If two past lovers can remain friends, either they never were in love or they still are. - Unknown

Chapter 6.

Matters of the Heart.

"Carol. Carol. Carol!"

Carol looked at Dr. Morris. "Did you call my name, sir?"

"Several times in fact," Dr. Morris curtly replied. "What is the matter with you? I've never seen you so distracted before. I've got men that need attention, wounds to clean out and dress, medicine to be given out, and you keep soaring through a world of you own. Why, ever since that major appeared in this hospital you've been as fidgety as a frightened horse."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Morris, I promise I'll be more focused."

Dr. Morris peered at Carol through his spectacles. "What was your connection with the major?"

"I told you, I was acquainted with him in London."

Dr. Morris narrowed his eyes. "Just acquainted with him? If I didn't know better, I'd say you were somehow more intimately connected."

Carol sighed. Was she really that easy to read? "Well, if you must know once upon a time we were engaged."

"Were? He ended the engagement?"

Carol looked down and a tear escaped her eye. "No, I ended it."

"YOU ended it?" Dr. Morris stared at her in disbelief. "You put an end to what must have been a very beneficial match?"

"I'm not expecting anyone to understand," Carol focused her gaze on the floor. "It happened right before I left for Scutari. I wanted to be a nurse, but he was against the idea. In Eric's eyes, a woman of society has no place in a common, dirty hospital. He told me if I wanted to be his wife I had to give up nursing, but I couldn't give it up so chose not to be his wife. I broke his heart when I did it; he really had his hopes set on me. Oh, and what is more doctor, that choice broke my heart as well. I didn't let it show back then, but I had my hopes set on him. I sincerely wanted him to support me in my desire, but he is of the same opinion as my father. In their eyes, a young lady of good family should not work or hold an occupation, especially in a military hospital. When I realized this I thought perhaps it would be easier for me to just do away with the idea of marriage entirely, but now that we have ended up together in this hospital and I am finding it very confusing and difficult. I acted off of impulse and now I think I am beginning to wonder if I perhaps I should have handled it differently. You see, I kept the fact that I was planning to be a nurse a secret for more than a year, and this knowledge really hurt him. Maybe it would have been easier if I had slowly let him get used to the idea instead of suddenly presenting him with the facts." Carol gave a frustrated shrug of her shoulders.

Dr. Morris gently took Carol's hand, and he gazed at her with an uncharacteristic show of sympathy. "Perhaps you should talk to him?"

"Oh, I don't know, it could be very embarrassing. With my thoughts in such confusion I wouldn't know what to say to him without it sounding very silly."

"Now, now, you are not the only one in a state of confusion. I'll wager he's not having it so easy himself, worse even. After all, apart from the shock of finding out you are here, the poor man just lost his sight. Tomorrow I'll send you to go change his bandages and inspect his wounds for infection. If you feel bad about how you so abruptly ended the engagement, this will be the perfect time to make it right. Take it from someone who is older and wiser than you, Carol, with matters of the heart it is best to get it out into the open instead of bottling it all inside of you. Now," Dr. Morris switched back to his crusty old self, "there are several men who need their bandages changed, so I want you to go about your work. Remember, if there is anything serious, report to me at once."

"Yes doctor." Carol hesitated for a minute, then reached over and placed a quick kiss on Dr. Morris' cheek before hurrying off. Dr. Morris stood stunned for a few seconds.

"Well, who would have thought," he mused, shaking his head. "That Miss Winther somehow manages to bring out the soft side in me. Who could have imagined a sassy little English girl could teach this old Scot how to feel again."

***

Carol was a little nervous as she headed to Eric's bedside. She wasn't sure what she was going to say to him, and figured she would just take it as it came. He lay on his bed, much as he had yesterday, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling.

"I've come to dress you wounds," Carol informed him, not quite knowing how else to start the conversation.

He tensed at the sound of her voice, but didn't turn his head.

"Carol, that's you, isn't it?" He spoke hesitantly.

"Yes, it's me," she softly replied, kneeling next to him.

"What strange fate has brought us here together," Eric mused. "Only before you attend to me, I think you should first go to the man on my left. He's been moaning and groaning and I think he needs attention. I am in no worse condition then yesterday and can easily wait."

"Very well," Carol consented, and turned to the man on the next bed. "Are you feeling alright, sir?"

"My arm, it feels like the devil 'as sunk 'is teeth into it," the man gasped. "Doctor said 'e's going to remove it!"

Carol carefully pulled back the bandage. "Ah, yes, sir, you've got a terrible infection in your arm. It's all green and foaming. It must be removed or it will spread to you entire body and kill you."

"Can't it be washed out?"

"I'm afraid not sir, it has spread too far, the only way to stop it is to cut the arm off."

"Operation will be today," the man moaned, "will it 'urt when they take it off?"

"I'm afraid it will, for we are out of ether, but you must be brave. Now, let me wash out your wound, there is much puss here." Carol took the basin of water she had brought for Eric and washed the infected wound, after which she bound it with clean linen. "This should do until the orderlies take you to the operating room

"Thank ye, Missy," the man said with a grim but thankful smile. Carol returned his smile and went off to pour out the dirty water and refill her basin with clean water. Then she returned to Eric's side.

"How are you feeling, Major Carrywith?" She asked as she began undoing the bandage on his leg.

"You don't have to address me so formally, Carol," he softly said.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'm just not quite sure how to behave. But tell me, how are you feeling?"

He shrugged. "What can I say? You know I'm not really the complaining type."

"I didn't ask you as a friend, Eric, but as a nurse. I must report to Dr. Morris on your wellbeing, and I need a truthful answer."

"If that is the case my leg and arm hurt, but the pain is bearable. The only thing that really disturbs me is the headaches. They are very strong and rarely go away. I must have hit my head a lot harder than I thought." He gave a wry chuckle at this.

"Do you remember how you fell?" Carol was very curious about the story behind Eric's wounds.

"Yes, I remember it quite clearly. I was sent on a mission but the enemy outnumbered us and I ended up captured and taken prisoner. I remained a prisoner for some months until a way of escape presented itself. One of my fellow prisoners had died and I changed places with him. They carried me out with the rest of the dead and I managed to get away, though they noticed and began chasing. It was here that I was wounded in the leg and arm. At last I lost my pursuers, but I was losing blood and this left me weak and feverish. The road was rocky and rough and at one point I remember tripping and falling downward, then it all went black. I must have been picked up by the some British patrol who stumbled upon me. I was not recognized because I wore the clothes of the man I had changed places with, and he had been an infantry soldier."

"I was very worried when I read that you had gone missing," Carol whispered.

"I'm sorry to have caused you alarm, but all is well that ends well."

"I must admit, you are dealing with your blindness a lot better than I thought you would," Carol pointed out as she tied the knot on the clean bandage and rolled down Eric's right trouser. "I wish the other men could so calmly deal with their injuries. You certainly set an example to them."

"It is my duty as an officer to set an example," Eric quietly explained. Carol helped him remove his shirt so she could inspect his arm.

"When I signed up to be a soldier, I understood there would be battle wounds and if the damage turns out to be permanent complaining will not help. Such is the life of a soldier, and if you cannot deal with the consequences then you have no business becoming one."

"Perhaps the damage it isn't permanent," Carol softly suggested. She couldn't accept the fact that Eric was blind for good. She couldn't believe those soft brown eyes, which had once looked at her with such admiration and love, would now only stare aimlessly at nothing.

Eric only shrugged in reply.

Carol was very pleased to find the wound in his arm was in excellent condition, much like the wound in his leg had been. This left her to inspect his head. She carefully removed the bandage and giggled a little. "I have to admit, Eric, you look quite alarming with no hair."

Eric's hand instinctively went to his head. "What happened to it?" He asked, feeling the tiny fuzz that was all that remained of his thick, brown hair.

"I had to shave it off; it was a terrible, knotted mess and getting in Dr. Morris' way."

"You...shaved...my head?"

"But of course, as Dr. Morris' assistant, it was my duty. The doctor certainly wouldn't bother with the task; such is the work of nurses and orderlies."

"So you were there when they operated on me?"

"Yes, I was."

"And it was no doubt you who identified me?"

"It was. Though not like it really mattered, you could have told them who you were when you woke up. Your memory was not damaged in the slightest, thank God for that."

Eric's lips form a slight smile. "You speak the truth here. I am thankful to God that at least my memory has not been lost. So, you assist at operations, what else do you do here?"

"I dress wounds and administer medicine. Sometimes, when there is a large shipload of wounded I am called to help at the docks, and of course in the kitchen they welcome any help, especially with distributing the food to the men. It is a rare moment when I can find time to myself."

"Mmmm," Eric nodded his head. "Carol," he suddenly said, "I believe I owe you an apology. It was wrong of me to demand of you the things I did. You were right in coming here and I shouldn't have tried to stop you. I...I shouldn't have put you through the choice I did."

"Eric," Carol's voice became tender, "I harbor no ill feelings towards you. It is hard to accept new ideas, especially if they go against everything we are used to. I owe you an apology too. It was wrong of me to keep my plans a secret from my family and from you. I know I hurt you with my silence, and I am truly sorry. You offered me your heart and I didn't treat is with tenderness as I ought to have. I was so busy thinking of myself and my desires that I completely forgot about you. It was cruel of me. Eric, I wish you could believe me when I say that if I could, I would go back and do things differently."

There was a tender pause, before Eric spoke up again, "A good thing about hair is that it grows back," he stated. "And if you say I look alarming, perhaps I should be glad I cannot see myself, or my pride would be mortified."

Carol was quite taken back by the abrupt change of subject and unsure of how to react.

"The only pity is I cannot see you," Eric added.

"Oh, well," Carol found herself blushing, "I do not look very flattering in this uniform, so you are not missing out on much."

"When Sister Agatha described you to me she didn't mention what the uniform looked like. Is it really frightening?"

"It's passable," Carol shrugged. "Just not something I ever dreamed I would wear. But tell me, how did Sister Agatha describe me?"

"Pale, thin, coarse even."

"Oh!" Carol felt very insulted, to think Sister Agatha painted her so terribly to Eric. "I assure you I do not look quite that bad!"

She never once said you looked bad. Quite the opposite, she told me you never looked more beautiful in your life, and if I could see, I think I would agree with her." He had spoken the last part of his sentence so quietly, Carol had trouble hearing it. She was sure she detected a slight tremble in his voice. By this time she had finished bandaging his head and adjusted her position so her face was on the same level as his.

"Eric," she softly said, taking his cheek in her palm. She wanted to gently turn his head towards her, but he caught her hand and removed it from his face.

"Not now, Carol," he whispered. "Maybe one day, if God is merciful and I regain my sight, I will give you proper answers to any questions you wish to ask me. At this moment I stumble through the darkness, and I fear I will make that journey on my own."

This wasn't exactly what Carol wanted to hear, but she understood that he was still in shock from all that happened and needed time to cope.

"Very well, Eric, I'll wait," she kindly said and helped him lie back down again. Eric turned on his left side, saying it was more comfortable for him like this. Rising from her knees, Carol was about to leave, but paused and turned back to him.

"I wrote your father, Eric, telling him what happened to you and how you are here."

"That was very thoughtful of you, Carol," Eric replied. "Thank you for taking the trouble."

"It was no trouble, I assure you," Carol tried to smile, but found herself quite unable to. She had never witnessed Eric so helpless before and it broke her heart to see him like this. She quietly walked away, failing to notice him grip the bed sheet it angry frustration.