She squints her eyes ... Her head bursting with pain ....as she opened her eyes she was laying over him ...

She gets up ...keeping her hand on his chest for support looks at him ... He was laying there eyes closed as he fell asleep some moments back ...

Her eyes widen in shock as she registered there posture ...she was laying completely over him ...

She hurriedly gets up ... He too anxiously opened his eyes feeling the hurried movements ...

She held her head as it was bursting with pain and with the suddenshock and jerk ... It started to spin ... Shr closed her eyes trying to steady herself ...

He too got up looking at her fearing her reaction she will react brutal ...he knows that ...

Ap ...apne meri madhoshi ka fayeda uthaya ? ... Mere karib aane ke liye ? ....she whispered her eyes welled up with sudden hatred ...

He widen his eyes as her words knocked in his head ...

He nodded his head in no ... His eyes to welled up ... His naaz is suspecting him ? ... Blaming him that he took her advantage ? ...his already broken heart broke more badly ...

Hr hurriedly nodded his head in no trying to hold her from her arms when she moved back shows her palm stopping him from touching her ...

Aap itna kaise gir gye sidharthh ? ... She whispered... Looking at him with enraged yet tearful gaze ... Making him shudder ...

Itna kaise gir gye ? ... Mujhe pane ke liye ... Mere karib aane ke liye ... Aapne itni ghatiya harkat ki ? ...

She whispered... Looking at him in complete shock ... He was stunned listening her ...

He nodded his head in no ...

Sidharth ... mujhe ghin aa rahi hai apse ... Or apse bhi jyada apne ap se ki maine ap jaise insaan se pyaar kiya .. she whispered not realising what she is even saying in her intoxication

Naaz ... He whispered

Nhi hu main apki naaz. .  apko samajh kyu nhi aata ? ...nafrat hai mujhe apse ... Apke touch se ... Apke baaton se ... Apke diye hue naamo se ... Apse Judi har cheez se nafrat hai mujhe ...she yelled ... It's getting too much inside her ... Which she is yelling out misunderstanding him in the whole scenario.

She don't remember anything that happened last night but wake up in his arms ...

She took everything wrong her mind started to think wrong as she thought that he took advantage of her condition

She too suspected him ...

Yaha tak ke khud se bhi nafrat ho gyi hai mujhe ki kabhi main apki hua karti thi ... Apse pyaar kiya karti thi ...

Sidharth... Aap aise nhi the ... Ya shayad main apko pehchan hi nhi payi ...she whispered her eyes welled up ... 

Or ek aise insaan se pyaar kar baithi jisne itni ghatiya harkat ki ...she whispered... With immense pain ... He nodded his head in no ... Word were not forming ...

His tears were rolling down ... As the felt the pain when the one we love doesn't trusts us ... Doesn't love us ...

He understood when it comes to him ..

Ajj mujhe ghin aane lagi hai apne aap se ...she whispered yelled brokedown felling on her knees ...

Sobbed and cried harder ... Her screams broke his heart as they echoed in his ears ...

Jab Marta chorh hi Diya tha mujhe ... Jab bhool hi gyi thi main aaapko

TOH WAPAS KYU AAYE ? OR KISMAT TOH DEKHO ... JISKI WAJAH SE MERA YE HAAL HUA ... MAIN APNI MARTI HAALAT MAIN BHI SIRF USSI SE PYAAR KAR BAITHI...

she chuckled bitterly looking down ... The thought that he took her advantage ... Broke her heart but still her heart was not able to believe maybe he remembers the every word the every feeling she felt last night being in his arms ...

Main us din ko kosti hu ... Jab mujhe ap se pyaar hua tha ...

Ruswai tere pyare main kamayi

He felt as if a knife slashed his already bruised heart ... He couldn't handle it anymore ... His heart gave up ... Every limitations were crossed ....something that has always stopped him from breaking ... The feeling broke today ... Every patience broke today ... Why always him ? ... Jus heart questioned ... Where as his logical mind gave him the reality check that what he did with her Is coming back ... To him ...

But didn't wanted her to misunderstand him ...

He whispered with so much pain in his voice ...

Tum ... Galat samajh rahi ho. .. kal raat mere pass tum aayi thi ...tumhari haalat itni kharab thi ke tumhe Ghar nhi le jaa sakta tha ... He looked down ...

Itne waqt baad tumne jab gale se lagaya ... Toh main apne aap ko rok nhi paya ... Tumhe hug karne se... Apne dil ki har ek baat karne se ... Tumhari haalat ka fayeda nhi uthaya Maine ... Tumhari kasam ... Ajj tak tumhe waise kabhi nhi chua kyuki Mera pyaar tumhari body tak semit hai hi nhi ...

Pyaar hai ... Tumhare dil se ... Tumse Judi har cheez se ... Tumhare ansuon se bhi ...

Tear fell down .. 

Par ajj pata laga kaisa lagta hai jab koi apna aap ko galat samajhta hai trust nhi krta ...his voice broke ...

Mujhe pata nhi tha ke itna chubhne laga hu main tumhe ... Itni nafrat karti ho tum mujhse ... Pata hota toh kabhi aata hi nhi tumhare pass ... He whispered

Jaan kar nhi aaya ... Mujhe toh pata bhi nhi tha tum kaha ho... Tumhe dukh nhi dena chahta tha ek baar fir se ... Par ... Jaane anjaane ajj phir tumhe tod baitha ...

Ho sake toh maaf kar dena ... Or bhool bhi jana ... Aage badh Jana apni zindagi main ... Ye samajh kar ke sidharth tumhari ek galti thi ... E
Usse pyaar karna tumhari ek galti thi ...his voice broke ... As his heart burst out ....

Or usse milna ek dardnaak ittefaq ...

Par ... Ajj tak na tumhe us nazar se kabhi dekha ... Or na kabhi tumhe waise chua ... Hi sake toh vishwas kar lena ...

Or maaf bhi ...ab tumko or pareshan nhi karunga ...chala jaunga bohot door ... Un sab se jinko meri presence se suffocation hoti hai ...

Main chahta nhi tha meri wajah se kabhi tumhari ye haalat ho ...

Ho sake toh itna Maan Lena ke maine jo bhi kaha jhoot nhi kaha ...

Tumhari ijazat ke bina aajj tak tumhe kabhi nhi chua ... Na tumhare hosh main na madhoshi main ...

Tumhari kasam ... He whispered

Chalta hu. .. sorry ...he whispered taking away his emotions his silent yet painful screams his teary eyes ...

What her love has changed him into ? ... He was stone ... Which is now cracked and in peices today ...

He was so hard so tough to break ...but one thing related to hercan break him into anything in this world. ..

He is now so vulnerable... At the highest point in his professional life but lowest in his personal life ...

Before her atleast he had the reason to live ...but now ... Nor he had his family ...nor his love ...

Everyone just hates him ... And took him as a burden ... He was always a burden over everyone ...he thought ...

A burden over his father ... A burden over his first mother ... A burden over his family ... A burden over his love ...

What he felt ... In his heart he never spoke ... The thought of loosing her was enough for him to bury his insecurities deep inside his heart ...

Maybe that is what humab nature is ...

He was not sweet ...for the world but she was someone different... Before her he never had any hopes in his mind ... But when she came in his life expectations automatically grew in his heart he started expecting and fearing ...

Because the inner child in him ... Was always derived of that one person to share anything  ...

Even the rock has some point to broke but he still stood for his family ... But his insecurities grew where he loved and invested thf most ...

We fear to lose whome ... Whome we love the most .... that's what happened with him ...

In her breakdowns he founded his lostself ... Loosing his senses in ... And adapting her pain to his heart .... that's what he did to her ...

And even after that it's his fault ...

He is a mistake for everyone ...his heart accepted... As he walks away ...

He never said but he too needed someone to understand him ...he knows that he was always at fault because ... He never deserved her ...

He always distrusted her ...but the misunderstandings triggered his insecurities...

He never said ... And dealt with everything alone not from now but from years ...from his childhood because he was the eldest and he needed to stay strong for his siblings but what about him ? ...

Slowly with time he accepted the reality ... His heart accepted that he can never have someone ... He don't deserve anyone ...jid pov about women changed as he saw that every girl is behind money ...but with her he realised that money isn't everything love is ...

Kabhi sun toh Zara
Jo main keh na saka..

Meri duniya tumhi ho
Tumhi aasra

"Tumhari kasam" words echoed in his ears as the realisation hitted her hard ...

He never took her oath not even in the worst of cases ...but today ... When he took her oath her heart believed that he can't do that to her ...

But maybe the realisation was too late as he already left taking his broken state away ...

Her eyes widen at the realisation as her mind registered that she took him wrong. .. how can she ? ...

She fell numb ...not understanding what she did some moments back ...

She distrusted him ... She distrusted her sidharth ...

She hurted him ...why didn't she died before hurting him ....

She realised his condition too ....realised how insecure he would have felt when he saw her in someone else's arms ....how he handled himself ...

If he is at fault the. She too is at fault because she was too drowned in her own pain ... Failed somewhere to make him realise that she had only loved him ...

Not even looked at any other person except him ...

Ye maine kya kar diya ...she whispered.

Maine kaise unka Dil dukhaya ... Apne sidharth ko hurt Kiya ? ...tod diya unko ... Is halat tak pohchaya ke wo ... Apne ap ko dosh Dene lag gye ...

Jis situation main kuch waqt pehle main thi ... Mera sidharth ajj wahi agya ...

Pehle nhi yahi Kiya Maine ... Apne dard main ...apne dukh main uska dukh dekh hi nhi payi ... Uske unkahr shabd bhi nhi samajh payi ... Main aise kaise kar sakti hu ...

Jab mujhe uski zarurat thi ...wo tha mere pass ...she whispered...

Remembered the nights when she got panick attacks when she cried screamed ...broke down ...he was always there to handle her ....

Par main ... Main nhi thi ... Jataya nhi usme apna haq bhi nhi jataya mujh par ...kyuki shayad Maine use kabhi apne upar haq diya hi nhi ... Kabhi usse ye bataya hi nhi ke naaz ne hamesha se sirf sidharth se pyaar kiya or kisi se nhi ...

Main kaise itni selfish ban gyi ? .... Kaise ? .. apne dukh main usse kaise tod diya maine ?.... Usne mujhe apnaya meri har kami ke sath ... Or maine ... Uski galti ki itni badi saza di ...us par Shaq kiya ... Ilzaam lagaya ? ... Jaise paraya hai wo ... Jaise uska kabhi koi haq tha hi nhi mujh par ...

Ye main kya kar baithi ? ... Ye main kar baithi ....she broke down ...

Wo ab kabhi nhi aayega ... Itna kuch kehne ke baad bhi usse mujhse nafrat nhi hui ...

Kya maine usse kho diya ? ...she asked herself rembered how he tried to manofy her ...begged but she stayed stilll like an unaffected stone ...

How can she do something like this to him ..

Kho diya maine usko ... Apne sidharth ko ... Kitni koshish ki usne ... Aise kaise Maine us par shaq kiya ...us par itna ghatiya ilzaam lagaya ... Kaise ...

Kyu ? ... Maine usko ... Apne sidharthh ko kaha ke main ... Main usse nafrat ...

Nafrat karti hu ... Main aise kaise keh sakti hu ? ... Kaise usko itna dukh de sakti hu ? ...

Maine tod diya usko ....she whispered... Her heart broke ...

Kaiseee ....she yelled .... Sliding her hand over the table ... Letting all the things present on the table fell along with the vasd that peirced her hand ...

But she can't feel anything ...as if nothing came gave her more pain then what she did to him ...

How can she ? ... Did she even deserved to get his forgiveness now ? ...

When she just alleged himm... That he took her advantage ....how will she be facing him ? ...

How will she? ...

"CHALA JAUNGA TUMSE BOHOT DOOR"

what if he really goes away from her ...what if again destiny played and he left her ... What if the pain and the depressive blankness in his eyes led him to do something wrong ....

What if he hurted himself ...

Nhi nhi ...she whispered anxiously ...she can't let him go away from her ...not anymore ...

She will do anything to get him back ...but this time she won't give up on them ...she won't runaway ....

She will not ...

.................

She hates me ... How i have pushed her to the limits ke jitni shiddat se usne mujhe pyaar kiya tha ajj utni hi nafrat karti hai wo mujhse ...

He chuckles ...

Ab toh jeene ki koi wajah rahi bhi nhi ...jeekar kya karunga ? ...he whispered... The blankness in his eyes and his voice was scary as he sat down in his booked room ...

Looking staring at the window wondering to just jump out of it and end every pain from which he is suffering

But can he end his life ? ... No ... Not because he is scared of death ... In the last four years ... He has just faced the death too closer to him ... But still there was something which always stopped him ...from killing himself ...

Usne toh apni maut ki dua mangi ...
Par kahi wo shaqs bhi tha jisne kabhi uski khushio or uski lambi Umar ki dua mangi ...

But because... Something is still left ....something is still there in his heart ... Some hopes some wishes some love is still left ...

Lafzon se jo tha pare
Khali pan ko jo bhare

Kuch toh tha
tere mere darmiyaan ❤️‍🩹

Which stopped him from ending ... But why ? ... When no one wants him no one needs him ... No one loves him ...

Everyone hates him and at the end leaves him on his worst ...

Just because of him ...he is the reason he is the reason ...

Nhi ...he scaremd the pain out closing his ears with his palms trying to stop those voices which were echoing in his ears ...

Nhiii ....he whispered ... Fell down .... His breaths were riding higher ...

Ga..l.ti..ho..gyi... toh kya.. kar.u ... K.ya karu ... Jeene.. ke liye ... Kuch bacha nhi ... Mar.. main sakta nhi ... Kya karu main ... Kya karu main ...

Kiske..pas jau ... Kisse baat Karu ... Kisse madat maangu ? ... Kisko poochu ? ...

Koi nhi hai mera ....he yelled hurting himself more ..

Koi nhi hai ... Na samjhane ke liye maa hai ... Na suljhane ke liye behen ... Na hasamne ke liye Bhai hai ... Na samajhne ke liye Mera pyaar ...

Sab kho diya maine ...sab kho diya maine ... Apne ko kho kar zinda laash ban gya hu main ... Ye kya ban gya hu main ? ...

Na kisi se Milne ki chahat na kisi se baat karne ki fursat ... Kuch nhi Raha ... Kuch bhi nhi ...

Sab khatam hogya ...sab kuch khatam hogya ...

Kitna bada bad luck hu main ? ... Kitna bada bad luck ... Kitna manhus hu main ... Kitna manhus ... Mujhe toh meri khud ki maa bhi nhi chahti thi ... Meri pehli maa mujhe chorh kar chali gyi ...

Kyuki unko shayad pata tha ... Main kisi ko deserve nhi karta ... Kisi ko bhi nhi ... Main manhus hu ... Main manhus hu ...

He broke down ...so painfully uttering those words which felt like the curse to him ...

His tears streamed Dow verop by drop ...

Nothing is left ...

"MAIJ NAFRAT KARTI HU APSE"

"SIDHARTH BOHOT MOHOBBAT KARTI HU APSE 💔"

he is at fault ... He is the reason of her constant sufferings he is ...

There is nothing left in his life ... Nothing ... He felt so empty so lonely ...

Why only him ... From the childhood.... It's not easy ... To let that person go ...whome you loved and trusted the most .... it's not easy to stood up still to take care of your family ...

It's not easy ...to suppress those feelings ... To suppress he insecurities it's not easy ...

It's not 💔

Chalte the jinpar hum tum
Raaste wo sare hai ghum ...

Ab dhoondhu kaise manziley ? ...

Itni tum nafrat kar baithe ho mujhse ... Jitni kabhi chahat ki thi ...

Itne tum dukhi ho mujhse jitni kabhi tumhe mujhe dekh kar Rahat mila karti thi ...

Akhir dukhi jar Diya mere ishq ne tumhe. .  sahi kehti ho tum ... Nhi padhna tha mere pyaar main ... Dekho ...

Mere pyaar ne tumhe barbaad kar diya ... Barbaad kar diya. ..

Tumhari aabadi ka karan Banna chahta tha ... Tumhari barbaadi ka aagosh ban gya .. 

Isse pehle main mar kyu nhi gya ? ...

..........................

Some more parts left ... I hope you all will like it. ..

Ek baat kahu ? ... Pata hai i feel ke ap logo ko main kahi dissapoint toh nhi kar diya na ? ... Like itna gayab ho jana. .. na kuch justification na koi reason

Kitna pareshan kiya aap sab ko ... Hurt kiya.... Kitna wait karaya ... Phir quit karne ka keh kar hurt kar baithi ...

Sorry ... Sachi ... Par lagta hai jaise ap logo ko deserve nhi karti ...

Pata hai kyu ? ..  kyuki aap log bohot ache ho ... Apki writer nhi hai ... Still ... Thank you ...

Thank you so much itne waqt baad aane ke baad bhi itna support karne ke liye. ..

Thank you so so much. ..i love you all ❤️❤️‍🩹

Agar dissapoint kiya hai na kuch parts main toh kasam lage sorry ...  sachiii ...

At the end thank you agar ye padh rahe ho toh ... Or comments karna mat bhoolna hm ❤️