Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts mentioned.

We woke up early thanks to all the noises downstairs. Charlie would drive back to Nova Aria today to check on his precious Cessna, and that would mean that none of us could stay our asses in bed.

I needed to pack him some food and supplies. Charlie would be gone for days as he always did, and the thought of the old man scavenging for food or shuffling in line for Federation ration just didn't sit right with me. Fights often broke out in those places, and many people got hurt or arrested.

In the past six months, many necessities had become scarce, and the prices grew ten times. As a result, people hoarded as if their lives depended on it. They very much did.

We suffered the worst economy since the Federation's founding, but on the bright side, the martial law had been lifted soon after Castillon's capture. He did put up quite a fight in court, but eventually, the evidence against him was overwhelming. Things progressed as they should, and Castillon was sentenced to life in a maximum-security prison. If you ask me, it was still far too lenient for what he had planned, and some he had succeeded. Unfortunately, I wasn't the one who made the judgment or shady deals behind Citadel's curtains.

One day, we saw a four-paragraph snippet in a newspaper about the CEO, or should I say the late CEO of QL Solutions, Herman Lang. He was found on the side of the road with a bullet in his head. Suicide was the official report, but we believed otherwise. Many lives had been lost that way, and it seemed that even though Castillon was stuck in prison, his fingers still reached far and wide to stir up our world.

According to Charlotte, it could also be another party that wanted to keep Zedlum a secret. I couldn't say which was the truth, or if I was interested in any part of it. I just wanted it all to be over. Really over.

Spring ended, and the summer rolled in. Some old TV programs returned, replacing the dreadful nightly Federation announcements along with many of our neighbors.

When I drove past the gas station a couple of days ago, I saw the sign We're Open! It was surreal, and sometimes, I felt as if we were living in a fake reality. At any moment, someone could pull the rug from under us. Like that.

The helplessness could drive anyone insane, but I tried my best not to let it drown me. Last night was another night Robert and I talked until sunrise. My insomnia had come back full force since we laid the garden stone with my dad's name down next to Mom's under the tree in the backyard. I couldn't sleep much. Not anymore. Many times, not without someone in the room.

Somehow, that someone had always been Robert. Our conversations often revolved around our childhood, what we had, and what we lost. Who we lost. Sometimes, we just listed what we had done during the day. I knew I had grown codependent on Robert. I tried my best to avoid it at first, but it was inevitable, I guessed.

After everything, maybe, codependency wasn't such a sin as Vince had said one time.

I thought about the group of people who currently occupied our house often. I, Vince, Robert, old man Charlie, and Charlotte. Our "found family". Edgar had left soon after his wounds healed. Besides a few text messages here and there, it was as if he had fallen off the face of the Earth. Something told me that we wouldn't see him again any time soon, and that gave me such bittersweetness. But the man deserved his peace at least.

Charlotte, on the other hand, had become a fixture of our lives. Most days, she would sleep like a cat until noon in the guest-bedroom-turned-nursery. During her short awake windows, she would sit on the front porch, staring at the empty field. Many times, she would play darts. The woman was superb at that.

As her belly grew, so did Charlotte's ability and desire to ignore us. She didn't bother to open her mouth anymore unless absolutely necessary. And she avoided Robert, her baby's father, as best as she could for some reason.

One morning, I came out of my room to see her waddle down the hall. From Vince's. That was a scene I would never expect. We exchanged one look as she turned around and closed the bathroom door, and that was that. My brother was grown enough. If he wanted to jump into muddy water, who was I to say otherwise?

Charlotte had expressed her impatience and desire to leave many times, and we had always tried to convince her not to. It was not safe for a lone woman to wander the unrest country, no matter how capable she claimed to be. Not to mention, a pregnant one. After that fateful morning, however, Charlotte announced that she would stay until the baby was born. I was relieved more than I wanted to admit. Robert and old man Charlie simply nodded, and Vince was beyond happy. I had never seen my brother smile so much or act so silly especially after we lost Dad. He catered to Charlotte, and in turn, she breathed life into him. I couldn't complain.

Things were awkward for a while, but I managed.

One day, out of the blue, Charlotte had a meltdown over breakfast. She said that the baby she was carrying was "a mistake", that she regretted it, and apologized for stringing us along. We tried to calm her down, and as her fit subsided, Charlotte confessed that the baby, in fact, wasn't Robert at all.

Charlotte was young. She had never cared much for a nuclear family and whatnot. Growing up without one had taught her to rely on herself only. Her intention from the start had been to gain Castillon's trust and fully attach to him to climb the political ladder. Charlotte knew how to play the game.

That was until she met Robert. It wasn't the first time Charlotte had come across someone wearing a lab coat and glasses. Someone with Robert's expertise and mannerisms, but when he first walked out from the elevator, her attention had been captured. As time went by, Charlotte found herself counting the days and hours to the next meeting between Castillon and Robert. Something about the young man was different. Intoxicating. She loved his awkward greeting as he walked past her desk. His mind was brilliant, and his passion showed clearly when he talked about the project. He cared for his team and people in general under the stoic shell. Something that they didn't have in common.

Maybe it was the trips from and to his place at the lowest point of his life, the conversations that they shared, or the time they had spent silently in each other's presence. He needed and accepted her help, and that brought Charlotte a strange sense of fulfillment. Maybe, it was the guilt-laced thrill of falling for a man whose father she had an affair with. Either way, she knew Robert was too good for her and her murky world. That added to the appeal.

We looked at each other, lost for words. Robert was shocked, rightfully so. He went from Father to Half-Brother-To-Be within a morning, and there was nothing anyone could say or do to make it better. Or nearly acceptable. The train had left the station.

"I'll be back, kids. Don't party too hard when I'm gone." Charlie's shout while rearranging everything in the van pulled me back to reality.

"Right, right, we know, old man." Charlotte leaned on the porch post and rubbed her belly.

Charlie made a face. "Well, gotta see if any fool wants to try their luck and break into my hangar. You wouldn't understand, lady."

"Of course, I don't..." Charlotte rolled her eyes.

Charlie laughed and got into his driver's seat. "Anyway, I'm off. See you next week." He drove away, leaving us in a trail of exhaustion.

"Old man hates me," Charlotte mumbled.

"He only loves Robert and his airplanes. You know that." Vince tugged a few strands of her loose hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek.

"I almost believed you, babe." Charlotte turned to kiss Vince on his nose tip, and I swore my brother grew wings.

I rolled my eyes at the two and tapped Robert's elbow. I gestured toward the door. We headed back inside, leaving the lovebirds alone. The kitchen slide doors led out to the backyard. It was mid-summer. The warm breeze blew in our hair as we walked across it and then the field. We both sweated like pigs in the end. Not long after, we were in front of Robert's uncle's farmhouse.

"Remember that?" He jutted his chin at the big tree.

"How can I forget?" I chuckled. "When I first saw you, you were yay tall, super skinny and dirty..."

"You only remember bad things about me." Robert shook his head.

"Am I lying?" I laughed. "Did you wear your uncle's clothes that day?"

"Yes, and every other day. I didn't have much or care much about fashion. The old bastard rarely washed his clothes..."

We both laughed and walked toward the tree.

"Sometimes," Robert tapped its trunk. "I forced myself to come back here just to remind myself of how far I had come, and that everything wasn't all bad. I met you and Vince here, didn't I? But sometimes, the good memories weren't enough. I was alone after letting you go, and... I really wanted to burn it all to the ground."

His voice died down as he looked at me, and I wasn't sure how to respond. Robert had this effect. I turned to a window on the second floor. I had spent countless nights climbing through it when Dad wasn't home and Vince didn't notice. Robert's uncle would pass out drunk before nine after yelling and slapping his nephew around all day. I would climb the fence on our left to the shed and from its roof, up through the window I was looking at right now. Robert's 'room' only fit a twin-size mattress and some space for him to go in and out. It was always dark, freezing in the winter, and blistering in the summer. Robert would sit in the corner waiting for me with a flashlight. I remembered the whispering secrets between us, the cuts and bruises on his body. I often didn't know what to offer him besides my time. Many nights, we fell asleep together, and I would leave right before sunrise...

"You saved me, Lou." Robert traced his fingers on the back of my hand. "All those years. Many times. I didn't know how I could continue or if I wanted to without you. And Vince. I thought of ending it..."

"Robert..."

"My life was worthless anyway," he sighed and busted out laughing. "At least, that was what I thought, but then, I was afraid that you might be sad if I left this world without telling. You climbed into my room every day. Maybe, I had something to offer you too. But undoubtedly, your visits saved me. I thought 'She's crazy. I'm nothing. A burden to even my extended family. So why she keeps doing this?' And that night when it was pouring, and you came in looking like a drowned cat, I knew. I knew that you were my person. You would never abandon me, and neither would I."

I tiptoed, and our lips touched. Robert sighed in contentment before looking down at me.

"I don't know how else to say this, Lou, but we are destined to be together. I was a fool for pushing you away. I still regret it to this day. I will make it up to you for the rest of my life. Just trust me."

"It doesn't matter what happened anymore. I don't hold it against you. I wish we stayed together and figured things out, too, but here we are. That's what matters."

"Yes, but I still blame myself for those lost years. And you're right. I need to tone down my Captain-Save-The-World act."

We both laughed.

"Bear, you did save the world. You and Edgar."

"We did it together, Lou. You, me, Charlie, your dad, Vince, and Charlotte... I love you, and I want to marry you."

"What did you say?" I blinked.

"I said I loved you and I wanted t—"

"Bear," I sighed and let go of him. "I love you, too, but months ago when we first agreed to give it another shot, we also agreed to take it slow and enjoy each other's company with no labels. No promises or expectations. It's not that what you said didn't make me happy, or I don't want to be with you, but... I don't know."

"I'm sorry, Lou... I've been so happy in the past months. Guess I was just a little carried away..." He chuckled dryly while rubbing the nape of his neck. "I don't think I deserve any of this anyway. I want to spend the rest of my days with you. Want to give you everything, but what Castillon did..."

"Wasn't your fault." I pressed my lips together.

"I know, but it feels that way...It's hard not to when I'm related to that man, you know? He is the direct cause of so much pain. Vince's, yours, many other people's. He... is responsible for General Hayne's passing. And I failed to bring him home. Standing beside you like this, enjoying life with you just feels...so wrong."

I touched Robert's face while watching the sun dance on his skin. My thoughts raced in a thousand directions. I was selfish. I understood what Robert said, but I also wanted to be here. I couldn't imagine standing before this old, decrepit farmhouse by myself or with anyone else. Just as Robert had said that I was his person, he was also mine. And that was why it terrified me. I couldn't afford another loss. One day, maybe, we would wake up realizing we just trauma bonded. That what we had wasn't healthy and in fact, was a mistake. We would then regret our decisions.

Or, maybe, I could feel Dad's disappointment and disapproval beyond the veil.

A string of laughter echoed from our farmhouse, making us both turn our heads in that direction at the same time. We could see Charlotte chasing after Vince in the backyard and throwing something at him. They both laughed and attacked each other like children.

"Look at those two..." I couldn't help but smile. "If you told me months ago that this would be a possible outcome, I would call you a liar. But here we are..."

"Yes, here we all are. We're fine."

"I wish Dad could be here to see this though."

"General Haynes loved you and Vince." Robert's voice was soft. "He wanted nothing more than for you two to be safe and happy, and I think, he can see this. Wherever he is, he would feel at ease. I promised him and myself that I will protect you, and I intend to make good of that promise."

"I believe you." I pressed my lips into a brief smile.

The sun hung high above us, and the winds swept the baked soil across the horizon. My heart and mind had been heavy, but at that moment, in Robert's embrace while listening to the not-so-distant laughter, they carried no weight.