Song: All I want- Emma Bale

Eli would text me every day however I didn't bother answering the first few days. I was still so mad and upset that he chose to leave and not just that but he chose to leave me. I could have easily gone to California with him and found a therapist there but no he was persistent in me staying here. So many text came through to tell me how sorry he was and how it was best for me to stay so that I can get the right therapy and honestly it was all just a bunch of bullshit. If he was sorry he would have never left to begin with. When I didn't answer he would call me over and over and I would let it all go to voicemail. A few times I just turned my phone off all together just so that I could focus on what I needed to do. I waited till late at night to play the messages back to back. I stopped counting them and by the second week he reduced the calls and text by fifty percent. By the end of the month he would send a simple text late at night just to tell me goodnight and that he loved me.

I knew that if I answered his calls, it would bring up more thoughts of him in my head. What if I started talking and said things that I really didn't mean to say? I know how I am and I know that sometimes I can be just plain out rude and vicious. So I did what I thought would be best to just ignore all the calls. Even though deep down all I wanted was to see him at my door, to see those deep eyes of his longing for me. That's all I wanted but I knew that was not going to happen any time soon.

He said two week and it has already been a month. A month he has been gone. I wasn't sure that he would ever come back. Living in California must have been at least a little bit fun. I am sure when he is not working he is probably hooking up with some girl and I don't blame him he should move on. I on the other hand don't have any time for a social life and even if I did it wasn't like anyone would want to hang out with a girl like me.

The good thing is, is that my parents make sure to keep me busy. In the early morning, I work out with my upper body and then head to the Crematory to work with my mom. At night, I mostly chill out watching TV or catching up on a good book. Once this cast is off, I am hoping to go out and do other things with my life. Hell it would be nice to just go out to grab a drink and dance. Maybe even to dance with someone, even though I wished that someone was Eli. God, I so missed dancing and the other thing I really miss are my friends back in New York. I think about flying them out here again but maybe it is just better off this way. Everything is better off this way.

The first few weeks were so boring. I hated being in an office filing paper work all day. Once everything is in order, she wants me to scan all the files to save them to a hard drive. She thinks this way it will clear out all the paper work and make more room for other stuff. I don't think anyone has ever kept up with anything here since she opened this place up because I find files from years ago.

I haven't really been reading anything, just filing away putting things in alphabetical order and now scanning them all into the system. There are so many death certificates to scan in. I am sitting at the desk, doing the simple task half out of it because even doing this type of work makes me think of Eli. I wonder what he is doing at this very moment. I sit and type on the keyboard, last name first then the first name. I am not really thinking about any of the names but as I type up the last name Green and then the first name Samuel Sr., it's like my mind comes to a standstill as I stare into the screen. Something about the name jogs a lost memory in my head. As the file scans it pops up on the screen. My eyes scan over the information and my heart literally stops beating. I zone out. I'm not sure where my mind went to but I come back to reality when my mom is calling my name over and over.

"Violet...Violet it's getting late. Find a stopping spot; you can finish up tomorrow." 

I blink a few times and stare back at the screen. "Uhm....yeah...hold on," I let go of the breath that I am holding. "Let me close this last one up for the day. I will be right there."

She was about to leave but then turns to look back at me. "Are you sure you are ok, you looked like you seen a ghost or something?"

I quickly look up at her and smile to confirm that I am alright. "No I was just thinking...it's nothing I will be right out."

"OK no worries, we will be waiting right outside alright, make sure you lock up all the way."

"Yeah...ok...I'm coming, give me a few seconds to shut down the computer."

As she leaves the room, I look back over the screen. Samuel Green Sr. age sixty-seven. He died of a massive heart attack. His wife was Evelyn Green had signed some of the documents at his time of death. On the next page is the obituary and I scroll down to see family members...Sam Green and his wife Sara Green with the list of children and then there it is, Violet S. Green. I take out my phone and take pictures of the screen so I can look at it later. Did I really just stumble along my grand fathers' death certificate? Chills run down my spine. I haven't thought about my past family in a long while. Well except for the nightmare and having to explain to Eli that I had a different family before this one. I quickly save the files and shut down the computer for the night.

As I close the door behind me, Ashton calls out, "You locked the door right?"

I turn to grab the door and it was locked. I turn around and give them a smile before getting in the back seat. My mom keeps looking over at me as I stare out the window thinking. "Are you sure everything is alright? You seem like something is bothering you."

"It's just been a long day. I'm just tired." I lean my head back and close my eyes for a second. I keep trying to force the memories out about him but everything seems so cloudy. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure you know you can ask me anything?"

"I never got to meet your dad. I know you told me stories about him and all but I always wondered what it would have been like having him as a grandfather."

"He was something else. A lot of people saw him as pure evil. They never understood him and why he was the way he was. He was just different with all of us. I mean he went to Marcus and Ashton for certain thing and then he practically raised Atticus. With me it was...he was just different. Hell he had no clue what to do with a little girl. I gave him a hard time and while doing that I learned my lesson not to test him. God he would wear my ass out for everything." She lets out a small snort. "He was hard on me Violet. There were plenty of times that I hated him more than anyone in the world but then looking back at everything he only did what he thought was right. I think he would have loved you."

I open my eyes to look over at her. "Why do you think that?"

"Seriously...you have to ask. You are so much like me that honestly it kind of scares me. I think you are capable of many things that you don't even realize yourself. As a matter of fact I bet you are itching to hurt someone, maybe even kill them. It's like once you done it, you always seem to crave to do it again."

"I never thought it would give me so much adrenaline. I should feel bad about the things that I have done but I would be lying to you. Those guys deserved what they got and maybe I do want to but it's not like I can do much at the moment." I point to my leg. "I'm just so tired of being stuck here. Anyway I was just thinking about if maybe if I met him if my life would be any different." I didn't want to tell her what I came across on the screen. I didn't need her to know, not right now anyway.

"I think it would have turned out about the same except he would have made me be harder on you. He as tough and he made me tough. Hell maybe I should have been a little tougher with you but you know what I think you turned out just right."

"Uhm," I let out a sigh and look back out the window. The rest of the ride home was quite and once there I excuse myself to my room. I pull out my phone to look over the death certificate and the obituary. I don't recall all the names listed for family but I do recall my family and my Uncle William. He was my dad's brother. I don't know why but my fingers are going to work on my phone trying to find out anything that I can. I just want to know where they are.

I know I need to let it go but something in the back of my mind tells me that I just need to know. A zillion Greens' pop up on the screen, that are in this state alone and I can't help but roll my eyes. This will be like trying to find that fucking shiny needle in the haystack. I narrow my search by just the city of course the list seems just as long. In the middle of looking up the Green's in the area my phone goes off and I try to hit the red circle to ignore him but somehow my finger hits the green and I just sit there in silence.

"Wow...you actually answered the phone. Violet...Vi I know you are there, dammit will you please talk to me. I don't know what the hell you want me to say."

"Hi!" It comes out in almost a whisper. I never planned on talking to him again.

"Hi...I thought maybe I had the wrong number, you never answer."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be...I know how mad you were at me and you probably still are. I don't blame you." Silence fills the air between us. "Violet, I thought I would be back by now. It looks like I may be here for another month but I swear I am trying to get this all straightened out." Again silence. I know he wants me to talk but I just don't know what to say at the moment. I hear him sigh, "So how is the therapy going?"

"I hope to get the cast off next week and I'm sure they will want to start therapy as soon as possible. I dread it actually."

"Guess it will be nice getting back out there doing normal things, uh?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Violet...you got to know that I'm trying to get back home don't you. You know I love you?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah!" He sounds agitated suddenly. "Well I hate to keep you from whatever you were doing. I just wanted to call to say good night."

"Goodnight Eli."

"Goodnight Violet. Hey...I love you."

"Mmmm...you too." I quickly end the call and hold the phone to my chest.  I don't think I have ever said those words to him. I know he tells me that all the time but I just don't want to throw those three simple words around as if they really don't mean anything. I groan out loud, "If you loved me, you would have never left me." I forget all about what I was doing, instead I lay back and drift off to sleep.