Posted: July 17th, 2019

♔ Aarav ♔

2.38 As Long As You Love Me

         The morning after I arrive in Udaipur with Annie and Arshiya, I walk into the kitchen just before lunch time to cook. Shortly after, Jhanvi walks in to warm up milk for Inaaya. Heading towards the fridge, she points out, "You know you don't have to cook, right? You're standing in a palace which has a freaking restaurant and hotel on the North wing."

Her point? I just needed to pick up a phone and order. I explain my reasoning, "I'm aware, just needed something to do. Idle mind is a devil's workshop and all."

"Right. So, what are you cooking?"

"Nothing fancy, just noodles." I reply.

She walks over to place a pot on the stove and raises a brow, "Nothing fancy, huh?"

I defend the meal prep, "What, it's just vegetables. It has to be atleast somewhat healthy."

Laughing, she shakes her head and lets me be as if knowing I am incapable of settling for anything 'simple' in my life. After a moment of silence, I ask, "Oh, do me a favor?"

"Yup," she replies leaning against the counter.

"Try to not get into any trouble tonight?"

She raises a brow in a suggestive manner, "And what is so special about tonight?"

Catching the look but dismissing it, I try to inform in a stoic voice, "It's high time I give Annie a proper date. Hopefully one that won't get interrupted this time."

Our last one did not end too well for it was abruptly cut short with Eva and Sanya's grandfather passing away.

Clearing her throat, she acts along like a parent, "And what time will you both be back by?"

Rolling my eyes, I focus on stir frying the vegetables. "We are both adults, thank you very much." My point? Even if we were not adults, I never stuck to following curfews... it was a different matter that I rarely had them enforced by the parental figures in my life. They knew I would be home at a decent time unless it was something important and returning home late couldn't be avoided.

"Mhmm. So what have you planned?"

I raise a brow at the giddiness I pick up on in her voice.

"What, I can't ask as your wife?"

"Ex-wife," I remind her at the annulment we signed yesterday.

"Right. So now that that's done, when do you plan on popping the question to Annie?" She teases turning off the stove.

"Focus on our Princess, okay, if you are done teasing me already." I smile back genuinely at her. I haven't thought about when or how to propose to Annie, but I am sure it is coming up in the near future. I don't want to wait too long. She might want to, for the time being, just settle for being girlfriend-boyfriend. But yes, ofcourse I see all my future with her.

Switching topics, I ask, "So, where is Aarush?"

"I don't know, actually. He was gone when I woke up and..."

"Back up," I interrupt at once. "He was gone when you woke up? Explain."

She tilts her head to the side to scold me for any assumptions I may have already made going off that statement, "Nothing like that, Aarav. When you all were attending Eva's grandfather's funeral, he'd sneak in when Inaaya would wake up and help put her back to bed so I didn't have to wake up."

"Huh," I comment, "That's... sweet. I didn't think he could do sweet."

She swats my arm for my pre-judgements, "Don't be harsh on him. His life has been an uphill battle, okay? We don't know the person he must have been before everything."

Eva had filled us in about Aarush and the tragedy that befell his family when Jhanvi was kidnapped. Yes, I did see Aarush in a different light since while at the same time, his nature since having met him started to make sense. Everything he said. Everything he did. His guarded walls.

"Yeah, yeah. You need to stop hitting me. We may not be married but I'll still charge you for domestic violence."

"Anyway," she stresses, ignoring my comments while rolling her eyes, "so you can imagine he doesn't sleep well and I suggested he'd sleep better if he focused on Inaaya instead of other thoughts. At first, he didn't think it would be right but then I told him he could either answer why he kissed me and then leave, or stay and not answer."

"And he didn't answer?" I conclude since she previously mentioned he'd stayed.

Picking up the pot to pour the milk in the bottle, she informs, "He did. He stayed and answered."

Well, that's surprising. We are so used to him being tightlipped. I would have bet on him not saying anything instead. When I wait for her to convey what his answer was and it doesn't come, I prod, "And?"

"And?" She looks at me confused, before realizing we were still on the same topic. Her attention had been diverted, focused solely on ensuring the milk wouldn't spill. "And why don't you focus on your own love story? I got this."

I smile at how far she has come since I met her roughly a year ago. I suppose you can say that she's always been a confident girl who's believed in herself, but now she is also someone who is starting to open up and let her guards down. I offer, "Still. If you need to talk, ever..."

She steps up on her toes and kisses my cheek. "Thanks, you're awesome."

"You're always welcome," I say draping a lose arm around her.

Arshiya walks in the kitchen with a frown, "Has anyone seen Aarush? He promised me a tour."

I lightly berate her for her show of impatience. "Give him a second to breathe, Dove. He isn't running away anywhere."

"But..."

I look at her pointedly and her whining stops. I suggest, "Have something to eat first before you drain yourself. Then you can go looking for him."

Listening, she walks to the fridge to look for food. Jhanvi says screwing the lid on the baby bottle, "Speaking off, I'll be back after feeding Inaaya and putting her to nap."

Arshiya grabs a box of sweets and jumps up on the island counter. "Wacha cooking?"

I eye her choice with judgement, "Something a bit healthier than that."

She points out, "This is my pre-lunch, okay?" and plops the entire laddoo in her mouth.

I shake my head at her helplessly. There is no point in attempting to tame her.

A few seconds later when she has finished chewing, she abruptly says, "You know I love you, right?"

I pause my chopping on hearing that and then put my knife down to turn around, lean back against the counter, and fold my arms over my chest. "What do you want?"

She laughs without taking offense over my assumption given it is a familiar tactic of her to get things out of me. "Not this time," she cheekily says. "I tricked you yesterday in letting me come here with you guys so I just thought I would say it."

Okay... now that may be true. But, I know her better than she knows herself. That isn't the only reason she's telling me she loves me. Raising a brow, I question, "And what's the second reason?"

She sheepishly admits, ""I was thinking about what to do once I complete 12th."

I put an end to it there itself, "If its another trip, I'm not going to convince dad to let you go by yourself. You've done plenty risky things this year and no more. It's really not safe and..."

"Ofo," she jumps down the counter and crosses the distance between us to put her hands on my shoulder. "Nothing like that, bhai. Trust me. You might as well be proud of me for what I've been thinking."

Once again, I raise my brows but this time, in doubt. She does have her moments but what rare thing is she going to do now that'll make me feel proud? "What's the brilliant plan this time?"

"You, my dearest brother, have to convince dad to..."

"I knew it."

She gives me a scolding look for judging too quickly, "It's not like that. Will you listen?" It's easy to irritate her sometimes, With a quiet laugh, I nod and she continues, "Convince dad to let me study abroad."

For a second, I think my ears are ringing. I pull my ears making a show that I am unable to hear properly. "Sorry, mind repeating what you said? Because, you and college? We barely are managing to get you through school!"

She walks back to the island counter. "I'm serious, bhai. I know I never took studying seriously before and I'm not saying I can put up with 4 more years of it, but I owe it to atleast give it a try."

"Owe it to whom?"

She shrugs her shoulder with uncertainty, "I don't know. Maybe, myself? I guess it's also a way for me to go someplace where people don't automatically know me and our family. I want to figure out who I am outside of our family, you know?"

Walking over to her, I cup her face and try to make her understand, "Dove, you already know who you are if the Raizada name is taken away. You are the toughest girl I know your age who knows her worth. You are the one who isn't scared of the unknown. You dive in uncharted waters without a second thought. No one I know takes daring leaps of faith the way you do. You don't ever need to wonder if you are being overshadowed under our family name. You are so much ahead of kids your age. We all are already proud of everything amazing you've given to the society in your short life so far."

Her fingers wrap around my wrist as she smiles back at my affectionate and true words, "I know, bhai. Even I've felt accomplishment with the charity work I've been a part of, traveling the world on my own, and everything else. But lets face it. I've never had a normal life."

"Because you're special."

She closes her eyes and the smile on her face now may be forced, but she knows we truly believe that. She has been a blessing for us and her life, a miracle. "I believe it, bhai, but you know, at the end of the day, what teenager doesn't want to do all the typical things? I know I don't do clichés, but that doesn't mean I don't want to experience atleast a little bit of college life where I can be anyone I choose to be. Where no one knows my entire life history. Where I can camouflage into the crowd. I mean, let's face it, I didn't get the best school-life experience here. So, I want to experience that atleast once."

I hear her. I do. I know she hasn't liked her schooling in Mumbai - one of the reasons why it's been so difficult for us to get her to stay in school and finish rather than dropping out and not even get a diploma. Let's just say... adolescents are not the kindest people there can be. School can be tough when others think one is receiving special treatment rather than attempting to be considerate of one's condition. It's a tough phase in life to navigate.

Exhaling with a heavy heart, I ask, "Where do you want to go?"

As much as I want to keep her in front of my eyes always - especially since I am done with my own studies and plan on staying in Mumbai, spare the business trips that I won't be able to avoid - I know she has the right to live her life. If we want her to accept that her cancer is treated and want her to get serious about what's to come in her life henceforth, then we have to let her figure it out. If that means starting with college away from us in another country, then it's a sacrifice we'll have to make.

Her eyes sparkle up with excitement, "Really?"

When I nod, she throws her arms tightly around my neck, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Laughing along with her happiness, I return the affection and place a kiss at the top of her head. "I'm counting on you and Ishaan to help me convince dad though."

She agrees instantly while pulling back. "Yes. Ofcourse. I mean, I haven't told Ishaan yet, but he'll obviously help - after he gets over his tantrum that I am leaving again, that is. He has no other choice."

I shake my head at her later comment, "You know, sometimes I worry you bully him."

She gasps dramatically, "Me? Bully? I would never make someone do something outside their comfort zone."

I laugh. As much as that might be an exaggeration for she is almost always nudging people to do things out of their comfort zone claiming that she's helping them grow, I am aware of her equation with Ishaan. She's more the one to beat up people who bully him rather than be a bully herself - and she's proven that multiple times.

Sobering, she informs. "Anyway, it's a tie. I can't make up my mind."

I offer as I walk back to resume cooking for lunch won't make itself and I can do two things at once now that the heavy conversation is out of the way, "How can I help narrow it down?"

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

          "Tell me you are kidding," Annie says looking ahead that evening.

I remind her in my defense, "I told you to wear comfortable shoes."

"I did!" She counters glancing at her heels and I raise my brows in judgement. She mutters, "I didn't think we'd be walking half hour to this. I mean, seriously, you are Junior Raizada. You couldn't have called a chopper so we could avoid all the hassle?"

I turn to stand in front of her with my arms crossed over my chest. "Aren't you the one always saying you don't like me using my money on you?"

"Yeah, yeah." She mutters, keeping a hand on my forearm to reach for her heels and take them off one after the other. However, the second her feet touch the sand underneath us, she winces. "Ah, fuck. It's burning hot!"

We were currently at the side of the road leading into the desert. I'd planned a surprise for her there and left the palace at a time such that by the time we reach the spot, it'll be close to sunset. As such, the sand is still burning hot. I doubt it gets cooler even once the sun is down.

"This is why you listen when I tell you something," I tease while shifting to stand beside her before picking her up in my arms.

She puts one arm around the back of my neck while the other holds her heels in one hand. "Can you not rub it in right now?" She squints at me as I start walking. "Anyway, use those muscles and don't even think of complaining. I don't weigh much at all."

"Sure you don't," I say in a non-partial tone.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

         I watch as she looks around the sand dunes from where we stand. I'd arranged a table with a centerpiece and two chairs at opposite ends with four lanterns on the ground around the wooden chairs. At some distance in the right is a projector with screen and a mattress for seating arrangement. She heads over to the mattress and sits down stretching out her leg in front and leaning back on her palms. "If we are watching a movie, let me tell you that it's the most cliché first date material ever."

I chide her as I walk over and kneel down to meet her eye level, "Don't you know by now to not underestimate me?"

She raises a brow in challenge, "Tell me I am wrong then." I lower my head for I can't do that. She laughs, "Exactly."

Meeting her eyes again, I explain. "You said to plan your ideal date and from how much I know you, watching movies with me is one of the best ways you like to spend your time. So yes, I have dinner and movies. Hopefully the setting around us makes it unique?"

She reaches for my hands and nudges me to sit beside her. Curling her legs under her, she turns to face me. "Honestly? Anything with you is ideal for me because it's always been your company that I have enjoyed and what we do is simply the cherry on top. And yes, the view..." She pauses to take in the pinks of the sky over us and the stillness of the dunes around us. Inhaling deeply, she turns again and leans back to rest her side against mines, bobbing her head to my shoulder. She continues with a smile and lifting her eyes to meet mines, "It's magnificent. Peaceful. I think we both need some of that right now."

I agree in silence leaning back on my hands and for a moment, we let the ambiance around us refresh our souls. More than the nature around us, I think it's the fact that she is beside me that lets my heart feel at peace.

She tilts her head upwards to look at the sky. I move my hands away and fall back on the mattress. She falls along since she was relying on me for support. She yelps, "Ah!" as her head bumps to my shoulder while I let out an airy chuckle.

Since my hand is free now, I drape my arm around her side with the other folded to rest under my head for support. "Annie?" She replies in a hum and I continue, "I'm sorry for everything I put you through."

She turns to rest on her side and places her chin on my chest to face me, "Don't be. It made me stronger."

My thumb unconsciously rubs her skin back and forth as I ask, "When did you first realize you had feelings for me?"

She shifts back to her previous position to gaze up at the evening sky as it gets darker a pinch by the second. "I can't say when I realized it, but do you remember that time a few weeks before Christmas when you surprised me in school? You weren't supposed to come till another week but you'd come early."

I nod recalling that clearly. It was first time in the morning and I had sneaked up to her locker, covering her eyes from the back. Being surprised was an understatement. It was her Freshman year in high school. They had a winter formal that night and she'd told me she wasn't going to go, but I had told her she couldn't miss her first high school dance. She hadn't said it, but she hadn't wanted to spend the money she didn't have on a dress and even at that age, she had too much self-respect to ask when she should have known... she didn't need to ask. She needed to just tell us.

Which, by the way, is what had happened. In particular, I had explained to Anjali mom why I wanted to go to Australia before them so I could take Annie to the dance. I hadn't figured out the dress part then, but she had. When I had returned home that evening, I had found a box on my bed. I'd opened it to find a dress inside along with the printed ticket. That is when I had realized why Annie didn't want to go to the dance, but my parents... they knew us. Looking at the style of the dress, I had figured out that mom designed it. I'm sure Khushi and Lavanya mom must have helped as well for them to get it ready that soon - but those are the types of things they'll do for us without a blink.

She continues her side with a soft chuckle, "Ofcourse, all my classmates couldn't stop gushing about you and I was extremely irritated. It wasn't until later I realized I was jealous, but it was silly because what did I have to be jealous about? We were friends and you were by my side pretty much the whole night. It wasn't like you'd ditched me, you know? Anyway, this isn't really an answer to your question, but I guess that was the first time I felt like I could lose you to someone else and I didn't like it. Sure, I knew your thoughts on you and Jhanvi, so I buried those feelings thinking that by the time I'd see you next, it'll have gone away. Obviously..."

I shift to pull myself up on my elbow as she trails off. The point, well made. Those feelings never truly disappeared. My hand rested on her neck with my thumb brushing her soft and rosy cheeks. "You held on for the both of us, and now you don't have to."

She's struggled enough keeping her feelings in check long enough. I plan on changing that. I lean forward to close the distance between our lips, but first, I end up resting my forehead against hers, closing my eyes and letting in settle in that this is all now real. With where my fingers are, I can feel her pulse quicken. She wants me to kiss her just as badly - and I know, I am teasing her right now by prolonging it, but I inhale deeply and suggest, "How about that movie?"

With space between our faces again, I can see the frustration in her eyes. "You're making me want to curse you out right now."

I hide a laugh, leaning forward to kiss her nose. She lifts her free hand to nudge my shoulder away, making a point. I don't budge, however. I turn my head sideways to speak in her ear, "You'll be worshipping me by end of the night."

"You have high hopes."

"We'll see about that," My confidence could be labeled as being cocky as well. While she mutters something under her breath, I sit up to cast the movie from my phone on the white screen. Then, I bring over two glasses of her favorite wine just as the introductory credits are rolling.

When the name flashes, she questions, "Wait, haven't we already watched this?"

It is the same movie we were watching when I first kissed her. I nod, "Mhmm, but I wasn't really paying attention and we never finished watching it either."

She raises a brow in challenge, "And you think we'll finish watching it tonight?"

I chuckle to myself, knowing full well the answer to that. Fat chances of that happening. Still, we humor ourselves and focus on watching the movie as best as we can. Time to time, I have to swat her wrist or hand to keep her fingers from outlining my abs.

The scene rolls around where the couple is dancing and I know they're going to kiss next. "Aren't you curious?"

Biting back a smile at the similar words she'd spoken all those years ago, I play along holding my head up in the palm of my hand. "About what?"

She returns a blank stare, "Am I going to have to spell it out for you?"

"No," I finally give in. "That won't be necessary."

Closing the distance between us, I give her a quick kiss just as I had all those years ago. She almost pouts when I pull back, not deepening the kiss. She calls me out on it, "At this rate, I don't think there will be any worshipping happening any time soon."

I want this as much as her, but I still take a second to speak for it was the entire reason I had decided to play this movie in the first place. "You never asked me when I realized I had feelings for you."

Her eyes bore into mines, the darkness of the night only illuminated by the screen in front of us where the movie is still playing and the lanterns some distance away where the table and chairs are with our dinner getting cold. "Tell me."

"I've always been in denial, but I think when I kissed you, it wasn't just to stop you from rambling. I think a part of me knew it was my only chance and that I could chalk it up to a silly action on part of an immature child."

She points out, her fingers playing with my hair, circling my ear. "You were never an immature child."

"I wanted to be at the time. But even before that, when I visited after finding out dad wasn't my dad, I had hugged you tightly calling you Angel just to tease you."

"I don't remember that."

I nod, not holding it against her. She is two years younger and not all of my memories can be hers just as I am sure I may not remember some of the things she does. We remember things that hold meaning to us and at the time, how was she to know what I was going through? "It's okay, I remember. At the time, I was struggling to understand who I was. Everything I knew had changed, you know? But having you in my arms, calling you Angel - that hadn't changed. It made me feel like I was home."

"When you say it like that, I wish I did remember this."

I smile softly at her. "And I wish I had listened to my heart then and come back to kiss you again."

With her hand at my neck, she leads me closer. "Nothing is stopping you now."

"Just one question."

"Yeah?"

"I remember you complaining that I hadn't asked you to be my girlfriend yet."

A grin spreads on her lips as she points out, "You still haven't asked."

I give her a look asking if she is seriously going to make me ask and she returns it. Her smile rubs off on me and despite not asking, the intention is addressed through my eyes as I lean down to properly kiss her the way I should have before I missed my time. The second our lips touch, my chest expands - my love for her overflowing.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

∞ author note ∞

Oh, you haven't had a chapter from Aarav's POV in such a long time! I did not realize that until I started writing 2 days ago so figured I should add a light chapter before things start picking up again :) 

QOTC: Tried striking a balance between how he is as a friend, brother, and boyfriend. Which scene was your most favorite?