Edited on August 9th, 2020

| . . . C H A P T E R . . . 3.15 - W H E R E - I T - B E G A N . . . |

The worst time to be on your periods is when you have to travel. To be specific, being stuck on a plane for half a day. Trying to keep my crankiness in check, I walk back from the lavatory to my seat. I had taken the window seat, ofcourse. When I had to use the restroom, my stomach bloated, I had quietly moved past Arnav so as to not wake him up. The extra leg space in business class helped with that.

Returning, however, was not as simple. I was sliding past him, being mindful of his feet, when the idiot decided to shift. His leg stuck out, tripping me. My arm hit the seat in front of us and I fell back on him.

A grunt escaped his lips, recoiling from the sudden, unexpected assault to his chest. Waking up and opening his eyes, he looks at me. After taking a second to catch up and pushing sleep aside, he chuckled. "Another clumsy moment?"

I grumbled, making a face, "It's all your fault. Who told you to move?"

"Now I can't even make my own decision on how to sleep?" He arched a brow, snaking an arm around me.

That was when it struck me. I was still sitting on his lap. Shifting my hand to his shoulder, I pushed back to get up and move over to my seat. Then, I strapped myself in even though the seatbelt sign was off. Just in case, you know?

"Why do we have to be going to Australia now?" I grumbled again.

He sat up properly in his seat. "Because you promised Annie and Jennifer you'd visit this year over Christmas and Christmas is four days away."

I made a face again. I knew that. I didn't require him to remind me. It was a rhetorical question from my end.

"Are you grumpy because I tripped you or for some other reason?"

I turned my head sideways to look at him, spotting the concern in his voice as if worrying I was in this mood because of him and his unintentional actions. I was doing so well in keeping my bitchiness in check. Note the sarcasm. Exhaling a sigh, I answered. "It's not you. I'm just... in a mood. It'll pass. You know I feel restless sitting in one place for too long."

I was over-explaining, but I could hardly tell him I was on my periods and my stomach was terribly cramping and I just wanted my bed. And Armaan's back rub. He gave the best massages.

He lifted the arm rest between our seats. I whispered, "What are you...?" My eyes followed his movements as he shifted closer, extending his arm towards my head.

He said, "Come here," nudging my head towards him. I was slightly hesitant putting my head on his shoulder. Not because we weren't in the privacy of his home. Or because I worried about being too close to him, our sides touching. I was hesitant because it felt awkward.

His thumb brushed back and forth over my shoulder. He didn't say anything. I thought better than to ask him what he was up to.

Most people feel compelled to fill the silent space with talk. But as we have already established, neither of us were those kinds of people. Silence was peaceful for us. As if giving us the opportunity to self-reflect. Communicate without using words and rather, emotions.

His other hand reached for mine, entwining our fingers. As he's often done during the night when trying to fall asleep, he started playing with them, Outlining them. Engraving the feel of my skin in his memory.

I didn't realize when my shoulder unknotted from all of the tension. It happened sometime when I was staring at our hands.

"Khushi?"

I blinked away from our hands, tilting my head up to see why he was calling me.

Our eyes locked. "Would you be comfortable if I gave you a back massage?"

My heart flipped. My lips, parted. To respond... but no words formed together. It took my brain a second to think. His was too close to mine as I stared back at him. He waited for an answer that I didn't know how to give him. "I... don't know."

He simply nodded, breaking our trance and stared ahead.

I appreciated the gesture, but I really didn't know if I would be comfortable with it. Did I want to risk another panic attack, this time mid-air?

I guess the answer was no. This wasn't the place to put it to test.

Shifting closer, I moved my head from his shoulder to his chest, tucking myself to his side. My heart was pounding away, my lungs pumping blood to every corner of my being, but I chose not to fight it. "This is better." I whispered, loosely leaving his hand to wrap my arm over his stomach.

He understood this, but still feeling the slight hesitation of having my hand on him, he slid his hand under mines again. Allowing me to keep my hand on top of his. Knowing that holding his hand was one thing I was most comfortable with compared to anything else.

I closed my eyes, telling myself to let loose, assuring myself that this was Arnav. The man I loved. And... this was good. I had never cuddled up to him, unless it had happened unconsciously in our sleep. But I liked it. The warmth of his skin wasn't scary.

I mumbled into his chest, "Only wake me up if there is good food."

I was finally in a comfortable position. I did not want to move unless absolutely necessary.

I felt his chest vibrate with light laughter. "I'd have to be awake for that."

I got the impression that he wasn't going to be able to keep himself from dozing off either. He was comfortable himself.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

When I come to next, it's because the lights were turned on. I grimaced under the onslaught of such brutality and took a moment to focus on the faces staring back at me. No... they were staring at us, chins plopped in their palms with elbows on the top of the seats in front of us.

Aarav, grinning.

Lavanya, suggestively raising her brows.

The third person, I hadn't seen until I heard her soft voice as she stood next to Arnav's seat in the middle of the aisle. "Nice nap, love birds?"

I lifted my head off his chest to look at Anjali. At the same time, Arnav stirred and moved his hand from holding mine to rub his eyes. His other hand that had been on my arm previously had fallen down to around my waist. He took a moment to grasp the same scene as I had.

I had no idea what to say to those three beaming at us as if we were a TV screen and they were watching their favorite drama, but Arnav had a pretty good idea of what to say. "Wipe that silly grin off your faces."

Aarav muffled a laughter in his palm while Anjali and Lavanya continued to grin down at us. Rolling his eyes, he nudged me, and I took my cue to shift back to my seat. He flexed his shoulders and back. They must be stiff from staying in one position for so long. I myself felt the need to stand up and stretch my legs.

Away from Arnav, I felt cold and draped my blanket over my shoulders. Aarav jumped down his seat and walked around to climb into Arnav's seat, dropping on Arnav's lap with a thump. "Aarav!" Arnav complained but made no move to actually shift him away as he snuggled up to his father.

Slowly waking up, I questioned, "Why were you all creeping on us?"

Lavanya nodded behind her, "Food." Sure enough, there was a flight attendant rolling out a trolley bringing out meals.

Aarav added, "And I was getting bored."

Lavanya scolded Arnav, "Do you realize how difficult it is to keep your kid entertained on a flight where my options are limited? No. You were off in la-la-land."

Anjali walked around to Aarav's seat, "Have fun, chote." As simple as that, she let us know that both she and Lavanya were going to sleep after their quick meal. We had our nap. Aarav was now our responsibility.

And so, the rest of the remaining flight passed where I let Aarav take my seat and I myself moved to Anjali's seat next to Kripa. That was our only option left, given it wasn't easy having three people sitting on two seats. Arnav had frowned when I'd said I'd move behind to Anjali's seat, but I had simply shaken my head at him to stop being a child himself. He could survive a few hours away from me.

Not too long ago, I had told Armaan during our drive to Shimla that Arnav wasn't clingy. I might have to re-evaluate... or make sure that Armaan never finds out else he'd give me hell for having teased him in the past for the same thing Arnav and I were going through now.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

Two days later, Arnav tried to convince me as he followed me to another isle in a shopping mall, "Come on, sweet pea. You are overthinking. Angel isn't picky. She'll like any gift you get her."

We were at a mall in Australia and I was trying to buy Christmas gifts for everyone - but I had never shopped for children. I didn't know what to get. I explained my dilemma as we walked down the isle of coloring books, "You don't get it, Arnav. It's my first gift to her. It says something, you know? It has to be special. Meaningful. Our thing."

He started to argue but then asked after a brief pause, "I am not going to win this, am I?"

"Nope," I picked up a book and flipped through it to see if it was interesting. It wasn't. I returned it and kept walking. "Ugh, why are kids so hard to shop for!"

He chuckled draping an arm over my shoulder, "They're really not."

I gave him the side glare, "I don't see you buying anything."

"Because I already did."

I gaped coming to a standstill by his side, "What? When? What did you get?"

"That's a secret you'll find out on Christmas."

I pouted trying to weaken him emotionally, "Aww, but don't I get a special pass? I'm your fiancé, after all."

He pinched my cheek, "You're cute if you think that'll work."

Rolling my eyes, I huffed and walked away from him. His arm slid to my elbow and he tugged me back to him, wrapping his arms next around my front. I scolded at once, "Arnav! What are you doing?"

He answered in a small voice by my ear, his breath falling over my earlobe causing my stomach to pull in, "Just holding my fiancé so she won't run off."

"I'm not running off. I'm just walking to the next isle. I saw some books there so..." I swatted his hand in reflex when his thumb brushed over my hip bone, "Ticklish. Don't do..." I trailed off when I feel his chest rumble. Turning my head back to look at him, I questioned, "Why are you laughing?"

He shook his head, refusing to explain, and simply pecked my temple before unwrapping one arm from around me while the other moved to my hip. "Nothing; let's go."

Though we continued walking, I insisted on knowing out of curiosity, "No, tell me. I want to know."

He moved to stand behind me again and keeping his other hand on my other hip, nudged me to keep walking, "Let's find you a gift first."

"Rude," I mumbled though allowing him to nudge me forward. Reaching the next isle of books, I noticed these were children's books. I started looking through them trying to find a good one. "What type of books does she like to read?"

"Don't you remember? She'd rather have you read it to her."

I did remember. The very first time, she had tricked me into reading the entire book for her. Sure, it didn't take more than ten minutes since it was the easiest book to read for an adult, but the point was that she was supposed to read it to learn reading.

I grinned getting an idea, "Perfect. She's getting a book then."

He raised an amused brow, "Are you really going to give a kid book for Christmas?"

"Oh, hush. Don't judge." I scolded knowing he had a point, but I still wanted to give her something unique. People give toys and liked stuff to children all the time for Christmas. I wanted to be different.

"Hard not to, babe."

At the word, I raised a brow of my own in his direction.

He made the conclusion himself, "Doesn't have the same vibe, does it?"

"No, babe." I'd rather he sticks to sweet pea. That's probably the one and only endearment I won't feel weird hearing.

Getting the point, he shuddered while announcing, "Yup, neither of us are going to use that word again."

I resumed browsing the books, having no problem with his decision. As we have established, I do not use endearing words to call him, anyway.

It was sometime in the next hour that we spent at the bookstore when my mind replayed the earlier scene by the coloring books isle that I realized why he had laughed.

How had I not caught on at the time that he had sneakily tried to slip his hand under my top? How did my body not warn me by getting cautious and stiffening?

I was foolishly oblivious and rambling off about finding a gift.

I really, really need to work on paying more attention to things.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

Leaning back against the trunk of the tree and staring out at the university campus, standing in the green, the wave of nostalgia wrapped around us. There were many memories here - good and bad. Memories that brought us closer. Memories that ended in us parting ways for the coming years. And, despite it all, look where we are now.

"I really didn't think I'd ever be coming back here after graduation."

Once I returned to India, I had no plans of returning to Australia. Who had that kind of money to make such trips? At the time, I certainly didn't. Now it was a different time... being Arnav's fiancé and all. Even without the money issue though, when you are an international student, you hardly visit your university after you go back to your home country.

But now I realized that I was going to have a constant connection with this country as long as Arnav and I were a part of each other's life. My student visa still worked for this trip, but Arnav had already mentioned filing for a visitors visa and I suppose I'd be granted one after marriage. He owned property here. He visited now and again and as I've learned: Christmas times and his birthdays were a sure-shot time when he visited. If that wasn't enough, Aarav was born here. The government couldn't deny a visa to someone who would be Aarav's step-mother on paper.

Arnav unfolded his arm, still leaning back the same as me, "Being back here... I don't know. I get the same feeling I used to when I would visit after graduation to see Kripa."

"You did?" I questioned turning my head in his direction. "I mean I assumed you might, but she never told me, you know? I never saw you around either."

He reminded, "You didn't want to see me. So, I made sure to stay out of your way. There was this one time I saw you and Aarav - he wanted to go say hi. I couldn't explain to him why we couldn't, but yeah. He was actually the one who pointed you out from the distance."

I smiled softly at the story he recalled. Like I had told him, I didn't want either of us getting sad recalling our old times and everything that had happened between us including all the misunderstandings and missed communications. It was... nice, to learn about his bottled-up feelings from those days. It spoke towards how long and far we have come. The guy I had first met would not be willingly sharing this information.

But now, not only was he sharing but I also didn't have to push him to get it out of him. He was doing it out of his own accord and he even has a small smile on his face that reached his eyes as if he was thinking back to those bittersweet days and choosing to remember both the good and the bad because both times made us who we are today.

They continued to shape our present and future.

I broke the brief silence between us where we had both been lost in our head by calling his name, "Arnav?"

"Yeah," he replied at once turning to look at me.

Pushing off the tree, I turn my body around to face him instead. "Can I try something?"

His brows pull together. "What?" He asked in confusion about what I meant rather than asking what it was I wanted to try.

It's something he had said that day when we visited the park. The first time I officially met Aarav.

I took a small step towards him, the soles of our shoes almost touching each other. He straightened up in response as if to keep space between us, but I was trying to breach that itself. To close it.

Slightly cautious and uncertain, I stepped forward again. I refused to look up at him worrying that if I did, my mind would realize just how close we were standing and I didn't want it working against me. I could feel his warning in his silence even as he forced himself to remain still. It wasn't my intention to corner him, but he also couldn't move back given he was already standing against the side of the car.

Lifting my hand, I placed it on his sides holding the fabric of his shirt between my index finger and thumb.

One second.

Two second.

Three second.

My heart was picking up its speed, but it still felt relatively normal. It was more the fear of setting off a panic attack than the attack itself that was holding me back. And I needed to throw that fabricated fear out of my head.

Unclutching his shirt, I laid my hands flat before leaning forward and allowing my arms to wrap around his body.

We had hugged before - but I felt as if all those times were under a situation. It was a distraction, or a tough day or a trick to calm my heart by applying pressure around my body. It was never a hug just because I wanted a hug. And most probably, he had been the one to initiate all the gestures and testing my limits.

Also, a lot of the times recently when he'd have hugged me, they were back hugs. It wasn't a front body hug.

This time, I wanted to be the one to do so. I wanted to hug him just because. I wanted to take the initiative and push my boundaries.

I had been doing smaller, harmless things till now. I think I was ready for more.

Turning my head sideways, I placed my head over his chest. "I love you."

I felt his swallow before he said my name in a strained voice, "Khushi..."

I replied still calm except for the normal skipping of a heartbeat when being with someone you are in love with. "It's okay. You can hug me back. If you want."

"Ofcourse I want," he said at once dismissing my insecurities. And just like that, I knew. He did wish he could hug me more often. Hold me close to him. Kiss me. Most probably other things. But he always held back.

Tilting my head back, I asked, "Then what are you waiting for?"

I had already told him he could hug me back. I had already given him permission.

Before I could blink, he obliged and tenderly, wrapped his arms around me. I rested my head against his chest once again and breathed him in. I've always felt safe around him - I just didn't realize it years ago but my heart had a way of letting me know.

His chin rested at the top of my head and I could feel the movement of his jaws as he whispered, "It seems a bit too late to say this but thank you for trusting me."

"Well, I didn't make it easy for you," I replied light-hearted at first before adding sincerely, "You earned it, Raizada."

"You know what?" He replied after humming in satisfaction - the vibration of which I felt.

Moving my head off his chest and tilting it back again to look up at him, I asked, "What?"

"I used to like it when you'd call me Arnav because back then, it used to be rare. You'd always call me Raizada, almost like a taunt. Now, though, I think I like it better when you call me Raizada. Never stop calling me that."

Curious to learn, I asked, "Why?"

His arms loosely fall over my hips as he replies while thinking about it on the spot, "Because no one calls me that. It's true that I get called Mr. Raizada or ASR at work and only those close to me call me by my first name, but the way you say Raizada, you say it with such a right. Whether you say it with anger or love, you know that you could make me do anything you wanted - and like a fool, I'd do it too."

Towards the end, I chuckled. "You're not a fool, Arnav. In fact, I am pretty sure that if we were to take an IQ test, you'd..."

"You know what I mean." He interrupted, and I did. I did understand the sentiment behind it. In front of me, he wasn't this person with a reputation in front of the world. Yes, he had power in the outside world, but when he was with me, I'd never seen it.

He was always just Arnav.

My Arnav.

My eyes followed his hand as a finger brushed over a strand of my hair though it was already tucked behind my ear. "You know something else?" I didn't need to voice it to give him the cue to continue. "Up until recently, I never had the urge to touch you. To keep you close. Rome - it changed things."

Unconsciously, I gulped not knowing where he was going with this conversation. One thing was clear - he was speaking from his heart. It wasn't pre-thought of. He was being in the moment.

"Maybe, physical intimacy didn't matter because I knew our hearts were still closer. It was like my mind knew, and so subconsciously it suppressed everything. Since the first time we met in college, a part of me knew that I would have to win your heart first and outside of it, it didn't see anything. Nothing else mattered."

I always knew he wouldn't have thought inappropriately for me. Even in all our arguments, I had always felt his respect. I knew he didn't ever see me as one of the girls he'd sleep around with.

Exhaling, he said, "I know I fucked up a lot, but I promise. I'll never hurt you again. Ever."

I smiled, lifting my hand to cup his right cheek. He slightly leaned his face in my palm, closing his eyes for a brief second before reopening them when I whispered, "For your sake, I hope you don't."

"Yeah, my heart wouldn't survive it again."

I let out a laugh, commenting while bringing my hand back, "Oh, no. I meant that this time, Armaan wouldn't be as forgiving."

He rolled his eyes though a smile escaped his mouth as well. "I was never scared of him."

Lies, I tell you.

Inhaling through the depths of my chest and slowly exhaling, I pull back from standing close to him and suggest, "Okay, enough heart-to-hearts for the day. We should head back so we don't get caught in evening traffic."

"Yeah," he said in agreement but made no movement for the same. I raised my brows in questioning, and he whined, "Do we have to?"

"Yes." I deadpanned.

He continued to pout, "But I don't want today to end."

Shaking my head with laughter, I reached for his hand and pulled him along, "Just remember that Aarav and Annie are kids. Not you."

He let me pull him for a couple of seconds before stopping and tugging my hand and whirling me around. I crashed into his chest. While I said his name to scold him for knocking the air out of my lungs, it didn't deter him from pressing his lips to my forehead. I figured it would be one of his quick pecks, but it was a deep one where his lips lingered.

It caused me to close my eyes and for a smile to spread on my lips.

When he didn't pull back after what would be considered normal even for lingering, an inaudible laugh escaped my lips. It was the kind of forehead kiss that had a silly grin playing on my lips that hurt my cheeks. In a scolding, I lightly pushed him back with my hand on his chest, "Arnav!"

Laughing in return, he entwined our fingers with satisfaction, "Okay, we can go now."

This time, he started leading me towards the parking lot. Rolling my eyes, I let him. A second ago, he didn't want to leave. And now that he had gotten a kiss out of me - even though it didn't truly count as one since it was a forehead kiss, he seemed energized enough to jump into anything anyone would suggest.

I didn't mind this childishness, though. He rarely let himself be free without holding a tight control over his heart. I was starting to love every side of him.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

\ . . .  A U T H O R - N O T E . . . |

A very long and a brand new addition! I always wanted to add a few chapters with Arnav and Khushi back in Australia so here's one. Let me know what you think of this new moment via votes and comments!

More to come :)