Posted: September 1st, 2018

♔ Aarav ♔

          Red.

That is all I can see since I saw that guy kissing Annie. My Annie. Blood pounds through my veins and I can't focus on anything.

I ran down the stairs, feeling happy that she hadn't kissed him. I went after her so I could tell her my feelings, something I tried last night but was interrupted. Only to see that.

I didn't stay to watch what happens afterwards. I couldn't. I had seen enough.

Besides, Aarush distracted me by asking, "Hey, got a minute?"

I clear my throat trying to not visibly show my emotions on my face. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Can we take it to your office?" He asks after looking at our open surroundings.

I nod and press the button for the elevator. The doors open instantly and try as I might to focus, I simply cannot. There is this havoc churning inside of me that I cannot push back. How am I to be expected to function when she goes and does things like these...? Oblivious to how much it affects me.

Aarush clears his throat at the end of the elevator ride when I remain standing inside as he watches me with a careful gaze. Dipping my head, stealing eyes for perhaps the first time in life, I pull as much composure as possible and stalk out of the elevator towards the safe corners of my office.

Loosening my tie, I take my seat behind the desk. "Anything?"

"No. She won't confess to anything unless she gets to talk to Jhanvi."

I exhale a frustrated sigh. Though her aunt was arrested and deported back to the country, the problems did not seem to be ending. We could not get any information from her in official police interrogations. Yes, it would all be simple to have Jhanvi meet her just once. Only, it was not the kind of stress I want to induce on her currently. Not if I could find another way to make this work in our favor.

Looking back at him, I enquire, "What else? I am sure you did not risk coming here while she is in the office to just give me this news."

His facial expression turned grim as he looks to be considering what words to use to express the information he wishes to share. Then, he says it as is, "Alright, you may not be happy with my actions, but after that day when your... um, Shyam walked into the office, I took it on myself to find out how he could have just walked in without anyone stopping him."

The second I hear his name and Aarush's hesitation on calling him my father, the back of my spine stiffens. It was something I had been meaning to look into. "And?" I ask, half out of apprehension and half out of fear - uncertain if I truly wanted to hear the answer to this.

"There is a security breach," he says the words I did not want to imagine. "Now, it could be a one time security loophole but I have observed Vikas's arrangements so I highly doubt it was incidental that none of the security officers were at the entrance."

The mere thought that one of our own employees could betray us as such churns something distasteful in the pits of my stomach.

He continues as I remain silent - all at once considering all the possibilities who could either be weak-minded to be manipulated by Shyam or threatened by him in some form to betray us. "I'll understand if it is none of my business but seeing as to how Ms. Raichand could get involved and her safety is my concern, I'd like to look into it further. With your permission ofcourse."

I feebly smile back, picking up a pen from its holder and starting to write out with a set of numbers and alphabets on a sticky note. "There is no need to be so formal, Aarush. I may be skeptical still of who you are as a person but I have no doubt on your sincerity towards your work." Unsticking the slip from the pad, I pass it over. "Override passwords to all the recorded CCTVs and..." I quickly write out another, "this should get you access to all employee details we have in our system - past and present."

"Thanks," he answers and after a nod of acknowledgement, proceeds to exit.

I call him just as he would reach for the door knob, "And, Aarush?" After he pauses, I request. "I know you don't technically work for me and that Eva is your best friend, but when you find something, come to me first? Dad might not handle as well on learning one of his own employees betrayed him."

He nods once in understanding and I return it before letting him leave to do his work.

Dad had the entire building swept for any bugs the second he had learned of Shyam's presence in the workplace. We had not found any so far. He knows not to trust Shyam, but if were to find out he may have been trusting the wrong person over the years or that someone could have been feeding Shyam information about us?

That would certainly guarantee him going down a path of havoc and destruction. He already had great difficulty trusting others after how his life early in the years had been. Plus, right now, he already had enough to worry about with Arshiya's pending lab results. I did not want to add more to his plate - if it does turn out that it was indeed a one-time incidental security loophole.

It is best to tell him only if there is something to tell.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

          The rest of the day, I am only physically present. Mentally and emotionally, I am somewhere else entirely... lost in my own thoughts, reminding myself every reason why I can't... no, shouldn't go and beat the shit out of that guy.

At the end of the day, I decided it was enough. I was not one to wait around. I was one to make decisions and follow through with them. I went after what I wanted... what was mine. Spending the last few days roaming around stray is not in my nature.

I picked up my cell from the table and walked out of my cabin. Determined, I head straight towards Annie's office.

Her head turns sharply towards the door when I push it open. "Free?" I ask, but really, I'm telling her we need to talk.

"No," She says looking back to her laptop and switching back and forth in the gallery.

I walk inside, the door closing on its own. "Annie."

"I'm busy, Aarav." She says getting up from her chair and walks towards the end of the table to pick up a stack of print outs.

I pay a deaf ear to her, knowing her tactics too well. She may be busy, but she is also very much avoiding me.

I intended to get her to listen to me, but I see that isn't going to work. I follow her steps and then when I am close enough, reach out to her elbow to turn her around.

She opens her mouth, no doubt to scold me, but I do not give her a chance.

All logic flies out of my brain in the second that I plant a deep kiss on her lips, as if replacing the one from the afternoon with the one that should really matter.

She gasps and pushes me back with her hands on my chest. It wasn't before I had felt her breath hitch, however. Though she held anger in her eyes, there was relief on my face. "What the fuck, Aarav? How dare you?"

I challenge, brushing aside her anger for the time being, "Now do you have a minute to listen to me and stop your silly business of avoiding me?"

Her eyes narrow in a steely glare as she continues her scolding, "Do you have any idea what you just did? If this was you freaking out about your marriage with Jhanvi, you picked the worst time and the wrong way to..."

I calmly answer. "I'm not freaking out."

"Then what do you call this? Cheating on her by..." She trails off, her anger simmering a bit as if from recalling the earlier seconds, and unable to say it aloud as if it would make it real.

What she isn't accepting... it was already real the second I kissed her.

I can't help but be smug as I complete her words for her, "...kissing you?"

"Damn it, Aarav." She hisses under her breath, starting to walk around me. "You crossed a line."

I counter, "No, I've been binding myself in the line drawn all those years ago."

"What the hell are you talking about? You promised you'd never bring that up again." She throws accusatory glares my way but it doesn't matter right now. What matters is that she doesn't gives me a second to confess. "Doesn't matter; how could you do this to Jhanvi? This is not you."

"Annie, just lis-..."

When I try to reach for her arm, she holds it up taking a step back as if she is scared of my touch. A pang hits my chest that she won't let me touch her.

She continues expressing her anger, "No, you listen, Aarav. I don't know what in the world would make you think this was okay for you to do, but it's not. Jhanvi's became a good friend for me by now and I want no part in hurting her. Whatever you are going through, sort that shit out because she doesn't deserve this. I'm not losing her friendship so tell her what you just did or I will."

"What I did?" I challenge taking a step towards her. "Okay so, tell her that I kissed you?"

She takes a step back to keep a decent space between us but I stalk it right back. To hell with decency right now. When it comes to Annie, anyway, all bets had always been off.

"Or that you kissed me back?"

"I didn't..." She is quick to jump in and counter but who is she lying to? I was involved in the kiss, wasn't I? She very well kissed me back.

I take another step towards her and she backs up again only to stand against the wall. Her eyes close at the realization that there is nowhere else to escape to. My forehead grazes hers as I continue to push her buttons, my voice dropping an octave, "Or that you liked it?"

She whispers out, "You're wrong," still trying to hold on to her self-respect.

I lean in to kiss her again. One of my hand reaches her chin and again, I take her lips between mine. She gasps at my audacity, but she has to know. With her, I was never the perfect, good guy. She's known my good and bad sides. I smile against her lips, for even if her words deny it, her actions do not.

"Admit it," I whisper, lips brushing over hers. Now that I have dared to kiss her, cross this line we've held up all these years, had a taste of her, I didn't want to go back. I couldn't. "I lo..."

My earlier words asking her to admit it seem to snap her back to reality since she pushes me back again and shocks me by slapping me. When I look into her eyes, there is shock in them as well, disbelief herself that she was capable of it.

She pulls her hand back in a fist. "You bastard." She lets out in a whisper, pissed at me like never before.

For making her admit - atleast to herself - that she did kiss me back.

For pushing her to.

For breaking our promise.

For resorting to violence when she was not that person.

All the jealousy I've been carrying for the last couple of days, all the fear of losing her permanently... it all evaporates seeing the hurt in her eyes that I put there. "Angel, I..."

She holds her hand up in a stop sign, not letting me touch her. "Don't." She warns swallowing her tears, "Just don't. Pull yourself together because you cannot be my Aarav that I..."

She abruptly stops talking realizing she was about to finish that statement with 'I love'.

What she doesn't realize is what she already said, or rather yet, what she used before saying my name.

My Aarav.

She pushes past me and grabbing her purse, walks out in a rush.

I stay there frozen unable to speak a word to stop her. I had come here to confess my feelings, and once again, it's the one thing I couldn't do but in return, I had managed to ruin just about everything.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

          I find myself knocking on Eva's door. I couldn't go home after what just happened. I needed to talk about it and my very first choice, Annie, was currently not an option.

"Aarav! Hey kiddo," She greets me with a cheerful smile on her face and then notices the solemn expression on mine. "What did you do?"

"Can I come in?"

She steps aside, holding out her arm. "Ofcourse you can." She nudges me in, closing the front door after her. As I walk further in, I notice the plate on the dining table.

"Sorry for interrupting your dinner."

"Don't be silly," She says catching up to me, "Want to join?"

It looks delicious but I find myself shaking my head. I can relish her cooking another day. "I think I'll pass. You go ahead though. I'll just be in the living room."

"Nonsense," She chides, "I can eat later. Tell me what's wrong first."

I give her a chance to take my offer, "It's a long story."

She sticks to it, however. "I've got all the time in the world for my baby brother. Now go sit on the couch. I'll bring us something to drink. Wine okay?"

"Sure," I mutter not having a preference. Today, I did not want to drink my sorrows away. I needed to find a way out of the mess I've unknowingly created.

I need clarity.

Eva returns seconds later with a bottle of red wine she must have opened days ago and two glasses. As she takes a seat at the other end of the two-seated couch, I offer to hold the glasses. After settling, she starts to pour into them. "Is this about your...?"

She doesn't have to complete her thought for me to assume who she was hinting at. Shaking my head, I inform. "No. Annie."

Her back straightens a little and her eyes lift from the glass in her hand to lock with mine. "Annie?" She settles back into the cushion, "That topic is the last I expected." When I narrow my eyes, she adds in her light defense. "You never come to me about her. You two don't ever have a problem."

I sit back in silence, somewhere knowing she would lecture me when she learns of my actions tonight.

After a sip, she presses for me to speak up. "So... have you finally admitted your feelings for her?"

My eyes snap to hers in a blink, left loss of words. "H-how did you...?"

She chortles throwing her head to the side. "Know? Baby brother, you're forgetting. I grew up with you. Both of you. I knew before either of you did."

Forget sipping wine. I take the entire huge gulp. "You never said anything."

"Wasn't my place to. Actually, do you remember on the plane I asked if we could talk? I thought of telling you."

"We never did talk afterwards."

"No. You were keeping your word and I know how you are about that. I didn't feel right putting you at a crossroad."

As always, I am touched at her love. Even though she wanted to show me my true feelings, she respected my will to come to it myself and not put me in a position to break my promises.

She inhales deeply, putting it past, and asking. "How did you finally realize?"

"Jhanvi."

A soft smile spread on her lips, giving another reassurance how much she has grown to like and respect her. "You should've known she'd figure it out too. I mean, we girls can always tell."

I breathe out a guilty sigh. "I never wanted this."

"I know you didn't." She offers me a comfort filled smile and reaches forth to squeeze my hand. "Aarav, you could have done everything right by her and one day, she would have still figured out. Even if you hadn't acknowledged it yet yourself, she would have seen it. She would have known your heart wasn't hers. I know your morals, brother, so forgive yourself already."

I nod, for it's a work in progress. Forgiving others is easier than forgiving oneself.

She pats my hand, shifting back. "Now. Tell me what happened with Annie."

I abide, telling her from how Jhanvi made me realize to my attempts to tell Annie. From her avoidance to the final accumulation tonight with my abrupt kiss that ended in her storming out in anger and hurt.

At the end, she has that total judgmental expression on her face.

"What?"

She shakes her head in disappointment. "Men."

Well, that's one excuse.

"Hey, can you blame me? She was testing me. Now, I pride myself on my patience normally. But you know that is thrown out the window when it comes to those I love."

"Mhmm," She answers not taking my answer to be good enough but thankfully, she does not continue to pick on me for it. "There you have it, kiddo. You've managed to completely fuck up at step one itself. Nice going."

I groan running my hands over my face. "E, please. Can we not restate what has happened and instead help me fix it?"

"What do you want to fix, Aarav? This is Annie we are talking about. She's mad. She's hurt. There is nothing you can do for a long time. You just have to let her come around on her own."

"I can't do that. I haven't even told her how I feel about her. I have to explain." I go off on a rampage having no hold of my tongue in expressing my own troubled thoughts, "I mean, how can she even think I would kiss her only because I was freaking out? Or that I would cheat on Jhanvi? She knows me to be a better person than that!"

"Because she does not want to accept that you could love her back." Eva's perspective has me stop my ramblings and actually consider it.

Could it be?

She adds, "You must understand, Aarav. It's never been an option for her. She's never expected it to happen, so now that it is..."

I finish the sentence as Annie's actions click together, "She's running from it."

"Yes. What do you expect, for her to fall back to you?"

"I didn't say that."

"But it is what you want. Aarav, this isn't as simple."

"Why can't it be? She loves me. I love her."

"If you weren't my brother, I would hit you right now." She makes a frustrated comment before picking it apart for me to understand. "After a long time, she took a step for herself. Don't you think she'll think how convenient it is that just when she starts dating, you decide to proclaim your feelings? Right now, I fear it matters very little that you've realized your feelings. She is doing what is best for her, and if you really love her, you have to let her. You can't hold her back."

I scoff, shaking my head. It is ridiculous and utterly unfair. "You know that saying: if you really love someone, let it go. They'll come back if they were really yours?" She nods. I continue, "Yeah, I don't believe in that crap. I say, if you really love someone, then you don't let them go. You fight for them. And Eva, you can't ask me to give in and let her go. I haven't even begun to fight for her."

She sighs as if understanding all of that but still countering. "And it is for a wise person to know when to fight and when to let go."

My forehead pulls together, "What does that mean?"

"Aarav, I am not saying forsake your feelings for her because God knows how much I want you to be happy and I've always known that your true happiness lies with Annie. As much as I hate to, I will remind you of what other things you have looming over your head for now. The threat over Jhanvi isn't neutralized. Your father is a free man and if his threats are any indication, you know he is coming for you. With this happening, do you really want to bring Annie into all of this?"

Do I really want to pull Annie in?

I take a silent moment to think it over. She isn't entirely wrong. Out of impatience to confess, for it was long overdue realization, I seemed to have forgotten all the other messes in my life. After all, nothing in my life had ever been simple but now that I think about it... loving Annie had always been easy. Fighting my love for her to remain loyal to Jhanvi was harder.

In a tender voice, she advices. "You've done right by her so far, Aarav. We've always kept her away from all our endless controversies. We've never let a third person bear the brunt meant for us. Don't get selfish now. I know you want this so much. I hate myself for asking you to think it once more. By God, you deserve this happiness more than anyone I know and one day you can have it when your life will be free of him. I pray that day is soon but for now..."

My head nods on its own accord.

For now, Annie makes her choice and I have to accept it. If I was ready to do that with Jhanvi, let her decide, how could I not even try for Annie?

I have to keep this to myself and protect her from how uncertain my life remains. As it always has been. I always thought one could protect their loved ones by keeping them close. Now, it turns out, the exact opposite is necessary.

She turns her head toward the kitchen counter when her cell phone rings. Placing the glass on the table in front of us, she stands up to receive it. "Hi chachu." She answers and I understand it's Sam. She walks back to the couch listening. "Yeah, he's here with me. What's up?" Listening again, she throws the next question at me. "Where's your phone?"

I grab my suit coat and fish the pockets to pull it out. I press the unlock button but the screen remains black. "It's dead, I didn't realize."

She relays the message and I forward my hand, asking for the phone but she ends it. "They want you to go home. Now."

I should probably listen but worry gets the better of me. I still grab the piece of device from her hand and press the last number on the call list to call Sam back. He answers within a few rings and before he can even greet, I demand. "Sam, what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

His tone is frantic, "No, Aarav. Lavanya is freaking out and in fact, we are all worried."

"What happened?"

His words steal the breath out of my lungs. "Jhanvi was attacked."

What we have feared, it's happening.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

∞ author note ∞

Welp! A lot happens, huh? I hope I could make it up to expectations? Yes, I did not focus on their first kiss, but it was purposefully so and I hope you'd be able to deduce why if you'll think about it from Annie's perspective and how quickly she pushes him away.

QOTC: Do you think Aarav will be doing right by keeping his feelings to yourself? And what about his impulsive actions? Is Anni right to feel hurt?

Also, a side note while I try to decide cast... how do you imagine Annie to look like in your head?

If you haven't already, add this book to your library and reading lists! Vote & Comment!

I shall be back next week - hopefully! Classes start so now the tight space really starts as I won't know how much free time I have left after studying, lab times, classes and all other chores that come with living on your own :x