Song: Is This Real- Lisa Hall

I stare out the window on the ride back to the hotel. Everything inside of me feels like it is crumbling into a million pieces. I want to scream so badly and let everything inside of me explode. Eli stays quite and I think it's because he knows that I am brewing deep down, maybe even a little afraid that I will lash out on him and at this very moment he just might be right. No matter what he says at this very moment it won't change anything. 

The cab pulls up at my hotel and Eli opens the door and waits for me to get out. I stand there on the sidewalk looking up at the hotel. I don't even notice Eli really standing in front of me until he grabs my hand. "Hey...you coming up?"

I shake my head no as my bottom lip starts to quiver. I feel the familiar sting between the bridge of me nose as my eyes water up. "I need to be alone for a little while. Don't follow me...please...just give me some time alone." I brush my hand against his chest before walking away.

"Vi...where you going?" I hear him yell from behind me.

I don't bother turning back around as I walk down the busy streets of New Orleans. I find myself walking along the French Quarters. No matter what time of day, people are out and about down here painting, dancing, and playing music. I thought being here would give me an escape but it doesn't, my mind keeps flooding of different scenarios, reasons of why she would do it. It was almost as if it was her way of paying them off to stay away from me or better yet a way to pay for me. I go in at one of the bars on the corner and sit at the bar. I order a shot and down it with one gulp and request for another.

I want to sit here and drink the pain away but I know it is going to take a lot more than liquor itself to do the job. I walk out and the lights are all coming to life around me as the sun goes down. I know there are people here with a supply of narcotics; I just have to ask around. As I walk the streets, I look around me. I watch how people act and notice two guys down the one alley way. I walk down and right up to them. "Hey...do either of you have anything or know where I can get something?"

"Depends on what you are looking for honey?" The guy looks a little rough looking with a week old stubble on his face and his clothes look like they could use a good wash. 

"I just need something to take the edge off." I flash a handful of money to let him know that I am serious. I have a feeling if he doesn't have anything, he for sure knows where to get something.  

"Sure...come right this way." The taller guy motions me to go down another alley way. I follow right behind him. The alley is very dark with limited lighting seeping through. At the end we go through a door and down a flight of stairs to a basement area. There is an old rusted green door in front of us. He knocks twice and the door creeks open for us to enter. He lets me go ahead of him and as I do I hear the door close behind him.

There is a guy sitting on this red fluffy couch and in front of him is a table with remains of white powder and other substances. "So you are looking for a little something. How do I know you are not a nark or better yet a cop?"

"I'm neither but I do have money. I can pay well. I just had a really bad day and need a little something to push it all further down." I debate on if I should continue to stand or sit across from him. 

I watch as he nods his head and a smirk crosses his face. "Your beautiful...girls like you don't do shit like this. So what really brings you to me?"

"Beautiful girls have needs to you know. I just found out that my whole life was a secret, basically a lie. I have been lied to for so long that I don't know if anything is real anymore." I throw out a hundred dollar bill, letting it fall to the table right in front of him. "What can I get for this?"

"Depends...are you wanting a pill, powder or syringe?"

"I don't really care for needles so..."

"Here...have a seat." He motions for me to sit down. I watch as he gets out a powdery substance and lays it all out on a mirrored tray. He hands it to me. "Here...enjoy."

I knew he wasn't going to let me leave with the supply, probably in case I was a nark. So I smile wickedly back at him before bending over and sniffing it up my nose. Afterwards, I got up and left and no one bothered stopping me. By the time I make it back to the main street, my chest feelings like it is going to jump right out of my chest and leave me behind. I look around and everything around me is dizzy and blurry. I have to stop half way down the street and lean up against the building.  As I look out the streets go up and the buildings come down, mixing together like an oil painting submerged in water.

I close my eyes for only a second and then I feel vibrations coming from my pocket waking me up. I dig for the phone to see that Eli has not only text a million times but also called. The last message states that he is out looking for me because he is worried that I haven't responded back and he knows me all too well that I have I always find myself in trouble.

I quickly send him a text back. "I'm fine. Be back in a little while."  I notice the time on the phone and it's been a good five hours and going on midnight, no wonder why he is freaking out. I try to stand up and lose my balance and fall back against the side of the building again. Apparently I made a little ruckus because the door beside me opens up and there standing before me is a dark woman in a colorful dressing. Her hair is wrapped up on top of her head and she is holding part of her necklace in her hand. She starts talking and I just stare back at her as if I have a very difficult time understanding her. Her English is alright it's just that it has a dialect to it and I have to really listen to her.

I shake my head and blink a few times trying to figure her out. She reaches out for my hand and pulls me in to the building. "You need answers...please right this way child." As I follow her into the building she motions for me to sit down. "Please have a seat. I'm Madam Zaydaya." As soon as I sit down she grabs my hands and examines them. Her fingers trace every single line as if she can read my life like an open book. She slowly lets go of them and her eyes focus on mine. "You are in much pain...the past has come back to haunt you. You have a dark side my girl. A dark side that you crave. The pain that you have needs to be let go. There is nothing you can do to fix it...and if you proceed to try it will only make things harder for you."

I place my hands in my lap. "You don't know anything about my life," I say with almost regret as soon as it slips between my teeth.

She slowly smiles and only nods her head back at me as if trying to agree with me however she goes on as she closes her eyes for a second. 

"You were saved for a reason...maybe not for you necessarily but for the one that saved you. They did things to protect you. They would die for you if they need to." She raises her eyebrow when she looks back across the table at me and then says, "Why are you taking drugs...wait...don't tell me...you have been hurt. Someone hurt you. Not just the woman but another.  You are in constant pain and you take something to make it stop. However the pain you are feeling right now has nothing to do with the other."

I gasp, "You got all of that from looking at my hands?"

"Oh...no my dear child...I feel it in you. I see it behind those eyes of yours."

I'm at a loss for words. "How do I make it all go away?"

"Move on with your life. There is one looking for you. He is the one. Your soul mate. Yes...he is searching for you at this very moment."

I stop and think about Eli searching the streets for me and panicking. I know she is right because it is so like him to be out looking for me. I bet he has been this whole time from the moment I took off.

"I should go." I quickly stand up and head for the door.

"Wait...one more thing...the dark side that you have...that you crave deep down. I know what you have done and I know you will never stop. It will always be a part of you."

I stop in my tracks and look back at her. Cold chills run down my body. How is it possible that this lady could possibly know anything about my life but she was so right on target. I shake my head and open the door. As soon as I am out in the street I text Eli, "I'm on my way."