Story by CharlieShudo

Review by written_by_ec

𓍊𓋼𓍊 𓆏 𓍊𓋼𓍊

Blurb

A young man wakes up in the desert. The wreckage of an ambulance lies smashed against a boulder and charred to a crisp. By the stitches on his head and face, he assumes he was the patient. But why was an ambulance driving through a desert? Where was it supposed to take him? And what kind of accident was he involved in to be left with amnesia? He decides to follow along the predicted route the footfalls of the tires have left, until he finds himself before a giant military boneyard, in the middle of which there is a private jet camouflaged amongst the rusty dead planes. And a strange man waiting for him, who says he comes on behalf of the young man's older brother. As they both board the plane, although blinded by the amnesic haze of his brain trauma surrounding him before that strange context, the young man will recall one thing: for some reason, he hates his own brother.

Link to story ➼

𓋼 Review 𓋼

Chapters read: 8

𓋼 First impression 𓋼

From reading the description, I was immediately hooked and I wanted to know more about this story! I like how you keep it short and sweet while being a bit descriptive, it leaves readers guessing. However, I find the cover to be a bit plain and it doesn't really fit the book's genre. The cover might turn readers away, but I'm just being nitpicky.

 9/10

𓋼 General 𓋼

𓋼 POVS & DIALOGUE 𓋼

Personally, I don't have a problem with whether the story is in first person or not, but with a character who just lost their memories, it might be better to use first person. However, I'm slightly confused with the dialogue, you use quotations (which is "example") but also dashes (which is -example)? I don't really understand what they're meant for and if there's supposed to be a purpose for it or if it's a writing style choice. From what I understand, the dashes of dialogue are the character's inner thoughts, but I'm just guessing. Also, there's the dashes in dialogue? I'm not sure what they're meant for.Often, I can't really understand who is the one doing the talking and in the first chapter, if you wrote something like "He's awake?" a man's voice asked for example, if there would be more clarity for readers. I'm afraid your readers are kind of right when they say it's hard to keep up, I understand the main character lost his memory, but the lack of explanations might confuse the readers even more.

4/10

𓋼 FLOW & PLOT 𓋼

I'm really confused here, everything seems to be moving along quickly. Unfortunately, dialogue is really important and with it kind of disarranged, I'm barely understanding it. I know readers told you it's hard to keep up and I sort of get why now. Readers can't tell who is saying what and what's happening as scenes change. Who's Nash? What's going on with the radio? I think there's just a lot of confusing information released in the fourth chapter and readers can't digest it properly. 

The story's flow is sort of wonky and I'm always feeling so confused when reading between chapters. As for the plot, the main events of King Acid are a bit cluttered. The MC is kidnapped and then saved by Conan Seiber. I reread a few times and their introduction strikes me as a bit random. As Skyler says all these terms and names to the MC, I wish there were more explanations. 

In the fifth chapter, readers are introduced to a new character but again, lack of explanations. Dual POV books aren't a problem, but with the prior confusion, it's only going to add more. Also, we don't have names, which isn't the best idea if it's the third POV. Using the first POV can be more helpful if you're not planning to give the MC a name due to his memory loss. So if you're going to have a main character with no memory or name, their chapters being first person point of view will be more helpful. And with Norton's POV, leave it with third person. This creates more clarity to avoid mixing up the characters. 

Also, who's the woman in Chapter 4? If you plan on having multiple POVs, it might be good to have names or labels to mark which chapter and POV it is. 

The ideas around this story are kind of all over the place, there's some secret plan for the USA? I think the idea is great, but the execution was done rather poorly. No joke, the story can be interesting in its own right, but it lacks a proper flow/pacing and the plot picked up in Chapter 3. If I'm honest, I was losing interest in King Acid and the prior hook.

5/10

𓋼 GRAMMAR & WRITING STYLE 𓋼

This sort of leads to your dialogue issue, which confuses me. Generally, your grammar is good—commas and capitals are there, no run-on sentences, you have correct punctuation, etc—but the dialogue is the kicker. With the dashes, there are typically no quotations, commas, punction, etc when a character is speaking. A thing I do like is your vocabulary and how you pair words so flawlessly if that makes sense. You describe every scene and it helps a lot of readers visualize what's happening. Your writing style is very detailed, but it can be a bit hard to read. I suggest breaking up big paragraphs into smaller ones so it's easier so it doesn't "overload" readers.

8/10

𓋼 Character development 𓋼

This is harder to review because the MC lost his memory and can't remember anything. All the readers know is that he was in an ambulance and has a brother he dislikes. Of course, the character might develop in later chapters as he regains his memory, but the MC seems lovable. Another issue is a big cast of characters. Landau, Lockhart, Nash, and Norton are all characters I'm confused about because I don't remember too much about them. I feel like they just appeared in the story and their appearance isn't really explained either. It's hard to keep up with them and I can't tell if I like them or not. 

Note: Okay, I kind of reread chapters and I'm starting to wonder if Skyler is the MC because I couldn't tell before. This is a big issue if so because I can't tell who's who and what's what in King Acid anymore. I apologize if this comes off as rude or if I'm wrong—maybe Skyler and the main character are different people—but I can't keep up.

4/10

𓋼 Summary for improvement 𓋼

𓋼 Fix dialogue (including the quotations and dashes)
𓋼 Consider the pros and cons of changing POVs
𓋼 Break up long paragraphs to make it easier to read
𓋼 More explanations provided, either by Seiber, is better
𓋼 Fix the issue of who's who in King Acid
𓋼 Make characters definable
𓋼 Find something to further hook the readers (I was starting to lose interest)
𓋼 Make sure each character is memorable because I had an issue of not remembering any of their significance
𓋼Find the right pacing, if anything, King Acid's pace seems too fast right now. Readers can be left confused and it'll be hard for them to understand the rest of the story if they can't keep up

End note: If I'm honest, I enjoyed the idea and start of King Acid, but it started to go downhill after that. I love the way you write and how you describe things, but the story isn't clicking and it's difficult to read. I think fixing dialogue is your biggest concern and if you do that, you can possibly fix the other problems too. 

Overall, King Acid was a 4.5/10 read for me.

𓍊𓋼𓍊 𓆏 𓍊𓋼𓍊

Disclaimer

Don't forget that liking a story, characters, cover, etc, is subjective. Our reviewers try their best to give constructive and honest feedback.