Posted: October 14th, 2018

♚ Aarush ♚

2.7 Dark Night of the Soul

I don't believe the conversation I overhear.

It's not intentional but it comes with the job description. This woman is a complete mystery to me. Jhanvi Raichand. Despite being her bodyguard without her knowledge for the past few months, I don't know anything personal about her. And yet, this conversation with Annie raises my curiosity.

I find myself agreeing with Annie. I don't understand her. Since last night, I have been constantly around and never once have I heard Aarav tell her he cheated on her and kissed his best friend.

And here is Annie, telling Jhanvi. She is hearing of this for the first time and yet her reaction is composed and beyond understanding? If anything, she is inviting her to continue being a part of their life. What person wants that or would even be remotely okay with it?

Annie is right. No woman would want the person their fiancé cheated on with to be around. For a normal person, she should be pissed at Annie and Aarav. She's not.

I don't hear her bring it up to Aarav either.

Ofcourse, its not my place to question their private matter. But, it doesn't change the fact that I am beyond confused. She is an enigma.

I turn around after sending a quick text to Eva responding to her question. Just then, a body crashes into my side and an instant frown appears on my face due to an earlier wound.

Without meaning to, I end up losing my control and scolding the girl, "Do you never watch where you are going?"

"Excuse me?" She argues back titling her head up to meet my eyes, "You are the one who abruptly turned around."

I felt the urge to remind her of when she crashed into me while running out of the office elevators a few days ago, but what would be the point? Shaking my head, I proceed to walk around her. I only get a step away when her fingers encircle my arm and she tugs me around.

She asks a very random question, "Are you married? I don't see a ring on you so I'm going to take that as a no."

I mumble in confusion with my brows knit together, "Okay...?" Has her conversation with Jhanvi offset something in her brain?

"Girlfriend?"

"What...?"

"No, then." She concludes from my expressions and before I could even blink, she surprises me.

Normally, it is not this easy to startle me or for something to gain the upper hand on me. I can usually anticipate people's actions before they happen. Call it a keen eye for details. And yet, she takes me aback by kissing me.

The second it registers what she has done, I pull back with my hands on her shoulder pushing her away from me at the same time.

She. Is. Fucking. Insane!

Who the hell goes around kissing strangers they bump into?

For a second, I am lost in this overwhelming feeling inside of me. I haven't allowed anyone to come near me for years and this girl breached everything I hold sacred. I have the utmost desire to yell at her and I might as well have... except that when I blink the haze away, I find myself standing alone with Aarav in the distance.

Annie, Aarav and Jhanvi already have a complicated triangle going from what I can gather of the conversation I overheard. What was Annie thinking pulling me into something I wanted nothing to do with?

Now, I do not know Annie but I have come to understand Aarav a bit from our few conversations. Even if I do not easily apologize to people and even when I was not at fault here, I felt the need to express an apology in the least. "Aarav, that was not what it..."

He barely nods his head in acknowledgement. Hurt from Annie's actions but aware that none of this was my doing. Before I could complete my statement, he walks around me and into the room where Jhanvi is.

My mind flashes back to few seconds ago and that anger flares back. I probably should not be doing this but I do not see clearly right now. I find myself marching away from the room and towards the exit stairs of the hospital to find this girl who is messing with the balance of things.

A flight below, I find her walking down the stairs oblivious. Running down faster, skipping steps at a time, I catch up to her. Giving her no warning, I grab her elbow to stop her and push her against the wall with my other arm restricting her there across her chest.

She gasps at the intrusion and tries to fight my grip but I have my own share of words to say first, "Who do you think you are, huh?"

"Let me go!" She exclaims as her nails scratch my arm over her chest to free herself.

Putting more pressure on it, I take a dangerous step towards her, "Don't you ever do that again, do you hear me?"

The only reason I find myself to be this angry is because she is ruining memories I hold most dear to my heart. She has no right to do so.

It seems, however, that she does not understand the reason why I am this upset. Then again, why should she? She does not know me. She does not know why.

She continues to push against me, "You're insane, do you know that? Let me go! You're hurting me."

The later three words flash warning in my brain and I register the position in which I am restricting her. Something I would normally use with criminals and the likes. This, on a lady... it is not what I was taught. Such behavior is not me.

As guilt takes over and the anger simmers from its boiling point, she continues to threaten for even though my hold loosens, I am still standing dangerously close to her, "I swear, let me go right now or I am going to get you arrested."

I take a step back and she fumbles a little before maintaining her balance on the stair she is standing on. While she takes a few deep breaths to assure herself she is in no mortal danger, I find myself mumbling, "Who'd dare arrest me?"

"What?" She questions having no heard me clearly.

I answer clearly but different words, "Do you love going around kissing people or what?"

Her expression hardens at my suggestion and I feel like slapping myself too. What has happened to my manners? I know better than this to treat a female.

With a sigh, I try to release all my negativity I have been feeling lately and try to return to being myself. "I'm sorry, okay? Just... you shouldn't have done that."

Still in her own self, she questions. "Why? It's not like you cheated or anything. I made sure you didn't have a wife or girlfriend."

She makes it difficult for me to not get angry. She must have seen that in my hardened expression once again since she took a step back unconsciously towards safety. I release my clenched jaw as a result on realizing she was still rattled from my earlier action.

After a second, she speaks again. "Okay, sorry. You're right. Just because you aren't in a relationship does not give a random stranger the right to kiss you. Got it. I needed a distraction and you happened to be right there. It's not an excuse though and I'm sorry for making you the unwanted victim. Won't happen again. But you also shouldn't go around almost strangling people either. It's not healthy."

I snip back a comment, "Someone who uses physical intimacy with random people as a means for distraction should not be lecturing someone on what is healthy and unhealthy."

She opens her mouth in offense but this once, I do not welcome guilt for saying such harsh words to her. It is a fact. She must know that too for without a word, her mouth snaps shut and throwing me a hard glare, she turns her back to me and walks away.

I think back to everything from this morning. Her conversation with Jhanvi. Kissing me to prove whatever it proved in front of Aarav. This path of destruction she is headed in... even though I do not know her at all, there is this wish to bring her out of it for I have seen much darker things in life and in comparison, it feels silly in my opinion for her to be running from a complicated situation involving feelings.

And standing alone, this thought causes me to realize. This is how Eva must feel watching me spiraling downwards and be able to do nothing about it. Even though we talked earlier, things between us aren't okay.

With an urge to sort things, I take out my phone again and speed-dial her. She answers right away as if her phone was in her hands only and asks in concern since I had called only few minutes ago, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"What, you dialed me accidentally?"

With a faint smile on my lips, I repeat my apology. "No, Eva. I am sorry. I know you worry for me. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you for wanting to look out for me."

I can hear the smile in her voice as well as she answers, "It's okay, Aarush. Arguments happen between friends. Just put it past us, okay?"

"Yeah."

"And, if you care for me even the slightest, you will stop this self-sabotage business."

"Eva..." I say for even though I want for things between us to return to as before, I am not sure I can do that. My business with Dinesh is from the long past and quite personal. I can't just let it go like this.

She tries to negotiate, "Atleast try, Aarush. Please. It is not going to do anyone any good with what you have in mind. The only one who'll suffer is you."

I exhale a sigh, "I can't promise, Eva. He is going to get what is coming for him..." Before she would argue, I add. "But, I will try to not burn myself in the process."

It must be difficult for her to accept this but she must know it was next to impossible for me to budge on this myself. Hence, she apprehensively accepts what I am willing to compromise on. "Thank you."

"Yeah," I answer before ending the call.

Returning it in my pocket, I let my fingers graze over the outlines of the rings hidden underneath my shirt. Why is this so damn difficult? Every day on this mission to be Jhanvi's bodyguard is one step closer to Dinesh and with each step, I am driving deeper into unchartered territories. When I set out on this seven years back, I thought I had everything in control. I thought I knew exactly what needed to be done.

But... do I have it in me to be that ruthless? To be that dark?

Touching these rings and feeling her presence... every fiber in my body is screaming the answer back at me. No. I was never that person but circumstances push me more and more towards that darkness and I don't know how I can bring myself out into the light.

I am not even sure I want to do that.

Because, atleast in this darkness, there is comfort. There is no pressure to be my best self. There is no expectation to do the right thing. And most of all, I can continue to feel her presence. I can live in that solace. But, if I return to the light, I would be letting her go and that is not the promise I made. The promise I made was to be always with her, by her side.

But there is no hope for that in this life due to some irreversible natural processes.

And that is what drives me to be this reckless with my own life till I can join her.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

I am still seated outside the hospital room when Aarav returns after freshening up. He asks walking inside and leaving the door open, "Shona, ready to leave?"

"Yes, please get me out of this hell hole." She begs with slight humor as if she can't stand this place anymore even though it has been less than 24 hours.

I get that. I'm not a huge fan of hospitals either. Let's just say... it's a place reflecting death up close and while I face the threat of death in my line of work daily, I'd rather avoid it when possible... at least till I fulfill my purpose in life.

Almost a minute later, they walk out. Her arm is around him as he supports most of her weight to help her walk. I offer, "I'll get a wheelchair."

"No," She is quick to deny, "Wheelchairs make me feel disabled."

Aarav teases, "Shona, right now you are disabled."

I glance between the two at their light encounter. Is she really not mad at Aarav? Hurt? And how is he behaving so normally after everything?

She scolds him, "Shut it, Raizada, before you lose a limb as well."

He sighs, "Why can't you make our lives easier and just sit in a wheelchair? Or let me carry you. Save yourself the pain of difficult walking?"

"You wouldn't love me if I made your life easy," she smugly points out. "Besides, are you forgetting? I thrive in pain. Now are we going to keep arguing over this or are you going to get me home so I can eat something better than hospital food? I'm starving."

He grumbles hearing the later piece, "Fine, you win." I imagine he cares more about feeding her than waste time standing here and stretching the argument to get his way. Then he throws me a light glare, "See Rawal, you just had to bring up the wheelchair and start an argument."

I simply bow my head and step aside to let them walk ahead. Behind them, I flight a smile. I very well understood he wasn't mad at me. He was simply teasing about. And amidst all this, I have to admit... it is somewhere good to see something that isn't dysfunctional. Else, everything around us? Yeah, the textbook definition of chaos.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

Two hours later, I find myself at the police station again. This time, not just with Aarav but Jhanvi as well. On the way back from the hospital, Aarav told Jhanvi that her Aunt was deported and Jhanvi had nodded, saying she'd like to meet her.

She had said, "There is only one question I have for her... otherwise, I don't really care what happens to her."

I imagine she may just want an explanation so she could put that behind her. This person I am seeing in her, strong and focused, far exceeds my expectations.

She knows where to invest her emotions. Something I wish I had known earlier.. then, perhaps, things would have been different.

We wait in a secured room for the police officers to bring her Aunt out of the jail cell. Jhanvi is sitting in a chair picking at her nails, almost looking bored. Aarav paces back and forth behind her chair while I just stand there.

I hadn't met her Aunt when I came to the station with Aarav as I'd stayed outside in the car. You can say that there is some curiosity in my brain.

Without looking up, Jhanvi reaches for Aarav's wrist and his pacing pauses as she warns, "Stop that."

He looks like he wants to argue but when she lifts her gaze to meet his, he lets out a sigh and drops to a chair beside her. I assume pacing when worried must be normal for him and she is aware of that. Such little things that two people know about each other. I say it goes to show how well they are compatible. Those things are good things and yet, something in my heart twists.

It makes me miss a part of my life that was.

The door opens and I stand in a further upright position, pushing back my painful memories and reminding myself to focus on the present. Aarav too sits up in attention. The lady in question, dressed in a white prison outfit and handcuffs around her wrists steps inside.

She smiles down at her as she walks up to the table and sits on the chair across from us. "Jhanvi! Such a long time, darling. How are you? I have to say, I missed you."

Jhanvi scoffs, sitting back in a relaxed position but her arms crossed around her defensively. "You can drop the act now. The only thing you missed was your fat bank account."

Her face hardens and the faint hint of smile leaves her lips. With a sharp glare, she grits. "You have no idea what you are talking about, little girl."

Jhanvi rolls her eyes, "Whatever. I don't care about any of that. Just tell me where Dinesh Bhatia is and you won't ever have to hear from me again."

My back stiffens at the mention of that killer's name as I wait earnestly for an answer as well.

"Who?"

Aarav says, "Don't act innocent. You know who he is."

Her face shifts to Aarav. A creepy composure overtakes her features as she seats back, perhaps having figured out she had the upper hand here. She had some knowledge that we needed. "And prey tell, why would I tell you anything? You've only ever taken my right away from me."

Jhanvi challenges in a steely voice, "Your right? You stole from me. You kept from me all my life who I was. Who my parents were. All so you could take what is mine. Let's not confuse the facts and pretend you are the victim here."

That anger returns on her face as she leans forward aggressively, "Facts? Facts! Oh, you are so misguided. I'll tell you what the facts are. You think all of this is yours? No! No. It's mine. I am of true royal blood. You? Your blood is dirty and still that narrowminded father of mine gave away everything to your father. Everything that was mine as the older daughter. Why? Just because I am a female and what happens to us females? We get cast out of the family after marriage even when the law states for everything to be divided equally."

Jhanvi lets out an unbelievable shock as she too raises her voice a little, "Are you kidding me right now? If you had an issue with them, why not just tell them that? You could have told my father. He would have given you your share. He wouldn't have..."

She laughs in utter humor. Jhanvi trails off in confusion and even Aarav seems to not understand this reaction of hers. Sobering in a few seconds, she challenges, "You sure think too highly of a father you have no memory of, don't you?" Her expression hardens once again. "He is not the saint you are painting him out to be, Jhanvi Raichand."

"You're lying," Jhanvi says in denial.

She insists, however. "How would you know? He is my brother. I know him better than anyone." Her gaze then flickers to Aarav and she pushes back her hurt in her eyes, composing herself once again and taps her fingers to the table. "You two want a confession, isn't it? Fine. Yes, I took that money because it is rightfully mine and I am not sorry for it. Yes, I hid from you who you were and how Arnav Raizada was your guardian because that man had no right to step in and take you away from me. How do you think I feel, huh? My own brother asking a stranger to take care of you over me? Me! His own sister. Princess Mohini Raichand, having to ask for money from his father?"

She scoffs as if she considers that idea to be demeaning, "Never. He used me as a ploy to hide you. If your life hadn't been in danger, do you think he'd have let you stay with me in Australia? No. He'd have kept you with him but you know what? I still have a bit of self-respect left in me. So, yes. I took what was mine. I hurt you because I knew. Hurting you hurts him." She bobs her head towards Aarav and continues, "And hurting Aarav Raizada...? There is no better way to get back at Arnav Singh Raizada."

She smiles in satisfaction at the change of expression that comes over on Aarav and Jhanvi's face respectively. Her revenge, complete. There are always two perspectives to a situation and what felt right and just for her may not be the same in the eyes of the world.

Though a part of me knows what she did to Jhanvi is wrong, there seems to be something about her pain that touches my heart. She felt betrayed by her father and distrusted by her brother. The wounds given by one's own loved ones, after all, last a lifetime. They can drive you to be the person you are not. They can make you do things you otherwise would never dream of.

Jhanvi questions in a low whisper as if she is trying to not let her voice break from everything she hears from her Aunt's perspective, "Maybe you didn't think dad would have listened to you... but you knew me, bua. You raised me. If you had just told me... do you think I would have said no?"

Mohini rolls her eyes, "And why do you get to decide? I gave my life to raise you but what do I get in return? I still have to ask you because he put everything in your name. Why is it that no matter what we do, it's never enough for males in our society? They keep asking for more and more sacrifices. They scrape away parts of our soul, picking at it like vultures until there is nothing left for us to give and what will they do? They will not bend even an inch in return."

At the end, Mohini scoffs having dealt with such feeble-minded beings her entire life and suffering at their hands. I imagine, if not for them, she would not be this bitter of a person.

Jhanvi reaches forward to touch her hand. Mohini glances at it as if it is a stranger. Alien. Then she looks at Jhanvi in confusion. I wait for what she plans on doing as well. She speaks softly, "I am sorry, bua, you felt that way... but if you'd just told me, we could have lived a happy life. Whatever you say they wronged you for, it didn't have to be this way."

Mohini swallows harshly as if holding back some emotion from choking her throat. I myself feel unable to make a conclusion about Jhanvi. She is ready to forgive someone who has betrayed her all her life. She forgave Annie earlier as well. I have seen all kinds of people and she does not fit into any one category.

She cannot be real. No one can be this forgiving.

Jhanvi continues as she pulls her hand back as if emotionally pulling away as well. "Arnav uncle may have called the shots to protect me but at the end of the day, bua, it was you who was my only family. Family. Do you... do you even understand that?"

Mohini doesn't retort and neither does Jhanvi have anything more to say to her Aunt. Aarav leans forward, one hand over hers to pass some comfort before breaking the momentary silence to speak to Mohini, "You said you gave your life to raise Jhanvi. I'd like to believe that despite your anger towards your family, you care for her. So please... if you know where Dinesh is, tell us."

"I can't," she crushes all their hope with those two words.

Jhanvi sighs, pulling her hand out from under Aarav's touch. "Let's go." She was not one to stay longer and beg or convince her Aunt to change her mind.

Aarav stands up, agreeing himself that it would be a dead end, and pushes the chair back before helping Jhanvi stand up.

Mohini's eyes flicker to her plaster which she can see now given it isn't hidden by the wooden table between them. The look that passes over her eyes confirms it to me. She does care.

She gives further proof by asking, "What happened?"

Jhanvi looks like she doesn't want to answer but a force inside of her makes her give in to the slight concern even she must have felt in her aunt's question. "Dinesh tried to kill me and my baby."

Mohini looks at her wide eyed. "You're pregnant?"

Aarav mutters, "As if you don't know."

Mohini chooses her silence again, confirming she indeed did not know.

Aarav puts his hand around Jhanvi's shoulder to help her walk out of the room. I, however, remain standing there to assess everything. Her reaction on being asked about Dinesh. "Wait," I speak up.

For the first time, Mohini looks at me as if she hadn't even noticed I had been standing back in the shadows. Aarav and Jhanvi turn to me, waiting to know why I would stop them. I walk forward and place my finger tips on the surface of the table. Gaze fixated on her, without a blink, I ask her point blank. "Why can't you tell us where Dinesh is?"

"What?" she answers.

I elaborate, "You said you can't. Not that you won't."

"Because I don't know."

I shake my head, refusing to believe that. "No. You know where he is. You can answer while I am asking nicely or I have other ways to get the answer out of you too."

From the corner of my eyes, I spot Aarav take a step forward, obviously to tell me to not make such threats but I put my finger up to stop him. There is no way I am leaving here without having a starting point on Dinesh and his whereabouts. I have spent too long to get this far without any clear answers. Jhanvi might have gotten her closure she needed from her Aunt but there is much left for me to do.

Still, Aarav warns, "You can't use your army tactics to get it out of her."

"Oh, I know better than to use physical torture against a lady, Aarav." I assure him I have no intention of harming her.

"One scream and they'll throw you in jail for threatening me." She tries to scare me, but she so does not have the upper hand on me. She may have one on Aarav and Jhanvi, but not on me.

I give her a smirk and walk around the table to stand beside her while also having my back towards Aarav and Jhanvi. Blocking their view, I lean over to whisper words in her ear that has all color drain from her face.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

∞ author note ∞
What did Annie do? 😪 I hope the long updates are making up for the infrequent updates!

QOTC: What's your take on Mohini's character? Any guesses on what Aarush says?

I think lots of hints in this chapter! See if you can pick up on them and see you soon with another chapter.
Don't forget yo vote and comment! ❤️