Claw-like hands are grabbing onto me, pulling me deeper down into the water. Water as black as night and cold as death. Nails bite into my skin, scratching and tearing at me, trying to draw me down deeper and deeper into the silent promise of the cold water. I can't breathe, can't fight, so I just watch as the pinprick of sunlight gets farther away, eclipsed by a shadow. The shadow turns into a grotesque face, flesh gray and peeling, eyes gone, stringy hair floating around its head. I scream, bubbles exploding from my mouth and the water flooding in as the monster pulls me closer and closer, teeth snapping. 

I shoot up in bed, drenched in sweat, whole body shuddering. I push my hair out of my face with shaking hands and try to get my breathing under control. It's been years since I've had that dream; the stress of the last few days must have gotten to me more than I thought. The scar on my left arm aches, three raised lines throbbing with the beat of my racing heart. I'm not sure when it started, but for years, I've been having dreams of drowning, of being pulled down into the water by something. I haven't been able to make myself go in the water past my ankles since they started.

Movement breaks me from my thoughts. Most of the boys are slowly pulling themselves out of bed, stretching in the dim early morning light.

"I was just coming to wake you," Gareth says as he walks by, then pauses to take a closer look at my face. "Damn, you okay? You look like you're going to be sick."

"I'm fine, just an intense dream." I slide out of bed, gingerly stretching my sore body.

"These were delivered for you this morning." Gareth hands me a bundle of something soft. "Looks like a change of clothes and something to sleep in. If you want to get dressed in the bathing room, I'll stand guard and make sure no one comes in."

I don't think it would be possible for me to give him a more thankful look. This situation has the potential to get very uncomfortable but I'll try to make it work until it doesn't. Everyone seems nice enough so far and hopefully won't mind allowing me some privacy and having the bathing room to myself when I need it.

It's bigger and nicer than I expect, gray stone and gleaming tile. The clothes left for me are just simple form fitting pants and a loose top with long sleeves, undergarments and thick socks. I change quickly, relieved to see that everything fits well. Disturbed by what I see in the mirror, I splash some water in my face and run my fingers through my hair, futilely trying to tame it before giving up and just braiding it back again.

True to his word, Gareth is standing guard outside the door when I emerge. "Come on, time for the best part of the day; endless and exhausting laps around the castle while all the royals laugh at us from their balconies and windows. It's great fun, I promise."

"I suddenly find myself wondering if you aren't picking your teeth with your sword, but rather attempting to cut them out," I respond dryly. "Since you clearly enjoy inflicting torture and maximum suffering upon yourself."

He laughs loudly as we leave the barracks. "I knew I was going to like you the second you saved my beautiful face from getting mauled off."

________________

We all gather at the edge of the forest facing the castle. The captain is waiting for us, hands behind his back, looking put together as usual with his dark hair slicked back, boots shining.

"Well, you know the drill. Ten laps then breakfast ," he calls and we take off. Sebastian had warned me, when I shared my idea to join the recruits, that I would have to participate in all of the exercises. He would try to help me as much as possible but going easy or showing and favoritism would just make my life more difficult with the group. I agreed, never planning to do anything else. If I'm going to be here, at least I can learn some things and get my body into shape.

My plan is to stick with Gareth and try my best to just keep up. I harbor no illusions; I'm not overly athletic and running ten laps around a castle without stopping would not be easy.

After the first few laps, I'm actually feeling rather proud of myself. Sure, my breathing is a little on the wheezy side and sweat is slipping down my spine, but I'm keeping up, just slightly behind the pack. My breath comes out of me in cloudy puffs, the cold air burning my lungs, but it feels good to run.

I hear someone and shoot a glance over my shoulder, seeing the large boy who'd taken off ahead of everyone else coming up behind me. I try to not let my embarrassment at being overlapped show as he gets closer. He is huge, all muscle and a good foot taller than me. I remember Gareth pointing him out; Maddox is his name. All Gareth had said about him is that he keeps to himself.

The footfalls grow closer so I move to the side a bit. Out of nowhere, a shoulder slams into me roughly. I'm knocked to the ground hard, skidding across the rocks, my palms and knees shredding. Maddox shoots me a dark look over his shoulder but doesn't slow down. 

I stay on the ground, the blood trickling down my hands and knees almost as hot as the rage building in me. I told myself I was prepared for some of the boys not being so welcoming, since I was a woman encroaching on a man's world. I knew something like this might happen. But for him to just run by and nonchalantly push me down, to rub in my face how weak and helpless I really was against him- I want to pound his face in.

I ignore the sound of someone else coming up on me, trying to make myself get up and keep running despite the pain and the angry tears pricking at my eyes. I will not let him break me, not on my first morning, not by some brute who is threatened by a girl. I will not break, I will not give him that satisfaction.

A rough hand grasps my elbow, pulling me to my feet. I flinch away instinctively before realizing it's Hale, not Maddox. His face is angry as he looks ahead to where Maddox turns a corner, disappearing from sight. His face is angry but his hands are gentle, fingers hot against my cold skin as he grips my wrists, flipping my hands palm up. They are gentle when he brushes the grit out of the scrapes, gentle when he finishes and grasps my chin in his hand, forcing me to meet his eyes.

"You're fine." His green eyes stare into mine intensely. It isn't said with condescension or dismissal. It's a statement, a command to keep going. It's him telling me to brush it off and move on. 

He turns and keeps jogging before I can do anything more than stare at him, breathless. But I don't have time to wonder what that was all about; he is right. Only my pride is really injured. What are a few more scrapes? Seeing me shaken or worried is what bullies like Maddox thrive off of. I am fine. I can do this. 

So I take until the count of three to collect myself, climb to my feet, throw back my shoulders and continue running.

-------------

I'm the last one to make it to breakfast but no one seems surprised or gives me a second glace as I stumble into the mess hall. I waver between being thankful and insulted before deciding I'm too hungry to care. Cold eggs never tasted so delicious.

After breakfast, we head to the clearing, which I learn that the boys jokingly call the training room. Humor, it seems, is not one of their strengths. 

The captain is waiting for us yet again, jacket off and sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He calls Hale up to help him with his demonstration. They mock fight in slow motion while he shows us a variety of moves, focusing on disarming an opponent. Sebastian is a good teacher, explaining and demonstrating everything, answering with no judgment or annoyance when questions are asked. However, as someone who isn't even sure how to hold their sword yet, it's hard for me to fully comprehend what he's showing us.

After the demonstration, Sebastian has the boys pair off and practice the new maneuvers. He comes over, politely asking about my night and run this morning. I've been considering whether to tell him about Maddox or not. Part of me wants to see what sort of punishment the captain would dish out, but I realize that snitching on him would ultimately make my time here more difficult. I would lose respect among my comrades and there was a good chance it would only make Maddox more determined to make my life hell. I opt to keep it to myself.

After reassuring Sebastian that both were fine, we move into the training part of the day, starting with how to correctly grip my sword.

"Can I ask you a question?" I inquire, fully intending to ask about Maddox in hopes of getting some hint of how to deal with him. But when he nods, what comes out of my mouth instead is, "What's Hale's story?"

"Hale?" Sebastian glances over his shoulder to where Hale is sparring, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Why do you ask?"

I shrug, going for nonchalance. But internally, I'm reliving the brush of his fingers against my skin, the intensity in his eyes. "You guys just seem close, which seems uncommon for captain and recruit."

"Oh I'm sure it is, but Hale and I grew up together. Our fathers knew each other and being not too far apart in age, it was only natural that we spent time together. I fondly remember terrorizing Hale's younger sister for years, that poor girl. He punched me a few times, as his duty as her brother, he used to say." He laughs boyishly. 

I had thought they seemed close enough to be brothers and I was nearly right. Growing up together explained their easy relationship and lack of formality. It also might explain Hale's instant distrust of me. It seemed that my guess of loyalty to the captain was right.

"Have you told him about our situation?" I question, wondering if that would explain his kindness today.

"No. And believe me, he's asked."He looks regretful. "Hale has an uncanny ability of sniffing out deception and hates a puzzle he can't solve. It's killing him that I won't tell him why you're here so if he's rough with you, just know he's being protective in his own way."

I have an easier time understanding Hale now and his obvious frustration with me. He doesn't know me and added to that, his lifelong friend is lying for me. Whether it's jealousy of our shared secrets or confusion at said secrets, he has every reason to be annoyed with me, a girl he doesn't know. It's difficult to stay angry knowing that he is simply trying to look out for a friend. I imagine I'd do the same if I'd ever had a friend before.

Perhaps seeing the warring emotions on my face, Sebastian puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. "He'll warm up to you eventually. And," a mischievous smile, "if he doesn't, it's a good thing you don't plan on being here long."

I try to scowl but a laugh comes out instead. He has a point.

"While I've got you in a good mood, now would be a good time to confess that I won't have as much time as I'd hoped for to help you catch up. With General Wyngard is leaving to hunt the necromancer, I'm going to be less available than I'd like, leaving you to fend for yourself."

"The general is leaving? Does he think he's going to find the necromancer?" I can hear the excitement in my voice. Between being defeated by Willow and losing his hounds here, perhaps he is weakened and a well timed strike by the general will be enough to take him out.

But Sebastian erases my hopes as he shakes his head slowly. "I'm fairly certain he's only leaving to give the appearance of being proactive. All of the evidence we have points to Willow having to defeat the necromancer eventually. There's also the fact that he seems to have originated from Dragare and we can't send troops over there without the chance of starting a war. Something we desperately don't need right now."

It's hard to swallow down the hard lump of disappointment stuck in my throat. "Will you be alright running things here without him? What if the necromancer strikes against us again and you're having to control the defense alone?"

He looks surprised then pleased by my concern. "I doubt the necromancer would be so bold as to attack again so soon. But if he does, I didn't get the title of Captain just for my pretty face." There was that mischievous smile again."I do know how to hold down a castle. It warms my heart to see you so concerned for my well being though."

"I wouldn't get too excited. As my single ally, it's less concern for you and more a sense of self preservation."

He puts a hand to his heart dramatically. "You wound me, my lady. Clearly you never learned to treat your betters with respect."

"I most certainly did. And when I meet someone better than me, I'll be more than happy to show you."

He laughs. "That mouth of yours is going to get you into some real trouble." His tone falls shy of playful, instead deeper and more... appreciative. Brown eyes warm with amusement and something else meet mine, making my cheeks feel hot. The way he is looking at me makes me feel uncertain, like an invisible line I didn't realize was there is being crossed.

The moment stretches out a second too long before Sebastian looks away. His playful tone is back when he says, "Now go hack at that dummy and let me see what I have to work with."