Freya

"Alaric and I were friends growing up. We went to school together; our families were friends," Killian tells me. He stays over by the treeline, leaning lazily against a trunk.

I watch his face as he delves into memories of his past, watching the shadows cast across his features.

"His parents had control of the elements. His family was of high standing. Their Kinjri powers were very valuable. When I went to combat training, Alaric went to a school for particularly gifted Kinjri, intended to train them up for the purpose of graduating as royal soldiers Kinjri, the highest honor.

"It was around the time that I graduated that the cloud first entered the country. Nobody knew what it was. We didn't know to be afraid of the storm at first. Alaric's family... they didn't make it." He lets out a sigh, eyes drawing to the ground. "After the first cloud attack, the Palace was in shambles. I remember my mother coming home and arguing with my dad. I used to eavesdrop in the palace on her conversations with the Queens. People weren't happy with Torinne's response to the attack from Elel. Our Queens wanted to negotiate peace, they didn't think it was fair to attack the whole country for the actions of Ereon, but other people, people like Hana wanted revenge at whatever cost.

"When the Queens wouldn't listen, Hana went after the Kinjri first. She went after those who had lost people in the first attack. She convinced them of her side. She made them want revenge. Hana's underground rebellion grew as the cloud ravaged more of our country. Alaric was living with us after his family had been killed, but I didn't know Alaric had been converted to her cause until he invited me to an underground rally."

"Did you go?"

He nods. "I did. I knew that I shouldn't, that my mother would be furious if she found out. And I didn't believe in the cause the way they did. I wanted the same as the Queens, I still do. But Alaric was my friend, and he was grieving. He needed something to believe in. Something to root for."

"It doesn't sound like you only went once."

He presses his lips together. "You're right. I kept going. They were harmless, really. They just needed an outlet for their grief, their anger. But then they got more aggressive, started to plan an attack on the Queens and I... I couldn't just sit by and watch."

The information clicks into place, all the comments from Alaric, the bitter betrayal in his eyes whenever he spoke of Killian. "You exposed them."

He nods. "They were arrested, Hana and the other leaders. They only escaped once the cloud had truly invaded the country and became unmanageable. I imagine their imprisonment only fueled their cause."

"And what about Alaric?"

"I didn't tell them about Alaric. Maybe I should've, but... I couldn't," he says. "He went missing shortly after the arrests. I didn't fool myself into believing he would have forgiven me."

I toss the information over in my mind, picturing it with perfect clarity. I know all too well how grief can twist you, fuel your rage. And despite my current frustration towards him, I understand Alaric's rage. I've felt his rage. Deep in my bones.

"But couldn't he read your mind and know what you were going to do?"

"Like I said, you can block him from your thoughts with a lot of practice," Killian says. "I got good at blocking, and Alaric got worse at listening. His rage distracted him, made him focussed on only one thing. Revenge."

I glance sideways at Killian, wanting to reach forward and touch his face, brush the line from between his eyebrows. "Why didn't you want to tell me?"

"I'm not proud of everything that I've done," he says honestly, meeting my eyes. "I would do the same now as I did then. I know it was the right thing to do. But that doesn't mean I'm proud of it."

Silence settles between us. I watch his expression as a careless mask slips over, throwing his memories deep back into his mind.

I settle on the edge of the rock face, pulling my cloak tighter around me to fight the cold as I glance back downstream, where I imagine Alaric rests, turning the rock over in my hand.

Killian drifts closer, staring at the side of my face. "Death by stoning is a horrific way to go. Even for Alaric."

"I'm not stoning anyone." I drop the rock, watching as it sinks beneath the black surface of the water. He opens his mouth, but I cut him off. "And I'm not going to kill him."

"Are you sure? You seemed pretty annoyed that he tricked you."

I glare at him. "You'd know a lot about that, wouldn't you?"

My words hit harder than intended, and I wish I could snatch them back. I hadn't been thinking of Alaric and Killian's past at all with my comment, but in the wake of what he just told me, my comment feels too harsh. I've never liked the idea of using somebody else's story as a weapon against them.

"I didn't mean—"

"I know what you meant," he assures me. "And I deserved that."

I sigh, shaking my head. "Besides, I don't care about Alaric."

"Your reaction was anything but indifference." He leans lazily against the trunk of a tree. "There's something to be said about that."

"And what's that?"

"Indifference is reserved for people we don't care about." He shrugs. "I don't have to be a mind reader to know that there was more than indifference between the two of you."

I furrow my brows, trying to read through his stoic expression. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's a common occurrence, you know. The prisoner falling for her captor."

"That's not funny, Killian."

"Wasn't a joke."

I stare at him, trying to read the meaning in his words. The last time I saw him, I'd felt his care for me deep in my bones. His desperation as he begged me to leave him there, to save myself.

I need you to be safe, he'd said. I need you to go.

It's what I held onto in the dark nights in Dadun, desperate to see him again.

But now, discussing Alaric, his tone is frustratingly casual, careless. As if the potential of something between Alaric and me doesn't bother him in the slightest. I can't deny the fact that that muddles my mind.

But for once, Killian's wrong. I can't pinpoint exactly how I feel about finding out the truth of his abilities. It's not betrayal, exactly. I never fully trusted him, and he was my captor. I'd have been a fool to believe there wasn't something he was lying about.

But knowing somebody has been in your mind, sifting through your thoughts without your knowledge... It's disorienting. I didn't fall for Alaric, no matter how connected I felt to him. I couldn't fall for him.

"You don't know anything," I say, trying to mimic his carelessness.

"I know you." He leans closer, eyes inspecting my face. "And unlike Alaric, I don't have to be a mind reader to know what you feel."

I take a daring step closer, frustrated. "And what's that, Killian? Tell me, what do I feel?"

His eyes hold mine. The confidence seeps from me as he refuses to look away, searching deep in my face, leaving me completely bare before him. He reaches a hand toward my face, his slender finger brushing the skin between my brows.

"You're tense," he murmurs, his touch sending chills down my spine. I can't breathe as his finger trails down the side of my face, under my chin, brushes the side of my pursed lips. "Angry."

He drops a hand, steps back. The space sends the emotions flooding back.

"Because you are so... so infuriating."

He frowns, something slipping through his mask. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't upset me," I deny. "You're just...." I shake my head. "You've barely spoken to me since I woke up," I say quietly. "You've barely even looked at me. And when you do decide to grace me with your time, it's to pester me with questions about Alaric?"

"I didn't..." He halts, for a moment looking unsure. The expression looks so foreign on his face. "Did that bother you?"

"So it was intentional. Ignoring me."

"I wanted to give you space."

"Space from you?"

"Space from... complicated."

We stare at each other, wordless for a few seconds. My hands itch at my sides to reach out to him, to pry into his mind, read his thoughts and emotions.

"I don't know what happened in Dadun," he says eventually. "Lei's told me some of it but... you've been through enough. I didn't want to add to the mess."

I stare into his eyes, transported back to the mountains, when I dragged his bleeding body across the crater. Then I think of being trapped in the cave with him, with his breath on my neck, sweet words in my heart.

"Is that what you want?" I ask. "Space? From me?"

He steps towards me, the abruptness startling me and sending me stumbling into the trunk of a nearby tree. Killian continues his pursuit, eyes fixed on me, only stopping when he's inches away, pressing me into the trunk. I swallow the lump in my throat, craning my neck to look up at him.

"Let me be very clear about something," he says, voice dangerously low. "There hasn't been a second since Hana dragged you away from me that I haven't thought of you. That I haven't wondered where you are. That I haven't regretted with everything inside of me not forcing you more to find Casimir in that cave. When I saw you down there in Alaric's arms and you were so pale and lifeless and I..." he cuts off.

I search his face, my breath shaky, heart in my throat. His fingers intertwine with mine at my side, drawing my hand up into the minuscule space between us and pressing it on his chest.

"Do you feel that?" he whispers. He places his hand flat atop of mine. Beneath my fingers, his head beats, no, pounds, against his chest. He ducks closer, so there's less than an inch of space between our faces. "Tell me you can feel it."

I try to speak but only breathy air escapes. Instead, I nod. His hand comes tighter around mine, his mouth twitching up at the end. His other hand travels from my hip to my waist to my chin, his fingers, feather-light, trace the curve of my forehead, my eyebrows, the line of my nose.

I can't think, can barely breathe. Killian invades every sense, muddles every thought. I try to grasp for something coherent, but all I hear is Alaric's warning pressing at the back of my mind.

"Alaric said kinjri are meant to be together," I whisper. His fingers, trailing my chin, go deathly still. "That their gifts complement each other. He says... he says I am kinjri."

Beneath my hand, his heart skips a beat. "And what do you think?"

"You're the only one that I think about."

His hand grips my chin, jerking it up to expose my neck, his movement less restrained than before as his palm creeps around to the back of my neck. Our breaths mingle, ragged as he pulls me closer, his other hand pressing into my hip, pulling me impossibly close.

My eyes fall shut when his lips touch mine. Shockwaves cascade through my body from the impact. My hands find his face, stubble rough beneath my fingers as I try to pull him closer. One hand tangles in his hair, the other around his neck as he encircles my waist. A guttural sound escapes his mouth when I tug at the strands of his silky hair, trying to pull him closer.

I've kissed Killian twice. Both, enough to steal my breath, light, gentle, explorations. Unsure. But this... there's nothing uncertain about the way his lips press against mine, arms search my body. My back presses into the tree behind me as one of his hands creeps beneath my cloak, tugging at the fabric of my dress.

A whirling of air flashes by my ear, missing me by a fraction, a force thwacking into the tree. Killian jerks away from me. Before I can process what's happening, he pushes me to the ground, stands over me as both of our chests rise and fall in ragged pants. I don't dare call out, my eyes drawing to the tree where an arrow lodges right where my head had been.

My heart falls into my stomach.

"Killian?" I whisper from the ground.

He takes several more seconds to silently survey the surroundings, narrowed eyes peering into the darkness before he reaches a hand down towards me, not daring to take his eyes from the opposite side of the stream. I take his hand, let him pull me up as he reaches behind me and breaks off the end of the arrow.

"Let's go," he says, voice low. "Hurry."

I don't need another warning. My hand grasped in his, we head back to the camp, my heart running a million miles a minute for more reasons than one.