♕ Jhanvi ♕

          After leaving the office shortly after lunch, I decide to return straight to Raizada house. I had seen the house as a mad chaos yesterday with everyone setting up for the party and I thought that was crazy but the number of people revolving in and out of the doors today take it a step up.

Khushi instructs two of the workers who are taking down the glass pieces from the ceiling, "Careful with that! Arnav will have your head if you break it."

I clear my throat to announce my presence while walking further inside towards the couches so I could sit.

She turns to me briefly with a smile, "Jhanvi. You're back. Early... uh, sorry about this mess. I'd hoped it'd be cleared up before you return."

I politely smile and shake my head, "Oh, no problem. Did you hire more workers to clean up than you had for setting up?"

She laughs coming to sit next to me, "It does look like that, doesn't it?" I nod and she continues, "But no, actually. Arnav decided to spend the rest of the day working from home so you see the people constantly coming in and out? Yeah, that's on him. God knows what he has these poor souls working on. He's... more on edge today than other days so."

"Oh?" I ask out of curiosity and the concern that is on her face, "How come? Is everything okay? I just came from the office and I didn't see any problem."

She clarifies, "Yeah, no. It's not work related. Aarav is taking Arshiya today to the hospital, you know? So, Arnav is just..."

I interrupt as the words click, "Wait, hospital? Why?"

She pauses to look at me as if unsure whether I was actually as clueless as I sound. "Aarav must have told you, surely?"

I shake my head, still in confusion on what she was talking about that she's assuming he must have told me. I think we should all agree by now... Aarav doesn't tell me things until when I absolutely need to know. When it comes to sharing things with me, it's not at the top of his list.

"Ah. Sorry, I imagined he must have told you."

I express, trying not to be sad about this but it is a fact, "Aarav doesn't share a lot of things with me. But Arshiya, is she okay?"

She inhales deeply to brace herself before telling me about Arshiya's sickness. By the end of it all, I do feel Khushi's pain and worry. I've only known Arshiya for a couple of days and haven't had one too many one-on-one conversations with her but I do know she is an absolute sweetheart and she does not deserve this from life.

While I pray her lab results come clean, I can't help but feel a bit angry and hurt. Aarav. At one hand, he tells me he cares for me, will marry me, etc. At the other hand, he won't share real things with me that make a difference to him. It's now that I understand why he has been all over the place recently. He has too much going on... and he simply won't tell me about any of it.

Does he not see the flaw himself? How can he claim to have feelings for me when I am not the person he shares his secrets and worries with? His first instinct is to always hide - even when he claims that in his family, they don't keep secrets from each other because it almost ruined everything years ago. Does he not see he is doing the exact same things?

Maybe he hides things from me because he doesn't want me to worry or take stress but in what world does he expect us to work out with such big issues in the way?

I think my decision earlier in the day and yesterday-night was correct. He is trying too hard to make me a part of his family and maybe, he would even succeed if we'd communicate but we don't. We only communicate when it comes to this will of my father.

Now, I may not be an expert on relationships given how well my relationship with Hiten was, but I do know now that what Aarav and I have is not an example of honest communication either.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

          The next day, I am in my office looking through some drafts when suddenly, Annie walks in dazed. I narrow my eyes, "You look like you've seen a ghost."

She mumbles biting her nails in nerves, "It might as well be the next best thing."

I pull the laptop screen down to give her my full attention. "What are you talking about?"

She starts to pace back and forth as she explains and I have to bite back a smile at how similar her actions are with Aarav's. "Okay, so I was just there doing my work, you know? And then this guy just comes up to me and asks me out."

"Okay...?" I answer confused where the problem is. "Did you say yes?"

"No."

"Did you say no then?"

"No."

I stand up to walk around the table, "Annie, don't tell me you left the poor lad hanging."

She slumps in the chair and groans, dropping her head in shame, "I know, I know. I'm horrible. What is wrong with me?" She throws her hands around to match her exclamations, "But it was just so unexpected! I didn't know what to say. I mean, I don't do the whole dating thing."

"You can always start now." I offer and seeing her resistance, I ask. "Do you know anything about the guy?"

"Uh, yeah. I've worked with him on a few projects together. Decent guy."

I probe her, "Okay, so I am waiting for you to get to the part where you tell me what the problem is."

She rolls her eyes at my sassy response. She opens her mouth to say it, then shuts it. Opens it again, and the same thing. Then she holds her chin high and stands up to announce. "You know what, you're right. There isn't a single problem with him. Thank you, I'll be back."

I watch her leave, ready to say yes to whoever that model is, and I shake my head at the path she is heading down.

It is so not going to last long.

Neither Aarav nor Annie or anyone in the family have ever said this directly to me, but I wasn't born yesterday. Even yesterday, Khushi wouldn't directly explain anything despite my blunt questions but it was enough for me to read between the lines.

The night of the birthday party itself, I had connected it. Or maybe, I had my suspicions since before. Since Annie's accident. I had never seen Aarav that rattled before. Sure, I only had two months to go off on as I've only known him that long (and I don't count our time as children as I do not remember those times). Still, I think I can safely bet that never before her Aarav been that scared in his life.

And his feelings, they were confirmed that night of the party when I'd watched Annie leave Aarav on the dance floor and the expression on his face that he had tried so hard to mask.

Game on. I think and walk out of the cabin to Aarav's. I sit on the couch and inform, "Did you hear the latest news?"

"The date for the calendar launch is finalized?" He questions while continuing his work without pausing to look at me.

I roll my eyes, "For once, Raizada, don't think about work."

He waves me to continue, head still buried behind his laptop. "Okay, just tell me then. I suck at these guessing games."

As casually as I can put it, I inform. "Some model just asked Annie out."

For the briefest second, I hear the pause of typing. There it is. He tries very hard to not show the surprise on his face as he looks up. "She said yes, I take it?"

"Yup," I answer waiting for some reaction that doesn't come, except for the initial one.

Disappointment. I should have known I'll have to try harder. This is Aarav Singh Raizada. He wouldn't just so easily crack and accept his feelings. He's spent a lifetime trying to bury them.

"Good. Uh, good."

I narrow my eyes at how well he can cover his emotions. I try to tease him, another tactic. "Wow, you could show some excitement for your best friend."

"I am..." He tries to divert the topic, "I just have a lot of work to complete."

I take my cue, "Okay then, just thought I should come tell you."

"Hmm."

I walk back to my office, utterly amused at his attempts. Through the windows, I keep an eye on him. He keeps pausing every few seconds from his typing.

This guy... one who could remain immensely focused on work when in the office is completely off his game right now.

And yet, he won't admit how much this fact unsettles him.

He doesn't realize himself just who he really loves.

When he learned of my pregnancy, he was pissed. Yes. But this... this is fear of losing her. This is a whole another raw emotion that I doubt he's ever acknowledged before. He has drilled it in his head since childhood that he loves me and Annie is simply a best friend.

I can't let him make such a mistake.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

          After lunch time when Aarav steps out of the office for a meeting, I take my cue and make my way to the secluded floor where Arnav's office is. As I had imagined, Khushi was already there having lunch with Arnav.

Arnav greets, "Hi Jhanvi, come in! Did you need something? Why'd you come up? You could have called us down."

I tease him at his care, "Relax, uncle. It doesn't take much effort to walk to the elevator and let it do the work for me."

He smiles back sheepishly, "Right."

I ask, "Do you know where the other two mothers are?"

Khushi answers since Arnav is chewing, "Di is in catalogue room with Annie, I think, and Lavanya is probably with Aman discussing marketing dates for the calendar launch. Why?"

"Can you call them up? I wanted to say something to all of you."

The two share a worried look before Khushi says, "Ofcourse, yeah," and reaches for the desk phone to call them.

I add, "Oh, Eva too."

Arnav comments in the sideline to his wife, "I believe we all are in trouble and the principal just called us up to her office."

"Shh," she lightly scolds him and he continues to eat but I'll wait until everyone gets here to tell them they indeed were in grave trouble.

Five minutes later, the three ladies arrive one after another. As Eva is the last to enter, she notices everyone and asks, "Uh, what's going on?"

I smile at her kindly - a façade. "Eva. Thanks for coming. Have a seat."

She tries to deny, "Oh, I'm okay. Why don't you sit?"

I narrow my eyes in an order, "Sit."

"Yes, ma'am." She cowers at once and walks over to the couch at once. Anjali moves slightly to give her enough space as they share the couch with Lavanya. Khushi and Arnav sit in line but on rolling chairs.

I fold my arms across my chest to convey I meant business. "I am so disappointed in all of you."

Arnav breaks the daunting silence, "Uh, look, Jhanvi, if this is about the announcement party Aarav told you about, we are so sorry about..."

I drop my arms to my side in exclamation, "Oh, Jesus! I can't believe this."

"Uh... believe what?" Anjali questions, being the next daring one after her brother.

I point at the five in front of me who claim to have the biggest influence on Aarav. "You. All of you. Shame on you. And Khushi, most of all to you."

She asks, "Oh. Uh, Sorry, what did I do?"

I shake my head further to express my disappointment, "It's what you didn't do!"

She mutters under her breath, "This should be fun."

I try not to smile at her quirks since I have a mission in mind. "You claim to be in charge of his love life and you let it turn into a mess."

With one statement, realization dawns on all of their faces. See! They know. They pretend to be ignorant though because they don't want to teach Aarav to break promises. But God! Some promises are meant to be broken.

I so do not believe in staying miserable for the sake of a promise. Because then, it demeans everything and what is the point of it all, if at the end, no one is happy.

Dropping my exaggerated act of wanting to scold them because they are all older than me and it isn't respectful to do this, I gently tell them instead, "Do you not see how wrong it is?"

Eva argues, "He does love you."

I clarify, "Yes, but as what? A really good friend? Out of guilt? For the sake of his promise? For my safety? Look, I am not trying to disrespect his feelings... because yes, he believes that and I know how much he cares for me. But, c'mon, none of us were born yesterday! I just came in his life. Annie has been there since the starting. You all have known her since she was a child too. You've seen her grow up, seen them both have feelings for each other. I get everything about my dad and his will, but how can you take my side over hers?"

Khushi walks up to me and nods towards the chair behind me, nudging me to sit. Then she pulls up her own chair to sit across from me and make me understand, "Jhanvi, this isn't about taking sides. We love you both but it's Aarav's choice and I told you this yesterday too. We have to respect it."

I shake my head, "No. it's wrong."

She challenges, "Why? Don't you love him?"

I falter in my steps for a second. I didn't know about love but I did know I'd started to grow a fondness for him in my heart.

Swallowing, I make it clear, "I have come to respect him. Admire him even more after he told me of you all. You don't think I want to be selfish and accept his love? I do! But it's wrong and misguided. Sure, I wouldn't oppose this if he loves me for me, without the promise he made to my father. But he doesn't love me. He has been fulfilling his promise for years. Even if we get married, in the long run, no one will be happy and for a moment's happiness, I can't let him go through with this."

She looks at me, lost as if not knowing what to do to convince me otherwise. Truth is, she can't say anything. I am not that person who gets in between two people for my selfish reasons of wanting love and happiness in life. God knows how much I want a true family but if I accept this, it'd be injustice.

It wouldn't be because I deserve it. It'd be because it is simply being given to me.

This is not mine to accept no matter what decisions were made when we were children. We have grown up since and Aarav has every right to make his choice. His choice. Not accept what was then and commit to it for the rest of his life. And, when his heart lies elsewhere, I could never be his choice.

I walk over to Lavanya, leaning by the couch to sit in front of her. "Aren't you the one who said no to marrying Arnav uncle because that'd be a compromise? If that wasn't wrong, then why is this wrong? Why can't I say no?"

She cups my cheek with one hand having that same expression on her face as Khushi as she fights her tears, perhaps starting to understand my resolve.

I look at Anjali next, "Is it wrong that I want to be brave enough to accept my baby's responsibility by myself?

She exhales, "Oh, Jhanvi."

I blink a few times rapidly to fight my tears on turning to Eva. "Why can't I have him in my life as a friend? Annie, she's struggled with her feelings for him. Aarav has been suffering too in love, keeping it to himself and not letting his own heart acknowledge it for my sake. Haven't they accepted their pain in love so far?"

I wipe away the tears that had unknowingly started to flow just as I was expressing everything as it is - the reality. "They have gone through the life's ups and downs together. They understand each other in ways I cannot even begin to touch. She makes him the kind of man he is. It's all her influence. Her love. Her dedication. Her hard work. Where do I fit in? How is it right for me to come along now and reap the benefits without going through my crusade?"

I have known Eva to be a strong person ever since I met her months ago. She never takes crap from anyone and is always, always in control of her emotions. She's sorted in life. In touch with herself. It might be that army training of hers. But this once, she surprises me by breaking a sob and reaching front, kneeling on the carpet next to me and turning my upper body to hug me tightly.

She inhales sharply whispering two words in an exhale, "Thank you."

As his sister, I understand she wants the best for Aarav but for his sake, she'd never said anything to him. After all of this, she expresses in those two words as if she can, finally, stop worrying about her baby brother or having to pick between Annie and me.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

          Arnav stops me from leaving his cabin after everyone else, "Jhanvi, wait."

I turn around to face him, "Yes, uncle?"

He places his hand on my shoulder, asking me to sit. When I do, he turns away to the shelf on the wall. Pushing some books aside, it reveals an in-wall safe. I hear buttons being pressed before a sound of a click and the safe opening.

Seconds later, he faces me again with a file in his hand. Walking over, he says. "I think it's high time you get this."

As I accept it, I ask. "What is it?"

He nods at the file for me to find out myself. I flip open the cover and see the legal papers inside. Reading the title, it becomes clear. My dad's will.

I inhale deeply. I cannot believe I am holding it in my hands. Something of my dad. Sure, the only thing in here that is his is his signature but it is still something more than what I had a second before.

Perhaps seeing I am starting to get emotional but trying to fight it, Arnav takes a seat on the chair next to me after turning it sideways to face me. "Jhanvi, I really do wish things hadn't been this way with your family... and I didn't get the chance to before, but I do want to apologize now for everything you've been through all these years."

I lift my moist eyes to meet his and press a smile on my lips, "No, uncle. Please. You don't have to apologize. I told Aarav this too. You all did save me."

He forces a smile back and I see where Aarav gets this from... pushing himself in guilt because Arnav does that too. They are both too hard on themselves. Exhaling, he expresses in remorse, "Somehow, no matter how much power I have at my disposal, it never seems to be enough to protect our children."

I close the file, knowing I can read it later, and reach for his fisted palms resting over his knees to make him see my perspective instead, "Maybe I can't argue with that, but isn't that where the term 'combined forces' comes from? I don't know a lot of things, uncle, and I certainly don't have the kind of life experience that you all have, but I do know this. With everything you have now and with what I have coming, we will stop this here itself. My child will be safe from everything. So what if you didn't have it easy and we won't? The next one will and there is nothing to be regretful about that, right?"

He seems to allow my words to assure him that this time, we will end the cycle and the burden is not entirely on his shoulders this time. He smiles back, patting my hand, "You do know how to see the silver lining in things."

I bob my head to the side, "Hmm, yeah. When life tends to be tough, you learn to focus on one positive in a million wrongs. Else, life drags you down and you won't be able to get up again."

He beams back in pride, "You know what, Jhanvi? We may not have been able to give you the life your parents might have dreamed of for you but somehow... you still turned out strong. A true Rajput, as they say, you know?"

I laugh while standing up, "Well, I don't have much of that experience of being a Raichand, but I'll take it as a compliment." As he stands up following me, I lean forward in a hug. "Thanks, uncle. For everything."

He pats my head lovingly before pulling back and saying with a serious face. "I'll accept it on one condition only."

"What?"

"Stop calling me uncle." He answers with a cute frown on his face.

I laugh aloud and tease, "What, you want to be called by your name too like Khushi? Come on, I may have grown up the foreigner way but I do still know how to respect my elders."

He comes down to negotiating, "Then how about you just call me dad instead?"

I find myself speechless for a second. "I..." As comforting as it feels, I counter, "You were there minutes ago when I was talking to all of you about my situation with Aarav, yes?"

With his soft easy, he expresses. "Jhanvi, what happens between you and Aarav is your business. It has nothing to do with us, right?"

"Yes, but..."

He shakes his head and does not give me the chance to argue. "No, buts, Jhanvi. As Khushi always says, they make life complicated. All I know is that I've always seen you as a daughter too and even if you thought you were an orphan, you were never that to us. I would really like it if you'd call me dad. Please?"

That one word and the eager expression on his face. How could I ever say no and break his heart? This entire family really does touch my heart and I start to realize... get this feeling of home.

I kept saying I had no family but I never knew this one was waiting for me all along. I kept saying my baby will be my family now and the two of us would be enough but I had no idea I would get so many that I would never run out of family now.

I have no idea when a lone tear seeped down the corner of my eyes and trailed by the side of my nose. Though I am crying, I have never been this happy. Wiping them away, I say, "Okay, but on one condition."

"Anything."

"You have to pamper me more than you have any of your other children." I say in all seriousness though he knows I mean it lovingly. Besides, I am entitled that, aren't I? I haven't been spoiled by a family all the while growing up. I say, they have a lot to make up for.

"Done," he answers in a chuckle and that really is bliss. If yesterday's party was any proof, I knew I wanted this love and care of his.

I point a finger at him, "And even when my baby comes along, you can't forget about me just because he or she is more adorable than me."

"Maybe not even a little?"

"Okay, maybe a little." I play along while all giddy on the inside.

I may not have memories of my own father and this may be a substitute, but in my heart, I know. This is only the beginning of collecting a ton of wonderful memories to replace all the previous hurtful ones which I have had in my life thus far.

As Arnav closes the deal with another fatherly hug, I exhale in content.

Aarav... he may not be able to give me the kind of love he has been trying to, but he did give me this family of his and nothing I give in return would be enough. Still, helping him find where his heart lays - I can only hope for that to be a start.

. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .

  ∞ author note  ∞

Hello, hello! Hope everyone is off to a great start! I'm slowly starting to get back into a routine too. Though, I may have some news coming soon...

I originally had Jhanvi & Aarav talk here... Jhanv confronting Aarav about Arshiya and how he never tells her anything but I felt it more important for Jhanvi to connect to the Raizada family and for them to understand where they were going wrong by encouraging Aarav to pursue her. 

I know. Some pieces are still missing. It's coming up.

QOTC: Are you, hopefully, starting to understand where Jhanvi comes from? And perhaps, how she is right to say no (even if we take the whole Annie aspect out of the equation?) because regardless of it, Aarav & Jhanvi's relationship does not have a proper foundation as of now?

Next chapter: someone is returning... hint: we all hate him & wish he'd have remained in prison for life/died already.