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SOMETHING LOST, NOTHING GAINED

Samuel sat on the window seat, reading a new book to pass the time. He was spending some time in his parent's home because he didn't have a lot of things to do. A sharp knock on his door broke his attention, and he set the book down.

"Yeah?"

Giovanna walked into the room, dressed in her usual home fit made up of shorts and a crop top. "Mom wants to see you. She is in her office?"

"Sure."

She closed the door, and he groaned, shuffling into his slides and walking out of the room towards his mother's office. The room was first for his father, and he worked there often. His father liked to carve and paint. He wasn't one to brag about his skills and would always shake off most compliments and praise. In Samuel's eyes, his artworks were phenomenal; one of his paintings of Samuel's first car hung in his apartment.

After his mother gifted his father a small cabin at the back of the house for him to work in, she reconstructed the study for herself. That gift was probably one of the nicest things he had seen his mother do for his father.

"Mom?" she looked up from her desk as he took his seat. "Giovanna said you wanted to see me."

She stayed seated, pulling files together and closing the folder before she moved to sit on the chair next to his. "This is going to be a bit of an awkward conversation, but I will try and be straightforward. Peter and I spoke some days ago. He said you told him you were purchasing a ring?"

Samuel shrugged, rubbing his palm against his trousers. "Well, Peter is a snitch, and yes, I went to buy a ring. I was... I am planning to propose to Flora sometime soon."

His mother only smiled, but something felt off about her temperament. Samuel nervously sat in the chair, shuffling to find a spot that suited him. "I have to say that I am glad you want to take a step towards marriage. Most guys your age don't see the point."

"Most guys my age are sometimes scared that it wouldn't work out."

"True."

"Plus, I am not that young, mom. I am almost thirty. I think it's about time I start thinking of other parts of my life outside work. Flora and I have been together a while, and I think we are ready for that."

"I am glad you have put a lot of thought into this. That's mature of you. That said, there is no other easier way to say it. You can't marry Flora."

Samuel couldn't choke down his laughter no matter how hard he tried; it burst out of him. His mom lifted a cursory brow, and he coughed into his hand, trying to stifle the rest of his amusement, to no avail. Between chuckles and snorts, he apologized to his mother and thrust his face between his hands as he tried to get himself under control.

Once he calmed down, he reclined against the chair, a hand across his chest. His mother looked at him impassively, waiting for his monetary outburst to come to a complete stop. Samuel apologized again and sat straighter.

His relationship with his mother wasn't the easiest, but he had never heard her say something as ridiculous to him as what he just heard.

"I won't even bother telling you how ridiculous I find that particular statement you made. I respect you very much, mother, but who I want to spend the rest of my life with is a decision that would be taken solely by me."

Her expression didn't change. She only handed Samuel the folder she held and encouraged him to read through every word, which he did. By the time he closed the folder, he felt like life was sucked out of him, and everything he lost was absorbed by his mother because she was already smiling.

She knew without him voicing it that she had an ace, and Samuel didn't need to wait long for her to start laying down her cards.

"I understand you want to get married to her and believe me, I respect it. I can't let it happen. You have a choice. You can end your relationship with Flora, cordially, or marry her while she is in jail."

"Mom, what are you talking about? What is that supposed to mean?"

"Flora is not a bad girl, I know this." She continued as if she didn't hear his question. "She was only trying to help her father. No life was lost, but what she did was still illegal and can land them in jail for quite some time."

"Mom, I am not doing this," Samuel emphasized. "I don't know what going on with you, but I am not getting involved in your madness." He stood to leave, and his mother stopped him before he could leave. "Let me go, mother."

"If you think you can still marry her after I ensure she is behind bars, then you are very mistaken. Your darling Flora is not the only criminal in that family. And while a young woman might survive, her aged father, who has already gone through so much, might not."

Samuel wasn't in a habit of arguing with his mother. She had made life difficult for him through the years, but he was always good at tamping down his anger on those occasions. This time, however, the entire conversation felt so surreal that he wasn't sure what to believe.

His mother was many things, but she wasn't one for games. So, as he listened to her speak, and threaten everything he had come to love, he shook her grip off and faced her squarely.

"Are you insane?" He roared, and his mother's eyes flashed; a brief surge of emotion before she smoothened out her features, and he lowered his voice. "Have you lost your mind?"

"I assure you that I am saner than ever. You will end your relationship by the end of the week, which I think is ample time. You will also prepare to meet the girl I have chosen for you. You will marry her instead."

"I am doing no such thing. Do you hear me? I don't want to argue with you and much less disrespect you..."

"And, so you don't brand me a monster once again, there is a good side to this." She interrupted. "I will gladly give you enough money to fund your business and everything it needs."

Samuel gawked at her in disbelief, unsure what unsettled him most about the situation, if it was her carefree tone or the impassive look in her eye. Samuel didn't remember her saying anything malicious about Flora since they began dating. His mother had barely registered their relationship except for a few passing remarks when he brought her to family parties.

She didn't go out of her way to make Flora feel welcome, but she didn't openly spite her. He couldn't think up a reasonable explanation for her behaviour now. To top it off, she thought to salve his pain by funding his project.

"Why can't I just break up with her." He asked thoughtfully, suddenly feeling exhausted. "Why do I have to marry someone else so soon? What are you planning now that needs all these theatrics?"

"There is no plan, at least not one that should concern you right now. All you have to worry about is how you take care of ending your relationship."

"Tell me why I need to marry someone else? Why do I need money from you to leave my girlfriend? Is that meant to be some sort of sick consolation?"

"Unfortunately, you can't do one without the other. If you break up with her, you will do the other two. That's how this works."

"Why now?"

"As I said, you wouldn't understand. Some things can't be explained, and you know me, I don't waste time on trivial things. I need this wedding to happen, but with a girl I choose. It just happened to be my luck that Flora has a past I could use."

"What would you have done if there had been nothing in her past?"

"I figure I would have found another way to get what I needed, but thankfully I am saved from that trouble. You have to do this sooner than later because I don't want to keep your future bride waiting."

"You are unbelievable, mother. Unbelievable."

"Also, you cannot tell Flora the truth. Neither she nor anyone else outside of me and you can know about this. If anything impedes my plans, Flora will end up in prison just the same. Understand that and understand that well."

A rage he couldn't truly sum into words. The more she spoke, the harder his heartfelt, his fingers curled into his palm until his nails bit into the skin; hard. It scared him to think of what he might do if he continued to share the same space with her. Samuel snatched the folders from the desk and flung them aside before turning to leave the room. He crashed into his father as he walked out the door, sending the folders he held flying down to the floor.

"Ah, my boy, what's wrong with you? You look like you've just been run over by a car."

"I am fine, dad. Just a little hair-brained from being indoors. I am going to my room."

He packed the papers back into their folders, too distracted to arrange them correctly and handed them over to his father.

"Take care of yourself. Rest up a bit."

"Sure." He replied, rushing off immediately before his dad found more reason to keep him talking. Who knew what could come out of his mouth if he did.

He stayed in his room for the rest of the day, pacing back and forth. The day wound down. He sat by the window, staring at nothing. Different ideas filled his head, and none helped him feel better. That night, he didn't go down for dinner when they called for him. He apologized with the excuse that he didn't feel hungry. The last thing he wanted was to sit at the table with his mother. 

It took him a few days to finally decide on what to do. He needed to break up with Flora to appease his mother. He needed to buy time to find a way to turn his mother's eyes away from Flora. The only problem was that breaking up with a girlfriend out of the blue was difficult. After arriving at Flora's door, all the stories he had weaved choked him.

Samuel didn't know how he even managed the words, but he finally told her.

They spent the next few minutes in silence, his head bowed and eyes focused on the tips of his shoes. When he lifted his head, Flora looked down at her knotted fingers. The drive to her house had been surreal. Every meter of the trip, he tried to think of a way to go against his mother, some path he could take that wouldn't let her win. Years of his life, he had given her years. All of her whims, he tolerated. He forgave that she never stood up for him when it came to his siblings, forgave that she even indulged them on several occasions. He bore her anger without malice, and now, she was ruining his life.

"W-wait, repeat that." Samuel licked his lips nervously and bowed his head, unable to look at the confusion in her eyes. All he wanted was for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

"You met someone some months back, and now, you are breaking up with me because you think...you think you're also in love with her? What stupidity is this? If it's a sort of joke, I am not amused."

"I never... I don't mean to offend or hurt you. I-I have been trying to say it fo-for a while now."

"Liar. We spoke last week; we spoke a few days ago, and you didn't sound like this. Why are you doing this? You don't just fall out of love with someone from one day to the next. Two months ago, we discussed moving in together and living somewhere in town. How do you now come at me with this?"

Samuel stood, and she looked up at him before standing as well. "I know this is hard, and you'd...it would be hard to forgive and understand me. I just hope that one day, you'd be able to forgive my callousness."

"Callousness? This is madness! Tell me what's really going on, baby, please." Samuel wiped his eyes, unable to bear more of her tears and pain, but when he tried to leave, she dragged him back, cupping his face in her hands to make him look at her. "Samuel, I love you. Please, let's work this out together."

"There is nothing to work out."

Her face was tear-streaked, but he could see she was trying to work through her anger and frustration so she could reason with him.

"Is it that you love us both or something? You feel attracted to this other girl, and you want us to separate so..." she hiccupped and shook her head. "So, you don't hurt the both of us. Is that it?"

Unable to help himself, he hugged her tightly, to her surprise. Even angry, she didn't push him away. Instead, Flora embraced him as well, clutching the material of his shirt in her hands. "Samuel whatever it is, we can handle it together. Don't do this."

With a good lawyer, there was a chance that Flora would not even see the insides of prison; but that chance was thin. A good lawyer might save her, but then there was also her father's situation. Samuel wasn't one to make excuses. What they did was dangerous and illegal, even if they were backed into a corner. No judge would care for the desperation that drove them to the crime. He would only see the crime. Flora might survive prison, but her father might not and Samuel didn't know which would be worst to handle.

"Samuel?"

He held her tighter, his fingers digging into her forearm as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "One day, maybe you'd understand. Please forgive me."

She growled and pushed him hard; his arms fell away, and she shoved him again until he staggered farther away. Her hair, which had been combed straight when he arrived at her house, was now messy and rough. The warm smile she usually had on was gone and replaced with betrayal and disillusionment. All of which Samuel accepted wholeheartedly.

There was a chance he could tell her the truth. His mother would never know that he explained the entire situation to Flora. The only problem was, with his mother's condition that he marry someone else, Flora would never take the ultimatum sitting quietly. She wouldn't agree to pretend if it meant going along with watching him marry someone else. So, the best situation was to have her hate him enough to stay away. Samuel had no idea when he would be able to tell Flora the truth, but until he figured something out, he had little choice.

"I don't even know what to say to you, right now, Samuel." She wiped her eyes and sucked in a lung full of air. Her chest rose and fell with effort. "There is something you are not telling me, I know it. You are not that type of man. I know you. You would never even look at another woman."

"I am sorry." Was all he managed to repeat.

He left the house immediately. This time, Flora didn't try to stop him. She collapsed to the floor in tears, and he briskly walked out the door before he felt compelled to go to her. If he did that, he would hug her, and kiss her, which would only solidify her doubt that something was wrong with his story. He needed to keep his distance, so he revved the car to life and burnt rubber, driving out of the town area and back into the city towards his apartment.

His misery was only beginning. For as long as his mother wished, he would lie to everyone. His father, his siblings, and the woman he loved. All for a goal that he didn't even know. 

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