster?" I rubbed my nose against hers, making her giggle.

"Oh, no, she did," Steve insisted, "she's just always hungry."

"Well, I suppose we should get going then." I looked to Todd. "I'm sure I'll be back soon enough."

"You better," he said teasingly, "because visits from that little squirt make my day."

**A lot has happened in five years...**