- Khushi -

Holding the fabric in my hands, I glance up through my eyelashes at Arnav and that smirk of his plastered on his lips. I roll my eyes even as my hands work on the tie around his neck. "Wipe that smirk off your face," I warn him as I often have over the years.

He'll get this look on his face every time he manages to talk me into fixing his tie for him. Nineteen years of our marriage and he has still not learned how to do this himself. I could make him bend to my will on almost all things except this one.

This one, he never budged on. Says it gives him an opportunity to be close to me. As if he needs an excuse for that!

As expected, his hands rest over my hips and nudge me a step closer to him. I have to lean my upper body back so I am still able to keep my eyes on the tie and complete the task. He, however, seems to be in the mood for mischief for he leans in, closing the distance I had attempted for.

His lips press lightly over my collarbone even as his hand travels to my bare back, underneath the crop top of the Indo-western dress I am currently wearing.

I swat his chest to reprimand, "Behave, Arnav."

When I attempt to nudge him back, he holds me against him firmly and whispers by my ear, "Sweet pea?"

I close my eyes at the shiver it still shoots through my spine when he'll whisper in my ear with that sexy, husky voice. "Hmm?" I say trying to contain my reaction because I should be used to this. I knew exactly what he is trying to do.

His breath falls over my ear. For a moment, I forget the task at hand as the hand on his chest meant to swat him rests over his heart. I just want to stay there. The feel of his heart beating under my palm is still one of the best feeling in the world, knowing it has only ever beaten for me.

"Happy birthday." He whispers and that is when I snap back.

It must be the nth time he's wished me today. It's like ever since I've allowed him bit by bit each year to wish me, to accept that it didn't have to be a day full of gloomy memories, he's taken it to his advantage... to remind me every few hours that it's a day to celebrate.

I bite back the smile as I nudge his upper half back, intending to bring a scolding glare in my eyes for distracting me but I'd be a fool to and even he knows. He still sees the smile in them when his eyes lock with mine.

He lifts his other hand resting on my hip to my face, softly caressing my cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Can you get any more beautiful?"

I chuckle, shaking my head at his cheesy compliments for he was only keeping my heart. It's one more year behind me.

The expression on his face remained serious, however, as a finger tucks under my chin to make me look at him again. "I'm serious, sweet pea. I don't think my heart can handle it if you won't stop."

"Really, now?" I challenge wrapping my arms around his neck.

He lessens the distance between our faces till our forehead rest against each other. "Really."

"Liar." I manage to mumble just before his lips peck mine.

He answers between kisses, "I know - better- than to lie - to - you."

I pull back for a moment to have oxygen return to my brain because without it, my brain cannot comprehend his words in a full sentence. Once it does click, my right-hand slides down his shoulder to rest over his heart again, "It's definitely a lie."

He arches a brow in disbelief, "Is that so?"

"Mhmm." I answer confidently while tapping my index finger over the center of his chest, "You see, Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada, this heart belongs to Mrs. Arnav Singh Raizada and she knows better than you just what you can handle."

He chuckles, the sound reverberating through my ears in a melody before he leans down to kiss me again. Then, the smile still on his lips as if permanently plastered there whenever he is around me, he accepts his defeat. "I can never win anything against you."

"Why do you still try?" I pick up the ends of the tie again and this time, finish the task.

As I tighten it around his neck and fix his collars, he rhetorically questions, "Do we have to attend the party?"

I give him a look, "Arnav, stop this and put on your party pants. We are going to out there and celebrate."

He asks seriously, "Celebrate what? Our son's complicated life? Announcing to the world pretty much to come have a go at us? Pretend everything is okay when it is far from okay?"

I try to encourage him, "Arnav, come on, we can't get like this."

He breathes out a sigh, stepping back and sitting at the edge of the bed, "Khushi, I don't know. We put on a smile and a brave face for everyone, but we both know it. It's getting tiresome to fight."

I walk over to sit next to him, wrapping my hands around his arm and gently counter, "So, what do you suggest? We stop fighting? Because that's not an option, Arnav. Shyam isn't even released yet. This hasn't even resumed yet and you are tired already?"

He inhales deeply, expressing his true thoughts with an exhale, "I don't know, Khushi. We fight. He keeps retaliating. I'm just... I guess, you can say I'm wondering if it ever ends and how much of our soul do we lose before it does."

I know he talks about the toll it has on him for how he's had to keep Jhanvi away from us for her safety, the constant pain Aarav is in, and now the thought that bothers him the most is pushing Aarav to bring Jhanvi back as that seemed to be the only visible option in pushing Dinesh out of hiding.

He adds, "And if all of this isn't enough, Arshiya wants to go on a cruise by herself. How can she even think we'll let her go so far away on her own? She can't live a day on her own! It'll be a disaster."

I chastise him, "Hey, have some faith in your daughter. She is not so irresponsible."

He sighs, lowering his voice to not sound emotional in the moment, "You know what I mean, Khushi."

I too drop my defense in a compromise, "Okay, I agree. She may need constant supervision else her careless shopping sprees would be a disaster."

"That's not all, but." He expands standing up to walk to the dresser and take his watch. "She doesn't stick to one choice." Fastening it around his wrist, he turns to face me. "She says she wants to go there now but in a few days when she is bored, she'll change her mind and want to do something completely opposite."

I stand up and take the few steps to reach him, "Babe, I know she is indecisive but can you not see why? She is scared of missing out on things. We've almost lost her twice. We are scared every year around this time, always praying her leukemia would still be in remission. Imagine how scared she must be!"

His hands come to my elbows, thumbs brushing back and forth over the inside of my arm to pass me comfort, "I know. I know. Every day we have with her is a blessing..." His voice fades to grab a hold over his emotions. He swallows a huge gulp of fear before exhaling and his eyes full of despair finding mines again. "I do want her to live her life. Experience everything. Explore the world. Make as many reckless choices she wants to."

I smile as I catch his fatherly boundary even in those freedoms, "But do that all while in front of your eyes."

He nods, for it is the truth. As long as she remains in front of his eyes, he is okay with anything she wants to do.

I try to make him see her point, "But, love, we cannot protect her at all times. We have to let her live her life."

"What if she's only spoiling it with all the freedom we give her?"

"Arnav."

He remains adamant, questioning our choice, "No, seriously. She knows we'll never say no to her and she takes advantage of it, Khushi. Then, Aarav tends to every single of her whims. I can't help but wonder... maybe. Maybe we spent so much time in looking after Aarav... did we neglect her?"

I turn him so he's standing right in front of me. Placing my hand over his jaw, I instill the thought in him, "Arnav, don't ever think that, okay? Aarav told me this just days ago and now I am telling it to you. We did not fail as parents. All our children - Aarav, Arshiya, Kriana, Sanya, Rihaan - they all know how much we love them."

He opens his mouth to counter but I shake my head slightly, halting him and not giving him a chance to.

"We didn't just give them all the comforts and riches in life that money can buy but we've given them our love too. Else how many blue-blood families do you know who manages to keep a balance between their work life and family life, hmm? Which family is so close to each other like ours? We all have our separate lives during the week, but come weekend, do we not all get together? Atleast for two days in a week, our house is filled with chatter and laughs and everyone is sitting together in one room talking to each other instead of being holed up in rooms and being those pretentious relatives who only meet once a year on Diwali or something. Baby, we have raised our children so close that even if we weren't here, they'd all get along and love each other like a small family of their own."

He considers it and for the time being, stops doubting himself, "Maybe you're right."

"I am right," I cheekily answer. "I know for a fact, Arnav. Even if we gave more love to Aarav for the longest as he's the oldest, he keeps our family together. He's the strongest link who'd never let anything come between all our children. He'll keep them all together no matter what; so what do we have to worry about?"

I run my fingers over his, intertwining our hands in a soft hold, "They won't be fighting with each other for money and property, tearing each other apart for such superficial things. They'll be fighting over who loves who more. So, have we not already proved ourselves better? Have we not already won? So, you see my dear, you can't be talking about being tired and all. We've fought our fight. It's Aarav's fight now and you just need to be his strong backbone."

"I couldn't have done it without you, sweet pea." He says taking me in a hug in burrowing his lips in the crook of my shoulder.

I inhale his familiar scent and it touches the deepest parts of my heart. I amend his statement slightly, wrapping my arms around his torso, "We couldn't have done it without our family."

Exhaling and pulling back, still in his embrace, I tilt my head up to his. He asks, "Are we doing the right thing with Jhanvi?"

"Maybe not," I express, understanding his dilemma. "But aren't we past right and wrong, Arnav?"

He questions in slight surprise, "You're saying this?"

I shrug my shoulders up in my own confusion, "Maybe I am, Arnav. We did everything by the book then and look where we still are. I think I'm past my moralities, now. Pieces of our soul have already been scrapped off. So, just to be practical... if we have to bend a few rules for our children, why not?"

He protests, "But, since when does the end justify the means? We teach our children to separate the right from wrong and then we're the hypocrites?"

I explain to him, "We're not hurting anyone though. Haven't we learned that life isn't black and white? If we don't adapt as the years pass by, then we'd be the fools, Arnav. And, let's not forget, we are facing people like Shyam and Dinesh. They don't care about right and wrong or who they hurt in their path and we can't fight this with one hand tied behind our back."

He sighs, reluctantly coming to a conclusion, "I guess we can argue over this endlessly but the bottom point stays the same."

I smile at him, knowing he doesn't like this and neither do I but we cannot be ignorant anymore. We have had to toughen up our hearts over the years to be stronger and we couldn't let our steps falter now that we were so close to the finish line. It was there now, just out of reach.

"Now, shall we? Next few days are going to be real and we need to chin up."

He runs his hands over his face as if to mentally freshen up, "Yes. No more shop talk. For rest of the night, we cherish what little time we have left."

I nod, agreeing. "And tomorrow, you'll give Aru her passport back."

He argues at once, "But, Khushi..."

I shake my head, reaching for his hands and sliding mines in them, "No, Arnav. No more arguments. For this year's birthday gift, I am asking you to let our daughter go. I know you want to cherish her. We're both afraid, but we can't lock her up. Do you not want her to be happy? She literally lives each day like it is her last. You're never going to forgive yourself if all her wishes aren't fulfilled because you were too scared. So, if not for me or her, do it for yourself."

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

Riddhima snaps her fingers in front of my eyes. I blink away from the dance floor where my eyes had spotted Aarav and Annie dancing and it had chosen to fixate on the stop. "Did you hear a word of what I said?"

I turn to Riddhima again, "Sorry, what was that?"

She narrows her eyes at me in concern, "Khushi, what's wrong? It's your party and you're lost somewhere?"

I want to shake my head though my eyes betray me to look back at the two friends. Annie says something to him before kissing his cheek and walks away from him without once looking at him. Even though there is distance between us, I can read her face clearly.

Riddhima must have followed my eyes since she gives me an ultimatum, "About time you step in, Khushi. Before I do something about it."

I sigh through the heavy burden on my heart, "I wish I could, Ridzzi. Do you think I like seeing her hurting?"

She scolds putting aside her glass of champagne, "Khushi, don't give me that crap, okay? You repeatedly tell everyone that you're Aarav's mother only when it comes to his love life. And yet, I don't recall you stepping in to take responsibility even once."

Since I spot Annie coming closer, I answer to Riddhima without moving my lips, "Not now, Ridzzi," and smile at Annie to greet her, "Annie, hey! Finally got time for me, did you?"

Riddhima gives me a look mix of scolding and disappointment.

Annie smiles back though it is slightly forced, "Sorry, Khushi. I'm just so jetlagged. You don't mind if I call it a night, do you?"

I gape at her, "Are you serious? You want to leave already? You haven't even had anything to eat."

She shakes her head, "Oh, no. I'm so tired. I have no energy to lift a spoon and feed myself."

I take her hand, dragging her towards the buffet, "Well then, I'll feed you."

"Khushi..."

I snap at her, "Oh, shut up, child. You're not going to bed without having a proper dinner. If Aarav finds out, he'll be mad and you know it."

At his name, she seems to know to stop arguing and lets me fill a plate for her before quietly walking to a table. Arnav must have seen us for minutes later, he joined us, commenting. "Wow, Khushi, you've never fed me so lovingly."

Annie chuckles at his playful jealousy while I roll my eyes, "You're not my child, duh."

"No, I'm your husband. I should get more attention," he argues for the sake of it.

Holding a spoon of rice mixed with curry to Annie's mouth, I answer to him. "Your logic is flawed, babe. Women love their children the most. You've long lost this battle."

He pouts, "See what you and Aarav do, Angel? Stealing my sweet pea. It's not nice."

Annie hugs his waist as he stands next to her, "Aww, it's okay, Arnie. You have me."

I counter, "Yeah, right. You're planning on leaving, aren't you?"

Arnav questions in concern, "What? But you just got here!"

I side with him as I complain next, "Really, Annie. I'm hurt you're staying at a hotel. Is this not your home anymore?"

She tries to make an excuse, "Guys, come on. It's not that big a deal. All of you are already swamped and I'm more used to living out of hotels. You know that."

Arnav says pulling up a chair to form a small circle, "But not when you're in India, Angel. You always stay with us - whether you're here for one week or one month. Since when did you start seeing yourself as an inconvenience in our life? Am I going to have to yell at you to make you stop thinking such nonsensical things?"

Annie tries to be nonchalant as she argues, "Oh c'mon, Arnav. Now you're overreacting."

"Am I?" He challenges, getting slightly riled up.

I place my hand on top of his before taking over quietly, "Annie, you are a part of this family, do you not know that? Like Aarav, Aru, everyone, so are you. And you don't live in a hotel when your family is present."

"Khushi..."

I shake my head, instructing firmly, "No, I won't hear anything. If you won't stay, then... then I'll disown you." She gives me a slightly amused look and I add a pile of threats, "And no more sharing secrets with you. I'll even go tell Aarav that you were the one who broke his glasses back in 5th grade."

She gasps, "You wouldn't."

Losing his glasses, he had gone blind for two days in school and my, the chaos that had followed.

I add, "And that you stole his project file in 10th because you were mad at him for yelling at you."

Needless to say, not able to find that project file he'd spent days working on had gotten him in trouble with his school teacher and he'd almost failed the class as it was his final project grade. But, Annie had felt super bad about it on realizing it was that important a project that she'd went to heights to learn a bit of Hindi to write the professor a letter and allow Aarav to submit his project. The professor had laughed so much at her poor choice of words that her anger had vanished so even if she were embarrassed, she'd managed to salvage the situation and he'd never found out that she'd stolen it in the first place or that she had been to one to fix it too.

Currently, she narrows her eyes at me, sending daggers my way. "You've turned into a cruel person, lady. What have you done to my sweet Khushi? She would never ever threaten someone she takes to as her daughter."

I cheekily respond, "It's because I love you that I blackmail you. Now, you're staying here and for as long as I say. Do you get that?"

Arnav speaks to her, "If it's any consolation, she's been bossing me around too lately."

I swat his shoulder for the accusation and we shall not get into deciding whether or not it is true.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

Around ten in the morning, I am sitting in the living room looking through Annie's album. It has various portfolios from the shoots she has done over the year. Before she left for the office with Arnav, Aarav, Anjali and Lavanya, I'd asked her to leave it back so I could look through it as I'd decided to stay home today with Jhanvi.

She had been sleeping when they left and no one wanted to wake her up. I imagine last night was hectic for her already. We were all used to crossing time zones over the years but she was not. She had to still be jetlagged so we figured it was best to let her sleep in.

Though she does wake up now and walk down the steps, already showered. I glance up at her as she walks up to the couches, "Hey! Sleep well?"

She smiles with a nod, "Yeah, too well. Why didn't anyone wake me up?"

"We all thought you'd be tired so decided to let you sleep in." I answer patting the spot next to me inviting her to sit. "Aarav said you wouldn't agree but we insisted. You know, take the day to settle in. Work isn't going anywhere. You can resume from tomorrow."

She exhales a steady stream of air as she rests her back to the couch. "Shall I make a confession?" When her eyes find mine, I nod and she continues. "I needed this day off. But, don't tell Aarav."

I chuckle along, "I imagine he won't be happy knowing he assumed wrong."

"No, I suppose not." She jokes along before nodding towards the album resting in my lap. "What's that?"

I look down at it briefly while informing, "Oh, this. Annie's latest shoots."

She sits up in excitement and it's clearly seen in her eyes, "Can I look? I've been wanting to for a few days now."

I slide it over, "Ofcourse, dear! Why don't you sit, relax, look through this, and I'll get you something to eat?"

She nods in appreciation, "That would be awesome. I'm starving."

I chuckle at the adorable frown on her face and affectionately touch her cheek before standing up to make my way towards the kitchen. It may have been only two days since she has been here but they still feel good.

Like this family is now complete.

This is how it should have been. Jhanvi with us.

And even if Aarav says this is slightly overwhelming for her, I don't believe him. She's adjusting pretty well if you ask me. And I love the pregnancy glow on her face.

As I fill a glass with orange juice and plate with food, I glance over to the living room to see her flipping through the album looking at it with such interest. I wonder if now will be the time to speak to her about our wish to announce her return to Mumbai in the upcoming week. Aarav said he wants to do it. So, though I thought a one-on-one with female might be something, I decide I can wait till tonight.

I can always talk to Jhanvi later. She's not going anywhere now.

With the breakfast items, I take them over to the living room and place them on the couch in between us. She looks up slightly startled as if she'd been too lost looking at the photos.

Passing over the glass, I question. "Like them that much, huh?"

After a sip, she answers. "Huh, not as sour. I think I am getting used to orange juice now. Not sure if that's a good thing. And actually, yeah. I see what she meant yesterday by capturing raw emotions. She really is super talented. Why doesn't she work for some big company?"

I let out a sigh, "She has gotten some very good offers, you know? Fashion magazines, wild life photography. Some big channels. But Annie... she won't spend more than a second saying no."

She asks trying to understand, "But why? They all sound like such amazing opportunities!"

I nod, explaining. "True, but she's not after making a big career for herself. I don't know what she wants... but her nature is like a free spirit and I suppose that's what we love about her. She isn't motivated by money or making a name for herself. She just... wants to continue the same little things that bring her happiness. You won't believe how many times she's berated us for trying to spoil her."

Jhanvi flips to another page in the album with captures of some children in one of the African regions, an underdeveloped one, and yet a rare happiness that isn't just on their faces but reflecting in their eyes as well. I can only imagine what Annie must have done for them when she visited.

But this. This is Annie. She'll visit places another person might not even think about. She won't make a face or cringe at how unruly the place is or how unhygienic or an inconvenience for her. Wherever she'll go, she'll go trying to leave a mark behind. She doesn't believe in taking pictures of famous celebrities for cover magazines. She believes in taking candid and giving something back to the community.

Jhanvi asks a question so abruptly and bluntly that it makes me snap my eyes to her face in a startling moment. "So how long as he been in love with Annie?"

I cannot believe the words I am hearing. I would have even accepted it if she was asking if Annie loved Aarav but as I look at her, I get the sense that she already knows that. As if she's already deduced that part but it's the other part that has her puzzled.

"Wh-what?" I question trying to mask my fumble.

She gives me a knowing look with a polite smile that doesn't give away whether or not she is hurt or what her own emotions are behind this. It's almost as if she is just... curious? "Everyone here knows but no one says anything. Why?"

I open my mouth but snap it shut just a second after. I have no idea what I can say to her. Defeated, I question. "What do you want me to say?"

She moves the plate aside to have a real conversation with me. One where she isn't raising her voice or accusing anything. If anything, she uses a tone that implies all she means to do is try and understand what is going on here - and dare I say... does she not have a right to know?

"Can I call you Khushi? Everyone else does." When I nod, not truly caring for being calling Aunty, she continues. "Khushi, you're all his family here. When he so clearly has feelings for her, why would you encourage him to chase after me?"

How could I ever explain that to her?

She continues expressing her thoughts, "I get he is trying to do the right thing to support me and my baby but as I keep telling him, I don't need to marry to give my child an easy life. Weren't you the one who told me two days back to not spend so much time worrying about these rules of the society? So yes, I know it won't be easy to be a single mother but it won't be impossible either. So many females manage it in the world. I'm not someone special. And yet I'll say I'm still at a better position than them as I don't have to worry about finances and I know I have you guys to fall back on when I need it. So the big question is... why is he doing this?"

Though my heart knocks against my chest rapidly, mind telling me to stay quiet, I can't. I've let it be for long already. "Because, Jhanvi, it won't be wrong to say that Aarav himself doesn't know."

She narrows her eyes in confusion while clarifying, "What, he doesn't know he loves her? That's not possible. Just a day before coming back to Mumbai, I saw it clearly. How can he not?"

I take her hand, insisting. "It is, Jhanvi. He's set it in his brain that Annie is his best friend and never in a million years will he deter from that. He takes his promises seriously and he won't listen to his heart."

"A decade old promise to my father to matter me? That's not good enough and you know it, Khushi. He can't spend his entire life in this commitment."

"Maybe you're right... but in his mind, it's enough for him. He knows about her feelings. She told him but she also made him promise they'll stay friends only."

"Why? Does she not know he loves him too? Why this 'only-friends' business? Isn't that a bit silly?"

"Jhanvi, I'm not the proudest of it, but to be honest, I have never spoken to Annie either about this." I know she won't understand this without having the full picture which I can't give her to respect Aarav's wish so I substitute it with what I can. "In this house, everyone makes their own choices and we let them. Be it 15-year-old Sanya, the youngest, or 25-year-old Aarav, the oldest."

She challenges, "So, what? You don't stop them from making mistakes either?"

I gently smile at her, patting her hand. "Love is never a mistake, Jhanvi. And in his own way, he does love you. Please, don't worry about Annie. She'd never come between you two."

I try to assure her of that but it's a bit difficult to tell from her blank face what thoughts are running in her brain. Perhaps I should not have entertained this idea since the beginning? Maybe I should have told her she was being ridiculous when she first asked that question?

No.

As much as I wish, I knew even my lies would not have worked. Nothing but the truth would have. Even if I had dodged the questions now, she would eventually see it.

Love... it's not something that could be hidden.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

∞ author note ∞

Truth be told, I am SUPER nervous posting this chapter. It felt like writing Dare given it's Khushi's POV but it's been so long... do tell me what you think! I tried to bring some romance and their understanding all these years later as they talk about everything happening.

And you have a clear note of Arshiya... I know. I hate myself for doing this to her but here's hoping it'll make her story something? :/

QOTC: Is Khushi right in saying they are past 'right and wrong' and morals? And, do you think she was successful in assuring Jhanvi she doesn't have to worry about Annie?

Some of you said you look forward to Khushi confronting Aarav but I had already imagined Jhanvi doing that... IDK if I can incorporate the earlier scene but let me know your thoughts on this!

PS: I know everyone is worried about who Aarav loves and are confused. Believe me, I have dug myself in such a hole that I myself am trying to figure out how to crawl out of... I have a faint idea but trying to explain everything may take time. Please be patient? For now, I will say with certainty that whatever happens, all three of them will eventually be happy at the end so you can rest assured about that :)

I'm purposely going to wait till end of book 1 (4 more chapters) before replying to all comments as I don't want to risk any spoilers...