"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other" - George Eliot

Chapter 8.

The End of the War.

July 1856

The Treaty of Paris had been signed in March 1856 and by the summer of that year the hospitals were just about empty. Carol found herself changing out of her uniform back into the navy blue gown she had arrived in nearly two years back. It hung loose on her now, making it painfully obvious just how much weight the young nurse had lost. The hideous uniform she had worn during the long days and nights of endless work Carol decided to leave behind. She had hated wearing it anyway. Carol sincerely hoped that with time nurses uniforms would become a prettier, more comfortable garment.

Once she was through with changing and packing Carol gazed at her reflection in the window. She could hardly recognize herself. Gone was the lovely young belle of society, the perfect woman who had been carved by dutiful parents and diligent governesses and tutors. She no longer resembled Lady Carolina Belle Winther. Her face and hands were that of a working woman. Would she be able to return to society? Would she be able to blend in? Would she be able to fit in as she had once upon a time?

To be honest, Carol had her doubts. The whole idea of beautiful homes, parties, picnics in the countryside, it seemed like something of an alien world.

Taking a deep breath, Carol picked up her little bag and went in search of Dr. Morris. She found him in the courtyard, puffing away at his pipe. He heard her coming and turned to face her.

"For once it seems I am the one looking for you," Carol stated with a little giggle. "How odd it is to have no work."

"Odd indeed," Dr. Morris agreed and took a long puff. "You are departing?"

"Yes. Florence is setting sail for England today and I shall go with her. We are no longer needed here."

"If I didn't know better, I would say Miss Nightingale is sneaking off."

"I suppose she is in a way. With so much attention from te public I don't think she wants to make a grand entry. You know Florence is modesty to her soul. We will quieltly come to England without all that unnecessary fanfare. Do you sail for Scotland soon, Dr. Morris."

"Not for another month, I will wait until all the patients have been sent home. I have to say, Miss Winther, I shall be sorry to lose you. I assume you will be returning to your father's home?"

Carol's glance drooped to her feet from his words. "I'm afraid not," she informed in a defeated voice. "My father has not forgiven me for walking off the way I did."

"Is he really so angry at you for becoming a nurse, to the point of forbidding you to return?"

"I do not think it has to do with the fact that I am a nurse, but in the way I went about becoming one. Not only did I disobey him, I did it in front of the whole house, with all the servants watching. You know he doesn't take kindly to disobedience. The whole departure was a long, loud scene and Father even threatened that if I was to walk out the door I would not be his daughter, never dreaming I would disregard his threat. What is more, I so much as told him I didn't care to be his daughter, saying England was parent enough for me. I think those words were more than he could take. If I am the daughter of England, then let England house me, or so he told Ann when she informed him that I was returning home. Also, the fact that you are such a hero and we are all praised is another blow to his pride. He cannot admit he was wrong, and so it is easier for him not to see me." Carol let out a sad sigh. "To be honest, Dr. Morris, I think if I hadn't been so proud and stubborn when leaving, everything might have been different. I didn't have to make such a scene in front of everyone. I could have done it quietly and spared Father and Mother from distress. Mother is so upset that Father will not take me back. Ann wrote me that she cries and cries. I feel so much shame for all the trouble I have caused. My one comfort is I am wiser now and will try my best not to repeat such mistakes again."

"But where will you stay?" Dr. Morris practically asked.

"Florence has been so kind as to offer me to come to Lea Hurst with her. I shall stay with the Nightingales for a little while and see what happens next. Perhaps in time my father will forgive me."

"And if he does not?"

Carol shrugged. "I shall work then. I am no longer the spoiled, idle lady, I am sure I can find a respectable hospital to take me."

"Tell you what, my dearest Carol, if your father refuses to take you back as his daughter, you can always come and be mine." Dr. Morris knocked the ashes out of his pipe, and placing it in his pocket reached over and took Carol's hands. "I could always use a good assistant, and I have grown used to working with you. For all your sass and attitude, you are a good worker and obey my orders without question."

"I am flattered, Dr. Morris." Carol's cheeks glowed. "What shall you do now that the war is over?"

"I'll visit my sons in Scotland, and then I shall head for India."

"Goodness me!"

"That is to say I expect to be sent there."

"So that means you shall remain in the army?"

"Of course, of course, the army really cannot do without us."

"To be sure," Carol smiled and after a moment's hestitation she leaned over and placed a kiss on the careworn cheek. "God be with you, Dr. Morris. It was an honor to work with you, you have taught me so much."

"And you have taught me a great deal as well, Carol," the doctor replied. "Remember my offer, if your father does not take you back, come and work with me. God never gave me a daughter, Carol, but He did give me you, and I suppose that is just as good."

"Carol," Florence's voice called out. "It is time to board the ship. Farewell, Dr. Morris," she smiled at the doctor.

"Goodbye Miss Nightingale," Dr. Morris gave her a slight bow. "And thank you for all you have done."

Carol gave the doctor one more kiss and walked away from Scutari with Florence.

***

The wind and water were favorable to the ship and they made good timing. Carol walked aboard the deck with Florence, feeling quite useless. It was certainly strange to be strolling about with absolutely nothing to do, to the point of being unnerving.

"You know, Floy," Carol confessed to her friend, "I half expect Dr. Morris to suddenly appear out of nowhere, demanding to know where I have been all this time."

Florence giggled at these words. "I wonder what the doctor will do now that the war is over. Do you know if he plans to return to Scotland?"

"He will go for a little while, to see his sons, but I know he will not remain there. Dr. Morris told me he will remain in the army, as they always have need for good surgeons even if there is no war. For all his talent, Dr. Morris is a very peculiar man. He used to teach at the Royal College of Surgeons in Edinburgh, but after the death of his wife he left the position and chose to work in the army, even though it is less prestigious and the pay is far smaller. I never thought I would say this, Floy, but that old stick in the mud actually grew on me and I was very sorry to have to say goodbye. For all his bothersome behavior he is a good man. And to think he once called me a whore." Both Florence and Carol laughed as they remembered Carol's first meeting with the doctor.

"He never ceased from praising you," Florence said with a kind smile. "I have to admit I was surprised when he brought you with him to Balaclava."

"I was glad he did, I had grown used to working with him and I so wanted to visit the hospitals at the front. I think it would have been unfair if only you had gone there and I had not."

"Hoppycock," Flornce laughed. "How silly you can be, Carol. But I am also glad that you came when the doctor was transferred, we desperately needed more helping hands."

"Sometimes I thought the war would never end and the wounded would just keep pouring in," Carol said after a few moments of silence. "I cannot fully comprehend it is over."

"But you are glad certainly."

"Oh yes, to be certain. The only thing that makes me sad is because I do not know what will become of me now."

"Have no fear, my dearest friend," Florence looped her arm through Carol's. "God will provide and I will be sure to help you out. There is much to be done. I have many great plans for nursing and will be glad for you help."

Carol smiled. How wonderful to have friends who cared for her. If only her own family could be this supportive. Rick and Ann, her brother and sister, seemed to have come to terms with the fact. Their many letters from home praised her efforts. Mamma just begged her to return, while Father hadn't even written her once. She was no longer his daughter and as such he would have nothing to do with her.

With a sigh, Carol focused her gaze ahead of her and saw that England's shore was appearing on the horizon.

"I think we reach the dock by evening," she absently stated to Florence. "What a fuss they would have made in London if they knew you were heading back to your native shores right now."

"I am glad they do not know," Florence replied. "I am no hero; I am simply a woman who has followed the path God called her to. I will quietly return home without drawing all this foolish attention to myself."

Carol smiled, Florence's humility was truly admirable. The two ladies went to their cabins to collect their things and prepare for the disembarking. Carol fingered the little statue of St. Agatha, who was a patron saint of nurses in the Catholic Church. It had been a parting gift from Sister Agatha. Her dear friend had returned to her native Ireland to continue her calling of ministering to the poor. It seemed every one of the nurses had a home to return to, except for Carol. She had to be dependent on the hospitality of friends.

Once they were ready Florence and Carol once more returned to the dock to watch as England came closer and closer.

"Have you had any word of Eric?" Florence suddenly asked. For some reason Carol blushed from the question.

"I had a note from his sister last August, telling me he had arrived safely in England and had been placed in the care of the family doctor. Since then I have had no news, but that is not surprising. Who am I to Eric now? I have not the right of a bride or a wife to know or ask about his wellbeing. I wish he would have told me back at the hospital what he felt for me, it would make me less confused now. Oh perhaps Dr. Morris was right, I should have done it on my own instead of waiting. Now I don't know what to do. I feel silly sending a note and asking, but at the same time I am dying to know how he is." Carol gave a little sigh. "I'm not like you, Floy. I thought I could be, but I cannot. I will confess that if there is one thing I wish to be, it is Eric's wife. Just watching him in that hospital, how he selflessly put the needs of the other soldiers above his own, even though he was an officer and they were 'low class commoners' as he had once called them, only made me love him all the more. And it wasn't the foolish fancy I felt when I first met him, it was something deeper. Not only is he brave, he is kind, and he will admit his mistakes even if it hurts his pride. I feel torn, Floy, I want to be a nurse and I want to marry Eric."

"My poor Carol," Florence put her arm around her friend, "I do not understand why you cannot be both."

"But you..."

"Carol, Carol, you do not have to pattern ever choice you make after me. Your life is your own and you must do as God leads, not as I have done. I have chosen not to marry because I know it would distract me from the life God has called you to lead, but perhaps in your case, marriage is part of God's plan for you. I cannot tell you for sure, that is something only you and God can decide...well and Eric too in this case."

Carol gave a faint smile and looked into the distance.

"You are tired, Carol," Florence soothed. "We will go home and once you have recuperated you can try and decide your future."

Carol smiled and squeezed her Florence's hand. Together they disembarked from the ship, onto England's shore and began the last stretch of their journey to Lea Hurst, Florence's home.