NOTE: For a better reading, listen to the song "Russian Roulette" by Rihanna on repeat from the beginning of the chapter :)

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POV Camila Cabello

It was by far the best sex of my life, the way Lauren touched me, the intensity with which our bodies moved, the ease with which my skin shivered, and all that scared me, I was scared of never feeling that again. Lying on that stretcher, covered by a stranger's blood, feeling my head spin and my body begging for hers incessantly, I realized that there was no way out of this tragic event. I loved Lauren, there were no doubts at all, that was the only certainty in my life.

I looked at the brunette, I looked deep into her eyes, and looked for some remnant of humanity in her, and the worst of it all was that I found it. Her eyes full of doubts, two teary greenish orbs bathed in desperation. There, in front of me, was the same old Lauren, the same sweet and kind Lauren. How was it possible? Why the hell did I see her as human? She had done atrocities to people that even God's doubtful about. Was my heart then camouflaging the truth? I stayed there for so long, wondering, that I hadn't even realized that Lauren was no longer there. Something inside me calmed me down, told me not to fear her, she wouldn't hurt me, would she?

My skin, bathed in blood, was sticky and burning, and I begged inwardly for a warm bath. It was even comical to want a bath amid a situation like this, but I wanted a bath; but what I really wanted, more than a hot bath, was a...

"Cigarette?" Lauren offered, like someone offering milk to a hungry baby.

I sat up on the stretcher and grabbed the cigarette from her hand. I took a deep drag as Lauren sat down next to me. Between us was the polaroid photo that Lauren had taken of me. I looked at it and a bad feeling went through my body.

"Yes!" I broke the silence.

"Yes what?" She asked, taking a drag on the cigarette without looking at me.

"I admire you, I worship you." I said, and felt the tip of my tongue burn because I was admitting something so out of the ordinary. "And no... I never knew it was you, because I was in love with you, Lauren." I paused, to then proceed. "And love makes us blind."

"I love you too, Camila." She said, and then we stayed in silence for long minutes.

"So what now?" I asked, fearing her answer.

Lauren could be as crazy as she was, but she wasn't a coward, she wouldn't run away. Lauren was the type of woman who was sentenced to hang and still invited her family and friends to watch the event. She'd die with her courage, she'd give me her head on a silver platter if she thought that that would make her brave. Well, not Lauren, but the Maniac Polaroid.

"You're the one who has to tell me that." Lauren said.

"I don't know what the right procedure for this is, but..." I let the sentence die.

"But?"

"I guess I have to thank you for Brow, right?" I said, feeling my throat tightening. "Was that some kind of proof of love?"

"No exactly, I just combined business with pleasure." She said.

"I see..." I whispered, and lowered my head, thinking about what I should do.

"I'm sorry for ruining everything." She whispered.

"Do you have a shower somewhere? I need-" I didn't need to finish the sentence, Lauren just pointed to the left corner of the warehouse.

I got out of the stretcher, and then gathered my soaked clothes, my badge thrown on the floor, and my gun.

"I have clean clothes there as well."

"I'm so sorry, Lauren." I said, taking one last look at the brunette before heading to the bathroom.

I walked to the shower box and turned the water on. I left my things on the sink and then got under the hot water.

I felt filthy, and I really was, and the proof was on the red that trickled down my body and that painted the white floor. I closed my eyes and let the water run down my body, as if it was possible to wash what I felt inside. Slowly, I opened my eyes and picked up a sponge, and with plenty of soap, I began rubbing myself. The small cuts burned, just like it did inside me. My chest burned... A big and strong burning, indecipherable, maybe incorrigible...

The woman with the pair of the greenest eyes I had ever seen, entered her beautiful Volvo and parked it at the corner of the coffee shop. She got out of the car and came towards me smiling, she had red lipstick on her lips, and her flawless teeth were the whitest teeth I had ever seen.

"I'm sorry for the scare,..."

"Camila, Camila Cabello." I told her, extending my hand.

"Lauren Jauregui, nice to meet you."

I squeezed the sponge harder in my hands, closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to get rid of something impossible. It seems that it was yesterday when I met that pair of emeralds, it seems that it was yesterday the first everything...

The alcohol was starting to affect me, and I was cussing myself for having drunk so much earlier today. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, one, two, three times, and that was when I felt a hand wrap around my waist, pulling me back. I widened my eyes and saw through the mirror that it was Lauren.

"What are you doing?" I asked, totally still. Her hands on my belly made me shiver. I felt weak.

"I wanted to apologize once again tonight." She said, with a mischievous smile on her lips.

"For what?"

"For this." That was the last thing she said before turning me around and sealing our lips. Her breath was a mixture of mint and alcohol, which was making me even more drunk. I still had my eyes open. She pressed her lips hard against mine, and slowly, began to ask for passage with her tongue, and involuntarily, I gave in. It was almost as if by instinct. When her velvety tongue touched mine, I felt my body relax, like an anesthesia. I allowed myself to close my eyes, and brought one of my hands to her hair, tugging lightly, which made her hold my thighs and lift me, placing me on the sink. We kissed with want now. Her right hand moved to my hair, tugging on it, causing a delicious pain.

I brought my hands to my lips, and with the tip of my fingers, I touched them. It was as if I felt her soft lips on mine. Lauren had imprinted herself on me.

When her soft tongue touched mine, I felt my body relax, like an anesthesia. I closed my eyes, led one of my hands to her hair and pulled on it lightly, which made her grab both my thighs and lift me up onto the sink. We kissed with fervor. Her right hand went into my hair and pulled on it, causing me a pleasurable pain, and with her left hand, she positioned it between my legs and tried to move it up until she felt something.

"What is this?" She separated our lips, but remained close to me. She looked into my eyes and her emerald orbs were in a green moss tone.

"It's my gun." I said, feeling her breathless breath hitting my face.

"Why the hell do you have a gun?" She asked against my neck as she mistreated the place with kisses and bites. I was on fire, I felt my intimacy throbbing, it throbbed so much that it was hurting. I seemed to be burning with every hickey and with every bite.

"I... I..." I took a deep breath. "I'm a cop, deputy to be more precise." Upon hearing the word 'deputy', Lauren immediately backed away from me, to my surprise. I was breathless and I wanted more.

The blood seemed to have vanished from her face. "Deputy?"

Suddenly, I opened my eyes, realizing how fool, how blind I was for so long... Now I understood her strange behavior when she found out I was a deputy. How could I have been so dumb? I pressed my nails against the flesh of my hand, balling it into a fist, and I squeezed so hard that I started shaking. And like a burst of anger, I started punching the wall, not caring about the pain, nothing hurt more than what was going through my head now. I just wanted to get rid of this anger, get rid of this pain in my chest.

It was as if everything was a lie... Every hug, every kiss, every oath of love, every 'I love you'...

My eyes were fixed on the white ceiling of the room, my chest rose and fell due to the lack of air, I was exhausted, still shaking because of the orgasm that I just had a few minutes ago. And it couldn't be any different, that was already the fourth, and I must admit that Lauren gave me more orgasms in one night than I've ever had in all my life. We had made a deal where we'd act like normal couples; go out, go to the movies, have dinner in some restaurant, or even stay at home enjoying each other's company, watching some movie, or whatever... To get out a little of the honeymoon phase that people say every couple goes through in the beginning of their relationship. But with us it was completely different, at first, with a lot of effort, we followed our deal to the letter, until we discovered how exciting it was to have sex in inappropriate places. It was funny how we were drawn to each other in every way. After a long time, I really felt happy beside someone.

I struggled to turn and snuggle into Lauren's body, which was no different from mine. As soon as I hugged her and touched my ear to the valley between her breasts, I could hear how much her heart beat hard. I closed my eyes as soon as her arm came around me, her hand resting on my back, where with the tip of her fingers, she initiated a light, delightful caress that gave me goosebumps. Being in Lauren's arms could enter the list of the seven wonders of the world. The heat of her body warmed me, just like her arm protected me. There was nothing to fear, or maybe not... The smell of cigarette invaded my nostrils, and I immediately opened my eyes, turning them towards Lauren, who looked at me with an apologetic look as she took a drag on that poison.

"Dammit, Lauren..." I shook my head, hugging her tighter. "You said you'd try."

"I know, I know..." Lauren sighed, letting out all the smoke to the side. "It's just that you don't know how this is-"

"Addictive?! I know, baby, but you said you'd try to stop, for me!"

"I know." Lauren said as she set the cigarette on the ashtray, to then hug me.

"You know... I know that I met you like this and that it wouldn't be right to try to make you change..." I looked away from that pair of emeralds and focused on the small birthmarks on my chest. "But I fear for your health, Lauren." I could feel her let out a heavy breath, because her chest fell and her arms squeezed me tighter. "Aren't you afraid?" Lauren didn't answer me, instead, she started laughing, but it wasn't a mere chuckle, she was legit laughing, in the most delightful and contagious way, almost crying because of it, and even though that was annoying me, I couldn't help but laugh along with her. Her laugh was a bonus to the perfection she was. Annoyed because she made me laugh and because she found a serious matter amusing, I began to hit her with not too strong slaps. "What are you laughing at?" I lightly slapped her on the arm. "Huh?" I slapped it again. "Do you see any clowns here?"

Lauren couldn't answer, her laughter didn't allow her to. It even seemed that after I started hitting her, her laughter only increased, and so did mine.

"Goddammit, Lauren!" I grunted, hitting another slap, only this time with more force than the others.

"Ouch, Camila!" Lauren complained, bringing her hand straight to her arm. "That hurt!"

"That was the intention, Lauren Jauregui." I stopped, breathless.

Lauren still writhed with the pain. I leaned on my elbow and started admiring her, smiling at how lucky I was for having her by my side.

"Damn... Baby, this is going to get red." Lauren grumbled without looking at me. It took her a while to notice that I was watching her, and it only happened because of my silence. Her light green eyes stared at me. "What are you looking at so much?"

"You." I said, letting out a weak chuckle, and she looked at me with a smile. "Do you have any idea how beautiful and wonderful you are? Do you have any idea how much I fear for your life every day? Even for every drag you take on that damn poison?"

Lauren tossed her head back and started laughing again, shaking her head, but this time I didn't do anything, just admired her. I watched how the veins of her neck pulsed with every laugh that came out of her mouth, or even how her collarbone sank more and more because her head was tilted back. Gradually, her laughing stopped, but it only completely stopped when her gaze landed on mine, and that's how we stayed for a good while.

"Camila..." Lauren whispered, her eyes took all and any sanity from me, all the time. I barely noticed her getting closer. Her hand touched the back of my neck, pulling my face closer to hers until our foreheads touched one another. In the same instant, I closed my eyes, enjoying more her caress on my nape and her breathing blowing against my face. "Camila... Look at me!" Lauren ordered. I didn't want to open my eyes, I felt too good this way, but when it came to Lauren, everything became automatic in me, so my eyes opened, meeting that sea of green again. A smile formed on her lips as soon as she wet them with the tip of her tongue. "I love you, and nothing and no one will change what I feel for you."

My heart pounded in my chest, and I closed my eyes tightly, just like my hand on her waist. Lauren could spend her whole life saying she loved me and I could certainly hear her say it forever. My body would always react like it was the first time. I love Lauren Jauregui and I wanted to shout it for the whole world to hear! But how could I do that if I couldn't even tell her that? Not even when I admired her in her deepest dreams...

I didn't say anything, just kissed her, kissed her in the most sincere and passionate way, substituting words for that moment, words that one day I'd be able to say, say how much I love her.

What was discreet and sneaky became impulsive, I was crying like I had never cried before. The wound that opened in my chest was bigger than when I left her. With the tears mingling with the water of the shower, I leaned my forehead against the wall, and that's how I remained for a good while, crying, unable to imagine how things would be like from now on... I always feared to surrender myself to Lauren, to surrender my feelings, to tell her how important she's to me, how much I love her... Yesterday I did, yesterday I confessed not only to her but to myself, in the most sheer honesty, that I love her, but a single question has been haunting me from the moment I found myself on top of a stretcher full of blood. Would all that love be enough?

I turned off the shower, moving away from the wall, and in slow steps, I dragged myself out of the shower box. My body still ached, my wounds burned a little with every move I made, but nothing will ever compare to the sensation trapped inside me. Slowly, I put on the pieces of clothing left by Lauren, after all, mine were completely soiled with blood.

Her damn scent was impregnated in her clothes, so I closed my eyes, inhaling as much as possible. I didn't want to leave that bathroom so soon, I didn't want to face the drastic reality, I didn't want to deal with anything, not with Rob, not with my boss, and much less with Lauren. I looked at my gun on the sink, and then stretched out my hand to pick it up, touching the cold, hard object. The tip of my fingers ran over every detail as my mind worked on finding answers to every question that surrounded me, to every problem I had to face, to every decision I had to make... There comes a time when we need to make the decision win over the feeling.

I took from the cabinet a white shirt from Lauren, and started dismantling my gun, piece by piece, and then I cleaned it. When I was satisfied, I put it back together again, feeling my hand tremble due to the wounds. One by one, the bullets were put in their place.

"She deserves something decent." I whispered to myself, feeling my voice choking.

I left the room, and the steam inside followed me. Everything was warm, my body was feverish. I swept my eyes around the warehouse and found Lauren with her back turned to me, she was organizing her torture tools, still naked and completely stained with blood. She was focused, cleaning them with a white cloth. Well... Not so white anymore. I stood there for a while, just watching her from afar, and the brunette was extremely careful with everything.

I walked slowly through the warehouse, getting a little closer to Lauren, and then lifted my gun and cocked it. My hands were shaking, everything in me was shaking, my heart was beating so hard that I thought it would jump out of my chest at any second now.

"LAUREN!" I shouted at the brunette who turned to me, kneeling.

The brunette stared at me, and in her eyes I saw her end, Lauren had already accepted her fate. I closed my eyes, letting a few tears fall. The gun pointed at Lauren had the weight of the world. I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

And then I fired the gun.

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NOTE: Since this is a very fucked up way to finish a chapter lol, and since I don't want y'all to suffer, I'm going to update again right away so y'all can keep reading and not freak out lol