Kabanata 11

Practice

Weeks after, Cloud finally established a band.

Ngayon ang pinakaunang official band practice nila rito sa Trinity. Medyo nagkakahiyaan pa lalo na kung makikipaglokohan sa isa't isa pero malinis na naitatawid ni Cloud ang problemang 'yon.

"Bakit ba 'ko nag-bassist?" naliligaw na tanong ni Cloud habang hawak ang gitara.

Zechariah, their drummer, laughed at him. Binatukan pa niya si Cloud!

"Harassment, Zake! May atraso ba ko sa 'yo, ha?"

Zake chuckled before brushing his jet-black hair. Inilabas niya ang dila at dinilaan ang ibabang labi. Ipinaikot niya ang drumstick sa dalawang daliri at nagpasikat pa.

"Maligalig ka ba talaga, Cloud?" si Zake.

Ngumiwi siya. "Baka nga mas maligalig ka pa sa 'kin."

Halakhak ang isinagot ni Zake bago umupo sa stool ng kan'yang drum set. Pinagtripan niya ang ilang parte ng drums at initsa sa ere ang drumstick bago sinalo ito.

Nahuli niya ang aking tingin kaya kinindatan ako.

Umawang ang aking bibig.

"Zake," I heard Eros dangerously said.

Tumaas ang dalawang kilay ni Zake at nagpakawala ng nakalolokong ngisi. Isinuksok niya ang drumstick sa isang tenga at humalukipkip.

"Binabakuran agad, 'di naman karpintero."

Eros rolled his eyes at him before lending his gentle gaze at me. I tried to nurture his gaze, but I ended up lowering it.

Kinakabahan ako sa titig niya!

I heard his small chuckle before stroking the strings of his electric guitar.

Sari-sariling pumwesto sina Cloud at nagkaroon na ng planong seryosohin ang practice.

"Simulan mo, Eros."

Masungit na naglipat ng tingin si Eros mula sa gitara patungo kay Seville.

"Tonohan mo," dagdag pa niya.

Kibit-balikat niyang hinaplos ang strings ng gitara. Napaawang ang aking bibig nang mapansin na parang hindi siya nagbubuga ng effort sa napakagaling na gawa!

Parang isang makina ang paglapat ng kan'yang daliri dahil sa paraan ng pagkahusay nito. Napasisinghap na lang ako tuwing nag-aangat siya ng tingin at inililipat sa 'kin.

Eros!

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi at itinuon sa iba ang kaba. Sinilip ko ang cellphone at nakitang may message na naman mula kay Orion Belt.

It is sent an hour earlier.

Orion: do you like bands?

Orion: is it fine with you if I ask for a voice message collab?

Orion: it's alright if you say no, gusto ko lang makipag-collab sa 'yo kasi para kang anghel

You: voice message collab?

Ngumuso ako at pinindot ang send. Pamaya-maya pa ay may narinig akong notification mula sa Messenger.

Pumalya si Eros sa pagtutugtog dahil nailinga ang tingin sa direksyon ng cellphone nila. Nakatambak doon ang cellphone nilang anim kaya hindi ko sigurado kung sino ang nakatanggap ng notification.

"Focus, Eros," sambit ni Seville.

"Damn, Seb. Galing," komento ni Zake habang inaapakan ang pantugtog sa drums.

Sina Seville at Yuan ay sinusubukang mag-blend ng boses. Ang reaksyon na nakukuha nila ay ngiwi para kay Yuan.

"Why, Seville? Bakit ikaw ka-duet ko? Luge."

Realization struck his face.

Unti-unting humina ang pagtugtog nila dahil patapos na rin ang pina-practice na kanta.

Lumipat sa 'kin ang tingin ni Seville at ngumisi. Nagtaas-baba rin siya ng kilay at nagsimulang lumakad sa pwesto ko.

I started to panic. What is he going to do? Hawak niya pa ang isang microphone!

"Blend nga tayo..."

Nanlaki ang aking mata at napaawang ang bibig.

"What?" I breathed out.

"You sing, I sing. Ikaw rin mag-set ng tono. Magaling at marunong ka ro'n, 'di ba? Kapag nagsi-sintunado kami ni Yuan, ikaw yung nag-aayos. Noon pa 'man kahit nasa music school tayong apat."

Napatingin ako kay Eros na ngayon ay matiim ang tingin sa 'kin.

Napalunok ako at inabot ang mikropono. Lumapit ako sa kanila ni Yuan at inilapag ito sa lamesa.

"Anong kakantahin natin?"

Ngumisi si Seville at makahulugang tumingin lagpas sa 'kin.

"Say You Won't Let Go," mapanukso niyang sabi.

Hindi siya nakatingin sa 'kin!

"O, p're, kalma, 'wag magwawala," sabi ni Zake, natatawa.

I twitched my lips and nodded. I know almost all of James Arthur's songs—I'm a big fan of him.

Nanunudyong ipinatong niya ang kamay sa aking balikat at may nginisian nanaman sa likod ko. Ibabaling ko sana ang ulo sa likod ngunit hinawi ito pabalik ni Seville.

"Focus, Erych..."

Yuan looked at me with his curious glare before shifting his gaze elsewhere. Pasimple kong sinundan ang tingin ni Yuan. Nangunot ang aking noo nang makita ang matalim na titig ni Eros.

I heard Yuan chuckle before patting Seville. Nakapamulsa siyang umalis at lumapit sa kanila.

Alright. That's weird!

"I met you in the dark, you lit me up. You made me feel as though I was enough. We danced the night away, we drank too much. I held your hair back when you were throwing up..."

Seville's voice sounds powerful, but he can immediately manage to match the song's tune. Isa rin siya sa pinaka-flexible na magbago ng key tuwing nakanta dahil ang pinakamagaling ay si Yuan.

Yuan dedicated his life on singing. I am very sure that he'll do all means to polish his style just for the sake of approval.

He's like me, but more dedicated.

"Then you smiled over your shoulder. For a minute I was stone-cold sober. I pulled you closer to my chest. And you asked me to stay over. I said, I already told ya. I think that you should get some rest..."

Ang tango ni Seville ang naging senyas ng simula ng duet. Ibinuka ko ang bibig at ninamnam ang kanta kasabay ng pagtugma ng tono nito sa kan'ya.

"I knew I loved you then, but you'd never know. 'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go. I know I needed you, but I never showed. But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old."

"Just say you won't let go..."

Awtomatiko akong napalingon sa likod at nakita ang matiim na titig ni Eros.

He stood there, dominantly, as if he wants to steal everything—to make his presence known. Greatness loomed over his stature, and, at once, my depths started to question the meaning of perfection.

What is perfection and what can be beyond it?

He looked at me with his eyes wondering over the crooks of my face.

"I'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed. I'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head..."

Itinigil namin ni Seville ang pagkanta dahil sa pagsulpot at pagtuloy ni Eros.

I could care less about every members' stare!

Eros' voice plagued deep into my heart. It wants to have some notion—a belief that he will imply that he is the greatest of all.

The belief I had on perfection, on its pinnacle, and on its edge, immediately vanished as I saw him effortlessly sang. He stood there as if the flow of his emotions was natural in his voice.

"When you looked over your shoulder. For a minute, I forget that I'm older. I wanna dance with you right now. Oh, and you look as beautiful as ever, and I swear that everyday'll get better. You make me feel this way somehow..."

Tinanguan niya ako. Lalo akong kinabahan nang bahagyang tumaas ang sulok ng kan'yang labi.

"I'm so in love with you, and I hope you know. Darling your love is more than worth its weigh in gold..."

Hindi ko mapigilang humanga habang kumakanta.

I immediately remembered what he said before: our voice blends well as if it is made to pleasure the gods. I didn't believe at him back then but hearing it now—how we have started to grow our foundation—made me rethink somehow.

He is good at this—the rawness of his emotions, the edge of his voice, and the way how the keys and the notes slid from his throat... they were all mustered to be an epitome of perfection.

"Just say you won't let go. Oh, just say you won't let go...."

Nanatili ang titig ko sa kan'yang mata kahit tapos na. Nanatili rin ang kan'ya tila hindi nagpapatalo.

"Galing, Eros! Gumawa nga kayo ng duo."

His gaze bore into me because he didn't want to forfeit this game. There was never a game, how come?

Dahil pakiramdam ko ang pamumula ng mukha, ako na ang unang bumitiw. Pasimple akong humugot ng hangin at tumalikod.

Seville only watched me, amused. Sinamaan ko ng tingin pero tinawanan lang ako!

"Then he'll snatch you away..." he whispered.

I didn't have the time to understand what he said because I got dragged!

Alarma akong tumingin kay Seville pero tinawanan lang niya ako kasama ng mga kabanda niya. Sumaludo pa si Cloud sa'min!

"Good luck, Eros!"

Eros?!

I started to panic. What is he going to do to me? Hindi ko alam kung saan niya ako dadalhin!

We stepped outside the room before leaving the building. Bumungad sa 'kin ang paligid ng Trinity kung saan walang gaanong tao dahil bakasyon pa.

"Eros!" I called out, but he only glanced at me with a smirk.

Napasinghap ako at tinitigan ang kamay niyang nakapulupot sa aking pulsuhan.

"Saan mo ako dadalhin?"

Hindi niya ako inimik!

Buong durasyon ng paghila niya sa 'kin ay nanatili akong nakatitig sa paghipan ng hangin sa kan'yang buhok.

Hindi pa rin ako sanay na tawagin siyang Eros. I am used to calling him Erion!

"Kapag ba tinawag kitang Erion... lilingon ka ba?"

He immediately stopped on his tracks. My heart broke when he froze.

"Or kung ayaw mo naman, I'll stay with Eros-"

"Psyche."

Suminghap ako nang binanggit niya ang una kong pangalan.

Unti-unti siyang humarap sa 'kin, mata ay malamlam, habang nasa isang linya ang kan'yang mga labi.

He stared at me as if I was his specimen, or a case he badly wants to study.

"Psyche Aster Tantiangco... what a fitting name for a lovely woman."

Awtomatiko akong pinamulahan ng mukha.

"I don't see any reason for you to be called Erych. Ayaw mo ba sa pangalang ibinigay ng magulang mo?"

The eastern wind blew his hair. The streaks of the sunlight danced upon his marvelous face.

"Kasi ako... gustong-gusto ko ang pangalan na ibinigay ng magulang ko. Pero parang hindi ko na nagugustuhan ngayon nang malaman ko."

"Ano ba ang nalaman mo?"

I stared at his broken soul.

A tear escaped from his eye.

"Magugustuhan ko sana kung bibigyan ako ng rason para maipakita sa kanila na gusto ko... pero paano ko pa maipakikita sa kanila kung patay na sila pareho?"

Patong-patong na sakit ang bumalot sa aking katawan nang marinig ang huli niyang sinabi. Lalo akong nasira nang makita ang sunod-sunod na pagpatak ng luha sa kan'yang mata.

"This case... I hate it. I didn't want this, but I got this out of my consent. Ano ba ang nagawa ko?"

Isinuksok ko ang hiya at lumapit sa kan'ya upang yumakap. Nanigas siya sa kinatatayuan ngunit nahimasmasan pagkatapos ng ilang minuto. Sunod kong naramdaman ang pagpulupot ng kan'yang braso sa aking katawan.

With his tall frame, my head managed to stick it near his chest as I listened to his heartbeat and the muffled sound of his heartache.

"Don't fall for me, Psyche."

Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi at pinakinggan pa lalo ang tibok ng kan'yang puso.

"Don't fall for me, please. You won't find your salvation in me."

If I didn't want to fall for him, and if he didn't want me to fall for him, then should I do everything to refrain myself from falling?

"Then... if that's the case... what are the traits of your ideal girl?"

Sumikip ang pagkakayakap niya sa 'kin.

Sigurado akong ayaw niyang pag-usapan 'to, pero sa oras na 'to, gusto ko siyang pilitin. This is the only change that I'll take for him.

"I like girls who are strong—those who can fight their own battles. Mixed with madness, but still managed to care."

"Someone like?"

"Like a volleyball player. Her wildness, her madness... that's what I lived for the most."

Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili sa sunod na sasabihin.

Should I yearn for more answers? Or should I stay and be contented of what I have? But to understand them is what I want the most.

"Ano pa ang ayaw mo? Para iyon ang gagawin ko para lalo mo akong kainisan at mawalan ako ng pag-asa sa 'yo."

Why am I even saying this? Hindi ako 'to! Alam ko dapat ang tinatakbo ko, pero bakit parang naliligaw na ako?

"I don't want anyone to change theirselves just to be what I want. I want them to stay as it is and comply to the natural change brought upon by the world's society."

Napalunok ako.

"And what if... they change for you?"

Nanahimik siya. Kumalas sa pagkakayakap at sinilip ako gamit ang kan'yang masungit at mailap na mata.

"Then I'll loathe them."

I smiled. "I know what to do then."