Dedicated to Ayrahaider. <3 Thank you for giving me such love. Look forward to getting to know you! :*

Edited on March 17 + 19th, 2018

| . . . C H A P T E R . . . 1.3.1 - C A L L - F O R - H E L P . . . |

[ A R N A V ' S P O V ]

Kripa often told me how loud Khushi was but I never believed her for Khushi never spoke when we were around. Now, I might as well believe her. She was right when she said Khushi was normal and herself whenever it was just the girls. With others, she wasn't as open. Especially when guys were around. she would completely shut herself off then.

Her behavior, keeping to herself, the kind of clothes she dressed herself in, never indulging in a conversation despite out group being friends for this long.

Everything made sense.

Khushi... I tried all these months to stay away. Never let it be known that I know... that I have always known. Tonight, more than ever, my decision I made about half a year ago haunts me. Tonight, seeing the extent of her traumatic state, it pulls at my heart for not caring enough earlier when out of everyone, I should have.

My own sister had gone through a similar trauma not too long ago. No, not Kripa. She's my cousin. My sister, Anjali. Though, I cannot compare the two. I couldn't imagine what Anjali went through even though I was there at each step and saw everything she went through. I would never be able to imagine Khushi's trauma either, but hers... hers just looked ten times worse. Anjali never lost sense of reality the way I had just witnessed Khushi lose herself.

I felt myself getting angry.

How could anyone ever do this?

Why is it me who ends up knowing people as such?

Why is it the kindest souls that have the worst delivered to them in return?

I might not know Khushi that well but it was obvious how she was before. Take everything she is now and turn it the complete opposite.

Earlier, I was on my way to Kripa's room so I could use her laptop when I had seen the washroom door was left open. I had heard the shower running for roughly fifteen minutes. I'd gone closer with the simple intention of closing the door when I had heard her sobs. With a knock on the door, I had called her name but she hadn't responded. She did keep mumbling things I couldn't hear over the sound of water running.

Wanting to make sure she was okay, I had cautiously opened the door unsure if she was dressed.

And there she had been... rocking back and forth on the floor, water drenching her completely. One look and it dawned on me... how my careless attempt to pull her out of harm way at the cross section had affected her.

All hell broke loose for her, because of me.

I'd walked in at once, relieved she was dressed but even if she hadn't been, I'd still have walked in to get her out of that state. Anyone would have. I remembered her warning clearly to never touch her but at that moment, I could have given a damn about it.

Turning off the shower faucet, I didn't pause to think for a second before pulling her out of the freezing water and wrapping my arms around her.

I didn't know why I did that... why I hugged her.

It just felt like the thing to do... I just had to do something.

She did fight as I'd expected. I simply wasn't going to leave her in that state. I normally left people be, let them mind their own business and I preferred to stay out of people's business. But this wasn't nothing. I had stayed out of her business for this long but I couldn't anymore.

I picked up my phone when it rang - the caller ID flashing the name of one person I never thought would call me. We had only ever called each other once and that was the night I had worked very hard to forget about.

We used to be rivals at first... being captains of our respective high school basketball team until I left that school, left that wretched town that had made Anjali's life hell and we'd shifted to Australia. That night, I only went back to sign the papers to have our house there sold. If the lawyer hadn't insisted it needed to be in person and I couldn't just sign and fax the papers...

"Arnav, hi. It's me," he spoke when I answered the call.

"Hey?" I wasn't sure why he was calling me.

"Uh... look, I won't beat around the bush. I know you don't owe me anything and actually, it's the other way around but I don't know, I couldn't think of anyone else whom I could trust with this."

His tone sounded worried and so I asked, "Is everything okay?"

"No, not really." He admitted and I walked out of the living room and into the privacy of my room. "I need a favor. I want to send her there so she can get away from here and you're the only person I know there."

"What are you asking from me?"

"I don't know what I'm asking. I just... I need to trust she'll be okay there. That she'll have someone there who'll look out for her, for..."

I stopped him there itself, "There was a reason I didn't stay there."

He agreed, "I know, I know, and believe me, I'll always be grateful to you. You saved her and because of you she's alive else if she'd been left there... she wouldn't have survived, but Arnav, she might as well be dead right now. I... please."

I placed a heavy stone over my heart when I replied, "Sorry but I can't. If you need me to help get her an admission here, I'll do that but that's all I can do."

"Yeah, okay," He said a bit angry that I wasn't being sympathetic, "Sorry for calling and wasting your time. You're not who I thought you were."

Days after, that phone call had haunted me - making me second guess if I had made the right call to stay away.

I wasn't paying attention to the movie playing on screen. I was starting it in hopes of stopping myself from turning my head in her direction and staring. I can't do that and make her feel conscious or uncomfortable.

I wanted to pretend what had happened, hadn't happened.

I wanted her to know she could be comfortable around me... but I reckon that wouldn't be happening.

Maybe, eventually. Hopefully.

For now, I just knew it wouldn't be anytime soon.

Close to the end of the movie, I did turn towards her. She was fast asleep. I realize she must be exhausted. It couldn't be easy... fighting demons every waking second. And especially tonight... having to relieve the moment this way, making every attempt to not think about it.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

| . . . C H A P T E R . . . 1.3.2 - S P E N D I N G - T H E - N I G H T . . . |

I thought of waking of her so she could go to her room and sleep comfortably in her bad instead of on the couch sitting like this. My hesitance was that if she would wake, she'd have a hard time falling back asleep. Then I thought of carrying her and moving her myself so she doesn't wake up. Now my worry is that she might wake up then and I would only be waking it worse. It was no more a wiser choice.

Oh, why was this so difficult?

Trying to do something nice and even for that, I have to think a hundred times.

Debating again and again, I decided to take the risk of moving her myself. If I knew anything from experience with my sister, it was that once sleep, she wouldn't realize. She would just be so exhausted that she wouldn't easily wake up.

Not knowing if it would be the same with Khushi, I deemed it best to put it to test first. Gently and for only the briefest of second, I reached for her hand.

She didn't flinch.

She didn't wake up.

Letting out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding in, I leaned in and slipped one arm under her knees and the other around her back to pick her up quietly and in one effortless move. She was tiny and almost weightless. The back of my head was praying she wouldn't awake.

Does it work? Could I even call it praying when I didn't believe in God? Maybe I did deep down but I just didn't have any faith anymore. How could I when nothing was ever right? He took my parents at a young ago, left Anjali and I all alone, hurt her and she had to grow up earlier than she should have had to. Neither of us had a childhood and specially for her, she didn't have some good recent years either.

After such a hard life, it was hard to have faith and hold on to it. whatever last ounce I might have had, I was sure I lost it today seeing Khushi in the state I had.

Kicking the door to her room open, I gently laid her on the bed and pulled the covers up to her shoulders. She quickly snuggled in the warmth, turning on her side. She had a book on the bed that I assume she was reading earlier. I lean over her to move it out of the way by leaving it on her side desk.

Turning off the lights, I sat on the chair in her room. The night light seeped through the windows illuminating her fair face in the dark. I breathe out a sigh, exhausted myself from all the thoughts running through my brain.

I was only sitting here to make sure she really was in deep sleep. Neither did I want to leave till Kripa and Riddhima got back. I could leave then knowing she wasn't alone and if she woke up to any nightmares, someone would be there.

Staying up wasn't a problem for me. I spent tons of long, sleepless nights sitting next to my sister till she fell asleep. Like I knew she would, she started to twist about half hour later. At her whimper, I got up and sat in the tiny space next to her while holding her hand. She gripped onto it tightly. I didn't mind helping her as much as I hated seeing her like this.

I used to think I had my fill of post-trauma with my sister.

Right now, it felt like it was starting all over again.

As much as I was familiar with this, I couldn't ever get used to it.

It used to infuriate me every single time I saw my sister whimpering and crying in her sleep, trashing about and mumbling pleas. It would always take time before she'd snap out of her bad dreams and longer afterwards for me to calm her down and put her to sleep again.

Seeing Khushi do so was no different.

I hated it.

More, I hated that I pretended to be ignorant these months.

Having my sister suffer through it, how could I have ever made the choice to stay back and not do anything, indirectly allowing her to continue suffering on her own? If Anjali heard of this, I knew she'd be disappointed in me. She was in a better place now - not the way she used to be - but she doesn't tremble at the memory or remain in her depression.

She's found a healthy outlet.

When Khushi slipped back to sleep, I attempted to free my hand. Alas, she wouldn't release her grip. "Khushi..." I softly called her thinking she'd hear and let go. It had the opposite effect. She held on to it as if her life depending on it.

Now... this was going to be hard. I couldn't stay up the whole night. I had already pulled two nighters since last two days for no reason. It was holidays so why the heck not? There was no way I could do it today too. Not like this, sitting here beside her on the tiny space having nothing to keep me busy.

My phone was dead. I had nothing. The room was dark - everything conspiring to make me sleepy.

And falling asleep here was simply not an option. I was known to wake up late. I didn't trust myself for a second to wake up in the morning before her and leave so she wouldn't find out. And, if she woke up in the middle of the night, she'd freak out. When I would fall asleep next to Anjali, it was alright. She wouldn't react terribly because it was me. Her brother.

But Khushi? Hell, she would run the other way and yes, all hell would break loose for her. Again.

I convince myself to stay awake until Kripa and Riddhima come back. Surely, Riddhima would come to check if Khushi was home since we weren't at the moves and then she could take my spot and I could leave.

If only.

The next I remember is waking up seated on the cold ground with my head on the bead and hand still holding Khushi's. For a second, I panicked. Then, I noticed she was sleeping. Relief. I look around to see what woke me up and found Riddhima standing behind me.

I opened my mouth to defend myself when she put her index finger in her lips motioning for me to be silent. Quietly, I tug my hand out of Khushi's and this time, in peaceful sleep, she let go. Getting up, I walked out with Riddhima right behind me.

As soon as we were out of the room and she had closed the door, I whispered, "I didn't..."

"Thank you," she interrupted.

"Hmm?" I was confused. When she knew, shouldn't she be furious that I was there?

There was a soft smile on her face, "From what I see, you helped her."

I had heard about their friendship in Shimla. I don't ask her but I have a feeling she knows about me and the phone call.

"Uh... I'll leave now."

She stopped me by pointing out, "It's middle of the night, Arnav. You can stay here if you want."

I politely declined, "No, it's fine."

She didn't listen and informed, "I'll get you a blanket."

I let out a sigh. Why was I letting her order me around? I never allowed that. I always did what I wanted to. I never even listened to Kripa. I barely listened to Anjali, unless I could see that it was something important for her and only then would I listen to what she was asking me to do. There was just something about Riddhima.

I accepted the blanket when she returned, "I'll sleep in Kripa's room."

She nodded and left for Khushi's room. I too left for Kripa's. She turned sides to glance towards the door on hearing it open. "Oh, you're still here? I didn't see you come in."

I walked to the other side of the bed and laid down, sighing in the relief as tension left my muscles. "I didn't want to leave till you guys were home."

"Hmm, thanks for forgetting my sub, by the way." She added sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes though she couldn't see as she'd turned off the lights and her eyes, "It's in the fridge. You can eat it tomorrow."

"Good night.

"Night, sis."

Closing my eyes, I had to push back all sense of thought and reasoning so I wouldn't get angry thinking again about Khushi and Anjali. Why was world such a small place? Why was it that...?

I barely finished the thought before I fell asleep - lack of sleep from last two days catching up with me.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

I woke up to Kripa jumping on the bed and scolding her, "Kripa, stop it. It too early in the morning for your childish behavior."

She slapped my back, "It's Christmas morning, you grumpy scrooge!"

My voice was muffled against the pillow, "Merry Christmas then. Now let me sleep."

Still, she doesn't listen. She sat on my back, dumping all her weight on it. I let out an oomph at the unexpected burden. Before I could yell at her, she informed, "Di called to ask about you since your phone went to voicemail. So I checked your phone and noticed it was dead. Put it in charging."

My irritation flew out the window and I moved the pillow off my face to speak clearly, "Thank you."

"Eh, the least I could do after that cold sub sitting in my fridge from last night." She picked at it again.

I get back at her by shifting on my back and causing her to fall on the other side still in bed.

"Arnie!!" She exclaimed in horror and picked a pillow to swat me.

I blocked it with my arm and questioned, "Will a gift cause you to stop being so violent?"

Her eyes sparkled in interest, "Heck yes. Give it!"

She may be 19 years old but still got hyper and looked forward to receiving gifts on Christmas despite the fact that we weren't Christians. Rubbing my eyes, I guided her. "Check your closet."

She jumped off the bed darting towards it at once. Ruffling through it, she pulled out a wrapped wide rectangular box. She opened the box placing the lid on the bed and gasping as she took out the dress folded inside. "Arnav, this is crazily gorgeous!!"

I smiled back, "It's from di's newest line. It's not out anywhere yet."

She raised a brow, "So I get an exclusive first pick?"

"You're our sister, Kripa. Ofcourse you get the exclusive pick. And, because this is a gift, it's a one piece only. So, di's design. My money. Your welcome."

She squished me in a tight hug squealing in joy that made me laugh and almost forget about last night, "These are the rare times I'm glad to have you as my brother."

Shaking my head in her happiness, I kissed her temple affectionately, "Love you too, sis."

"I'm going to go try it on!" She informed picking it up.

"Sure, let me know if it needs fixing though I'm sure di had it made to your fitting. I'm going to get going."

"Already?"

"Yeah, you know. It'll take me atleast 2-3 hours to drive there."

She nodded sobering up as she asked, "Are you going to come back or catch the flight home straight away?"

"Probably will head to the airport straight," I answered taking my phone out of charging and slipping it in my pockets with my car keys and wallet.

"Alright, safe travels." She wished walking up to me and giving me a parting hug.

I asked, "You sure you don't want to come?"

She lightly joked pulling back, "Spend a week with the 'rents? Thanks, but I'll pass."

I reprimand her, "They're your parents, Kripa. They're not your enemies."

She glanced at me sideways, "You're saying that? Dad tried to take away everything that was yours and di's."

I pointed the facts, "Tried. Didn't succeed."

She shook her head and somewhere, I did understand. His thinking was too orthodox. He would restrict Kripa a lot. It's understandable Kripa doesn't want to go back but sometimes I wish she would understand that regardless of their relationship, she was lucky to have her parents alive.

I drop the topic, "Anyway, your choice. I'll let you know when I get there. Take care and don't go off partying carelessly, got it?"

She rolled her eyes, "Bro, please. Don't give me your typical lectures. And don't worry about me. I'll be here with Ridzzi and Khushi probably playing boring old board games and watching movies."

I laughed at how dull she was making her friends sound and bid, "Bye," before reaching for the door.

She added, "Say hi to my nephew for me! And don't forget to take his gift I got for him."

"Sure," I answered and walked out of the room. Everything was quiet outside so I imagine those two are still sleeping.

After last night... I think getting away and going home to my sister and our life there was going to be a much-needed break.

Maybe, I'd get some clarity and I could get rid of all this anger and pain inside of me being around people closest to me around whom I didn't have to pretend to be someone else, people around whom I was free to feel as I wished and didn't have to control my heart.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

| . . . A U T H O R ' S - N O T E . . . |

This will be one of the rare parts from Arnav's POV that isn't kept a .5 but an entire chapter. Simple reason that it is a long chapter and his first thoughts :) Promise, I'll make you love Arnav a lot more than the previous version ;) Do let me know your thoughts on the new changes and a bit more insight into his thoughts/Kripa!

Fun fact: New version word count: 89,293 compared to 59,775 from the old version. Almost 30K new words for you to read!! More excited? ;)