"I am sorry..." I whispered as she sighed, tears filling her eyes again.

"No..." she shook her head. "Please don't say anything! I don't want to hear it" she hissed as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her breathing started to drop slowly as her eyes closed. Her head rested on my shoulder and her eyes closed. Once again, faint sobs left her mouth.

"It's going to be okay sweetheart..." I said gently kissing her forehead.

Little did I know that nothing was going to be okay when she wakes up!

-------------

"What??? Are you serious? Why the hell are you keeping that idiotic cousin of yours at home then?" Jatin screeched as Dev just held the phone in his ears for the past ten minutes, listening to Jatin's lecture.

"She is here for a reason Jatin! And now, I have no idea what to do." Dev huffed as he was getting restless every minute.

"Ok, what is Sona doing now?" he asked.

"She is sleeping, Jatin... She woke up a few times. I fetched her medicines and helped her take it. She fears to go to sleep. Gosh... it must be really painful to have those nightmares for her you know." He said as Jatin noticed Dev's voice dropping.

"Ok....are you planning to take her to the doctor today?"

"Yea I have to. Yesterday her outburst was really terrible. It took her two hours to go back to sleep. I just hope she doesn't face anymore nightmares again. It's just so hard to see her like that." Dev said.

"Come on Dev.... She had gone through worse. She will pass by this phase too.... One day or another, she has to know the truth.... And when she knows, something like this is expected. And we need to prepare ourselves to face her." Jatin spoke as he was worried for Sonakshi too.

"I know..... "

"What are you going to do with Nisha?" Jatin asked.

"I have planned hell for her. But right now, my priority is Sonakshi. I just want her to be okay first, then let me deal with that prick!" Dev hissed as his anger knew no bounds whenever Nisha's name was mentioned.

Just as he was talking, Jay entered the room and looked at his son, who looked like he hadn't slept for months. Seeing Jay, Dev immediately ended his conversation with Jatin and placed his phone down.

"Dev....come and have your breakfast please. You are roaming around the house from morning six a.m. Everyone's getting worried about you." Jay sighed while Dev ignored his pleas and kept pacing around the room, gathering Sonakshi's medical reports in a small bag.

"No dad.... I have to find a few more scan reports and need to have a small chat with Sona's doctor too. I have no idea why he is not picking up. Once she wakes up, I will have my breakfast with her. We need to rush to the hospital as soon as possible." Dev blabbered as Jay looked at him in dismay.

"Dev, I know this is important but you are awake the whole night-" before Jay could continue, Dev cut him.

"It's not new for me to be awake all nights dad. Thanks to your wife, sister and your sister's daughter! They have spoiled all my nights and ruined..."

"Don't put all the blame on them Dev! They didn't ruin you! YOU RUINED YOURSELF!" Jay yelled as Dev's eyes widened. He quickly glanced at Sonakshi to make sure she didn't wake up.

"Dad.... Can you save your lectures...? This isn't the time! I don't want you to wake Sonakshi up." Dev spoke in irritation.

"What? Lectures? When did you ever listen to me in the first place.... For me to even give you lectures, you have to listen! I am so tired of your blame game Dev! I know whatever they did was wrong and I am not trying to justify them.... But in the name of hurting them, you are hurting yourself too. Ignoring your mum, torturing Nisha cruelly, abusing your mami, starving yourself, venting your anger at your employees.... Is this you? Look at yourself....... We don't even recognise who you are.... How are you going to heal Sonakshi, if you yourself are stuck in the past?" he grunted as Dev stood stoned in his place.

Never had he expected a blast from Jay. He had always been a patient man but today, things broke loose and Dev had to be shown the reality.

"You know what dad? I don't think I can make you understand anything. Only if you had been in my situation, you would have known how it is, to lose someone you love right infront of your eyes! And guess what? Your wife.... She made me face that situation thrice!" Dev vented.

"But she is still your mother! She did everything out of stupidity.... She did that to gain your love! Won't you ever forgive her?" Jay asked as Dev kept silent. He didn't want to answer that question anymore. Because the answer was no!

Shaking his head defeatedly, Jay stormed out of the room leaving a devastated Dev behind. Dev sighed and moved closer to Sonakshi and brushed his fingers across her face. She was in deep sleep.

He slowly got up and closed the door softly. He walked down and saw everyone seated on the dining table except for Nisha. She was given the duty of doing all the housework... and she was constantly being monitored too.

He saw Nisha glaring at him and smirked. It gave him immense pleasure in making Nisha suffer more than the others. He walked up to her and whispered.

"So now.... Ready to go to jail?"

Nisha gasped as she looked at Dev with shock.

Sona's POV

I slowly opened my eyes. My eyes took in every ray of light and without a doubt, I knew that I've slept too long. Though my eyes are open I can't think of why my heart was pounding so fast. My mind felt empty as if a hypodermic of adrenaline has been emptied into my carotid. I took my time to look around and immediately panicked.

"Dev?" I called out but my voice came out softer than usual. I slowly tried to sit up despite the heaviness in my head.

Just then, I felt some sharp object placed near my legs, restricting my movements. I slide off the blankets and suddenly a large file, dropped down on the floor with all the papers scattered around. My eye brows scurried with confusion when I bent down as picked up the papers.

Once I took the papers, I arranged it to place it back in the file but the last paper, caught my attention. It stated 'Medical Reports' and had my name in it. I took a quick glance at it and realized that those were my medical records, CT scans and other important information. Why was it here?

I quickly scanned through all the records until I saw the last one. It took approximately a few seconds to process what I was reading....M...miscarriage?

My whole body froze.

The thoughts were accelerating inside my head. I want them to slow down so that I could breathe but they wouldn't. My breaths came in gasps as I felt like I would black out at any moment. My heart hammered inside my chest. The room started to spin while I squat down on the floor and tried to make everything slow to something my brain and body could cope with.

I felt so sick. I wanted to call an ambulance but the phone was too far away. It was too far away to reach for. I didn't know who to call, what their number was, where to go as flashes of memories came like a lightening in the dark sky.

Marriage.....Nisha's constant tortures.........the fall.........Dev's lack of trust.....money missing.........Nisha's cruel game......Ishwari's hand in every activity........Dev leaving the house.........Ishwari....Radharani and Nisha......throwing her out of the house..........night time.......loneliness.........physical pain.......Neil.......Jatin's number not reachable......Dev's last phone call.............his outburst......his brutal words.......accident.................Neil's last words.....Horrible pain.... blackness... creeping blackness...

I recalled how my body jarred with each blow, how the pain seared through my skin and took away every feeling of safety that I ever had.

Oh my god......that pain....my stomach...... was I pregnant?

No

No....

Please no..... oh my god! I want my child back....

My back started hurting right from the base of my spine to the tail bone. Saliva was pooling in the back of my mouth. I tried reading the papers again hoping that the words would change but it clearly mentioned that I had lost my child during that fatal accident.

Why couldn't I have just died instead?

I sit still on the floor, with no strength to move. My shaky fingers finally come to stop after running restlessly through my messed up hair. I bite down on my lip trying not to burst into tears. This not going to help, it's not going to change anything.

I crumpled the report papers in my fist and threw it away with all my strength. I shouted curses at it, and finally let out my tears. How do you take something not to be a big deal when it is one?

The nausea swirled unrestrained in my empty stomach. My head swam with half-formed regrets. My heart felt as if my blood had become tar as it struggled to keep a steady beat.

It was so painful. The reality was like a harsh slap on my face.... No....No... I want to go back! Back to how I was a few days ago. But that was not possible anymore. I wouldn't be able to look at Dev the same way anymore. He isn't the person I fell in love with anymore.... Just the thought of it made my heart ache. He was my hero and my monster at the same time. Now I have woken up and I can't live that way anymore. I can't take love from one who hurts me, I just can't.

I felt that my body was becoming lifeless and my head started hurting. My eyesight blurred, but not because tears which were welling up. Everything became fuzzy and slowly I saw nothing at all.

My consciousness was floating through an empty space filled with a thick static. Throughout the inky space my heartbeats pounded loudly. Feeling in my body drained away until finally all was black.

"Dev..."

-------------------

Dev's POV

It was three hours since Sonakshi was admitted in the hospital. It was so crazy.... The moment I saw her unconscious in the room, I felt like I lost my life. It was only ten minutes. Freaking ten minutes, I left the room, and she was already in this condition. I didn't know how I should feel. When I carried her from the room, I saw her medical reports crushed at that side and quickly stood rooted at my place.

Shit......

It was really stupid of me to have left the papers there... I should have been a little careful. Now it's all my fault again. Jatin and Pooja were also in the hospital. I had told them the situation and even they had no idea on what to do. This situation was such a mess. No matter how much I tried, my insides were in a chaos

Sonakshi's parents were back in town. But how could I tell them? What do I tell? That their daughter just fainted in my room? Her father was just recovering so I didn't want them to panic yet. I hope Sonakshi is fine. God, please help me.... At least once.

I closed my eyes and sat at a corner when Dr Prathap arrived.

"Hi, Mr Dixit..... actually.........It's actually a good and a bad news" he said as I gulped in my fear and nodded.

"Good news is that, your wife Sonakshi is now able to recall almost everything from her past. Probably something very crucial or something really traumatic had triggered her memory back.... "

"Doctor.... Is she going to be ok?" I asked impatiently as he took a deep breath.

"Physically she is fine Mr Dixit. She needs bed rest for a week. But mentally and psychologically, I don't think so." He sighed as my heart sank.

"What do you mean.... I mean.... Is there-"

"See Mr Dixit, I know it's hard for both of you to deal with this now but this is all new to her. Her miscarriage has created a great impact on her brain and with how's she is currently reacting right now............ It's hard to say anything." Dr Prathap said.

"Can we go see her now?" Pooja interrupted as I stared at the doctor expectantly.

"Yes.... But just avoid saying anything that can make her breakdown again. It's really risky for her to face another panic attack right now." The doctor instructed and left the place.

"Dev, you should go first! Try talking to her calmly. I am sure you guys can sort out." Jatin said as my face paled.

I was so ashamed to go in front of her for the first time. How will I be able to explain to her? Will she give me another chance? I desperately wanted to know what was going on her mind. I hope she doesn't hate me...

"Okay...." I barely whispered as I moved forward to open the room where Sonakshi was admitted.

But before I could open, I heard horrifying screams that and sobs. Without a second thought, I pushed the door open, and once again, the sight which I hated, greeted me. The nurses were also in the room trying to calm Sona down but she wasn't taking any of it.

She started trashing everything around her like a mad woman. I ran towards her to stop her but once she saw me, she froze.

"Sona..... It's okay.." I tried to sooth but she harshly tugged my hands away and screamed whilst sobbing.

"You bloody moron.... Just go away! Go away from my life! JUST GOOOO" she screamed her lungs out until her breaths came out in pants. I was shocked with the words she used. This was not the Sonakshi I ever knew.

There were sharp, shrill sounds of screams as I saw her pulling out the needles from her skin causing blood to ooze out more. She was crying hopelessly, as sobs raked through her throat while her hands gripped her hair. The nurses ran and tried to hold her hand still while I helped them.

"DON'T....DONT TOUCH ME!" she screamed, shaking her head from side to side. This was worse than anything I had expected. I calmed my racing heart and quickly engulfed her in a strong hug.

The moment I touched her, she stopped struggling but her wails of cries were heart piercing. Tears were flowing constantly as she looked at me with a terrified expression. I swallowed and wiped off the blood from her arms with the tissue that the nurse gave me.

Her eyes slowly flickered to my shoulder and then back into my eyes. Immediately her eyes widened as if she recalled something. Her eyes filled with terror as she slipped back and started pulling away again. Her screams pierced my ears as she started struggling once again. I stared at the nurse helplessly and instructed her to do something.

The nurse quickly ran to call the doctor while I pinned Sonakshi's hands to the bed and tugged her to me. Wiping away her tears, I kept mumbling words to calm her down but her struggles never seized.

"It hurts.....so bad! The van hit me....so bad...........your mother......Nisha threw me out of....the house" she sobbed making me flinch. Another nurse stepped forward to help her but I shook my head. I didn't want her to start throwing things at them again.

"I am here now...." I whispered as she buried her face in my chest with her hands still on her hair. She cried and shook her head.

"You were there too....." she muttered and it felt like a punch on my chest. Yes.... I was there too but I didn't help her. Now it was clear. She didn't trust me anymore.

"Sona-"

"You never gave me the feeling of safety ever! You never did.... Why are you here like you care now?" she spat venomously as I stared at her in horror.

"I have always lived in fear.....I had lots of hope..........and trust on you. You shattered everything........your touch....presence just disgusts me.." she sobbed and I clench my eyes shut.

How painful could it get?

Just when Dr Prathap entered, she started to kick her legs violently.

"Go away...... I don't want to be treated! I want to be dead.... I don't want to alive..." she yelled as the doctor rushed towards her side with his medical kit.

He immediately signaled me to hold her so that he could inject her the sedatives. I instantly just followed what I was told. I moved forward and gripped her wrists but the moment I held her, her eyes accusingly stared at mine.

"You....cheated me! I called you even at my last moment.... when I was facing my death..... But you didn't even trust me a bit." she said as her eyes held so much of hatred and fire.

"Sonakshi....I am sorry" I said not able to form any words.

She harshly pulled away and clutched my collars as dread filled me. She looked down at her stomach and her face paled.

"Where is it?" she asked as my heartbeat increased.

"W..what?" I asked blinking back my tears.

"Where is my baby????" she yelled as my entire body felt lifeless for a moment.

".............where? WHEREEE?" she wailed as her small wrists attacked my chest. But her small punches didn't hurt me. It was the words which pierced. What could I tell her?

"Is it gone???" her fierce gaze was now gone and was replaced with tears.

"Please tell me it's not gone..." she asked softly as her grip on my shirt loosened and her shoulders sagged. I had nothing to tell her as tears started forming at the corner of my eyes.

I had prepared myself to handle Sonakshi when she would come to know about the truth, but I never expected to see her in such a state. Never expected things to turn such a way. Droplets of tears tipped down her cheeks as her hands trembled. Dr Prathap just stood there, examining her reactions. His face just displayed pure sympathy for the lost soul who was crying in pain.

I gulped and gathered her in my arms, placing her head between my shoulder and neck.

"Why???" she asked. Honesly, I had no answer to that.

"I hate you the most..." she cried. Yea... I deserved that.

".........my child" she palmed her face and cried in her hands as I looked at the doctor and nodded my head to tell him that he needed to inject her now or else she could hurt herself more.

I ran my hand around her waist and gripped them tightly as she shivered uncontrollably. This was the worst. She was not even herself right now. The doctor quickly filled the syringe and injected her in her arm. Sonakshi barely winced as her eyes remained fixed on my face. She looked at me with so much of pain that it made me want to shoot myself to death. I couldn't stand how unfair life was.

"You will never be able to redeem yourself..." she murmured and clutched my hands in a death grip.

Her eyes soon became heavy as I laid her back on the pillow.

"My child..... You killer..." she murmured as she went fully unconscious and the nurses started to drip her again.

If there was something worse than death.....then this has to be it...

**************

Precap: Sonakshi wants a divorce!