He glides on the ice backwards, his left blade bends in outside edge. His right toe pick strikes the ice and jumps, taking off with his back outside edge and completed four revolutions. It was a clean Lutz. He then entered a turn; his left leg reaches back and his left toe pick sends him to take off. He completed the rotations and landed a quadruple toe.

The skaters around him stopped to watch, applauding him when he landed both jumps flawlessly. He bowed to them and signaled them to resume their activities most of the adults obliged but the kids stayed to watch more.

After practicing his programs, he skated to the open side, and went off-ice. A group of children approached him, politely asking for his autograph.

"Sure!" he beamed at them, ruffling their hair, and pinching their cheeks. They reminded him of his own nephew and niece. The thought made him calm down a bit.

He gently took the newspaper a toddler was handing him. A large picture of him was printed in front: the one where he's holding a bouquet while shaking the hand of an official from the Nippon Skating Federation, Japan's governing body of the said winter sport. It was a press conference organized by NSF after the 4CC. Ojiro's smile faltered, remembering a memory from the event.

He smiled at the children, signing all their memorabilia of him. The camera crew took a picture of him with the children, and he sent them off, cheering for them as he waved, 'gambatte ne!'

***

The interview with the Minato ward's local TV station, MinatoTV was done on time. Sakiko-chan took Ojiro's belongings with her, and while she's assisting the crew on their way out, he quickly took the chance to quickly slip away from everyone's sight.

Ojiro enters a familiar hidden hall from the public. Letting out heavy sighs like he just got out from suffocation, he wished to be left alone just for once.

The way is leading to the stock rooms, where no regular visitors are permitted. His steps echoed as he walked past the rooms of old skating boot rentals and materials. There were also old posters of ice skaters that included him from his junior years to the previous seasons of his senior years.

It gave him a nostalgic feeling, thinking how far that he had come now that he won all the figure skating major events: the Olympics, the worlds, Grand Prix, and the 4CC, putting him on top for many years. Dubbed as Japan's "Ice Prince" he became the most decorated figure skater in his discipline.

He's supposed to feel some sense of contentment and happiness, right?

Ojiro looked up at an old poster of him from the time when he won his first Olympic. He was waving and flashing his medal to the audience, but now he hardly remembered the tears of joy and happiness that he felt then.

He had grown numb from all of it.

"You should have done your best. You do know that the federation chairman and the sponsors have high expectations, right? Don't let us down again." He remembered the words whispered to him by a NSF official, a secretary to the federation's chairman, while they stand side-by-side in front of the media.

Ojiro appears to be smiling but the moment when he heard those words, he felt as if the world had collapsed on him.

I tried. I gave my everything there and I may have died.

He wanted to tell them that, but he couldn't move or talk. He just stood there, pretending that everything was fine, while everyone was watching, and every flash of the camera was blinding.

It made him wonder for the first time, is there was anyone in that place who really cared for him?

He remembered every close acquaintance who visited him in the hospital. He thanked every fan who sent gifts and wished him a fast recovery, but no one from the NSF came. Not a single person from them went to see if he was still alive and this treatment has been going on for sometime now

I mean, why would they bother? They have more important things to do than feel sorry for a failure like me, right?

He wanted to understand that. After all, they were the most highly respected people in his sport and for him, nothing is more important than what his elders wanted for him to be. He wanted reminds himself of that, but it only left a bitter feeling in his chest.

All his life, Ojiro had no other aspirations other than to bring honor to his country, his family, and the elders of the sport that he loved. It became his mission. His obsession.

And he failed them. Nothing broke his heart than seeing the children's innocent eyes in the rink, looking up at him.

No, don't look at me like that. I am not what you used to think.

In his world except the honor that he would bring. He was raised and trained to accept that, and live up to everyone's expectations.

His eyes trained back toward his picture and what he sees is the same man, faking strength sa he accepted the NSF official, forcing smile saying, "Hai, I'll give my entire best, sir."

I am nothing but a weak ass, failure.

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