Author's Note: Click here for the McSweeney's print edit by Teddy Wayne that I based this on: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ashton-kutcher-fan-fiction-the-middle-school-dance-by-melissa-bell-age-13. I do not claim anything but my own personal changes. This is the original youtube video: http://youtu.be/Ynv2UIxlc14. All author's notes in italics are my own riffs on certain fanfic writers (think Monica Gilbey-Bieber or potentially not-a-troll Tara Gillespie).

"Brian, please stop for a minute at that middle school. I want to stretch my long legs," said Danny from the backseat of his stretched limo.

"Yes sir, Mr. Sexbang," stated his ninja driver, Brian. (A/n: Brian can talk now ok? My AU, my rulez lol)

Danny looked hot in his leotard. The sound of Kevin Federline's "Popozao" came from the school.

"Whutz going on in there, Brian?" Danny asked.

"It appears to be a middle school dance, sir," responded his trusty showfer. "Would you care to attend?"

"Yes," the gorgeous hobo-type replied. "I am a little lonely tonight, and I have a feeling I might meet someone special there."

Danny went into the dance. Everyone made a big deal about him and asked for his autographs. They knew him mostly from Game Grumps and had not heard him in everything else he had done, especially not NSFW fourteen times. Arin Hanson pulled out his three foot dick to get his attention. But Danny did not even notice him as he walked past him and his Mycaruba shirt from last year. (A/N: it's just a story so if gg exists in my universe and Ross and arin are in school same time, my decision ok?)

"My name is Danny," he declared cutely. "Whutz yours?"

"Ross O'Donovan," retorted the boy.

"Why are you alone?" he questioned, his dark hair flowing like a dark tumbleweed.

"Why are you alone?" he flirted confidently.

"Because me and my girlfriend broke up," he rejoined. "But I cannot understand why you are alone. Your such a pretty boy."

Ross was right. He was pretty in a very subtle way that not everyone understood at first, just as his mother told him. "Butterfly" started playing. "This is my favorite song," said Danny.

"It is my favorite too," answered back Ross. "I always try to request it on the radio but I can never get through."

"I am friends with the DJs and I will request it for you next time. Would you care to dance?" he queried.

Danny took Ross by the hand and they slow danced. He felt he could stay in his arms 4EVA. The chaperone Mr. Barry Kramer the Earth Science teacher did not question that they were slow dancing to a fast song, nor did he enforce the twelve-inch rule because he saw how important this was to Ross and to Danny. At that moment he decided to give Ross an "A."

"I am so glad I requested my driver to stop in Australia," uttered Danny. "I want to tell you that you are very different from the L.A. girls I have met, but in a good way. Also, you will get a boner soon."

Ross raised his eyebrows flirtatiously. "I think I already have."

On that note, the song ended. "I guess this is the end," whispered Ross quietly.

"It doesn't have to be," reacted Danny. "Would you care to be my date for a movie pre-mere in Hollywood that I am driving to now? I'm not invited, but Ninja Brian knows some people he can kill."

Ross nodded because they did not need words. They held hands and walked through the crowd, and Kevin Abernathy looked at him jealously through his flowing dark hair.

Brian opened the door for them. As they drove off Danny inquired "I hope we are not followed by the fangurls from the Tumblr, but do not be surprised if you see your picture with me in there tomorrow. Would you care to be in my next video? Its a romantic music video about a famous musician who marries a small town-boy and he becomes a famous musician as well."

"Yes," Ross spoke. "But first I must ask you something I have been thinking about that has been on my mind. Am I being tricked?"

"I would never trick you," Danny pronounced. "Rather, I am in love with you."

They Frenched, and Brian passed back a bottle of Crystal for them to celebrate with.

"Brian, you are the best," Danny concluded. "After Ross, of course," Danny added.