Hearing bell sound I run to the door and greet Yang Zi, who nods with smile and comes in. noticing her tired face I bring cold water and ask to sit down

"had busy work day?"

"mn, just done tutoring lesson, my head hurts but..."

"you still love your kids"

"right, you know me very well" she laughs and realization we still talk like couple makes me uncomfy. I nonstop rub my hands together and she sighs loudly

"I prefer Zhan... if you stop being awkward around me"

"It's just, I'm very..."

"Mn, I know you're very sorry but I don't blame you, just wish...you're more honest with me before. and I'm smart enough to know, we can never choose who to love. It was exactly same with me" pain sparkles in her eyes and my heart pains "that day we first met, I can't really say you looked good? With all that bruises on your face but still...you have that special aura, which fascinates others. That is why I was truly willing to meet you again and felt my eyes blessed when saw you coming into cafe, widely smiling at me. that day...you returned money back but took my heart in return"

"There is too much memories of us and surprisingly all sweet...so many hardships in my life was eased thanks to you, but I dirtied it with my base act, with my cheating"

"I'm just curious, you think...do you find me pitiful for still staying next to you? For kind of helping my future husband and ex lover to get together? Too silly no?"

"Never, for me you're strongest woman ever. Yang Zi, you know I always respected you"

"it wasn't easy but, I kept telling myself and tried my best to believe... although it feels too unfair still... Yibo needs you and your love more than me, I have perfect family, was always showered by love but Yibo has only you in this world so... let's leave everything in the past Zhan, let's consider today as start of our friendship" she offers hand for shake and I gently hold it between my palms

"Thank you so much for everything Yang Zi, it feels like, I truly took you for granted, I don't deserve to be treated like this by you"

"Don't you dare to say that again, I know better ok? oh right" she takes phone from her bag and hands it to me "almost forgot, I came here to give this back, Yibo thought it was possible to be hacked but everything is ok, you can freely use your phone"

"Mn alright"

"so this is all" she gets up and walks towards the door, already reached there Yang Zi turns to me again and suddenly runs back, hugging me tightly "just... last time" she whispers and I pet her hair  "I'm happy we could talk like this and say proper goodbye to our relationship, I'm going to keep protecting you but...please be careful ok?" she moves back and I nod with smile, I couldn't imagine then...how many years was going to pass until our next meeting

*****

During next few days I just can't stay still, although knowing he won't call me because it's dangerous, still I always carry phone with me, looking at it after every second, any sudden sound startles me and feel like I'm going crazy already.

Why? Like normal couples why don't we have even one photo together to cherish while longing? too unfair, everything about our relationship is too unfair. having kinda silly plan, I nonstop walk in the room and wait for the young girl who usually brings meal for me. finally time comes and she blushes as always, when I smile at her, this is my only chance and I need to use it

"won't you help me beautiful girl?" I ask with sweet voice and pout "I need, I truly need internet" 

"but...your guards said, you can't use it"

"it isn't like I'm some prisoner, I feel like locked in the jungle. please just wanna see news, so can easily kill time, tell me the password ok?"

"but..." she still hesitates and I move closer "I'll...kiss your cheek" aren't you playing dirty Zhan? punishing Yibo for simple touch but doing the same, damn it's ok, anyway I'll let him to bite my lips later

"in this case...ok" she nods happily and I peck on her face, finally getting the password I sigh from relief and thank her. as soon as girl leaves I literally fly to the sofa and sit down logging in. as expected very first surname which pops up in the news is Wang and I open it with shaking hand. how the hell, did he manage to make this huge scandal? 

"congressman Wang's grand political action, which was supposed to be really unforgettable for his countless supporters, didn't really disappoint at all. everyone around was shocked when suddenly at the middle of the show, recorded interview of his son Wang Yibo appeared on the huge screen and more, he played voice recording where congressman was talking mockingly about his voters. for now this topic is the most discussable and shareable on the TV and social media, as people keep leaving hating comments everywhere, his rating as politician and Wang corporation's stock prices are falling down drastically. until this moment he didn't make appearance yet and we couldn't reach Wang Yibo too. nothing is known about them"

why Yibo, why do you keep repeating my steps? when you know how dangerous and merciless your father is. I caress the screen which shows his face and tap the play button "I'm Wang Yibo, only son of congressman Wang. the man...who is the most known by his kind nature and care for poor society. man who tries to protect you, your families and is even willing to sacrifice his wealth for you" he shakes head and laughs loudly "nonsense, lie, lie absolutely everything is lie. you're and you're always fooled by us my dear citizens. at first I'm nothing alike to the young, decent man you know me as, I'm just... snob and brat, someone who knew every dirtiness he was doing but just stayed still until...until I got desire to fight for my own happiness"

"let's start everything from the beginning, I mean your father's past?"

"the known fact, that he is from poor family and worked hard to fulfill his dreams is only halfway true, yes he was born poor but only work he did was seducing my mom, who is daughter of the rich businessman. from the beginning he was craving easy money and boundless power. after marriage as soon as he got money, started doing any illegal acts you can ever imagine, such a corruption, drug dealer, trafficking and...murder"

"your family..."

"can I call it snake nest? no let's not insult snakes. The love they show towards me, was never real. When mom found out about her pregnancy, first thing he did was ordering abortion but...cause of her health condition it was risky and being scared to not lose money making machine dad preferred to handle this unwanted child. So...I always thought, my birth made no one happy and no one is going to be sad when I'm gone forever too. And...they both did their best to make me totally sure about this" he gets up and takes shirt off, turning back. although it isn't first time I see his scarred body, still close eyes and break into sobs, how much I want to be next to you now Yibo "you think, someone who can treat his own flesh and blood brutally like this, is able and willing to protect your children? someone who enjoys watching other's hurting and suffering will heal your wounds? answer is always no, I know very well...society always need someone to trust, to rely on but...those people like my dad and his colleagues never give away something without gaining back. The youth... you hope are going to make our country better are used for earning dirty money by them. Your precious sons and daughters, you send to our government hoping they get proper education and decent job, are crushed under their feet, they work hard while higher ups get profit. This isn't all but...someday hope deeper secrets sees the light too"

"You had something more to say"

"Right, about his main promise. To wipe LGBT society out from our country, trust me this is the funniest thing. he just found the most sensitive point of our society and used it very well, for his popularity. After my video was shown on the screen..." I can notice little smile shakes Yibo's lips and know he thinks about me, where, where are you now my love "I was never forced by someone, I was never dragged in. from the beginning...I was always gay"

"And he knew that too"

"Sure and more, my first partner was bought by him. as long as I was obedient, nothing was forbidden for me, I mean bad things and good ones...I just started to experience" he keeps telling about things I already know but still surprises me, being only twenty-four years old how many hardships he went through, at the end Yibo looks right into camera and bows few times "I know it's too selfish from me but...I sincerely apologize for deceiving you for so long and...hope one day I will be able to pay for all my wrongdoings, by being in you service" waiting no more I get up and rub my temples, thinking how can I find him. the first one who comes in my mind is Lifen and I decide to go to office. already reached at the door phone sound stops me and noticing aunt's number, I just send "call you later" and rush out from the room. 

"where are you going Mr Xiao?"

"dining room, I need to eat or drink something" 

"but" guard stops, as I glare at him and follows me back. I sit at the counter for few minutes and use the very first chance to sneak out while he talks to someone. running through the kitchen I leave from the backdoor and wave hand for the taxi. 

*****

I get off from the car and try my best to make my way thought the crowd, hundreds people gathered at Wang's corporation are shouting harsh and hateful words and throw everything to the building they can. It's truly amazing how quickly love and admiration turns to hate and desertion. Finally reached there I show my employee card and they let me in. Noticing me Lifen goes pale and I guess something is very wrong

"Zhan...are you back to work? Such a surprise" she asks with forced smile and I ask immediately

"Where is Yibo?"

"He...I think he left"

"What do you mean left? You're at that meeting too I'm sure, what happened after that video was shown?"

"He left, he just escaped" she keeps repeating and I'm slowly losing my patience, roughly holding her hand I tighten the grip and say through my teeth "do you take me as fool? I know Yibo well enough, to be sure...he would never leave without me, all those things he did was cause of me. so...will you say or not?"

"We had plan and it was quite perfect, before Yibo handled some recordings to me, related to Mr Wang's illegal actions, plus new drug..."

"So"

"I was supposed to upload it on the servers and send to police, also secretly hide drug in Mr Wang's cabinet, right at that moment he played video. Yibo hoped he could take time, while police was busy questioning his father and leave with you, he prepared everything"

"Then...what happened?" She stops again and her expression, somehow so familiar, filled with guilt? still... I don't want to believe "You...you did something wrong no? Answer me, damn it"

"I'm sorry Zhan but...Mr Wang saw Yibo's calls before and he became suspicious, I had no other choice. I... handled everything to him, everything Yibo gave to me"

"But..." Anger fills my mind and forcefully shake her "you...aren't sorry at all, you used Yibo for your own revenge no? You still let him to show that video, planning to stab him in the back later. Now Mr Wang is fucked up too but he won't blame you for anything, he thinks you're always loyal"

"I just protected myself and my family, that money..." this words suddenly slips out and I tighten fist "I'm going to use for my mom, I was already ruined, why? Tell me Zhan why I had to sacrifice myself because of Yibo?"

"As long as there is sincere regret, nothing is too late anymore. If I love Yibo after everything he did to me, you could find someone too, who is able to see through you, to love your sins and flaws too but now...yes you're fully ruined"

"you're...you're very evil, why you can't understand me?" 

"just tell me where he is, where is Yibo"

"They...guards took him, I lied you're with me and waiting for him"

"How disappointed, broken and scared he would be" I feel my chest tightening and break into sobs "Yibo trusted you, but you just doomed him for death, Mr Wang...even imagining how angry he must be now terrifies me. Where, where did they take him? I'm sure you know"

"countryside cottage, I think it should be the place but..." She holds my hands and shakes her head "can't you just, use this chance?"

"What?"

"To free yourself forever, Zhan it was Yibo who put you in this situation, in this shitty world so...just stay still, why care if they kill each-other? Think well, you can just keep living quietly, without worries, just forget everything related to him"

"Shut up" I cover my ears to not hear anymore, why? Why everything sounds so true but...how can I..."

"Do you really, love Yibo enough...to die for him?"

This chapter feels a little off, because actually my mind filled with other worries 😓 for this moment i'm waiting for test results, there is big risk my family is Covid positive.

so please don't mind possible mistakes and I'll try to update soon if everything is ok 😊