His hand was so warm and it felt good on my cold skin but I let the shirt down again, and he took his hand away from me.

Jace: "I'm sorry they did this to you. I understand your mistrust now."

Kalia: "It's the past. We can't change it now."

Jace: "Did you have a choice to go there?"

Kalia: "Not really. But again: It's the past. It happened and nothing can bring the old times back. Don't tell anyone about this conversation tho."

He came closer again and hugged me. First I flinched back but then I gave in and returned the hug. It felt good.

After Jace showed me the whole institute I went back to my room. I dressed into black sweatpants and a shirt and laid down into the bed, throwing the pillow and the blanket out. I didn't want to get used to this comfort. Nobody knows exactly what is going to happen next. I fell asleep immediately.

°°°°°°°°°°

It was so cold. My whole body shivered. A thick layer of snow covered the grass and the branches of the trees creaked because of the load of the cold white. The door of the institute was closed, locked. I could not get in. I began to walk away from it but I knew what was about to happen. At some point I reached an invisible boundary. If I crossed it, pain would come.  A pain that can't be explained. But maybe the boundary was off. Maybe I could get out. I made another step and began to scream. It was not gone.

°°°°°°°°°°

Again the scream followed me into reality when I woke up. It was ice-cold. My muscles were tensed. It hurt so bad. I could not even really move, not breathe. All I wanted was Mercy. And mercy came when someone grabbed onto my shoulders. I could make out a silhouette. It was Jace.

Jace: "I heard you scream again. Another nightmare?"

I could not answer because I still struggled to get air. It just would not get in. My head almost exploded.

Jace: "Hey, breathe. Kalia, listen to me. You are here in New York, not back in Siberia. Nobody will hurt you. You are save."

Finally, a stream of air got in and I began to think clear again. After some minutes I was alright. Just now I realized that Jace was sitting on top of me, I could feel the weight on my hips. He was pushing me down, but not aggressively.

Jace: "What did you dream about?"

Kalia: "I can't tell."

I could not find the words.

Jace: "Try it."

I could not tell him. But I could show him. I lifted my hands and cupped the face of Jace. Within seconds, he saw what I experienced. Not all the runes were thoroughly bad.

Jace: "Is it that what they did to you when you would not listen? Locked you outside in the cold?"

I nodded. As my eyes got used to the darkness I could make out his facial expression. He seemed gloomy and upset. I removed my cold hands from his incredible warm face and rested them on my head again, trying to hide, trying to forget all of it. Jace slowly rolled down from my hip and sat down next to me. He grabbed onto my arm.

Jace: "You are ice-cold. Why don't you use the blanket? You are shivering."

He got up and laid the blanket on top of me.

Jace: "Listen, you can say anything now. I don't care. I'll stay for this night. I feel guilty when I leave you alone like this."

Kalia: "No, go back to sleep." I still had my arms on my face.

Jace: "I am going back to sleep. And so do you. You won't get up now after two hours of sleep."

He grabbed my arms, put them away from my face and pushed them under the blanket.

Jace: "Warm up."

The only thing that warmed me up was his voice.

I could feel the blanket being lifted next to me. Jace crawled under it. Our legs touched and it was like a tingle that spread through my whole body. It dispelled the cold. His company felt so good.

Jace: "Does it get better? You don't shiver anymore."

I nodded.

Jace: "Okay, good. You should try to fall asleep again."

I shook my head.

Jace: "Why not? Are you afraid of another nightmare?"

Kalia: "I'm never afraid. Of nothing and no one."

Jace: "We are all afraid of something. That's the human part in us. Don't forget about it."

Kalia: "I've lost that side already a while ago."

After I said that I turned around and brought more distance between us two, kicking off the blanket. I deserved the cold and loneliness. More than warmth and company. More than love.

The rest of the night consisted of short naps. No more nightmares tho. When the first rays of sun came through the window I got up and went into the bathroom, showering and making myself ready for a new day. When I came back to the room Jace was already awake. Looking and me and smiling.

Jace: "Good morning, Kalli. Did you sleep well?"

Kalia: "Don't you ever name me like that again. My name is Kalia."

I hated nicknames. My mom gave me that name for a reason. It was the only thing I had left of her and I wanted to honor it until my last breath.

Jace: "Okay, sorry. I just tend to use those."

He still smiled tho. I didn't. I needed to separate more from him. We became too close. Being close to someone always leads to pain and I have enough of that already.

Jace: "I thought about leaving the institute today, visiting Magnus Bane. He is the..."

Kalia: "High warlock of Brooklyn." I interrupted him. "I'm in." Maybe he could help me on my plans.