I jolted up, clutching the covers tight in between my fingers. All that I can see is darkness. My breath comes in and out in short bursts. My teeth go instinctively to bite my lip. Oh no. I can taste my own blood in my mouth. Oh God, help me please. Not again. I choke back a sob and push the sleeve of Andy's jacket to my mouth to silence it. I get out of bed and go to the bathroom as quickly and quietly as possible.

Once there, I strip the jacket, close the door, and let the pearly tears stain my cheeks. In the mirror, my eyes instantly grow red and my face turns splotchy. My normally pale skin goes a sickly shade of very light green. I push my back down the wall, now sitting on the bathroom floor. My sobs come out in ugly bursts. I'm unable to breathe. Stop, I tell myself. Just stop. Closing my eyes, I slowly count to 10 and then go backwards. After several deep inhales and exhales, I am ready to open them again and get myself off the ground.

I could just imagine what Alara would say if she were here. Could almost hear her say it. Something along the lines of me being pathetic and a fraud. Definitely that.

It's strange for me to have an anxiety attack right now. My anxiety at extreme levels is usually triggered by a combination of me being in an area with large crowded groups of people, small spaces, lots of questions and people saying too much to me at one time. Also it could be just seeing a certain person. That's usually when I freeze up, start to cry, shake, and become short of breath. People who don't have anxiety or may not understand it may call it being whiny or weak, but it is an actual problem.

Maybe it was because of all the information being dropped on me, like test bombs before they're perfected. I was suspecting that I would have an attack eventually, and thank God it didn't happen in front of anyone.

Or maybe it was Gerard nearly killing me.

I rustle through the drawer, looking for Lily's box of cigarettes. I also grab my sketchbook and pencils from my bedside table before heading out the balcony, along with my phone and red earbuds. As soon as the cool air comes in contact with my face, I instantly relax just a little bit. I pull out a lighter and hold it up to the cigarette. I don't actually smoke that much, only in times of extreme anxiety. In case you weren't aware yet, anxiety really sucks.

Selecting one of my "chill down" playlists on Spotify, I sit and begin to sketch. It feels so nice to be completely and utterly alone. I draw demon wings until morning.

By the time I had calmed down and finished sketching, my alarm was about to go off. I had gotten about 45 minutes of sleep total. Well I'll be alert in class, won't I? I stamped the cigarette underneath my boot and started to gather all my belongings. Maybe I should hold onto the box of cigarettes in case I have an attack again.

Since I have about 15 minutes until my friends get up, I decide to make them toaster waffles.
{time skip}
They were grateful for the breakfast I made them, but also suspicious because I'm never up this early and I've never made breakfast for them before. When I'm getting ready for the next day of school Meg comes into the bathroom and I jump. "Whatcha doin?" she asks me.

I just say "hi" awkwardly and decide to avoid the question. I know that I'm going to have to tell her about my date with Andy and everything, but for now I can just stall for time. "Quinn" she says, leaning closer to my face and bending down a little. "At least tell me something! You trust me don't you?"

All the things that seemed like normal date things that happened I tell her. How he drove me in his black expensive car, the music we listened to, when we got to his house. She had this fascinated look on her face the entire time, like it was some amazing fantasy. What I told her really isn't that interesting.

Now I just have to make up an excuse of why I was gone so long.

Meg stared at me with bright eyes, on edge for what new information I was going to offer. Think, think.

"So... ? What next?"

I can't think of one excuse.

"You know what, you don't even have to lie to me," Meg says, waving a hand dismissively. "You do know demons are incapable of feeling romantic emotions, right?"

Startled, I jolt and drop the straightener I was using on my hair and watch it fall into the bathroom counter sink in slow motion. With hands shaking and a fake, weak smile I respond, "That's an interesting fact. Where did you hear it from?"

"Oh don't pretend like you know nothing. I know Andy's a demon. I'm not oblivious." What? How could she possibly find out?

"Guess I just revealed myself. It's about time you found out anyways. I'm an angel by the way." Meg sounded like she was introducing herself to someone new and keeping up a casual conversation on today's weather rather than confessing about being a supernatural being without even telling me all these years.

"How could you?" I demand. "How could you keep this secret from your best friends for years and years? Or did Lily already know? I'll bet she was in on it. I'll bet she's an angel or some other crazy shit like that that I wouldn't have believed in the first place if I wasn't caught up in this mess. You're nothing but a damn liar." Hot tears pool up in my eyes. But I refuse to let anyone see. I refuse to let her see. "Just... just leave me alone," I snap, pushing past her, my voice on the verge of breaking and tears threatening to spill.

I pull Andy's jacket over my head and put shoes on my feet, ignoring the fact that I was going to school in the leggings I slept in last night. Classy. I shove the door open and storm out to first period.

The hurt in Meg's eyes linger in the back of my mind. It's almost enough to make me feel sorry.

Almost.

A/N okay okay i know what youre going to say. "how come you spent so much time w/o updating but the chapter is so short?" Ive been through more than a couple rough spots this month but I'm okay now. Plus i was having major writer's block and i felt bad about it the whole time. OH AND THANKK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR OVER 800 FREAKING READS WOW. I hope y'all enjoyed and stay happy, not crappy!
Chapter published: may 10th, 2017
Song: Happy Little Pill - Troye Sivan