Posted: July 8th, 2019

♕Annie ♕

2.37 State of Mind

          Organized crime.

They are difficult to eradicate for that exact reason. There is a hierarchy. Everyone has a role. Everyone knows what their role is in the bigger picture. Everyone sticks to that role.

And the person at the top, the boss of the mafia... how do you ever come to accept the fact that your biological father is just that? How can one wrap their mind around all the heinous acts he is capable of committing? All the innocent lives. All the terror he leaves behind in his wake.

It makes my insides sick with disgust that the blood in my veins comes from him. Of all the scenarios I had created in my head growing up, this was not even an option. It's the worst wake-up call to reality.

Aarav calls me his Angel. The one who snips away the darkness that might threaten his soul whenever he thinks about his father. But, after learning who my own father is, how can I ever return to being that person? I have had this darkness lurking around me my whole life and I was blissfully unaware.

What I wouldn't give to remain in that state of mind.

My whole life, he had been absent. Whatever gave him the right to barge into my life now and bring along all of his havoc with him?

With determination, I march towards the room Dmitri was staying in for he had tagged along with us to Aarush's home. He pauses his sit ups at my arrival, his eyes widening slightly on seeing me first thing in morning. Perhaps, also because I am approaching him rather than him being the one to follow me. Crossing my arms over my chest, I announce. "Pack your bags. You are leaving."

He stands up on his feet with a counter, "You may be my boss's daughter, but you are not my boss. You don't give me my orders."

"I don't give a damn." I seethe in anger. "I have told you many times since you arrived that I do not want anything to do with that man - especially after knowing who he is."

His body stiffens and he carefully begins while taking a step towards me, "Whatever you think you know..."

I shake my head taking one step back to keep my distance. I may have foolishly challenged him before, but I am not repeating the mistake knowing his ties to the mafia. I am better off staying far, far, away from that kind of danger. "I know exactly what the truth is, so don't even think about twisting it to fit his agenda. Whatever he thought he can achieve by sending you here, he thought wrong. I want you out of my life. I want him out of my life. Period."

Having expressed my wishes explicitly, I turn on my heel to leave.

Unfortunately for me, he does not let me leave easily. Before I can blink, he blocks my path standing in front of my only safe exit. "Sadly, I don't really care what you want. It's what you need."

I cross my arms over my chest again in defiance, "And prey tell, what is it that I could possibly 'need' from you."

He has an answer ready, "Protection."

I scoff at his delusion, "I am safe with the Raizada's. If I need protection, then it's from you and your boss."

He challenges crossing his own arms across his broad chest, "Really, now? Is that why you were completely safe your whole life - till that lover of yours triggered everything by pinging a search on your birth certificate?"

At the mention of that private search years back when I turned 18, my back stiffens. How does he know about that?

He continues, "Do you have any idea what precautions he took to get you out? What pains he went through to keep you safe?"

When I remain quiet, debating internally whether his words were a scam, he lowers his hostility and uncrossing his arms from a defensive stance.

"It might be the easiest thing to paint him as a monster, but you need to accept that he is your father and there is someone worse than him who wants to hurt you. If he wanted back in your life, he would have come himself instead of sending me. But, he has always known that was not a possibility. He is not looking for a relationship here, Annie. He never wanted you to know, but circumstances were such that he had to choose between keeping you alive and having you hate him for rest of your life after knowing who he is."

He did not need to say anything more for me to know what choice was chosen.

He is not looking for a relationship. I hate him when I haven't even met him yet. Then, why does hearing this hurt?

Somewhere, even if I admit to myself that he is trying to keep me safe from whatever this circumstance Dmitri mentions, why does it pinch my heart on learning that he doesn't care for a relationship? I shouldn't be bothered by that. Heck, I don't want any sort of relationship with that man. But then, why?

At my lack of reaction, he calmly adds, "I won't keep trying to get you to listen about him from now on if you don't want to know, but can I ask you to think about something atleast?"

I flicker my eyes back to him.

Taking that as answer, he puts forth his request. "Think about why, after spending 23 years imprisoned in maximum security, he chose to escape now when he had the means and resources to flee whenever he wanted to."

Even though he asks me to think about it, I don't think I need to.

The answer seems clear.

But if that is meant to guilt me into my judgements I have already made about that man, it is not going to work. He must have deserved every moment of his time spent locked up.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

          I groan upon entering the room where Aarav is. "I hate him."

He puts his laptop away where he must have been catching up on work and pats the space next to him. As I walk over to sit next to him at the foot of the bed, he points out, "You don't even know him."

I give him a scolding look for it is obvious, "And? I don't need to know him to hate him. And please, you should be the last one to be telling me to give him a fair chance. His history speaks for himself. I mean, out of everyone here, you should understand."

His father is no saint either, after all.

Turning my body towards him, I continue my rant, "And, and, can you believe Dimitri? He just tried to get me to sympathize with him! As if that will ever happen. I just want him gone so I can go back to my life as if he had never appeared. Can you make him go away? Make him go away."

He smiles at my innocent wishes and wraps his arm around me to bring my head to his chest. Once in the safety of his arms, he advices, "You can't run from life, Angel. Things eventually have a way of catching up. Do I wish it was ideal and that you could've had a happy ending with your parents? Yes. Sadly..."

"Yeah," I agree simply. I do understand what he means. Jhanvi's father. His father. My father.

And to think of it, Arnav had been a much better parental figure to all three of us than our own fathers.

Leaning back so he can look at my face, he suggests, "How about this? Instead of going with Jhanvi and Aarush to Udaipur today, we'll go tomorrow. Take the day for ourselves? Just give you a chance to take a breath. I'm sure you must be tired after all the back to back functions too."

I mutter falling back in bed letting my legs dangle over the frame, "Yeah, I don't know how you guys have the energy to get through so much!"

He leans over, resting on his side and holding himself up with his elbow. Chuckling at my response, he pecks my forehead. "Don't ask."

I open my mouth but he beats me to it.

"And don't scold me again. I'd kiss you properly, but I don't trust you."

Instead of the dopey grin because he knows me so well, I feign offense. "That hurts. More than a decade of friendship and you don't trust me?!"

"Nope," he cheekily comments. "I trust my best friend. I don't trust my girlfriend."

Dropping the fake offense, I smile through my words, "Touché," and lifting my hand to the collar of his shirt, pull him closer.

He raises a brow to point out, "See what I mean?"

His lips are so close and if he would just lean over an inch...!

I lightly threaten, "Aarav, if you don't kiss me right now, I'll start questioning whether you even love me and meant everything you said."

Rolling his eyes, he whispers bringing his other hand to rest at my hip, "You suck at giving threats. Have you learned nothing from me and dad?"

"Just get over..." before I can finish the sentence in irritation, his lips find mine the same time his thumb caresses my hip bone.

I kiss him back as my arms wrap around his neck pulling him closer. My fingers tangle themselves in the ends of his hair while my other hand travel down to trace his jawline. He sighs into the kiss pulling back just briefly to catch his breath. My eyes, however, remain closed with a happy grin on my lips. I've wanted a moment alone with him this past week since the first night I came back but so much happened within the span of a week.

It seems he hears my unsaid words. "I love you," he whispers against my lips.

My eyes flutter open, the words music to my ears. I would never tire from hearing him say those three words. They held an altogether new meaning between us now. Losing myself in a trance gazing into the depth of his brown eyes, I whisper back. "And I love you."

The back of his fingers caress my cheekbone and I tilt my face into the affectionate touch. The way my heart is bursting with this new feeling mixed with old emotions is unlike anything else. There is nothing else I feel like I need in my life beyond this. I have everything I could ever ask for - and it's thanks to the wonderful, smart, kind, and loving man in front of me.

And his words. Oh, his words - how they only draw me closer to an untouched place in his heart. "I know everything happening in your life may make you feel like you don't know who you are anymore. When I first found out, I went through the same. But know this, Annie. You will always be my Angel. Nothing is going to change that. No matter what happens next, we will go through it together."

I exhale, starting to sit up and he moves aside to give me the space. "I don't want anything to happen next."

I am sort of done with our lives being a rollercoaster the past year. I would very much love a break - for everything to go back to normal.

He leans in , putting his arm around my shoulder, and speaking close to my ear, "Not even see what happens next with us?"

Ah, he's trying to tease me. See if I will blush. I turn my head sideways, my hair bouncing as I do, while I reply confidently to let him know he's going to have to work harder to get a blush out of me. "Nah, I know what happens next with us."

He raises a brow reeling it in a little, "That sure, huh?"

"Oh yeah," I work out the wrinkles on my outfit as I stand up and turn to face him, crossing my arms over my chest, "You're going to figure out where to take me on our first date and what we'll be doing."

He chuckles leaning back on his elbows, "Right, our last one was interrupted." I bob my head to the side in silent agreement. "Alright, girlfriend, where would you like to go?"

I fake a laugh before glaring down at him, "You haven't asked me to be your girlfriend, yet. And I did just say that you are going to figure out where so don't be asking me for ideas. Think. I'm sure you know what my ideal date would be like."

He sits up just enough to grab my hand before tugging hard. I fall over him, knocking my knee on the frame of the bed. As my hands fly to his chest to break my fall, I say his name to scold him. In a more mischievous mood, he comments, "Your ideal date would involve a bed." I roll my eyes at his insinuation given my past dating activities and before I can swat him for it, he holds my wrist so I don't get the chance. "Kidding," he quickly replies before he becomes victim to my harmless assault.

He opens his mouth to add something but is interrupted with a knock and we turn to the open door. Anjali smirks at us seeing our position, "Am I interrupting?" and I didn't think he would let go of me and push me off him to sit up as quickly as he did. When I blink next, I am gaping at him while his mother holds back a laugh but the amusement is clear in her expression.

This guy cannot be in his mid-20s and afraid of his mother!

He clears his throat and stands up fixing his shirt - though, if you ask me, it's just fine. "Mom. Hi! Hi, uh, what's up?"

I raise my brow at him silently. 'What's up?' Since when does he behave like this? As if he is out of his element.

She replies making the same observations as me, "If you're not too busy, come talk to your sister. She's refusing to pack."

"Why?"

"Something about going with you guys to Udaipur? Apparently, Aarush promised her a tour."

He mutters under his breath as he stands up, "I'm going to kill him."

I tease him, "Please, don't. I'd like to see you stay alive."

He turns to me, challenging me. "You don't have any faith in me?"

Now... I'm sure he can throw a punch and all. But, let's be realistic? Aarush has military training. Not to forget, he's a royal. Fighting is in his blood.

Anjali lightly interjects, "Okay, alright. Let's not appeal to your male ego, Aarav. Just, talk to Arshiya? We don't mind her visiting Udaipur eventually, but now is not a good time."

He nods in agreement. "Yeah, it's not safe. Let's go knock some sense into her."

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

          Ten minutes later, Anjali, Aarav, and I walk out of the room Arshiya was staying in while at the palace. The three of us look at each other before I raise a brow at Aarav, "Who knocked sense into who, again?"

"Oh, quiet you." He snaps back before walking away - no doubt, feeling embarrassed that his little sister twisted his words around till he had no choice but to agree to let her tag along. It's wonderful how she has everyone on the tips of her fingers.

We laugh after him and Anjali adds, "Well. That's what he gets for loving her too much."

"It's going to be fun explaining to Arnie why Aru isn't going back to Mumbai with you guys." I say as we walk down the hallway to get to the stairs leading to the living area.

She informs, "And to think they'd just patched up from their last argument."

It's commonly known that Arnav's protectiveness can frustrate Arshiya at times - leading the father and daughter to be at odds with each other - though it is obvious how much they love each other. After all, I suppose this is one of the wonderful things about family. They can drive each other crazy till there is no tomorrow. They can fight like cats and dogs. But, none of that means that they don't love each other.

While I think over that, I can't help but wonder if the same could apply to me. Dimitri's words from earlier nag away at me. Is it true that despite everything my father is, the bottom point is that he cares for me?

"Annie!" Jhanvi calls just as I am heading towards the living room area. I turn as she walks up from the kitchen area holding Inaaya to her hip.

I meet her halfway and instantly steal Inaaya for myself. It feels as if with everything happening, I haven't gotten to spend enough time with the baby.

Jhanvi asks, "Where's Aarav?"

"Sulking somewhere, I'm sure," I reply teasing Inaaya with my index finger as she tries to hold it but I keep moving it away.

"Sulking?" She questions.

I confirm, "Yup, nothing serious though. What's up? Packed everything you need?"

She nods as we walk towards the living room, "Most of the essentials. I found something of Aarav's that I just want to return to him."

"Did you check his room?"

"Why go looking for him when I can have him running here?" She comments and when I raise my brow questioningly, she covers Inaaya's ears before yelling, "Aarav!"

I cringe slightly at the loud voice. Damn. This girl can scream. I'm glad we got along.

Seconds later, Aarav appears at the top of the stairs in a rush while Aarush and Arnav run in from the front doors. Aarav says, "What's wrong? What happened?" She looks around at the brief concern on everyone's faces as they assume something bad must have happened for her to scream for Aarav like this. He adds taking normal steps down, "I don't see anything wrong."

"Really?" She counters seriously crossing her arms over her chest, "Because from where I stand, everything is very much wrong."

Stopping in front of her, he says, "I don't understand."

She rolls her eyes pointing out, "I'm Queen now and you don't even get me a gift?"

His shoulders uncoil from tension, "That's it? Geez, Shona. You shouldn't scare people like this for silly things."

She swats his forearm, "It's not a silly matter. Now, tell me, what are you going to get me?"

He sighs before holding her shoulder, "Anything you want. Just say the word."

She smiles in approval as if that is exactly what she was waiting to hear. She turns to walk to the table in front of the couches and picks up a file. Walking back, she holds it in front of him. "Sign this then."

Taking the file, he looks at Arnav. "Dad, pen?"

Arnav takes it out of his suit chest pocket and hands it over. Jhanvi asks while Aarav takes the pen, "You don't want to open the file and read it first?"

He spares her a look as if to convey that his trust on her was not so fragile that he needed to check what she is asking for his signatures on. I suppose it's one of the many things I admire about him. He trusts people wholeheartedly, but not blindly. When he cares for someone, he cares for them with everything he's got. Once he accepts someone in his life, he does not let them be alone under any circumstances and with Jhanvi, he's proven that despite his personal cost.

He opens the file and it seems that without reading the legal documents, he signs away at the drawn line. When he returns the file to her, he says, "Happy now?"

"Not just yet," she says taking the file before looking at me. Crossing the two step distance between us, she forwards it to me. "This is for you as much as its for him."

Confused, my forehead pulls together. "For me?"

Arnav asks even as I lift my hand to take the file, "Jhanvi, what are you up to?"

With a smile, she turns to face him. "Freeing your son, dad."

I open the file to check what the papers are and remain stunned at the words staring back at me.

Aarav comments, "I didn't realize I was trapped."

She chuckles, "You wouldn't think that." Taking his hand, she leads him to stand beside me. "But you've given me a lot. I can't compare to it, but still, it's my turn to give you what is in my hands."

"What are you going on about?"

I answer everyone's question, "Annulment."

"What?" His head snaps sideways at me and I forward the file for him to confirm himself. "Jhanvi, what is this?"

She smiles teasingly, "Too late now, Raizada. You already signed them."

"But..."

She shakes her head when he tries to object, "No, Aarav. I know that technically we never submitted our marriage papers in court, but we did sign them. It was never a marriage for us, but in the eyes of others, it is a marriage. Telling Annie we are just friends isn't enough even if she takes our word for it. She deserves the love and respect one should get being with you. I don't want her wondering what her place is in your life just because you're busy saving my ass."

I interject politely while also meaning my words, "Jhanvi, this isn't necessary. I never doubted..."

She takes one my hands in hers as the other is still holding Inaaya, "I know, Annie. It may not feel necessary, but it is. This world we live in... it's cruel. It doesn't accept a pure relationship on word-sake. It asks for proof. It only sees legitimate and illegitimate. And I could never live with myself if people point fingers at you just because in their eyes, Aarav and I are married. The reward for your sacrifice all these years won't be that as long as I have a say in the matter."

Swallowing the emotions bubbling in my chest, I gently squeezed her hand to convey my feelings. Brought up in Australia, I've never had to feel what it might be like surrounded by culture with old values. Even so, it is a common practice worldwide. It's a stigma one hasn't been successful in breaking yet. A woman who comes in between a married couple is highly prejudiced.

The other woman. The home breaker.

The words they term her with are hurtful and people only see what's on the surface. They don't realize that when there is an extra marital affair, then the person is looking for something that is missing in their marriage. I am not saying that that's right, but that is usually the case. Even though our situation is unique, the world will put us in that category because that is what they know.

I whisper, failing to find my voice. "You are the gift that keeps giving, you know that?" First, she gave me Aarav. Then, Inaaya. Now, this.

Aarav adds, "It was your coronation. We are supposed to give you a gift."

"You just did," she says. "Your happiness is the biggest gift for me, Aarav." Inhaling, she takes his hand and puts mine in his. Taking a step back, she looks between the two of us. "Now this is what I call a perfect couple."

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

∞ author note ∞

A light chapter to counter the heavy one's off late. Heavier ones' on their way but depending on how soon I can type them up? I have barely 2 chapters written and if you've been following me for a while, you know that I like to write 5 or so chapters in advance before I post anything so if I decide to make changes to the storyline, I can do that without creating big plotholes. 

Sorry, my motivation the past months has been the worst ever. I sorta know where I want to take this but the finer details and timeline need to be worked out. 

QOTC: Thoughts on what Annie's ideal date may be like? And agreed that Jhanvi did good ending their marriage charade?

Please vote and comment <3