Posted: July 23rd, 2019

♛ Jhanvi ♛

2.39 After The Rise

I could just tell - being back here was not easy for Aarush. He seemed to be in front of me but his mind was somewhere else.

After he turns the lights on from a switch board in the far corner of the wall, I follow him further inside the palace. We glance up towards the stairs on hearing clicks of a boot against the floor. A guy appearing to be around my age stops at the center where the staircases from two ends of the hall meet. His gaze is fixated on Aarush as he speaks, "So the rumors are true. You are alive after all."

Aarush passes Inaaya to me before taking a single step in front of us. His voice is clipped as he questions, "What the hell are you doing in my house?"

His words cause me to place a protective arm around Inaaya's back as I worry the two might have bad blood from the past. The guy resumes walking down the rest of the steps. Reaching the floor level, he pauses, "Your house? As I seem to recall it, you don't live here anymore. I do. Ergo, it's my house."

Aarush scoffs placing his hands intimidatingly on his hips, "Arrogant, as always. You haven't changed one bit."

"Have you?" The unknown guy answers taking calculative steps towards us. "Still going around carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Tell me, how far did that get you?"

"Far enough." Aarush continues to answer in a tone that does not give away whether I should be wary of this intruder or not.

The guy scoffs, now standing only a step away from Aarush. "Would it have killed you to ask me for help, Rawal sa? Or did you take me to be a coward who'd run away when you needed him the most?"

Aarush's eyes harden, "How many times must I tell you to not call me that?"

He rolls his eyes, "Cut the tough act, bhai sa. You can't waltz back in here after years and be..."

His words are cut off as Aarush takes the final step to him and pulls him into a long-lasting and tight hug. A small smile takes over my face as well whilst tension leaves my body. Bhai sa. It was a relief to know their relationship and also the fact that he had a brother still alive. I was happy for him, for this reunion. I can't imagine how in the world Aarush must have kept himself away from him.

This brother of his, however, puts up a fight by trying to break free from the embrace with his set of complaints and perhaps legitimate reasons to be upset, "No, don't you dare hug me. Why didn't you tell me you were alive?"

Aarush doesn't force him into the hug as he pulls back. But, he does place his hand on his neck to get his brother to look at him as he points out, "If I had, if you knew I was out there somewhere, would you have ever stopped looking for me? No. You wouldn't have moved on in life, Randeep. And the path I set out on was not one to drag my little brother in."

There is some confliction on Randeep's face... as if he wants to understand Aarush's reasons but he cannot accept them. "Move on?" He challenges taking a step back, "Bhai sa, how do you move on from going out to look for your brother and coming back to see your entire family dead, lying in a pool of blood? A night that was supposed to be full of celebrations turned into a cemetery? How do you expect anyone to move on from that? Do you realize how the last years have been?"

"Randeep..." Aarush tries to reach out to him, understanding Randeep was upset with him. Angry.

Randeep moves away from his touch again and continues without paying any mind to Aarush as he expresses his anguish from over the years. "People told me you were dead even when they didn't find your body - telling me it was burned off in that car bomb and all that was left behind were ashes. Do you know what it's like not wanting to believe them but then waking up every morning and coming downstairs expecting you to walk in through the doors anytime, but then a feeling settles in telling me you were never coming back - only for that cycle to repeat the next morning. Because if that is what you call moving on, then yes. I fucking moved on."

In an unexpected turn of events, Aarush pulls his ear in punishment. When Randeep yelps, he scolds. "Be angry at me all you want, but what have I told you about cursing?"

I can't help but chuckle. Even in a serious altercation, Aarush wants to stop and take a moment to discipline him by scolding him over this? Yeah, I certainly see the big brother touch.

At my reaction, the brothers turn to face me as if Randeep was noticing my presence for the first time and Aarush had forgotten I was there as well while overwhelmed in meeting his brother again.

Randeep gasps, swatting Aarush's hand away and accusing, "While I have been living in misery, you got married and had a baby?! How heartless of you, bhai sa!"

Rolling his eyes, Aarush slaps the back of his head.

Randeep frowns, rubbing his head as if it actually hurt.

Aarush challenges, "How can that thought even pass your brain?"

The frown leaves his face as Randeep remembers the reality. Given they are brothers, I am sure he is more familiar with Aarush's love for Charu than I am - a girl I still have to learn more about.

Randeep apologizes meeting Aarush's eyes sincerely, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

Aarush accepts it with a big heart and a smile, "It's okay. But can I get a hug, finally? It's been eight damn years."

Randeep raises a brow, "Now who is cursing?"

Rolling his eyes, in a level of carefree that I have never observed Aarush in, he pulls Randeep in a loving, brotherly embrace. While hugging, Aarush apologizes, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You shouldn't have had to go through it alone."

Randeep smiled pulling back and offering a common ground, "It's okay. I know it couldn't have been easier for you. I'd lost my uncle and aunt, Barkha and you. But you... you lost your entire world."

"Yeah..."

Randeep inhales deeply before steering the conversation away from the topic, "Anyway, we have all the time in world to catch up." His eyes meet mine, "Who is this?"

Aarush turns to stand sideways between us as he introduces us, "Jhanvi Raichand and her daughter, Inaaya. And, Jhanvi, meet my cousin. Randeep Chauhan."

Randeep offers his hand as he comments, "Jhanvi, finally have the pleasure of meeting you. I kept hearing a lot about the Princess creating a stir in the Pink City."

I joke when shaking his hand, "I'm sure they weren't good things."

He shrugs his shoulders as if he could care less about that, "As if we've made the news cycle in the last decade with any good news." He then gives me a look over before adding, "You're not like I had pictured in my head."

I raise a brow to question, "And how exactly did you picture me?"

Randeep opens his mouth to answer but Aarush interjects, "If I were you, I would pick the next words out of my mouth very carefully."

Taking that notice, Randeep replies accordingly, "The picture I had was not someone this young and beautiful even after just recently giving birth."

Nice save. I raise an amused brow at him for a second before directing to Aarush, "Is your little brother trying to flirt with me?"

Aarush looks amused himself while Randeep defends, "Little?! I'll have you know, I turned 24 this year."

"And I turned 25. You're little."

His jaw drops, "One year!"

I chuckle. He is right. That is not a difference at all. If anything, there is 4 years gap between Aarush and myself. Still, when I have feelings for the older brother, ofcourse the younger one becomes off limits and like a little brother by default. But, I can't blame Randeep for trying to flirt. It is not as if he has any knowledge about my feelings for his cousin.

He adds looking at Inaaya, "Come on, little one. Help a fella out and tell your mommy I am not so young that she can't flirt back. You know, flirting is healthy for the brain."

I continue looking at him with amusement, "Are you really attempting to teach this to a newborn?"

Aarush puts his arm around Randeep to cut off his reply and suggests, "Before you embarrass yourself any further and ruin your first impression, how about I just show them to their room? I'm sure they must be tired."

I exhale at the wonderful idea, "Please, just point me to a bed. My back is killing me."

Randeep points out scratching the back of his head, "Yeah, see, slight problem with that. All the rooms have been locked up for a good chunk of time. You wouldn't want to step foot in them."

Aarush says in confusion, "But I sent a word to some workers to clean up the rooms."

Randeep nonchalantly answers, "I sent them back."

Aarush glares at him, daring him to repeat. "You did what?!"

Randeep continues being unaffected by the glare as he defends his actions, "What, I wasn't going to let random people into your room just because they claimed you sent them. For all I knew, they could have been thieves trying to steal something valuable."

I see the innocence, care and maturity in his actions towards his older cousin all wrapped up in one, but not when it works against me and a comfortable bed at the moment.

"You idiot." Aarush mutters under his breath.

"Hey!" Randeep decides to take offense. "You might want to try being a little grateful to someone who's looked after your palace in your absence, thank you very much."

I interject when I feel Aarush is going to blow his fuse in reaction, "Okay, can we play out the antics later and find a solution first? It's late and I would really like to catch up on some sleep. If I might point out, I haven't got a decent night sleep in last three days."

Aarush seems to understand my exhaustion from first the wedding, then kidnapping followed by coronation and lastly, the long and bumpy ride over - thanks to the roads in construction. He forwards his hands, taking Inaaya from me and I gladly hand her over. Lately, he has been taking care of her better than me - I don't know what that says about me as a mother but when you have so many things on your plate, you tend to accept all the help that is offered.

He speaks to Randeep, "Arrange for a room at the hotel?"

"Just one? Don't we need two?"

"Randeep, why are you purposely being dumb right now? I'm sure you must have booked a room for yourself since you are here and obviously wouldn't be sleeping in your car."

"Right," he answers. "We can share... I guess. Don't yell at me if I kick you off the bed."

Aarush refuses to entertain him and exclaims, as if recalling earlier days and their light sibling rivalry where they did not always get along. "Just go, Chauhan!"

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

"Jhanvi," I look back at Aarush just after I have walked one step into the hotel room Randeep manages to get for Inaaya and myself.

"Yeah?"

"Keys."

My brows pull together at the odd request, "What?"

He expands, his brown eyes boring into mine, "I don't mind climbing in through the window, but I'd rather come into your room with your permission."

I recall the bitter words I had said to him about a week back in anger. "Aarush, I didn't mean..."

"Yes, you did." He counters but instead of hurt, there is a smile on his face as he goes on to assure, "And, it's okay. It's wrong of anyone to sneak into someone else's room in the middle of the night - no matter the intention. I didn't say it then, but I am sorry."

"No, Aarush," I speak otherwise having regretted my words since, "I am sorry for being hard on you when you were only trying to help."

"Still," he expresses his belief, "There is a right and wrong way to offer help. And, I was wrong."

I exhale understanding that he might have changed a little but it was still just as difficult to get him to budge from his beliefs. He was too harsh on himself, sometimes. "Nevertheless, thank you. Even if you believe the method was wrong, the gesture was sweet. I was just... angry, at the time, to not see it."

He briefly nods before repeating the request, "Now that you do see it, can I get your keys?"

As much as the thought is again sweet, I don't accept the offer, "Aarush, I am sure you must be tired as well. You need sleep too."

He shrugs his shoulder, "I'm not as tired and I don't sleep much anyway, so it's fine."

I genuinely wonder when he sleeps. Then, at a thought, I question. "Do you even sleep?"

He chuckles but it isn't one of amusement at the question. It is one to deflect the conversation making it sound ridiculous, "Everyone sleeps."

I don't let him brush it off though. "You can't sleep, can you?"

I can't even begin to imagine how tough it might be for him to sleep having so much on his heart. When was the last time he slept peacefully? One might not be able to tell from his face, but if you really looked closely in his eyes, you can see his exhaustion. The fight he fought every day. And then, his defeat.

He opens his mouth, perhaps to counter, but looking into my eyes, he must realize that it would be futile. He does not have to confess through words for me to know I am right. The things he has been through in his life could make it difficult for anyone to be able to sleep through the night. I know first-hand how difficult it had been for me when I had been attacked. I had survived and perhaps because of that, the trauma was not so deeply rooted in me that eventually I could rid the bad dreams eventually. But the images he must have...? The things he must see right before falling asleep... Even if he pushes it to the back of his mind during the day, how do you escape that at the end of the day when you are lying awake and alone in bed with those thoughts?

He says instead, "Atleast one of us should get a decent night of sleep."

I correct, "No, both of us need a decent night of sleep."

Before he can question what I mean by that, I reach forward to take his hand and lightly tug at it. He lets me pull him inside the doors, but at this point, he does ask. "Jhanvi, what are you up to?"

Leaving his hand, I close the door before walking over to the bed and putting Inaaya down at the center of the bed and adjusting the pillows around her. Taking my bag, I pull out a pair of clothes to change into and then ask him, "Watch her a second? I need to change really quickly."

He nods even when he does not understand why I wouldn't just change after giving him the key and letting him leave so he can come back at a later time.

Minutes later when I return from the washroom, I find him at the edge of the bed playing with Inaaya, having pulled out some of her toys from her diaper bag. He chuckles when she throws a soft bunny away, "She really does not like this bunny."

I fold my legs after getting in bed and pulling the blanket neatly folded to cover my feet. As he tries to get her to hold the soft toy, I ask, "Do you trust me?"

His eyes flicker to mine, a tiny crease over the gap between his brows. I am sure he wonders why I am randomly asking such a question. Since I patiently wait for a response, he says, "Sure, why do you ask?"

I reach forward to take the toy out of his hand and putting it aside. I whisper quietly, "Then tonight, you are going to sleep."

He starts to sit up in protest but I grab his wrist to stop him. It doesn't stop him from still trying to talk his way out, "Jhanvi, I don't think..."

"Shh," I silence him before bringing his hand of Inaaya's chest. "You agree that looking at Inaaya gets rid of your troubles, yes?" I don't wait for him to confirm because I have seen him around Inaaya and know for a fact. "Do you know what works for me? Half the time, patting her to sleep puts me to sleep as well."

"Jhanvi..."

Not allowing him space to convince himself otherwise, I continue, "And if it gets too much," I take his other hand in mine, "then just squeeze my hand."

His eyes travel to our hands, "What will that do?"

I shrug my shoulder, not truly having a reason. "I don't know. Maybe keep you from running away and instead face your fears?"

He moves his hand in a way where I am not so sure anymore if I am holding his hand or he is holding mine. I just know for sure the warmth that radiates to my skin and makes my heart light when he says, "Yeah, holding your hand would do that." Not even a moment passes, however, before his words turn my heart heavy again, "But, I can't stay."

He starts to pull his hand away but I turn my grip firm. "Why not?"

"Randeep is expecting me back." He says, but why do I feel that this is just an excuse.

"I see." I reply and move to turn off the lights. "Okay then, here are the choices. If you can't stay, then you have to explain why you kissed me. And, if you don't want to have that conversation, then you are staying."

Technically, he did tell me, didn't he? So, I'm hoping he'll pick the later and stay. I am met with silence for the next passing moments. So silent that I can hear the ticking of his wrist watch. Then, he slides his hand out of my palm. The cold air nips at my skin and I don't know whether to be disappointed on figuring he was leaving or that perhaps, he will answer. I don't hear anything afterwards - just the bed dipping away. Then, seconds later, the lights turn on again. I pull up on my elbows wondering what he is up to.

He sits at the small space at the edge of the bed facing me. His eyes find mine, searching mine for something as he speaks "I kissed you because you were asking questions for which I didn't have answers to at the time."

I restate in a language I understand, "So to shut me up, you decided to kiss me?"

"No. No, that's not..." He starts to deny on realizing his words did not come out right. Then, he exhales and reaches for my hand. For a moment, he is silent - maybe trying to figure out how to correctly say what he wants to. When he moves my hand to rest on his chest, I inhale deeply, inaudibly, and seem to hold my breath. "You have to understand, Jhanvi: All my life, I have only been in love with one person. But then you came along and started changing things. You started melting my heart again, and it wasn't okay. I felt like I was betraying her. All my promises to her of loving her till my last breath and no one else."

One might expect to feel insecure or along the lines on hearing the person you have feelings for taking about his past. About his love for someone else. Knowing of his plans of a life with that person. But, me? Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I see a man who has been a passionate and dedicated lover. One who in this age still believes in the kind of love that is eternal.

So, even though in this moment where I somewhere realize that even if he has feelings for me, he may never love me to the deep extent to which he loves Charu, I find myself content. Because I also make a realization that I do not need him to love me more or less than Charu - it isn't a competition between us - just that he returns my feelings as well. That for a moment, if we are atleast on the same page in this story book of our lives, then that is good enough for me.

Maybe I had naively said to him once that I did not believe in happily ever after's or someone making me a priority in their lives. But tonight, I accept the true effects of those words on realizing that I do truly believe them.

Given I did not respond for the longest, just stared at him, he releases his faint grip around my wrist as if thinking he had said more than he should have. But, returning my thoughts to present, I keep my hand on his chest rather than letting it fall since he wasn't holding it there. He seems to notice that small detail for his head lifts to mine, his eyes full of question.

"You don't have to feel that way, Aarush," I reply in a small voice before pressing my fingertips to his chest. I can feel the faint beats of his heart as I continue, "because I would never want you to replace her position in your life. Since I have known you, I think I have always known your heart belonged to someone else... the same way it was with Aarav. I didn't know until recently that she had passed away, but I think that even in afterlife, love goes on. So, you don't ever have to feel that you have to stop loving her in order to move on in your life."

I do not know the depth of the impact my words have on him as his face remains blank. They are soft around his eyes and I think there even might be a sparkle there. He lifts his hand to my neck. His thumb touches my cheek and perhaps because it is the first time ever, I find myself stiffening. He takes that into notice - I think hardly anything misses his observant eyes - but he still goes on to gently caress my cheek bone till I relieve myself of the tension.

Hmm, this warmth that radiates to my skin at his gesture. I think I can get used to it. I have felt care from Aarav, but this is different. This makes me realize just how broken we both are... and just how we are putting each other back together.

Having lost myself to the sensation, I find myself straining to focus when he whispers as if speaking in a normal voice would break the sanctity of his words, "I think this is why I couldn't stop myself from falling again."

"Hmm?" I end up asking - for a moment forgetting my own words I had spoken before he had cupped my cheek. His touch had the capacity to make me forget just about everything. Because it wasn't just my cheek he had been caressing. It had felt as if he was caressing my soul somehow.

"You don't see Charu as a competition. You love Annie - for a reason I now understand but I didn't when I first met you. You forgive Hiten for betraying you in more ways than one when we all know he did not deserve it."

I stop him to ask, not understanding. "Why are you pointing this all out?"

He smiles as his face leans in, "So that you know. There is not one reason why my hearts beats for you."

Before I can even swallow his words and process them, his lips meet mine.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

∞ author note ∞

I am having a really hard time trying to wrap up all the different storylines I have going on for this book. I know you can't help because it's just a mess in my head right now, but just thought I would mention it. How is your summer going?

QOTC: There will be more on Randeep, so thoughts? First impressions?

Thank you for sticking through this story despite the rare updates these days. It really means a lot to have your support <3