I sit down at the table and dad stops reading newspaper, eyeing me with doubting expression, mom as always only eats a little ration of fruit salad, sometimes I wonder how she can even survive but maybe it's self-satisfaction what feeds her, ability to fit in every dress and outfit of famous brands, showing her perfect figure to other politician's or businessmen's wives, she does everything only to show off and make someone to envy her. there is a saying boys usually want to marry woman who resembles their mom, even i wasn't into men, someone absolutely vapid like her, only interested in the money...I remember the money Zhan got from my dad, still placed on the shelf at my house, he said it was dirty. such a non materialistic person

"tidy yourself well, today is first poll of election and we need to go together"

"gosh I feel too excited, in this rate of acting think I'm going to get Oscar soon" I say with loud laugh and his face angers "did you fool enough people or still needed to buy votes?"

"stop getting on my nerves" he yells and hits fist on the table "are you fucking mocking me? did you get this kind of humor from your new bitch?" I hold seat tightly to stop myself from telling more, hearing Zhan mentioned like this makes me crazy, especially because it was me who treated him this way first.

"I'm being brat cause know you won't beat me up today, why? because I need to look totally healthy and happy in front of the voters and reporters, anyway I'm leaving to doll up myself"

"Wait" he takes little box from the pocket and puts on the table "I asked secretary to buy best ring, for your fiancee" what the hell "we're going to visit them today too, so..."

"I don't want to marry her" I almost yell and realizing what this words is going to cause, add with calmer tone "yet"  if I can free myself, our engagement will cancel itself

"Really? May I ask why?"

"I didn't have enough fun yet, I didn't fuck enough. I want to live freely like this for longer time" he grins and looks at my mom

"So what is going to change after marriage? You still can do anything you want, family is like...accessory, we wear to look good in front of the others. I don't really care about that silly girl, but her dad's authority is something I really need. Just please him, other than that it's on you" watching at them I remember my dream, which didn't and is never possible to come true, just sitting with my parents and listening their warm conversation, about too simple daily things, just feeling i'm part of the family but they're totally strangers for me...they always were. I always envied Huai Sang about this matter and kind of hated visiting him, his behavior wasn't cause by same reason as mine, he was always too spoiled by his parents, always too adored.

"Ok" I get up and turn to mom before leaving, who is busy by checking her makeup "this lipstick looks totally terrible on you, be careful to not force dad find new, better accessory

*****

I greet politely Yang Zi's parents and already feel strong awkwardness about meeting her, they keep talking about fashion and business until maid informs us that dinner is ready and we move to dining room. Yang Zi walks down on the stairs with empty expression and I quickly walk towards her holding the ring, she exclaims when I'm about to put it on her finger but still I grab her hand and do it with forced but wide smile, I can feel how much my touch disgusts her but I have no other choice 

"just bear a little, this is necessary" I whisper at her and both sit down, host looks really satisfied and I take my chance "thank you so much for having faith in me...father, Yang Zi is the most beautiful woman I have ever met, feel so proud to be her fiance"

"such a nice, polite young man you're, sure I couldn't find better life partner for my daughter" 

"but I don't think..." I start and dad's fist already tightens "I'm worth enough for her now, I want to study more and become decent man so..."

"I agree" Yang Zi suddenly joins our conversation and smiles to her dad "I have some plans before wedding too, we're both very young yet and need to get to know each-other more, if you all agree to wait for a little"

"sure it's totally ok with me" Mr Yang nods and turns to my dad "this won't effect our business relationship, gonna help you with every resource i have. let our kids to suit themselves" he seems like really nice man and I'm hating our play, feeling so done and tired about everything. dinner goes in calm atmosphere but we both sit quietly, only when it's time to leave Yang Zi follows me back and I stop nodding to her

"what you said..."

"I was just saving myself, but you... are really good at manipulating people, the best example is Zhan"

"how much do you know? what did you two talk about?"

"why don't ask him? aren't you two in the relationship?"

"relationship" I whisper and slight smirk shakes her lips

"I know him well enough to guess there is something more than Zhan says, the fact you suddenly decided to engage to me, his weird acts and much more. Zhan is right I have pride and won't humiliate myself, won't chase after man who doesn't want or is unable to be with me anymore, although it's too hard for me to give up on him.  I'll manage this complicated situation you put us in but only..." she pauses and tries to stop herself from crying  "if you won't hurt him, Zhan only deserves to be happy, very happy. he suffered enough" her words literally pierces my heart, it isn't like I don't know this but admitting...I can't do it, watching and listening Yang Zi I realize why Zhan loves her, cause she truly cares, she can let go but I can't... I'm too upset and hurt at the same time, I hate and adore her at the same time. how is that possible that someone like me make him happy? maybe she could 

"I'll protect him with my life" about this I'm being truly honest and she notices too, Yang Zi looks into my eyes and nods

"alright"

*****

I come back to home and going to enter my room, when sounds from Zhan's room stops me. Last few days he keeps distance between us and unable to handle that awkwardness I try to avoid him too, until his anger lowers even only little.  But the view inside literally forces me to come closer, he is laying on the bed, belly down while his feet dances in the air, cute habit. Guess he is watching something exciting in the laptop as can't notice me. I take my chance and scan lines of his perfect body, long sexy legs which is surprisingly hairy and manly compared to his soft appearance, can be seem very well in the revealing shorts he is wearing now, his round cutely shaped butt makes me gulp from desire while I dream about tightly holding his slim waist, which is totally fittable in my palms. His tanned, a little muscled arms are wrapped around the pillow as he leans his chin on it. He suddenly shivers, maybe feeling my presence and looks back, I'm startled like caught on the crime 

"What is this stare, are you going to jump on me?" He says as nothing and I know this is start of a teasing as always

"Can I?"

"Since then are you asking for my permission?" As expected from him, you can't even imagine how much I want to crush you in my arms now, but maybe very deeply in my heart I still have hope you'll forgive me that night someday, taking you like this means I'm erasing every chance of mine

"Your tongue is truly sharper than something down there" I move my stare to his butt and Zhan shows his bunny teeth as sign of anger

"Damn you Wang Yibo" taking my shoes off I lay down next to him in the same pose and zhan protests "what now?"

"I had quite hard day"

"So? Are you waiting for petting?" no this is enough, no matter how much he teases and hurts, still next to him it's safest and comfiest place for me

"Maybe... Zhan...we delayed wedding for one year"

"Mn" he slightly nods

"What are you watching?"

"Just go to your room"

"But I want to watch too" Zhan sighs and crossly gazes at me, although he is supposed to look angry still...he is just too cute at this moment, with pinkish cheeks, I can't help myself but smile

"It's horror movie, it helps me to relieve my stress" he says and resumes film, even just hearing this my palms sweats and tightly hold bed sheets, Zhan laughs and mockingly asks "why, are you scared?"

"Who said? Sure I'm not" trying to hide fear, I keep looking although my whole body trembles, but as soon as some horrific monster appears on the screen, without realizing I scream and grab Zhan's arm too tightly he yelps

"It hurts" he yells but his expression immediately changes after turning to me "Yibo? what is wrong"

"Sorry" I murmur suddenly and not only Zhan I'm getting surprised too, how come it was said so easily? Why can't I bring myself to apologize for other things too? Maybe because I get no right, I don't deserve to be forgiven yet  "I'll leave" I let go of him and gonna sit up when Zhan catches my hand

"I just can turn it off, if you can't handle" he takes laptop away and slightly smiles "your face is too pale now, sorry I forgot what you told me before about your traumas. does this fear comes from your childhood?"

"mn, the monsters from that room did never disappear, just took place in my nightmares, I...hate darkness" this kind of conversation, this is what I'm starving for, I just need someone to listen...cause it feels like I'm not lonely anymore. he doesn't says anything, we both lay on our back and I move hand closer as our fingers touches, he just loudly breaths out but not avoids it

"may I sleep here?" getting no response I look at him and Zhan is already sleeping with cutely parted lips, I lean closer and suddenly his giggle startles me. I just notice beer can on the bedside table and smell alcohol too, so this is why he is blushing? is he seeing good dream now? "Zhan?"  I call and he pouts, moving a little "are you faking it again?" making sure he is really sleeping I slide my fingers into his messy soft hair and remove it from his face, carefully to not disturb Zhan, cover our bodies and my lips slightly touches his forehead. I reach night bulb and turn light off, while my nose clings into his neck, Zhan giggles again and I'm sure, as long as he is next to me, they wont dare to come again...

little did I know, he couldn't protect me too...

got kinda addicted to writing this story and feel like really need a little rest. that is why taking a short break to update another one and plus plan this better😊 hope you'll wait for me patiently my dear readers😘and thank you so much for all the love this story is receiving🥰