Luca

Clara couldn't fall asleep, the whole night she kept on talking about Ava. How she regrets going to the club and not being there for her. She can't even look me in the eyes, when I try make eye contact with her. She looks away... I am reminder of what happened that day. I am just a breathing night-mare.

Eventually she fall asleep, her cheeks bright red and her eyes still moist. It's my fault. I am the reason her best friend is dead, if I hadn't given the commend, she would be still be alive. If Clara ever finds out about the truth, she will never look at me the same. How can I show her my true self with out her running away.

I am a monster, I am the bad guy. I am not proud of my actions at times but somethings just need to be taken care of, somethings I just can't control. This is a part of who I am. Will Clara ever except it?

I feel sanity with her, my bloodshed world fades away when she's by my side. She becomes my world... I can't stand to see her in tears, and to know I am the cause of it. Who can I punish but myself. I am the fiend. (As my mother used to call my father-a fiend, a demon.) And They live within, and sometimes they win. There's another world inside of me, that you may never see. Monsters that lurk within my soul.

I am fighting a battle and it's because of you Clara. And when I finally win, when the good finally wins. You will never shed a tear again...

I kissed her on the forehead and left. I can't stay here any longer the guilt is eating me up. I can't look at her without my heart feeling heavy. I drove back home at 4:00 o'clock in the morning. I got back home, I got a strong drink to try bury the pain for a little while. I can't explain why I love her. From the moment I first laid my eyes on her, it felt like nothing matters but her.

She was praying, Praying? In a middle of a gun attack. That just intrigued me. I brought her into my life and now I can't stop thinking about her. I did this to myself. I fall in love and now I am paying the price. "A Salvador doesn't fall in love. It's not in our fate." My father repeatedly told me after my mother died, of a heart attack.

I am drowning in my own thoughts and she's the hand that usually saves me. I can't think straight without her. She doesn't know this but she... she walked into her own suffering. The bad guy doesn't get a happy ending, a princess in love with me. What have I done? But it's okay, the villain has fallen for her too. If death will take her, it will have to take me too.

Clara

I woke up and Luca was not on the bed. He's gone. I got out of bed and head to the kitchen, where I left the letter on the dinning table. I re-read the letter again and again. To cope with my reality.

I made myself coffee and I sat on the chair. I can't go to the funeral. I am not strong enough. I just can't. Being stabbed in the heart a thousand times would be better than watching my best friend being buried. I am going to make her proud and I will be a successful writer and I will let my self love. Every step towards my success she will be my strength within.

I have to go to work today, I don't really feel like going. I started doing an online course for aspiring writers. It's going great. Things are actually in perspective. And now Ava is dead. Sighs*

Luca just left, that's odd. Must be something important came up. I continued writing my story on my laptop. I wrote for two hours straight. My phone started ringing continuously. I really wanted to be done with this chapter but ... I picked up my phone. Luca is calling. "Hello is this Clara," a feminine voice said.

"Umm yes," I replied.

"My name is Lilly I work at the Metropolitan Hospital. Lucas has been admitted and I thought I should inform you since you're on his emergency contact," she said.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked worriedly.

"Over dose on drugs. He is stable now," she said. I hung up the phone, I grabbed my purse, quickly wore my shoes and rushed out. I took a cab and in thirty minutes time I reached the hospital.

Drug over dose? What was he thinking? I got in the hospital and started asking around. I was then shown to his room. I saw him asleep on the hospital bed. I rush to him and hug him. "You want to leave me too. Luca! Why would you do this?!" I said, my head resting on his chest.

Luca groaned. I stopped hugging him and held his hand. "Luca."

"Mhm." He responds, his eyes still shut. I sat next to him holding his hand and tears managed to escape from my eyes.

"I love you Luca," I said. The doctor came in after a while.

"He is very lucky, he was brought to the hospital barely breathing. If it was someone else he would have been dead by now. Do you have any idea what would have caused him to do this? Is he an addict?"

"No I have no idea. I don't think so, no," I replied.

"Okay. He'll be awake after a couple of hours. Don't worry," the doctor said and left. I sat by his side, and prayed.

Oh god please please don't let him die. Don't take him away from me, please. I love him. He's my first love, please god. Please...

I prayed and held his hand. I didn't let go. I am so scared. It feels like my world is slowly falling apart. I hate this feeling. I am so worried, I don't know how to be strong but I just find myself holding in my tears.

My head rested on the bed, holding his hand. I closed my eyes, as my heart prayed and prayed. I fall asleep, for an hour or more. He tugged his hand... I woke up. "Princess," he said in a low tone. I hugged him.

"Luca why? Why would you do this to your self ? What were you thinking?" I said still hugging him.

"Princess... I am sorry," he said in a gravelly tone.

"Let me go call the doctor," I told him.

"No Stay..."

"Luca I am still mad at you for being so reckless. I already lost Ava what would I do if I... I lost you. We just started US, and you want to leave me."

I walked out of the room and went to call the doctor. We entered the room and I saw Luca try to sit up. "I want to leave," he said.

"Lucas you have to stay for two to three days we need to monitor you. You are still pretty weak," the doctor said.

"I'll come back for the check up. I can't stay here."

"Lucas I am sorry but I can't discharge you. If your kidneys and heart are functioning well we may discharge you tomorrow," the doctor said.

"I said I want to get out of this fucking hospital. I feel fine," he yells, still trying to get of bed.

"Lucas you shouldn't stress yourself," the doctor told him, as he walked to him. His heart beat increasing, the heart monitor beeping. He raged out, I have never seen this part of him.

"Don't tell me what to do! Who the fuck do you think you are!" he yelled. I rushed towards him and I clasped my hands on either side of his face.

"Luca... look at me." He glared at the doctor. "LUCA!" He turned and looked at me, his eyes narrowed and furious. "You need to stay in the hospital. Luca I love you, okay. Please listen to the doctor. I'll stay by your side I won't leave you,"

I let go of him and he laid back down on the bed. As his heart beat becomes steady. I stand next to him and hold his hand. "Well okay than. Lucas get some rest and I'll come back later to check upon you," the doctor said and left.

What's wrong with him. He is never been like this before. "I am sorry princess," he apologized quietly.

"It's okay Luca just get some sleep," I told him.

"You haven't changed, you are still wearing yesterday's outfit. You should go home, change and get some rest."

"Luca I told you I'd stay by your side, and I will."

I sat on the chair. I still don't get why Luca did this. I am just glad his okay. Luca fall asleep.

He woke up after two hours and the nurse came back with his medicine. After taking his medication, I fed him the jelly - that the nurse brought. I was with him the whole day.

So much to take in, Ava's death and Lucas suicidal attempt... god give me strength to deal with all this. It feels like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, I am so tired. Sleep won't solve this.

***
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Luca tried to kill him self. Why? To stop the guilt perhaps, to stop his aching heart or to shut his demons.

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