I stay in bed all day. I know that I'm acting childish, pouting in my bed because things aren't going my way, but I'm fed up with it. I have to work for everything, pushing myself non-stop and life just never lets up. It just keeps kicking me down, trying to break me with blow after blow.

I catch myself wishing that I can just pack up and go home. I push the thought away quickly, knowing I would never, could never, leave Willow.

Protect her. Promise me. My mother's words echo in my head, and I can feel that promise pulsing through my body with my blood, twisting around my very core. 

I allow myself to sink into a hole of pity and exhaustion, where I consider giving up. I let myself soak in my failures and fears, curled up on my thin mattress, silent tears soaking my pillow. Once I hit that point where I can go no lower, I close my eyes, wipe my tears, and begin my climb back up. It's a method my father taught me, to imagine the worst, let the fear and worry take you over, then start planning how to make sure it never comes to that.

"When you're at your lowest," he would say, in his quiet, simple way. "You can only go up. If you throw yourself to the bottom,  you can begin the climb out."

So I climb.

I still have Willow. We still have time, I remind myself. I have my friends. I'm uninjured. I have people and resources and clues. I can figure this out. 

The first thing I need to do is get into the tomb. The only problem is that I need to get in when I know Darius won't be there already or show up. I can't follow him around the castle, waiting for an opportunity. 

What I need is a time when I know he'll be occupied for a while.

The ball. The answer hits me like a lightning strike. He'll have to be there and probably be busy dancing with all of the ladies. I've never been to a ball before but I imagine there will be time for me to excuse myself and escape, make my way down to the tomb and investigate for a while before I have to head back.

My stomach sinks. The ball isn't for another week still though; can Willow last that long?

My planning is cut short when the barracks door opens and Hale pokes his head in.

"Can I come in?" he asks cautiously. I feel guilty about earlier, even worse knowing that he'll leave if I say no.

I sit up and wave him over. He gives me a hesitant smile and perches on the edge of my bed.

"I put your sword back with the others," he says. "If you were worried."

I actually haven't even thought about it, didn't realize that I never picked it back up after Maddox knocked it out of my hand. The guilt intensifies. 

An awkward silence settles over us as I struggle to find the words to apologize, to explain. But Hale speaks first.

"Sebastian and I have been friends for along time," he starts, surprising me. The topic feels random but I know Hale wouldn't bring it up without a purpose.

"He was there for me when I had no friends growing up, and when I lost my family. I love him like a brother; he is my brother. So when you showed up, some random girl that he had a connection with, something he wouldn't talk with me about, it was a first. You were both being secretive, and sure, I was jealous that he would keep something from me." He shrugs. "But more than that, I saw the worry in his eyes when he looked at you. How the circles under his eyes got darker as the days went on, the stress on his face when you spoke."

Hale chuckles under his breath, like there's something funny about what he's saying. 

"Rather than this random girl, you became this girl who brought trouble with her. The source of his worries and stress, the reason he couldn't speak to me. Whoever you were, whatever problem you brought with you, it was affecting him and I hated you for it. You caused this rift between us."

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck, something I've come to realize that he only does when he's embarrassed or uncomfortable.

"I know that Sebastian is a grown man and doesn't need my protection, but it felt like you were causing his problems. It made me angry and irrational. The point I'm trying to make is that I was really awful to you, but sometimes, when it's family, you don't think straight. You'd do anything, rational or not, to do what you can to protect them."

His green eyes peer into mine knowingly. Of course he figured out this is about Willow. I shouldn't have expected anything less. He's giving me an apology and sparing me from having to explain myself.

"I just wanted to let you know that I understand." He stands, then reaches out to touch my hair, a frizzy dark cloud around my head since I never braided it back again. He smirks when I smack his hand away. "Sorry, I've just never seen you with your hair down. You look very... wild."

I resist the urge to smooth my hair down. "Try to poke it again and I'll show you wild. I'll start by biting your finger off."

My glare follows him all the way to the door as he laughs. Bastard.

He pauses, one foot out the door, his expression going serious for a second. "You know where to find me if you need anything." Then he's out the door and I'm once again alone with my thoughts.

Not for the first time, I wish I can tell Hale everything. Having to do this alone, I think, has become the hardest part for me. I wish I had someone to share everything with, someone with an unbiased opinion. 

More than anything though, I wish I had someone to comfort me, to reassure me that I'm doing my best and everything will end up okay. 

________

The next day, I'm back at training. I was embarrassed to face the others, since they all saw me challenge Maddox and, in the end, saw me get beat. But I shouldn't have worried. Everyone acts like that last part never happened, clapping me on the shoulder and throwing out compliments on my speed and poise during the fight. None of them seem remotely upset to see him go. 

In fact, most seem pleased that he got dragged away, especially by gorgeous Kassia. Scrawny, unassuming Edmund comes up to me, whispering that he can get me into the dungeons if I want another shot at Maddox before they send him home. 

I laugh, thinking he must be joking, but he just blinks at me. Oh. I I hesitantly decline but remind myself to ask Gareth what Edmund's story is, as I find him both unsettling and strangely charming in his eagerness to help. 

Gareth decides to act out the fight in his usual ridiculous and over-dramatic way, using scowling Elias as Maddox. I'm blushing and laughing, and it feels great. 

Then Maddox walks into the clearing. The look he gives me is one of pure self satisfaction as everyone goes quiet.

"What is he doing here?" Hale asks, his voice shaking with fury. He steps in front of me, breaking Maddox's line of sight. "I thought Kassia was taking him to Sebastian?"

"She said she was. I saw her take him away." I can hear the confusion and fear in my voice and I hate it. Seeing him is like swallowing something cold and slimy that settles in the pit of my stomach. That look on his face when he was down in the fight, it chilled me. Not because he was frightening, but because for a second, the pain and fear in his eyes reminded me of Willow when she breaks out of one of her trances. 

The captain follows behind Maddox, his eyes immediately finding mine. If he looked tired the last time I saw him, now he looks beyond exhausted.

"Back to work," he barks at the recruits who hurry to look busy, but I can feel their eyes on us.

"Why is Maddox here?" Hale hisses at him as he walks over. "He nearly killed Talia yesterday and that wasn't even the first time! You can't seriously be letting him stay!"

Sebastian lets Hale finish but I can see a dark emotion brewing in his eyes. 

"I didn't let him stay. I spoke with Kassia about what she saw and decided to have him removed. However, apparently there are others here who think otherwise."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I was overridden." Saying those words clearly leaves a bad taste in Sebastian's mouth. "It was decided that Maddox is too valuable of an asset to lose over a skirmish."

"You can't be serious!" Hale explodes and I take a step back. "He tried to kill her, Sebastian. I saw the look on his face, he was going to choke the life out of her. And before, he threw her in the lake when he knew she couldn't swim. You're allowing a would-be-murderer to stay here!"

"There's nothing I can do!" Sebastian runs a hand through his hair in a jerky motion that betrays his frustration. "Someone higher up than me made the call and it was made very clear to me that I'm not able to do anything about it."

"I don't care who made the decision-"

"Calm yourself." Sebastian cuts him off with a cold, quiet voice that I've never heard him use before. "You forget that I'm still your captain and I could have you punished for speaking to me like that."

Hale closes his mouth, looking speechless and I have a feeling this is the first time Sebastian has pulled rank against him.

Part of me feels like I should leave but I need to desperately speak with Sebastian. They need to talk this out though so I keep silent.

The captain's face hardens as he takes in Hale's angry glare. 

"Do you want me to be the bad guy? Because I can be if that's what you need. But the fact is, there are things going on here that you don't understand and you're making a fool of yourself for blaming me." Sebastian's eyes slide over to me for a second. "I don't know if you're angry at me for not protecting her, or yourself, but either way, you clearly can't think objectively when it comes to her."

Hale flushes crimson but keeps his eyes on the captain. 

"Both of you stop it right this second,"  I snap, stepping between them. "Don't talk about me like I'm not standing right here. I get that you're both angry and frustrated but you're acting like children."

I spin to point an accusing finger at Sebastian, who looks surprised. "If you're going to pull rank, at least have the decency to act more mature. And the next time you want to make a petty jab at Hale, leave me out of it."

"And you-" I look at Hale, who has a smirk on his face. "Stop looking so smug,  you're acting like a bigger idiot than him. Why don't you take a look around and see the expression of pure joy Maddox has, watching you throw a fit. I'm sure having you at the captain's throat is exactly what he wants, which is ridiculous, because last time I checked, you're smart enough to realize Sebastian is on our side."

I'm breathing hard but at least they've stopped fighting. They shouldn't have been fighting in the first place. We're all on the same team here but one thing goes wrong and they're at each other's throats.

Hale speaks first after a long second. "She's right. I lost my temper and I apologize."

Sebastian nods and they clap each other on the shoulder in that awkward not-hug thing that men do.

His smile is the first to fade though and he turns to me with a conflicted expression on his face. "I know you have a lot on your mind right now with Willow and what happened last night-" He cuts off, obviously  remembering Hale is still standing here.

"With her fit?" I offer helpfully.

"Right," he says slowly, dragging the word out. "Her fit. I know you're distracted with that but we need to talk. Privately." A not so subtle glance at Hale, who just sighs, looking resigned, and walks away.

"Something is really wrong," Sebastian mutters the second Hale is out of earshot. "I got an unmarked message this morning, stating that Maddox was to be reinstated with no questions or my job would be forfeit. I obviously went to the council and they denied knowing anything about it but implied it would be less than wise for me to ignore it."

"You were threatened?" I can hear the disbelief in my voice.

Sebastian just waves a hand impatiently. "That doesn't concern me as much as the fact that someone with influence over the council thinks it's important for Maddox to stay. Which, considering he seems out to hurt you, implies that someone important in the castle wants you gone."

"Or dead," I say under my breath. 

"Has Maddox given you an indication that he's taking orders from someone else? Said or implied anything?"

I shake my eye, trying to think back to everything he ever said. "He just seemed to have it out for me from day one." His black eyes flash in my mind but I don't say anything. I don't know what that means yet and with someone determined to keep him here, sharing seems pointless. Sebastian might try to do something noble and get thrown in the dungeons.

Sebastian looks unconvinced. "Just watch your back, okay? Someone obviously doesn't want you around."

But the real question is, why? If someone is working with Maddox to get rid of me, that must mean I've become a threat. But so far, it feels like I've made no progress. What could I possible have done to make someone worried enough to kill me?

My first guess would be that Prince Darius is behind Maddox. But I didn't even meet him until well after Maddox started harassing me. Once again, I have two puzzle pieces that just won't fit together.

I need to get into that tomb.