*Something crashes*
Taka: Shoot-
Takaaki: *running into the room in a panic* WHAT FELL?!
Peko: *walking by the room calmly* What died?

---------

Taka: I don't like bugs. Peko, are you even listening to me?
Peko: I seem to have misplaced my ant farm.
Taka, at Takaaki: DAAAAAD!

---------

Peko: There was a motor close to where I am right now.
Takaaki: A motor- a motorcycle?
Peko: Oh sorry, a murder.
Taka: That escalated quickly.

---------

Taka, attempting to be intimidating: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM FEIRCE-
Takaaki: Awwww, you're so adorable! Give me a hug~
Taka: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-
Peko, recording: This is so cute.

---------

Takaaki: It's locked. You got a lock pick?
Taka: Yeah-
Peko: *kicks in the door*

---------

Peko: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Taka way.
Takaaki: Isn't that the wrong way?
Peko: Yes, but it's faster.

---------

Peko: Why does Takaaki always do the laundry so loudly?
Taka: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house.
Takaaki, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

---------

Takaaki: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?
Peko: Bees?
Takaaki: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!
Peko: Wait-
*Taka approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

---------

Takaaki: I hate to to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.
Taka & Peko:
Peko: Was it Taka?

---------

Peko: I dare you-
Takaaki: Taka is not allowed to accept dares anymore.
Peko: Why not?
Taka: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

---------

Takaaki: Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible?
Taka: I gotta give you credit, Peko. You make it look easy.
Peko: Years of practice.

---------

Taka: You bought a taco?
Peko: Yes.
Taka: From the same truck that hit Dad?!
Peko, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving ain't gonna help them.

---------

Takaaki: I can be your partner for the next race.
Peko: Sorry, Dad. It's a sibling race.
Taka: Maybe there's a contest for lonely children after this.
Peko: It's only children, Taka. A lonely child is what you're gonna be when I sell you!

---------

Takaaki: Hey dumbass, get over here.
Peko: Okay-
Taka: *gleefully runs past* I'm coming!
Peko, sadly: I thought... I was dumbass...

---------

*Peko recording whilst Taka and Takaaki are arguing*
Taka: HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP!! HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO!
Peko: *wheezes like a tea kettle*
Takaaki, pulling out a knife: I'm gonna stab them.
Taka: YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG?
Takaaki: It's my favorite movi-
Taka: SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, DAD!
Takaaki: I'm not fighting with you, I'm not fighting with y-
Taka: GROW UP, DAD. GROW UP!

---------

Takaaki: It's impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.
Peko: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here's one more to further disprove your theory.
Taka: Fuck you.

---------

Takaaki & Peko: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*
Takaaki: We need an adult!
Peko: Takaaki, you are an adult!
Takaaki: We need an adultier adult! Get Taka!

---------

Takaaki: The clock is ticking! We don't have time for this asinine tomfoolery!
Peko: This unmitigated poppycock?
Taka: Extravagant hogwash!
Takaaki: Okay, stop.

---------

Takaaki: What time is it?
Peko: I don't know, pass me that saxaphone and we'll find out
Peko: *BLASTS the saxaphone*
Taka: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXAPHONE AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Peko: It's 2 am

---------

Taka: Do you think different paints have different tastes?
Peko: They do.
Takaaki: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

---------

Taka: So, Peko is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Takaaki: Why?
Taka: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Peko, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

---------

Peko: Go ahead, Taka. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry.
Takaaki: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation.

---------

Peko: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.
Takaaki: I think you mean cards.
Taka: They did not.
Peko, pulling out knives: I did not.

---------

Takaaki: I am your king, long may I reign!
Peko: Well I didn't vote for you!
Takaaki: You don't vote for kings.
Peko: Well how'd you become king then?
Takaaki: Taka of the Lake, their arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Takaaki, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king.
Peko: Listen. Strange people lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

---------

Taka: Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone's cheeks, look into their eyes...
Taka: ...And violently jerk their head until it snaps.
Takaaki: ...That took an unexpected turn.
Peko: So did their neck.

---------

Taka: *Talking to Peko* Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. Welcome to my abode. I'm glad you could join me.
Takaaki: But this is my abode.
Taka: ...
Taka: Welcome to my abode, I'm so happy to have you, guest.

---------

Taka: Peko has never seen Star Wars? Takaaki, the only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars and that's cause they lived them, Takaaki! That's cause they lived the Star Wars!

i havent seen star wars therefore i am now luke skywalker. /j

---------

Takaaki: Taka has no survival skills, their need to win has replaced them.
Peko: That can't be true!
Takaaki: Watch this.
Takaaki: Hey Taka, race you to the bottom of the stairs!
Taka: *Throws themself out a window*

---------

Peko: Didn't you die?!
Taka: That was weeks ago, dude. Things change.

---------

Takaaki: Are you having another depressive episode?
Taka: A depressive episode?
Taka: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

---------

Taka: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Peko: Killed without hesitation

---------

Takaaki: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
Taka: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

---------

Takaaki: *Answers phone.* Hello?
Peko: It's Peko.
Takaaki: What did they do this time?
Peko: No, it's me, Takaaki. It's actually me.
Takaaki: What did you do this time?

---------

Taka: Look, Takaaki! It's the good Kush!
Takaaki: It's the dollar store, how good can it be?

---------

Peko: What's this?
Taka, hugging Peko: Affection!
Peko: Disgusting.
Peko: ...Do it again.

---------

Taka: Hey, can I get a sip of that water?
Peko: It's not water.
Taka: Vodka! You aren't of ag-
Peko: It's vinegar.
Taka: ...What?
Peko: It's vinegar, PUSSY.

---------

Peko: When was the last time you cried?
Taka: Uh 15 minutes ago, why??
Peko: really? That recent?
Taka: Yeah *voice crack* is that a issue? *starts crying again*

---------

Peko: It's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.
Takaaki, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

---------

Taka: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died.
Taka: I will not yield.

me /hj

---------

Peko: I have no respect for Santa. Don't sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

---------

Takaaki: I'm telling you, my family is competent.
Taka, rushing in: Dad! Peko tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

---------

Taka: Peko got into a fight.
Takaaki: That's bad.
Takaaki:
Takaaki: Did they win?

---------

Peko: What if mayonnaise came in cans?
Takaaki: Well, that would suck because you can't microwave metal.
Taka: Good morning to everyone except these two people.

---------

Peko: *double checking supplies in the boat* Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.
Taka: Hot dog costumes!
Peko: I'm sorry, what?
Taka: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Takaaki, goes mad with hunger, we'll put these on. Takaaki hates hot dogs, so they probably won't eat us.
Peko: Are you saying that Takaaki would rather eat us than hot dogs?
Takaaki: I do hate hot dogs.

---------

Taka: What's the signal when something goes wrong?
Takaaki: We yell, 'oh shit.'
Peko: ...That'll work.

---------

Taka: So... This is my full potential?
Takaaki: Yes.
Taka: So, then it's...
Takaaki: All downhill from here.
Taka: Like Peko.
Takaaki: I do not know what this Peko is. But it sounds disappointing.

---------

Takaaki: The results are in, I'm afraid you have updog...
Taka: What's updog?
Takaaki: Peko! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

---------

Taka: I have a bad feeling about this...
Peko: What do you mean?
Taka: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?
Peko: No?
Takaaki: That actually explains so much.

---------

Takaaki: My sons's nickname is mine as well, so I'm technically Taka Sr.
Taka: But who comes up when you look up Taka on Google?
Peko: That's what I thought.
Taka: One Taka to rule them all!

---------

Taka: The first time I ever got upset in front of Dad, they put their arms around me and it was so awkward that I had to ask them if they were hugging me or reaching for something on the shelf behind me.
Takaaki: I was doing both, for your information.
Peko: The first time Takaaki hugged me, it was such a disaster we didn't make eye contact for, like, a week after.

---------

Peko: I feel like Taka is looking down on me.
Takaaki: That's because they're on the counter and you're shorter.

---------

Takaaki: Do you cook?
Taka: I made a cake once.
Peko: Yeah, it was good.
Taka: Really?
Peko: Don't make me lie twice, Taka.

---------

Takaaki: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Peko's birthday invitations.
Taka: Well, what are they supposed to say?
Takaaki: "Peko's birthday".
Taka: So, what do they say instead?
Takaaki: "Peko's bi".
Taka:
Taka: Works out either way.

---------

Peko: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: 'I am very proud of you. Love, Takaaki'*
Taka: Oh yeah. I didn't think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: 'Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.'*

---------

Peko: I honestly feel like some of our conversations here are almost word-for-word accurate to the generator.
Taka: Yup.
Takaaki: Maybe the generator is watching us.
Peko: Wouldn't that imply this conversation will be added?
Peko: ...
Peko: Wait—

---------

Taka: Why would you give a knife to Peko?!
Takaaki, shrugging: Peko felt unsafe.
Taka: Now I feel unsafe!
Takaaki: I'm sorry...
Takaaki: Would you like a knife?

---------

Taka: Peko isn't answering my messages.
Takaaki: Allow me.
Taka: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-
Peko: *replying to message* Hello.

---------

Takaaki: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?
Taka, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?
Peko, whispering: Because I have little hands.
Taka: Because they have little hands.

---------

Takaaki: They made Taka cry
Peko: Taka always cries!
Taka: That's not true! *cries*

---------

Taka: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight.
Peko: But are you shuffling?
Taka: Everyday.
Takaaki: What language are you two speaking??

---------

*Takaaki dies in a game with ships*
Peko: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.
Peko: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.
Taka: Legend has it that Takaaki still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking books.
Takaaki: Of course I do.

---------

Peko: How high are you?
Taka: Mm, I don't know how to say it in feet.
Takaaki: No, they're asking what drugs are you on.
Taka: Oh, antidepressants, why?

---------

Peko: *speaking Spanish*
Takaaki: I know, I know.
Taka: You speak Spanish?
Takaaki: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Peko speaks.

---------

Taka: You're pathetic!
Peko: You're pathetic-er!
Takaaki: You're both losers.

---------

Taka: *cooking*
Peko: *kicks down door*
Peko: *grabs knife from Taka's hand*
Peko: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR?
Taka:
Taka: What.
Takaaki: They're trying to tell you they want to cook.

---------

Peko: Last night I found out Taka is a sleep talker.
Takaaki: Oh, really?
Peko: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

---------

Taka, rushing into the room sobbing: It's terrible, just terrible! I am so done!
Takaaki: Taka, honey, sit down! Sweetheart, tell us all about it. Peko, would you get Taka some water?
Peko: What are they gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, "Thank God, the water's here!"?

---------

*Takaaki teaching Taka to drive and taking Peko along for the ride*
Takaaki: That's a pothole. To the left!
Taka: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*
Peko, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.
Taka: I don't think that's how the song goes.
Takaaki, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.
Taka: Country Roads.
Peko: To the place.
Taka and Peko in unison: I Belong!
Takaaki, crying harder: What the fuck?

WEST VIRGINAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

---------

Takaaki: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.
Peko, used to Takaaki being Takaaki: Sure...
Takaaki: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
Peko: Okay?
Takaaki: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.
Peko:
Takaaki: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-
Peko: Jesus, that one is a little-
Taka, interested: No, no, Dad, keep going.

---------

Taka: *sneaking in through their window*
Takaaki: *turning in their chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night?
Taka: I was with Peko?
Peko: *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?

---------

Taka: Would you take a bullet for me?
Peko: ...yes?
*Takaaki angrily burst into the room*
Taka: *running away* Great, thanks!

---------

Takaaki: I just had a long talk with Peko and Taka about hitting and now they are yelling "it's my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence" before hitting each other.

---------

Taka: Takaaki gave me a get better soon card.
Peko: That's sweet!
Taka: I wasn't sick, they just think I can do better.

---------

Takaaki: I told Taka that their ears turn red when they lie.
Peko: Do they?
Takaaki: No.
Peko: Then why did you tell them that?
Takaaki: Because I can do this.
Takaaki: Hey Taka! Do you love us?
Taka, with their hands over their ears: No.

---------

Taka: Hey I just got a pet snake. What should I name him?
Takaaki: A pet WHAT?!
Peko: William Snakespeare.

---------

Peko: Hey, Taka. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Taka: To get to the other side?
Peko: You were supposed to say "I dunno, why?"
Taka: Uh... fine. I don't know. Why did it cross the road?
Peko: To get to the idiot's house.
Taka: ...Ok?
Takaaki: Hey, Taka. Knock knock.
Taka: No.
Takaaki: You were supposed to say "who's there?"
Taka: Fine... let's get this over with. Who's there?
Takaaki: The chicken.
Taka:
Takaaki:
Peko:
Taka: Listen here you little shits-

---------

*Takaaki is casually searching around the room*
Peko: Hey Takaaki, what're you looking for?
Takaaki: My will to live.
*Taka walks into the room*
Takaaki: Oh, there it is.

-------------------------

thats all folks!

2365 words