I never thought I could raise two kids all on my own, but as the years passed by — I somehow learned how to deal with tantrums, negotiate on eating vegetables and watching cartoon almost everyday. Luca is supposed to be here, with me, raising two wonderful children. I don't how to stop my thoughts from thinking of him. I just miss him so much. The worst part of it all, is that I have to pretend that he is dead, and I am sacred that I am getting good with living with the lie, that slowly I am starting to believe in it.

He is not dead to me, his not and so is my little baby girl, they live in my heart. Alive.

"Mum!" Ian yells from the top of his lungs, averting my attention. He runs into my bedroom, standing by the door sulking.

"What is it Mr sweet-face? I ask, looking at him sympathetically.

"Sebastian doesn't want to play with me," he complains, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Hmmm why doesn't Sebastian want to play with Mr sweet-face? Let's go ask him." I get out of bed. I held his little hand, and as we walk to Sebastian's room. I look at Ian, how he resembles his father... especially when he has his serious face on. I knock on Sebastian's door and enter. "Sebastian honey..." I enter and see him fast asleep on his bed. I cover him with his blanket and kiss him on forehead. The soccer practice he goes to always exhausts him after.

"Your brother is very tired," I whisper to Ian. I carry him and slowly walk out of the room.

"Who will play with me?" He asks, his face sorrowful.

" Hmm isn't it time for bed now?" I ask him, putting him onto my bed.

"No I don't want to sleep! I want to play. I promise I will wake up early tomorrow," he pleads.

"You need to sleep early," I tell him.

"Mummy please let me stay up and watch cartoon," he says in a low tone.

I shake my head. "Nope, it's either sleep now or no watching television for two days." I am still working on my threats.

"Okay I want to sleep then." He replies, swinging his legs on the edge of my bed. "Can I sleep here today?" I smile.

"Yes you can," I say to him. He gets under the duvet and covers himself. " Mummy has to do some work. I'll come to bed in a little while," I say to him, as I tuck him in. He nod's his head and closes his eyes. I kiss him on the forehead, telling him how much I love him. I head to the kitchen and make myself a cup of coffee. I have so much paperwork. I published my book — Her Lost Love. I dedicated it to Ava, she never gave up on me and my dreams. I wish she was here... It did well, my book sold more than three thousand copies. I did a couple of television interviews — almost cried at one, when they asked if I have ever had a true love.I wasn't prepared for that question.

As I pour the coffee into my mug, the phone starts to ring, I quickly pick my phone from the counter. I look at the caller ID, it's an Unknown caller. I answer the call.

"Hello?" I speak in a low tone. "Who is this?" I ask, and take in a deep breath. No one answers. "Why do you keep on calling me? Who are you?" I ask curious to know who is on the other side of the phone. I usually get a phone call from a private number every once a month, and it only lasts for three minutes until the person would eventually hang up. Usually I hang up first after scolding the person. "Stop calling me. This isn't funny!" I hang up the call. I don't know why I always answer the phone call. Perhaps deep down I am just hoping it's Lucas on the other end of the call...

•••

"Mum!" Sebastian yells.

"Mhmm."

"MUM!" I slowly open my eyes and see Sebastian standing beside the bed.

"Mhm yeah. I am awake I am awake." I pull the duvet off of me. "Ouch!" Ah my neck hurts. I kept my hand on my neck and tried to sit upright.

"Mum I am hungry. There's no milk to put in the cereals," he says.

"Good morning to you too," I say, and outstretch my arms for a hug. He gets on the bed and hugs me. Sebastian has grown, he's sympathetic, a responsible big brother - he loves playing with Ian. Sebastian has the exact same eye color as his father, light blue eyes. Resembling his father patently. Sebastian started calling me Mum just recently, a few months ago on his birthday. It was the greatest joy I have ever received in a long time. He just turned nine.

"So what do you want for breakfast?" I ask him.

"Pancakes!" He yells excitedly. "With chocolate syrup."

"Anything else?" I ask while getting out of bed.

"Nope." He says. " Mum can we go to park today? I want to ride on my new bicycle." He stands on the bed and jumps off.

"Careful," I tell him. "Sure we can go to the park." He runs out of my room.

"Ian! Mum says we can go to park later on," he yells, as he runs down the hallway. I got to the bathroom brush my teeth, put on my cosy robe and make my way to the kitchen. Ian and Sebastian both wake up early on weekends, as for weekdays that's a whole different story.

"Mum are you taking us to the park?" Ian walks up to me and asks.

"Yes Mr Sweet Face," I say and pinch his cute-chubby cheeks. "In the afternoon."

"I told you so." Sebastian sits on the chair by the dining table.

"Ian what do you want for breakfast?"

"I want pancakes too," Ian says, while sitting on the chair. I mix in the ingredients and start mixing the batter. The pan already on the stove. Sebastian starts talking about soccer and how he wants to become a soccer player. Ian starts to sing his nursery rhymes, my little boy is so loud at times.

I serve them their plates of pancakes, I had to watch my children pour a great amount of chocolate syrup on their pancakes. It's the worst moment realizing your kids are chocolate-sweet addicts. Let's just say taking them to M&M world was not entirely the best  — for me. For them it was a mini heaven. Hahah, they went crazy. They literally filled up their bags with every type of M&M's flavor there is, some I have never come across of. I wonder what they'll do at their Disney World adventure. I haven't told them about it yet, it's a surprise.

I take a sip from my cup of coffee. Suddenly I start reminiscing about the memories of Luca and I. A smile creeps over my lips. I know he would have been the best dad, the kids would have someone to look up to... Oh how much he missed and how much he is going to miss.

God please keep him safe and bring him back home... Please.

"Mummy why are you crying?" Ian asks. I quickly wipe my tears — that escape my eyes. "Is it because of me? I am sorry... I know you don't like it when I have too much chocolate."

"No Mr sweet face it's not because of you. I love you so much." I got up from my sit and went to kiss him on the cheek. "Something entered my eyes that's all." Sebastian looks at me, and stopes eating. I walk over to him and kiss him on the forehead.

"Finish your pancakes after your done put your plates in the sink," I told them. " Don't worry, I'll just put some eye drops and I'll be all better." I lie, not wanting my kids to worry.

I go to my room, and enter the bathroom. Sometimes I forget how to be strong. Sometimes I feel insubstantial and I know Luca would object and tell me otherwise. I miss him so much and the only reason why I haven't given up, is because of my children. God why did you have to take him away from me? As much as I try to hold it in, the pain just never fades. Tears raced down my cheeks, I fall to my knees crying. How long will you test me? How long will you keep me away from my love? I wipe my my cheeks after every second, my shoulders drop in resignation.

I have to be strong, I tell myself. I stand up and wash my face. I look myself in the mirror and try so hard to smile. He said he'd come back home, he said he will always love me and I will always love him. I tie my hair into a ponytail. I put my hand on my chest and take in a deep breath and exhale. Patience dear heart... patience.

As I walk out of the bathroom. My two angles come up to me — Sebastian holding a card. I instantly smile. "This is for you mum," Sebastian says. I take the card, there's a drawing of me, well a stick figure and Ian and Sebastian holding my hand. Two little handprints on each side of the card. In Sebastian hand writing — We love you mum. I kneel down and hug them both.

"I love you so much my babies," I tell them.

"I love you to mum," they reply simultaneously. They stop hugging me.

"Mum I am not a baby anymore," Ian says. I smile and carry him on the bed. Sebastian climbed unto the bed and sits.

"Yeah Mum we aren't babies anymore," Sebastian adds.

"Well both of you will always be my babies in my eyes," I tell them. They both say no. "Tickle monster is on her way." I start to tickle Ian, he starts to laugh hysterically. Sebastian tries to escape I manage to pull him back by his leg, I start to tickle him and he starts to laugh too. Seeing them happy makes me feel somehow complete.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Honestly speaking, I got emotional while
writing the epilogue. Well it's official, DarkLove is completed.😪 I know some (or all of you) have been wondering if there will be a squeal. I am sorry to say that there will not be a sequel.

Writing this book has forced me to evolve as a writer, with all the positive-motivating comments and reads. I am honestly always grateful for you guys. As I always say:
A writer is nothing without the readers.
So thank you again for reading Dark Love.❤️