.03 | Care Too Much

We kept moving as a group, never really staying in one place for too long save for some breakfast or dinner. Our feet were aching, our minds were warped, and our eyes had seen about enough horrors than any person should ever see in a lifetime.

I could sense the unease from Rick and Michonne, but I knew at the end of the day they would keep going for Carl. Giving up was not an option our group chose to elect. We were survivors and we pushed on even when our hearts were aching.

We all took turns sleeping in shifts, and while I was more than happy to accompany Calvin or Michonne on a shift I was very stand offish from Daryl since our talk.

Daryl did what he knew best.

He remained silent.

He gave me my space while not really having the courage himself to start up another conversation me. Daryl could see the hurt plain as day in my eyes that day we spoke, and not only had it agitated me, but I could sense the irritation on his part as well.

I wasn't sure if he was irritated that we were back to not speaking, or more irritated with himself for not really having the words to explain himself.

When we were at odds, which happened frequently due to our headstrong nature, things never felt right.

I would have trouble sleeping, and not just because he was no longer back to back with me, but because I could never fully be at peace knowing that we weren't okay. My thoughts would run well into the morning and I'd wake up with bags under my eyes.

Being the keen observer that he was, Daryl took notice of my sleepy eyes and my incessant yawns.

Without saying anything he would sacrifice part of his breakfast and make sure my plate was fuller than his, or sometimes I would get a small nudge from him as he handed me off the rest of his water.

Though we weren't really speaking and things were awkward, the little gestures such as that let me know that Daryl Dixon still cared for my well being, and that a little tension was not going to break us.

I didn't want to be that girl who immediately tried to separate him from his brother. But regardless of his heroics back at Juno, I was not the only one that was on the fence about him joining our group; Rick and Michonne would even glance nervously at him from time to time.

However, there was one person that didn't share our sentiments about Merle and that was Calvin.

Calvin fell into easy conversation with Merle, but he had also spent some time with him back at Juno. Calvin told me that Merle wasn't bad once you got to know him, but I also thought that Calvin could make friends with a bullfrog because of his friendly nature.

If I was honest with myself, I just didn't want to see Merle snake his way into Daryl's mind and lead him astray. I could tell the way Merle hovered over Daryl like a tick, always around and never really wanting his baby brother out of his sight.

I knew part of this was due to their being brothers and all, but the other part of it was some kind of hold on Daryl that Merle was not ready to relinquish control of yet.

I could see the nervous look in Merle's wary eyes at times. The way he watched us all like a hawk as if he thought we might snatch Daryl away from him in the middle of the night and flee.

Sometimes I debated it.

He even eyed Rick when Daryl would conversate with him, and it was in that moment I knew that Merle Dixon had a giant case of jealousy.

It wasn't rocket science to see that Rick and Daryl were more like brothers now more than ever. I could see it in the way Daryl fell into easy small talk with Rick, or the way he rolled his eyes when Rick would say something corny.

Merle picked up on all of this and to put it lightly, he was intimidated by the circle of people that Daryl had grown to consider family.

Merle felt like an outsider.

It didn't have to be that way though, but Merle chose to be stubborn as a mule about it all, which didn't surprise me in the slightest because I saw now where Daryl got most of his stubborn nature from.

"Hey, you ready to take shift?" Michonne's voice brought me back from my churn of thoughts.

Daryl and Merle both had their backs to us.

I got up from the ground, wiping the butt of my blue jeanshorts and grabbing my sickles as I put them into place on my waist. I noticed the sun creeping lower on the horizon, adding darkness to our area by the second.

I nodded at Michonne while quickly tying my auburn locks into a messy ponytail.

Merle was busy setting up a spot to sleep in and Daryl sat on a stump, his head hanging ever so slightly. The angel wings on his vest reminded me of a fallen angel.

I already knew if I were facing Daryl, he'd be carving something with his hunting knife, or fumbling with his hands which he did when he was nervous, including biting his thumbnail.

As I got up to follow Michonne, it was lost on me that Daryl turned around to watch me leave, a thoughtful look to his ocean blue eyes as I disappeared to take watch with Michonne.

----

Michonne and I walked the perimeter, stepping quietly on the foliage of the ground as our quiet breaths were the only thing that could be heard.

Somewhere, a hoot resounded in the area, which had me stopping in my tracks as I tried to figure out how far away the owl was from us. It had been a long time since I had seen an owl and it brought me back to memories of the barn owls from Texas.

Home was so far away.

It almost felt like another lifetime.

"I think we're getting closer to that safe place." Michonne offered in a low whisper. I had to strain to hear her as we kept our voices low so the others wouldn't hear us.

"Intuition?" I asked playfully, and in the night sky I could see her white pearls of teeth bright and clear as she laughed lightly.

"Maybe, but I did notice the trail changed before we got to this camp. Did you notice that?"

I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, it looked like it opened up more and the terrain changed. I wouldn't doubt we're close,"

I stopped short as she stopped beside me, my breath held as she strained to hear something that I couldn't. Her body was so still I almost didn't know if she was breathing. She relaxed visibly and the tension left her body, as did mine. I breathed out and she shook her head,

"Thought I heard one of them."

One of them meant a walker.

Come to think of it I hadn't seen many in awhile either. I knew we were not done seeing them, but they were becoming few and far between as we got closer to this safe place.

I could only hope these people had put into place a perimeter that was safe and kept out the dead. The last thing we needed was a place that wasn't prepared for a horde.

Walkers didn't really scare me anymore, but being cornered by a bunch was a death trap that I never wanted to get myself into again.

It sparked thoughts of my time with Daryl in the convenient store that day and how my quick thinking had saved us from being eaten alive.

The look of shock on his face when I created a little bomb was something that stuck with me to this day, as did the elephant necklace that was securely around my neck.

"You okay?" Michonne asked after a very long bit of silence between us.

I shifted uncomfortably as we came to a break in the perimeter. I leaned against an oak tree and averted my eyes from her. The moon above us was high in the sky, and though it was dark we could still see each other's silhouettes.

"Intuition, right?" I deadpanned with a sad smile.

Michonne nodded, "Somethin' like that."

I had always looked to Michonne as a mother figure and we had taken to each other quickly. My mother had long been gone before the walkers, but I remember the feeling of having a mother and Michonne had always radiated the mom vibes, especially towards Carl.

"This is going to sound incredible selfish given the state of everything, and people losing family, but I-I don't want Merle to change Daryl's mind about, about all of us, our group, and what we have built together."

I admitted in a very low whisper, my throat catching slightly as I realized how selfish my inner thoughts were.

Michonne walked a few steps closer to me and shook her head, "Are you sure you're not just afraid that Daryl will leave with his brother?" The question caught me off guard and I felt my heart quicken at bearing my thoughts when we had so much more at stake than my selfish worries.

"Maybe." I offered up with a small shrug, feeling guilty for even mentioning it.

"It makes me feel incredibly selfish, and, and maybe even a little weak. I don't know why I care so much about-about everything. I just-"

I stopped short, my throat constricting as I had to swallow past the lump in my throat. I didn't know if it was the conversation about Daryl, or everything as a whole, but it had started to made my chest tight.

I cared so deeply for everyone and in this moment I wished I was tougher, like Michonne.

"I wish I was more like you." I added lowly as an afterthought.

Michonne was tough and she was so well guarded with her emotions. She knew when to react, or when to step up and say something.

She seemed so cool about everything, unless of course the group was in trouble she was the fiercest warrior on the field, determined to do whatever she had to in order to protect the people she loved.

Michonne just didn't seem like a woman that allowed her emotions to get the better of her, and I admired that so much.

I, on the other hand, felt deeply.

When things happened I felt them to my core. It was a curse and a blessing, I knew that, but right now it felt like more a curse.

"It's not selfish to feel these things, Vicki. You're one of the few people in our group that wears your heart on your sleeve," Michonne whispered softly, her tone soothing. It was really everything I really needed to hear right now.

"Rick and I, and Carol-we-we've had it a bit different from some of others,"

She stopped and I heard an unfamiliar strain to her throat as she spoke on uncharted territory. Not to mention when she name dropped Carol I heard the uncertainty in her tone, and it equaled my own.

We had no idea if Carol or the others were alive, but we all kept speaking about them in present tense just to keep that hope alive.
If I found Rick, Carl and Michonne the odds were high that others were out there too.

"We've lost children and it does a number on you, Vicki. We all have hope, but to a degree we are hardened by the hand we were dealt. You, on the other hand, are one of the great beacons of hope this group has had. You see it as a weakness, but it's also one of your biggest strengths. Don't lose that part of you, Vicki,"

She stopped for a moment and smiled fondly at me, "You bring out the best in everyone around you, including Daryl."

I hadn't really thought of it that way until Michonne said it out loud. I pushed off from the tree and without thinking I wrapped my arms around her which elicited a small chuckle form her lips as she hugged me back just as tight. What I saw as a weakness was also a big strength to have and hearing it from Michonne fortified that belief.

"He won't leave, Vicki. I promise."

The rest of the night our shift went without a hiccup. We didn't see a single walker and Michonne really abated some of the fears I was having. Not only had she given me a renowed bit of hope that Daryl wouldn't jet off with Merle, but talking about it with her made me realize that I needed to talk about it with Daryl.

Our silence was not the answer to our problems and that was something I was going to have to work on as well. I knew I could be just as stubborn as Daryl. Even Calvin had been witness to a few of our explosive moments on the road before we met the others.

I was lucky to be able to catch a few hours of sleep as the night gave way to a new dawn. Rick had been adamant on taking the last couple hours of my shift while I caught a cat nap. I had a feeling that Rick was enjoying the time spent with Michonne, but I wouldn't dare broach that subject with either of them yet.

I stretched my arms up over my head as I heard the gruff twang of Daryl Dixon not too far from me. I heard the tell tale sign of a knife being sharpened, which had me popping up in a rush, my eyes adjusting to the early morning atmosphere. I blinked a few times and saw Merle shifting on the ground as he raised himself up with his right hand, looking at Daryl sleepily.

Daryl was grabbing for his bow and he slung it over his shoulder with ease. He qore a dark colored button down and layered over it was his black angel wing vest.

"Jus' goin' to hunt. I'll be back." Daryl muttered to Merle.

He eyed his baby brother and I could see the question forming on his lips, but I beat him to the punch as I started to get up on my two feet, wiping my butt off from the debris on the ground.

"Want some company?" I chirped out.

I could tell that my question startled Daryl. He fixed the bow on his shoulder, his hair slightly covering his eyes, but not so much so that I couldn't see they widened. Those deep pools of blue assessed my body language as I so eagerly piped up to go with him even though we hadn't been speaking much.

"Honey, I don't think huntin' is fer you."
Merle snarkily retorted my way with an easy chuckle as his chest heaved up and down with it.

I smiled sweetly at Merle, "I don't think I asked your opinion."

My words betrayed the smile on my face, and I held his gaze steadfast. Merle furrowed his brow, but before long he chuckled again.

"Hot damn, baby brother. You got yerself a spit fire on yer hands, I tell ya'. Legs is gonna' be trouble, boy. Mark my words."

I could hear Daryl groan, his eyes averted mine rather quickly as he shifted uncomfortably in his stance, one foot to the other, while his hands fidgeted.

I frowned at Merle and shook my head, rolling my eyes so high in the sky I thought they might disappear into the back of my head.

Daryl snatched the blade off the stump he had been sitting on and angrily shoved it into the knife sheath on his waist. He eyed Merle for a brief second with hardened eyes like blue steel.

Before I could say anything to counter that Merle had called me legs again Daryl beat me to the punch.

"Her name's Vicki, and don't do nuttin' stupid while we're gone."

Merle narrowed his eyes at Daryl right as he turned on his boots and started towards the forest line.

"Can't make no promises, brother!" Merle hooted back with an undercurrent of sass lacing his tone.

He then narrowed his eyes at me and glowered for a moment, but then it turned into a wolfish smirk. I didn't bother with giving him any kind of look back. I just turned the other cheek and ignored him altogether.

I followed Daryl into the thicket after we discussed with Rick and Michonne where we were going. It was early dawn and the rabbits were more active at this time. I could never imagine myself back in the old days eating a rabbit, or a squirrel, but here I was salivating at the taste of cooked rabbit over the fire.

As we hedged on, I felt the awkward tension between myself and Daryl. It was so thick it made me uncomfortable. If I was feeling it, I knew he was feeling it tenfold.

We were quiet for most the hunt. I always knew how imperative it was to keep my mouth shut and because I was a talker that was hard for me. I didn't like silence, or awkward tension, so not saying anything this morning was actually killing me on the inside.

I bit my lip as he raised his right arm out and stopped me in my tracks, my stomach knocking into his taut forearm.

I looked down at his arm and then up at him, but he was already slinging his bow around as he nodded his head towards a small bush were a pair of ears was sticking out. The beady black eye of the rabbit was enclosed by the bush, but I knew it was staring us down and hoping we would move on.

I frowned lightly as Daryl's arrow made a snikt sound upon piercing the small woodland creature. I shoved back a piece of my locks as they fell clumsily from my messy ponytail.

I hurried over towards the kill to grab it and cinch it around my belt. The dead carcass jingled against the right side of my hip and Daryl looked down at the dead rabbit on my hip before his eyes lifted to meet mine.

"Just like the old days." I whispered lightly with a small smile. He didn't smile or frown, just stared at me in that way that Daryl Dixon did. Sometimes his face was so impassive I wouldn't be able to make heads or tail what he was thinking.

The more I got to know him the more I realized that it was all in his eyes. If you looked close enough you could see the depths of emotion behind the roaring ocean blue. Wordlessly, he handed the bow off to me and nodded towards the thicket of the forest,

"Show me if ya' still got it, Red."

My lips pulled back into a snarky grin, wider and wider it went before my cheeks hurt. I took his bow, though heavy, and pulled it up to person in the correct and safe way. I raised a brow at him and smirked as he waved his hand along as if telling me to get on.

"Still got it. Psh." I murmured as I passed him up and started creeping low into a crouch. My boots were soft on the forest floor and I held my breath as my heart beat rapidly in my ears.

After a few minutes, maybe even five whole minutes, I stopped at a small little clearing near where we had been camping out at and froze.

I could see two small rabbits near the edge, lapping up water as their bodies quivered with tension from us approaching. My mind immediately went into hunter mode as I raised the bow as silently as I could while getting the thicker rabbit in my line of sights.

"Breathe." Daryl's breath brushed against my neck as he spoke and it instantly sent goosebumps down my neck and to my toes. I curled my toes in my boots but knew the focus at hand at was the rabbits so I pushed those funny feelings away.

I steadied my breathing like he had taught me and once I released a breath, I sent an arrow straight into the plumper of the two rabbits, knocking it over instantly while the other rabbit scampered away quicker than a rocket. I sagged my shoulders in relief, but then perked up at Daryl with a haughty smile.

"I still got it squirrel boy."

Daryl huffed and walked around me, towards the clearing to snag up the rabbit, looping it around his own belt buckle and tying it against his hip.

He looked up at me, his lips parted to say something, but out of the clearing a deathly pale face and skeletal-like hands reached from the water's edge, pulling itself up and at Daryl's ankle.

"Daryl!" I shouted aloud in panic.

He turned as quick as a whip, his right hand pulling at the knife in his sheath as he tugged on the hand that had latched at his ankle while the walker's gnarly teeth got dangerously close to Daryl's pant leg.

He sunk his blade into the skull of the walker, a sickening sound echoing in the clearing. The walker lay still, and I breathed out another sigh of relief.

Daryl yanked his ankle away from the walker's hand, which in turn ripped the entire forearm off the walker. Tendons and old skin dangled before he grabbed it and tossed it aside with disgust. He grimaced at the walker in the clearing before walking back up the embankment.

"Thanks." He murmured gruffly before nodding his head for me to follow. I didn't waste time and followed his trail quickly, and before long we had one more rabbit to add to our pile. Catching three seemed like a miracle, seeing as food was scarce and getting harder to come by.

As we started to head back to the camp, I noticed the dawn sky was clearly making way for the sun to come out. The rabbits would go back into hiding soon so there was no point in staying out longer than we needed to. We walked several paces, getting closer and closer as my mouth refused to budge to say anything.

As the seconds ticked by, I felt a tremor in the side of my cheel, as if my body was trying to get me speak up. I stopped suddenly and Daryl whirled around at the halt of my footsteps.

I stared at him and shook my head, "I'm sorry for the way I-I'm just sorry for the way I approached you the other day. I overheard you and Merle talking and I just-"

I stopped and shook my head, really at a lost for how to explain myself now that he was right in front of me.

The sun dove higher in the sky, signaling that the others would be awake and waiting. I knew we didn't have much time to hash this out now and I wondered if he was going to just shrug it off. I was surprised when he stalked closer to me and spoke at the same time.

"I ain't goin' nowhere, Red."

His gravelly tone brought my eyes to his. He was now within arms reach of me. I noticed his greasy hair was hiding part of his left eye. I also heard the roughness of his voice and the way it held conviction.

My heart beat like a hummingbirds wings.

"Look 'round us. Ain't nowhere ta' go anyhow." I could hear the irritation laced in his voice and I didn't know if it was from the fact that I kept thinking he was going to leave or the fact that he was having to explain himself.

"I know-I just thought maybe because you didn't say anything back you were considering it." I admitted with shame lacing my cheeks. They turned red and I could feel the heat creep up my neck and to my ears.

"Better to jus' not say anythin' to him. It only adds fuel to his fire. S'why I kept silent." Daryl admitted with a small shrug of his right shoulder.

He furrowed his brows as I spoke up.

"You don't have to keep silent if you don't want to. I know he's your brother, but you don't have to be afraid to stand up-"

"Ain't afraid. Jus' don't want the headache that follows." Daryl grunted out irritably.

I saw the earnest truth to his eyes as he spoke, and I felt relief sink into every bone of my body. Part of me knew that he also didn't want to argue with Merle and risk him leaving. I understood finding Merle was a huge deal to Daryl.

"I just don't want you to forget about us, that's all." I said meekly as I crossed my arms against my chest. He shifted with the bow and blew out a huff from his nose, shaking his head lightly.

"If Merle don't like it, well, to hell with 'em."

I nodded solemnly as we stood in the woods together. I looked down at my weathered boots and then back up him. He was staring at the elephant necklace on my chest, the sun catching it in a good light and making it gleam brightly.

The silver was holding up, but I wondered how long it would hold up before it dulled out a bit.

I picked up the elephant, playing around with the cool metal in my hands, before eyeing Daryl with a coy smile, "This really cool guy that rides a motorcycle got it for me. You like?"

Daryl huffed out a laugh and it was the first time I'd heard it in a while. It was like sweet music to my ears, my smile broadening.

"He sounds like a sap." Daryl commented with a smirk to his thin lips and I rolled my emerald green eyes playfully.

These were the moments I cherished. The times when we bantered back and forth, nothing was forced. It all came out so naturally between us. It was a wonder we fought sometimes because when we were good...we were so very good together.

"Ain't got a motorcycle no more, though." Daryl commented and I could tell leaving it behind had been a small loss for him. I knew more than anyone how he felt about riding. The both of us knew that it was possible we'd never see it again.

That optimistic side of me shined through and I took a step forward, casually wiping the locks of hair that drooped over his left eye, revealing the fading black and blue colors on his cheek from our fight with the Claimed group.

"We'll find another. I'll add it to my bucket list!"

I got excited, my smile growing a bit as he groaned and shook his head, nodding over his shoulder towards the trail that led back to camp. I followed him, but this time we walked side by side. Sometimes my hand bumped into his and I could still feel the spark of a current that flowed between us.

"Ya' still on about tha' thing, huh?" He asked, no judgement from his voice, but more a surprise that I still brought up the bucket list. I nodded encouragingly to him, my enthusiasm must have made him happy because he gave me the smallest of smiles as my eyes lit up.

"Well, considering I still have kiss Daryl Dixon again on the list...yeah I'd say I'm still going to keep on with it." I smiled sweetly at him, but then I wiggled my brows up and down rather quickly in a playful way.

"Shut it, Red." He graveled out in his country twang. His cheeks turning red were all I needed to see to know how he felt about it. We neared the camp and I bumped the hip that was free of a rabbit into his hip. He looked down at me and my mouth started moving before my mind could tell it just to leave it alone

"I know in the world we live in caring too much is dangerous. But, I do care. I care about us, and I care about all of those people out there,"

I paused, catching my breath as I watched him turn towards me.

"Caring is part of the package. I know that, but I can't help but feel maybe I've been too pushy with you..about-about us-"

Daryl took a small step towards me and shook his head in a quick jerk movement, interrupting my feverish thoughts with a softer tone than he was known for.

"You ain't pushed me into doin' nuttin' I didn't wanna' do, Red."

I bit my lip and looked up at him, his deep hues of blue were seemingly endless and vast all at once. It was a wonder I didn't faint by the sheer depth of them.

"Hell, ya' been there for me even when I was bein' a jackass to ya'."

I smiled lightly. The not so fond memories weren't so bad to think about now. We had grown so much since then.

"Because I care." I added lightly with a rueful smile. I saw the ghost of a smile flicker across his lips. He chewed on the inside of his cheek as if debating to say something or not.

"I know." He added lowly with a nod of his head to the camp. I could hear voices flowing towards us and I nodded slightly.

I could tell he wanted to say more but he didn't exactly know how. He also looked weary about the trail of voices that filtered our way. Neither of us wanted our private conversation to be unfringed on.

As he turned he stopped and looked at me with a heart stopping light to his eyes. A light I hadn't seen in all the times we had been together. There was an optimistic sheen to his blue eyes, as if the idea that someone could care so much about him no longer scared him.

If anything, it looked as if he was starting to slowly believe he was worthy of that kind of adoration and love. It was so small and fleeting, but I had seen it.

The change in his eyes was saying what his mouth wouldn't let him convey.

As we walked back, I couldn't help but smile like I was on cloud nine, and I didn't care who noticed.

Author's Note:

I hope beyond anything my writing seems to have improved since the Borrowed Time days xD I really need to go back and edit that story but I want to focus my all on this sequel for now.

And can we just say WOW 5,000+ words ahhh I'm on a ROLL with their story hehe Give me time for another chapter because you all know I like to write a lot in one chapter haha I'd say within a week or so I'll have another update :)

Can we just stop and appreciate Calvin for being able to make friend's with anyone? And Michonne's sublte way with words and being like a "mom" figure for Vicki?!

And omg DARYL AND VICKI ARE OTP! Truly just cannot get enough of them and they have soo much history already..been through so much. Dx They deserve the world!!

I have sooo much planned once they reach Alexandria and so many surprises. I'm working on a trailer right now but it includes spoilers and is basically an entire book trailer so I'm not exactly sure when I'll share it.

Anyways, as always comment, vote and leave some feedback!

Vickyl is LIFE❤