I don't know when, but we both eventually fall asleep, a tangle of limbs, and our hands still together. When I start to shiver from a mix of anxiety and the cold, I feel him wrap his arms around me. His thumb rubs a spot on my hand in a hypnotic circular motion that starts to ease my nerves. It reminds me of back at the camp where he noticed I was cold and wrapped me up in warmth.

This time it feels different.

Finally, as I'm drifting off into sleep I hear the soft timbre of his voice. "I love you, Blue."

My tired heart fills with warmth and happiness. A genuine smile spreads across my face. "I love you too."

***

Friday is tomorrow. I've decided to leave the house for a while. I finally have fresh clean clothes, although they're not mine. It took some persuading from Jinxx, but Alara let me borrow some old clothes of hers. Our body types didn't match up, but I was still glad to have clothes that weren't covered in blood or vomit. While my body is short and skinny, Alara has a muscular build and curves I don't. Mostly all the articles of clothing she owns are black or gray.

I decide on a black short sleeve shirt, a gray hoodie, and ripped black jeans.

I'm still wearing my same boots, although I did have to wash all the gross stuff off of them, along with the help of Jake who was generous enough to volunteer.

With a sigh, I step out into the garden. I breathe in the smell of flowers and sweet wind. It's still just as gorgeous as the first time. I wish I could appreciate the beauty of it a little more though. My world has still been turned upside down and I see everything in black and white right now.

I feel the presence of somebody beside me.

Turning, I expect to see Andy to be standing at my side, but Alara is standing in his spot. She sighs deeply. I don't bother her with questions like, "what's wrong?" or "can I help in any way?".

So instead we stand there, no words between us, just the sound of birds happily chirping. The sunlight ironically shines down on our gloom.

"I'm sorry."

The words barely pass her lips. But they did. She's apologizing to me. I look at her skeptically. "I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you for so long. It's always been difficult for me to trust people, much less get along with them. To be honest, I'm jealous. I always have been. I've been jealous of you since the moment I met you. Of how kind and nice and... pretty you are and how everyone likes you before they even know you and how well you get along with Andy even though we've known each other for years. Almost our whole lives basically, and he still likes you more than me. The truth is, I also wanted you to like me and I never knew how to get you to do that. I'm sorry."

I start to feel sorry for Alara, for the first time, I realize. "Why didn't you ever tell me? I would have listened."

"See, you don't get it, Quinn. You're happy to help out and open up to people. I'm not like that." She pauses to collect her thoughts for a moment. "I shut people out and am hurtful when I don't mean to be. Especially when I'm jealous."

Alara keeps her gaze fixed on the grass beneath her feet, as if it's the most interesting thing she's ever seen. She's too embarrassed to meet my eyes. I used to do that whenever my mother made me apologize after I did something she didn't approve of.

Tears are welling up in her onyx colored eyes. The tough, all-mighty Alara breaking down is not something I'd have thought I would see in my lifetime. "It's all okay," I say, daring to take her hand in my own. She looks shocked, but not in a bad way.

"Friends?" I ask her, a hopeful tone in my voice as I can't help a gentle smile from spreading on my face. She nods. One of the first times I've seen her this happy. "God, don't get all sappy on me, okay?" She laughs, wiping a tear from her cheek with the back of her hand.

"Of course. We can still stay mortal enemies."

He laughter rings through the air like tiny bells. "Just watch your back, Thompson."

Andy's POV

He could barely recognize himself. He didn't look in the mirror all that often, but this Andy looked so different. The bags under his eyes were darker than they've ever been and his eyes seemed to be gray and dull. He noticed his unwashed hair.

"When was the last time I took a shower?" he mumbled, not quite sure who he was talking to. Regularly, it would seem like a gross, strange question, but he has almost lost track of time since Ashley's murder.

He tugged off his dirty, faded t-shirt, jeans, and underwear. He also observed how skinny his body was. Andy had always been a bit skinny, even after the constant workout of chasing down fallen angels and Shadows and training. He was just naturally on the thinner side of the spectrum. He recalled how Ashley would poke him in the ribs and make fun of his lankiness.

Turning the knob, water fell on his body as he stepped into the shower. The cold was shocking at first, but he resisted the urge of turning the hot water on. He wanted to feel freezing, he didn't want the comfort of heat. Ashley didn't have any comfort, so why should he?

"It's all my fault," he whispered, water running down his lips as they opened and closed.

He allowed the icy water to roll down his back. He washed his body and then reached for the bottle of shampoo. It was satisfying to run his fingers through his hair and get all the dirtiness out. After rinsing himself off, Andy stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel, tying it around his waist.

A frown reached the corners of his lips in his reflection. He still couldn't be satisfied. His long, slender fingers pulled at inky strands of hair idly. It had grown out too much. He then remembered a pair of scissors he kept stored in a desk in his bedroom. After grabbing them, he stared at his reflection for perhaps a whole five minutes.

With shaking hands, he impulsively snipped off a lock of his hair. A rush of adrenaline filled him as he continued to cut piece after piece, black strands falling into the bathroom sink. He felt no regret in doing it, and he didn't think he would any time soon. There, he silently said to himself, setting down the scissors on the counter. That's better.

Suddenly, a knock rang out through the air. "Andy, are you okay? Can I come in?"

He immediately recognized the voice to be Quinn's. She was back from leaving the house for a while. He secured his towel and suddenly felt self-conscious about what he did. He sighed and opened the door.

An expression Andy couldn't quite place bloomed on Quinn's pretty face. Confusion? Surprise? Fascination? Maybe a combination of all three.Her gaze drifted over to the scissors on the counter and the black locks of hair in the sink. "It looks bad, doesn't it?" he said, scratching the back of his neck.

"No, to be honest, it makes you look really cute."

Andy found it adorable that she still blushed when she talked to him. She reached out to touch his hair. "It's a little uneven though. I've had a bit of experience with cutting hair, so maybe I can touch it up."

"Okay, let's do it then. It looks pretty shit," he laughed. He sat down on a towel he laid on the ground. It took about ten minutes and the changes were subtle, but the final product was so much better than how he had it originally. "Wow, thank you."

She grinned. "It's no problem," then kissed his cheek. "Put some clothes on and maybe we can go out tonight."

song: colder throats - laila
{please show the artist some love. she really deserves it, i am completely in love with her music}
A/N sorry i know this sucked lmao. I havent updated in a while, but i think I'm getting a little better. February was just a very bad month for me. I went through a breakup, bad mental health, and family issues but I'm feeling better and maybe ill be writing more. Love u guys xx