Posted on July 01st, 2017 | Edited on December 7th, 2018

| . . . C O N C L U S I O N 2. 1 : A - C R U E L - G A M E . . . |

Close to midnight, there was a knock on our door. Before I could sit up, Lavanya was already making her way to the door. I followed, wondering who it could be at such a time. Anjali was standing there, passing a sleeping Aarav over to Lavanya, "Can you look after him? I have to go somewhere."

Lavanya stopped her, "Whoa, di. Wait. Where? It's the middle of the night!"

"I have to go." She frantically answered. Lavanya looked at me for help. She couldn't go after her when Aarav was sleeping in her arms. Nodding, I followed her while Lavanya went to leave Aarav in the bed.

I ran up to Anjali, "What's wrong?"

She looked completely shaken up and pale. Even though she was shaking her head, refusing to tell, I knew something was the matter. I saw a piece of paper in her hand, and tugged it out of her hold.

I'm coming for you & him. -S.

"Di, what's this?" I asked, confused. It somewhere reminded me of the very first note Vivek had sent me. It had been similar.

I'm coming for you. -V.

S.

My eyes snapped up to Anjali who was staring to walk away, scared to even ask the question. "This S... is that... Sh-Shyam?"

Hearing the name, she froze in her path, and I knew I had hit the chord. Arnav had said he knew Shyam through Vivek and Lavanya, but that didn't explain why it meant something to di. She turned sharply, demanding, "How do you know him?"

Lavanya jogged up to where we were in the hallway, "Di, what is going on?"

"Khushi, how do you know him?" Anjali questioned again, her voice raised and sharp. She had never caused me to flinch, but in this moment, I was afraid to answer her. Her eyes were cold and calculative. She seemed to be far from the person I had come to know in the last couple of months.

"Know who?" Lavanya interjected, reaching for the note. She inhaled sharply, but I couldn't move my gaze from Anjali's. She was holding me captive, and I wasn't understanding anything. "Arnav needs to know." She grabbed Anjali's hand, pulling her in the opposite direction towards Arnav's room.

I followed, wanting to know what the heck was going on here.

"What's going on?" Arnav asked, rubbing his eyes at seeing all three of us at his door. Lavanya pushed past him, pulling Anjali inside as well. Then, she forwarded her hand to pass over the note.

Arnav asked, "What's this?" But that was before he had read. After reading, he seemed to be in sync.

Anjali pulled her hand out of Lavanya and questioned me again, "How do you know Shyam?"

Arnav tried to get her attention, "Di..."

She held up her hand to stop him, "Answer me, Khushi!"

I jumped slightly at the rise in her voice and answered instantly, "Vivek. He... he sent me a similar note."

"He what?" Arnav echoed, his attention turning from his sister to me instead. "When?"

"Shortly after I joined AR Designs." I answered without hesitating. I had wanted to tell him of the notes since the night we went on an official date. I hadn't imagined I'd say it in front of Lavanya and Anjali as well, but it didn't matter anymore. The more pressing issue was why Shyam was sending these notes to Anjali. I knew why Vivek sent them to me, but what did Shyam have to do with them?

I glanced at him, and I knew. He was starting to connect the dots. "That's when your nightmares returned. And the panic attacks when you made me take you to Armaan and Riddhima."

I nodded recalling the day I had made him drive me to the studio. 'That was the day he sent a bunch of pictures to work where he had been stalking me."

He sucked in a deep breath, learning that piece of information. "I used to think it was all in the past." I shook my head. Anjali started to cry. Arnav went to her and took her in an embrace, "Shh, di. Don't cry. Nothing is going to happen. I won't let it."

Anjali looked needed a minute, but I couldn't stop myself from asking me own questions, "Di, what does Shyam want with you and Arnav?"

Lavanya answered, "Not Arnav."

"Then?" I asked. He had clearly said 'you & him' in the note. Then it dawned. "Aarav." My earlier doubts were starting to be confirmed at their silence. I wasn't paranoid in thinking Aarav didn't look like Arnav or Lavanya at all.

Anjali confirmed further, "He's my son."

Arnav said in a warning, "Di."

Anjali gave him a feeble smile, "It's okay, Arnav. She deserves to know." Arnav didn't protest and further, but I was finding it hard to actually wrap my head around it. "Mine and Shyam's."

I stumbled back, feeling the ground shift from underneath my feet again. It was different knowing Arnav knew Shyam, or finding that Aarav wasn't Arnav and Lavanya's son, and a whole different universe learning he was Anjali and Shyam's son.

"No." I gasped out.

There could only be one meaning behind this.

Everything started coming together, and it was too much to handle. The shelter. Why Arnav seemed as close to them... why he knew to help me... why he never asked me any questions in college. He had seen his own sister go through it.

Arnav tried to walk towards me, "Khushi."

I shook my head, putting my hand up. "No." I repeated, pulling away while trying to hold my tears back. I wanted to be strong, but after learning this, how could I? It broke my heart hearing this part of his family and life he kept hidden. I wasn't hurt that he lied. I was hurt that Anjali went through it, he knew, and I always kept giving him a hard time. He never once complained of anything. He never once made it known how hard it was for him.

Now, I knew why he kept saying I would hate him if I knew the truth. He had said it after I had given him confirmation about Shyam... after he learned that it was both Shyam and Vivek. I closed my eyes, his voice ringing in my ears. I didn't hate him. No. I didn't hold him responsible for what happened to me after either. Arnav couldn't have known Shyam would go on to rape me as well.

"Please, sweet pea." His pleading voice forced me to open my eyes.

I could see the vulnerability in them. At one side was his sister, and on the other was me. He didn't tell me of Aarav either, because that was Anjali's story to tell. He couldn't tell me. I was just now understanding how difficult it must have been after he learned the truth himself. Commanding my feet to walk, I stood in front of him. I mustered the energy to place my hand over his cheek.

"I don't blame you, Arnav." I said in a whisper. I wanted to get away from the room to take my time and process this news, but I also couldn't leave without saying this. He needed to know. "I don't hate you either. I just... right now, I need to go. I need to be alone."

He tried to hold my hand to stop me, but biting my lip to muffle a sob, I turned and ran out from there. I wasn't leaving him. I couldn't let him think he was right and that I hated him. He didn't deserve that wrong torture. But, right now, I couldn't comfort him either.

I had never thought I wasn't their first victim. I had never imagined there would have been others, or that I would unintentionally grow so close to one - Anjali.

I wanted to go in my room, but I didn't have the keys. I slumped down the wall next to the door. Shyam. Vivek. Anjali. Aarav. Arnav.

Fate was playing quite a cruel game with our lives, joining them in this manner.

A pair of foot dragged my gaze from the carpet to sideways. Lavanya. There was sadness on her face as she leaned down and pulled me to her chest.

I didn't know her as well at all. But, in the moment, I accepted it. I held on to her arm as I poured my heart out.

After a few minutes of repeatedly patting my back and my head, she tried to peel back, "Come on, lets go in the room."

I nodded, allowing her to get up. She put her key in and opened the door. I forced myself to stand up as well and walk inside. In the darkness, I remembered Aarav was sleeping here. I froze at the doorstep. She took my hand and gently pulled me inside.

I continued to stare at Aarav. Anjali... she kept him. She kept him. She was much stronger than I ever was or could have been.

It forced me to remember everything once again. As if having a mind of their own, my feet took me to his bedside and I sat. My hand hesitated as it lifted and touched his head. I started to break down all over again observing the innocence in his sleeping form.

Lavanya came to stand beside me, placing her hand on my shoulder. "It'll get better, Khushi."

I didn't know how I could pull myself out from this. Right now, all of this... I wasn't breaking down because of anything that happened to me. I was breaking down because of the Raizada's. All of them. They went through it all, and not once did they ever make me feel what they were going through. They fought at each step and came out the other side.

I was hurting for Anjali who put on a brave face every day, but still couldn't have her own son call her 'mom', Arnav who devoted his life to the victims after Anjali and even gave his name to Aarav, and Lavanya... she may have had no part to play in their misery, but she still selflessly gave up everything in her life and told the world Aarav was her son, so Anjali wouldn't be stigmatized and re-victimized by the society over and over again.

Pulling away from Aarav, I stood up and wrapped my arms around her shoulder. I couldn't believe I ever thought negative about her when I first met her. I don't know anyone who would have done what she did.

"Khushi, I promise you." She said, pulling back and wiping my tears, "Things are only going to get easier from here on out."

I want to believe her... but every time I think I have overcome something, another new thing awaits. And that... I wasn't ready for. I don't think I can face anymore... and yet, if Vivek and Shyam's notes are any indication, this is far from being over. They wouldn't send them first to me, and then to Anjali if they weren't planning anything.

Why?

Why couldn't they leave us be?

Haven't they done enough to last us a lifetime and more?

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

| . . . C O N C L U S I O N 2.2 : F L A W S - A N D - I M P E R F E C T I O N S . . . |

Lavanya finally convinced me to sleep, but even though I was in my bed, I couldn't. I picked up my phone when it vibrated with a message.

Arnav: I don't know if you are awake... but please tell me you are okay

I typed 'I'm okay' but erased it. I couldn't lie to him. I wasn't okay. I couldn't tell him I'd be okay, because I wasn't sure about that either. I couldn't tell him I wasn't okay either, because that would make him worry more.

If he was texting me, he had to be awake, and he probably had convinced Anjali to sleep. I decided to go see him. I had only briefly told him of Vivek's notes. There was a lot to talk about. Standing in front of his room, I inhaled deeply to gather some courage, and then knocked on the door. I heard the shuffles before he opened it.

Seeing it was me, his shoulders visibly dropped, relaxing. Without a warning, he pulled me to him. It was surprising how well I was handling all the hugs lately. "I was so worried." He whispered in my ear.

The hugs from Lavanya, Anjali and Jennifer were different. I was comfortable hugging them back. Even though my fingers grazed his back in response, within a few seconds, I asked, "Arnav, please let go." At my meek request, he pulled back. This time, he didn't apologize as it wasn't accidental. "Where is di?"

He answered, opening the door further to let me in. "Sleeping in her room." Locking it after, he followed to sit next to me on the bed, "Khushi, I should have told you the second I figured it out." He started to say, but I shook my head.

"It's okay, Arnav. You don't have to explain anything to me. I get it." I told him, and I did. I didn't hold any grudges against him. It was Anjali's story, and it was for her to decide to tell me Aarav was her son, not Arnav and Lavanya's. He couldn't do that to his sister, and I understood that. It was the same to how Armaan respects my wishes and doesn't tell others what happened to me, unless I decide I want them to know.

"I should have done something. If I hadn't let them go, they wouldn't have... you'd be..." He went on to express his guilt, and I understood why he thought I would hate him.

I put my hand in his, squeezing it so he would look at me and not continue to blame himself, "You couldn't have known. Don't blame yourself, Arnav. Look at me... I didn't do anything either. I let them get away with it too. It's the society we live in."

If anyone was to blame, it was the society and the way it reacts - always putting the blame on the girls instead of holding those responsible for it guilty. A girl gets raped, and it's said, 'she was asking for it' or 'it's her fault for wearing provocative clothes'.

It was a sick mentality to hold, but because of that fear of being blamed, there were so many girls who never come forth and tell their stories. They suffer in silence, and the rapists roam about freely. I understood why neither Anjali nor Arnav did anything to stop them. Filing a report would make it a case, but how many years would Anjali have been forced to roam the courts and wait on a verdict? This was India. Aarav would have grown up, and she'd still be waiting for justice.

He placed his hand atop mines, "I promise you, Khushi. They won't come anywhere near you again. I refuse to let them hurt anyone I love again."

I feel myself letting out a laugh. Why can't you say the words directly, Arnav? Over the days, there were multiple times he said them, but never the particular three words.

Instead of asking him that, I nodded. "I know, Arnav. But more than di or me, we need to protect Aarav. If Shyam is able to get a note to di all the way in Rome, I don't want to think what length he will go to."

"I don't understand how he found out Aarav was his son, not mine." He expressed. "I never let him around di. I made sure he would have never known she was ever pregnant."

"Arnav?" I said his name to pause his thinking and listen to me. We had held things from each other long enough. "There's one more thing you need to know."

"What?"

"The fight I had with Armaan, do you remember that?" He nodded. "That's when I told them... that was one of the reason I never would tell you about Vivek's notes."

He said gently, "Khushi, whatever it is, you can say it." He must have noticed how I was rambling a little, not being able to find the right words.

I inhaled deeply before turning to sit sideways and say it. "Okay, here goes. Di... she kept Aarav. I didn't."

I watched as his eyes narrowed in confusion, thinking why I wouldn't keep Aarav, and then they widened as he caught the general meaning. She kept her son. I didn't. I nodded, confirming his silent enquiry. His eyes started to water as he swallowed not bothering to put up a tough act and hold back his tears.

He asked in a whisper, as if afraid his voice would break if he tried to speak.

"Please let me hug you."

At his reaction, a part of me broke inside once again tonight. I used to fear it, but how could I have ever? I used to be afraid of telling anyone, not wanting to face the way they would look at me and wonder what kind of a person kills an unborn child. But, Arnav... he didn't think that at all. I doubt his thoughts even went in that direction.

I blinked, letting the tears fall as I nodded. He shifted towards me and wrapped his arms around me. I didn't worry about the intimacy as I placed my hand on his back, hugging him for everything - all the flaws and imperfections. He may not have personally been damaged, but he had seen enough of it around him to scar him for life as well.

It could have not been easy at all. He has been dealing with the ups and downs since he was 11. I could no longer just think about myself. I had no idea how he held himself above the waters, and never once did he let me get any idea about just how tough it was for him, just what he had seen. He called himself a coward? No. He was so much stronger, he did not even know himself.

In that moment, I forgave him for why he told my father of what happened to me.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .